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Area Student Arrested for Making a ‘Tornado in a Bottle’
ClashDaily.com ^ | May 29, 2013 | Patrick Kane

Posted on 05/31/2013 5:46:00 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Tuesday afternoon, a local elementary school student, Peter Collins, was arrested for bringing a “tornado in a bottle” to school for the annual Denysin Elementary science fair. Authorities were alerted after it was reported that a student had what appeared to be an “atmospheric weapon of destruction” on school grounds.

The school was quickly evacuated, as the Denver bomb squad was called in to deal with collecting and neutralizing Collins’ second grade science fair project. Teachers close to Collins noted that Collins was a, “stellar student’ and they were, “shocked to learn someone like that could be capable of doing something so dangerous”. One witness remarked that Collins’ project looked, “normal” until Collins shook it up to reveal its true “sinister and offensive form”.

According to Collins’ parents, the project was nothing more than water mixed with dish soap and blue dye that creates a, “tornado like spiral” when shaken. However, many area parents are not so convinced of the project’s innocent nature.

Mother of a student in Peter Collins’ class, Angela Surname, told reporters that she, “didn’t know how plans for such diabolical technology could get into the hands of children” and that she and all of her book club agree that the internet and, “whichever top-forty musician that wears the most black” are to blame.

Many parents have demanded the school district take, “immediate disciplinary action” against Collins. Several students in Collins’ class have reportedly told the school’s administration that they are, “too distraught “ by the incident to do homework or participate in class.

These complaints by students have resulted in many parents demanding that free after school counseling be offered to any students in the district who were, “disturbed by Collins’ science fair project”.

Denysin Elementary School Principal, Dan Johnson, noted that the school has a strict, “zero tolerance policy on any and all atmospheric simulations” since the infamous 2003 incident involving a baking soda volcano in which two students’ shoes and pants were temporarily stained. Principal Johnson told reporters that seven year old Collins will be charged with, “possession and discharge of a weapon on school grounds, discharging a destructive device, and child abuse” all of which carry a minimum of ten years prison time.

When asked about the severity of Collins’ punishment, Principal Johnson told reporters, “We don’t allow toy guns in our schools, why should we allow a replication of something more destructive than a gun”.

When parents of Denysin Elementary students were asked about the severity of Collins’ punishment, many believed that the actions taken against Collins were, “perfectly reasonable”.

“What if next time a student brings a real tornado to school? We have to show the bad seeds that there are serious consequences for their actions” remarked local mother and elbow pad enthusiast, Coleen McClusky.

Many parents of students in Collins’ class have spoken out for Collins to be, “expelled and banished” from the school and state respectively. Those parents then told reporters that were their children to be in Collins situation, they were, “ninety percent sure (they) would still feel the same way”.

Collins is currently being held in San Morrison federal prison without bail, and will see a judge sometime in between “next Tuesday and his eighth grade graduation”.

UPDATE: After being thrown out by three separate local judges, Denysin Elementary School Principal is pursuing the possibility of trying young Peter Collins in a military tribunal for, “Conspiracy and Terrorism”.

(Preceding is Satire.)


TOPICS: Education; Humor
KEYWORDS: denver; discipline; experiment; petercollins; satire; terrorism; zerotolerance
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1 posted on 05/31/2013 5:46:00 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Acme Do it Yourself Tornado Kit?


2 posted on 05/31/2013 5:47:58 AM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Land of the free and home of the brave, huh?

Good God, the kid put soap and dye in water and everyone freaks out like he’s created a nuclear bomb.

This country is so damned afraid of its own shadow, it’ll never recover its former greatness.


3 posted on 05/31/2013 5:49:27 AM PDT by ScottinVA ( Liberal is to patriotism as Kermit Gosnell is to neonatal care.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

4 posted on 05/31/2013 5:49:53 AM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: ScottinVA

Satire. Belay my last.


5 posted on 05/31/2013 5:50:17 AM PDT by ScottinVA ( Liberal is to patriotism as Kermit Gosnell is to neonatal care.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Until the very last line, i wasn’t sure if this was satire or not.


6 posted on 05/31/2013 5:50:28 AM PDT by Mr. K (There are lies, damned lies, statistics, and democrat talking points.)
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To: ScottinVA
(Preceding is Satire.)

Granted, it was at the end.

7 posted on 05/31/2013 5:50:51 AM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: ScottinVA

LOL! It had me going for a few sentences too.


8 posted on 05/31/2013 5:51:24 AM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: ScottinVA

FRiend - it’s satire.


9 posted on 05/31/2013 5:51:38 AM PDT by tgusa (gun control: deep breath, sight alignment, squeeze the trigger .......)
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To: Larry Lucido

10 posted on 05/31/2013 5:52:30 AM PDT by ThomasMore (Islam is the Whore of Babylon!)
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To: tgusa

Belay my last also!


11 posted on 05/31/2013 5:52:32 AM PDT by tgusa (gun control: deep breath, sight alignment, squeeze the trigger .......)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Don't try this at home, kids.


12 posted on 05/31/2013 5:52:41 AM PDT by Larry Lucido
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To: ScottinVA

It’s funny that with all the “zero tolerance” policies,
that you actually could think that this was true.

Yes, we think that little of public schools and their administrators.


13 posted on 05/31/2013 5:52:49 AM PDT by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: ScottinVA
It me going for a little bit too. :)

after the fifth paragraph or so, I scrolled down to check if it had been posted to Humor.

14 posted on 05/31/2013 5:53:29 AM PDT by The_Victor (If all I want is a warm feeling, I should just wet my pants.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I think the adults at that school need to be drug tested.


15 posted on 05/31/2013 5:53:33 AM PDT by mountainlion (Live well for those that did not make it back.)
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To: Larry Lucido
Wait until a kid brings in this...


16 posted on 05/31/2013 5:54:03 AM PDT by ThomasMore (Islam is the Whore of Babylon!)
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To: ThomasMore

Is that from “Redneck Rampage”?


17 posted on 05/31/2013 5:54:35 AM PDT by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The nanny State has become so ubiquitous and oppressive that I didn’t realize this was satire until almost the end!


18 posted on 05/31/2013 5:55:01 AM PDT by left that other site (You Shall Know the Truth, and the Truth Shall Set You Free...John 8:32)
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To: MrB

Yes... I believe so.


19 posted on 05/31/2013 5:55:27 AM PDT by ThomasMore (Islam is the Whore of Babylon!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Had me going right up to “whichever top-forty musician that wears the most black.”

It seemed so real.


20 posted on 05/31/2013 5:56:24 AM PDT by <1/1,000,000th%
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Remember the “Gun Shaped Cloud” satire?

http://www.guns.com/2013/04/01/mayhem-ensues-as-a-cloud-in-the-shape-of-a-gun-forms-over-baltimore-school/


21 posted on 05/31/2013 5:57:54 AM PDT by broken_clock (Nuke'm til they glow, then shoot'em in the dark.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Needs satire tag. Too many here will believe.


22 posted on 05/31/2013 5:58:53 AM PDT by autumnraine (America how long will you be so deaf and dumb to thoe tumbril wheels carrying you to the guillotine?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

The further I read, the higher my BP rose. Right before my head was about to explode, I saw the satire tag. How sad is it that this is actually believable?


23 posted on 05/31/2013 5:59:09 AM PDT by BuckeyeTexan (There are those that break and bend. I'm the other kind. ~Steve Earle)
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To: MrB

“It’s funny that with all the “zero tolerance” policies,
that you actually could think that this was true.

Yes, we think that little of public schools and their administrators.”


We are definitely in Weirdworld when satire and reality overlap. This was entirely plausible in an age when kids can be expelled from school for bringing quarter-sized GI Joe “guns” to school.


24 posted on 05/31/2013 5:59:54 AM PDT by ScottinVA ( Liberal is to patriotism as Kermit Gosnell is to neonatal care.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
“What if next time a student brings a real tornado to school?

Is she for real?

25 posted on 05/31/2013 6:02:06 AM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink)
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To: BuckeyeTexan

It’s still scary — the fact that I had no reason to think this was satire until the very end.


26 posted on 05/31/2013 6:04:17 AM PDT by duckworth (Perhaps instant karma's going to get you. Perhaps not.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks


When an eight year old gets suspended for having a "gun shaped" pop tart, then truly the liberals have gotten so stupid that even this story's satire becomes believable.


27 posted on 05/31/2013 6:06:12 AM PDT by so_real ( "The Congress of the United States recommends and approves the Holy Bible for use in all schools.")
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

I believed it up to the fourth paragraph. LOL


28 posted on 05/31/2013 6:06:23 AM PDT by mardi59 (IMPEACH OBAMA NOW!!!!!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

There have been so many stories abut brain-dead bureaucrats perpetrating outrageous acts of child abuse in the name of inane “zero tolerance” policiees that I thought this story was real all the way to paragraph #4, when I read the name of the mother.


29 posted on 05/31/2013 6:07:30 AM PDT by Fiji Hill
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To: BuckeyeTexan

It’s still scary — the fact that I had no reason to think this was satire until the very end.


30 posted on 05/31/2013 6:07:31 AM PDT by duckworth (Perhaps instant karma's going to get you. Perhaps not.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
I always read replies first in any article then read the Post. Wow -- either FR has become over sensitive or we have lots of paranoid people.
I think this needs national press. Kinda reminds me of the World of Wars radio broadcast.
31 posted on 05/31/2013 6:11:40 AM PDT by Baseballguy (If we knew what we know now in Oct would we do anything different?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Auntie Em!, Auntie Em!!!

32 posted on 05/31/2013 6:14:02 AM PDT by andy58-in-nh (Cogito, ergo armatum sum.)
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To: BuckeyeTexan; Tolerance Sucks Rocks
The further I read, the higher my BP rose. Right before my head was about to explode, I saw the satire tag. How sad is it that this is actually believable?

Me too! Esp. since my 3rd grader just did this very same project for her science fair! lol

33 posted on 05/31/2013 6:20:30 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: Mr. K
Until the very last line, i wasn’t sure if this was satire or not.

The first line of the original article states that it is satire but that got dropped from this post.


34 posted on 05/31/2013 6:24:48 AM PDT by Iron Munro (Obama-Ville - Land of The Freebies, Home of the Enslaved)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

A future Simon Bar Sinister averted.


35 posted on 05/31/2013 6:26:46 AM PDT by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: Iron Munro

I guess I missed that, but then again, it wouldn’t be any fun if I put that satire line in right at the beginning.


36 posted on 05/31/2013 6:37:03 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Drag Me From Hell!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Is today April 1st?
37 posted on 05/31/2013 6:45:59 AM PDT by McGruff (I can't speak to the law here. The law is irrelevant,)
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To: tgusa

Yes, amazingly it is satire, I had reached the point that I thought it impossible to satirize the insane goings on of this era.


38 posted on 05/31/2013 6:50:56 AM PDT by RipSawyer (I was born on Earth, what planet is this?)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

it wouldn’t be any fun if I put that satire line in right at the beginning.

As long as the student didn't bring in a Pop Tart shaped like a gun or make the letter "L" with his fingers this tale will have a happy ending.



39 posted on 05/31/2013 6:52:27 AM PDT by Iron Munro (Obama-Ville - Land of The Freebies, Home of the Enslaved)
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40 posted on 05/31/2013 6:52:41 AM PDT by RedMDer (You are Free Republic. There are no outside influences. Just us, all of us. Please donate today!)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Thanks goodness I read the last sentence. This was so stupid, it had to be satire.


41 posted on 05/31/2013 6:54:59 AM PDT by stayathomemom (Beware of kittens modifying your posts.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
Under the headline is this: (Following is Satire.)
42 posted on 05/31/2013 7:01:23 AM PDT by SkyDancer (Live your life in such a way that the Westboro church will want to picket your funeral.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Honestly, without that first cup of coffee, this story sounds like every other ridiculous story I read nowadays. This whole country has gone insane.


43 posted on 05/31/2013 7:08:07 AM PDT by catbertz
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To: Larry Lucido; Slings and Arrows; Revolting cat!

44 posted on 05/31/2013 7:17:24 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (America 2013 - STUCK ON STUPID)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks
“atmospheric weapon of destruction” ??

“sinister and offensive form” ??

Holy crap....who thinks this stuff up? Sheesh.

45 posted on 05/31/2013 7:42:02 AM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (For me, I plan to die standing as a free man rather than spend one second on my knees as a slave.)
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To: Tolerance Sucks Rocks

Holy crap....effin satire again.


46 posted on 05/31/2013 7:42:57 AM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (For me, I plan to die standing as a free man rather than spend one second on my knees as a slave.)
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To: Iron Munro

oh- i see. But it is amazing how close to reality it is


47 posted on 05/31/2013 7:56:25 AM PDT by Mr. K (There are lies, damned lies, statistics, and democrat talking points.)
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To: Larry Lucido

That’s B.S. Blood was boiling on first paragraph. I usually only read the headlines. We cannot be expected to read the whole thing.


48 posted on 05/31/2013 8:01:57 AM PDT by Lurkina.n.Learnin (President Obma; The Slumlord of the Rentseekers)
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To: tgusa

If it was Massachusetts, it probably would have been real! LOL


49 posted on 05/31/2013 8:18:33 AM PDT by jehardy
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To: SkyDancer; Iron Munro
Under the headline is this: (Following is Satire.)

Like I said to Iron Munro, where's the fun if you give that away right at the beginning? Besides, I put "satire" in the keywords.

50 posted on 05/31/2013 9:56:28 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Drag Me From Hell!)
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