Skip to comments.NSA: AlGore's Secret Gift Revealed
Posted on 06/11/2013 10:56:26 AM PDT by NonValueAdded
Mr. Oreck Dyson Hoover, director of the NSA Prism program, filled in for President Obama to deliver the weekly radio address. Here are his remarks:
Good afternoon. My name is Oreck Dyson Hoover and I run the PRISM program for the NSA. President Obama asked me to fill in for him because of a technical issue that is, well, quite frankly a little embarrassing. More on that later.
Obviously the PRISM program is the subject of many news reports since the premature leak of information about our data gathering program. It has been made to sound rather sinister and nothing could be further from the truth! In fact, it is an amazing program that will be a boon to every citizen of these United States. But let me start at the beginning.
Back when then Senator AlGore invented the Internet, he understood the ramifications of such a powerful tool and the risk of data loss that would be faced by its users. AlGore took all of his patents for his amazing invention and placed them into a special trust. He directed that the proceeds of that trust be used to fund a backup program to capture and safekeep all of the data for his fellow Americans. Thus was born the PRISM program that I have the honor to direct.
You see, PRISM is a backup program for each and every one of you! And there's no charge, thanks to AlGore's prescience. That's right, we have your back! To coin a phrase.
Lost your hard drive and the family pictures are gone? Don't worry, we have them! Can't find that email from uncle Jed about the new baby? We can forward it to you. Lost your cellphone and miss your contact list? Just dial *NSA and it will be downloaded to your new phone. No need to give us the number, we already have it. Did you forget what you promised that special someone for his or her birthday? We can give you the chat transcript. Looking for your lost data? We have an app for that. And its free, did I mention that?
So you see, there is nothing sinister about PRISM; we built it for the benefit of mankind. Look at it as Carbonite™ on steroids. And it is free!
Now, I mentioned at the beginning that President Obama wanted to make this stunning announcement himself but that a technical glitch made that impossible. It's really quite amusing, actually. You see, when AlGore was giving us the specs for PRISM, he was Vice President and things were a little contentious in the Clinton White House at the time. So AlGore specifically exempted all things presidential from the PRISM backup system. Unfortunately, as a result, something went wrong with the President's speech and we couldn't recover it for him. That is why I am standing in for him today. You know how he gets when he doesn't have his teleprompter.
Thank you and good day.
That’s pretty funny!
It would make a great ad for the 2014 election cycle but Rove, McLame and Co wouldn’t understand it.
“To Serve Mankind”.
took a stab at it myself
Ah, you have read my cookbook
Oreck Dyson Hoover
Named after three different Vacuum Cleaners.
“My name is Oreck Dyson Hoover “
Thanks moose. If only it were true.
Umm.. give my regards to Mr. Oreck Dyson Hoover when you see him!
Oreck Dyson Hoover wouldn't happen to be the Secret Service code name for Reggie Love would it?
He’s going to have a press conference next! Rhonda Roomba will be in attendance.
And he yells “Eureka” whenever he figures something out.
Either way he’s would have to be a real DIRTy DEVIL.
Any word from a Mr. Kirby?
Ooh, I forgot about him. I’ll issue an invitation to the presser. :) thanks
You mean this?
Oh wait, that’s Woomba. Nevermind!