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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 06/21/2013 5:43:15 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Alice and Frank are bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico.

Frank thinks this is a great idea. So they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on a square in a small town.

As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.

When they finish, there's such a crowd they think it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.

So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding.

Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up; she has a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine; it was the crowd. What in the world is a pinata?

Q: How does every immigration joke start?

 A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?

A: E.T. eventually went home!

Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?

A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.

Q: How do you describe a well-balanced Immigrant?

A: One with a chip on both shoulders.

Q: Why are most Italian men named Tony?

A: When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads.

Q: Where does Arizona want illegal immigrants to go after passing a landmark immigration bill?

A: Back to their homeland in Los Angeles!

Q: Why are the children the ones being hardest hit by immigration reform in the south?

A: Because parents now have to start raising their own children now!

Q: What do you call two illegal immigrants in front of a trash can?

A: Family portrait!

Q: What do you call two illegal immigrants and their pregnant girlfriends in front of a trash can?

A: Night Club!

Q: Why are officials in Arizona still waiting to implement their landmark immigration reform?

A: Because officials want to make sure their pools were clean and their lawns were mowed before signing!

During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Felipe Calderón, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.

Barack Obama says "This is a fine bottle of wine Nicolas"

Upon hearing this President Nicolas Sarkozy throws out a case of France's finest wine and says "In France fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"

Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vodka "In Russia premier vodka spirits flow like the Volga River"

President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Felipe Calderón, and throws him out the window.

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal immigrant in the bushes right by the border fence in Texas, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."

The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"

The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."

The Mexican, of course, agrees.

The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......Now use all them in 1 sentence."

The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

There was a lady who immigrated in Canada and married an Canadian gentleman. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So, she brought her husband to the store... because he spoke English.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: illegals; immigration; ofst; silliness
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You Passed the US Citizenship Test
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Blogthings: 100's of Fun, Free Quizzes and 3 Stupid Ones

1 posted on 06/21/2013 5:43:15 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...






CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



2 posted on 06/21/2013 5:47:32 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

In !!!


3 posted on 06/21/2013 5:53:42 AM PDT by 21stCenturion ("It's the Judges, Stupid !")
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To: Lucky9teen

Woo Hoo Friday! Top Ten!


4 posted on 06/21/2013 5:56:07 AM PDT by freebird5850 (The only good thing about Barry getting re-elected is now we get to see him fall from a higher place)
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To: freebird5850

Love it!!!! TGIF


5 posted on 06/21/2013 5:56:50 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: 21stCenturion
Watermelon? really? Ew

6 posted on 06/21/2013 5:59:18 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: 21stCenturion

Myself!


7 posted on 06/21/2013 6:02:16 AM PDT by DooDahhhh
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To: Lucky9teen

BAM! top 10 Happy Friday


8 posted on 06/21/2013 6:03:50 AM PDT by jag.drafting
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To: freebird5850

TGIF I’M HEADING TO BERMUDA ON SUNDAY!!!! WOOT WOOT!


9 posted on 06/21/2013 6:07:15 AM PDT by angcat
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10??


10 posted on 06/21/2013 6:09:06 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen
Why was the pencil in the toilet?

It was a #2.

11 posted on 06/21/2013 6:10:50 AM PDT by GSWarrior (When someone points at the moon, don't stare at his finger.)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TWENTY!!!!!!

Have a good weekend all!

12 posted on 06/21/2013 6:15:25 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Sensuous Wife

“Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?” asked the wife.

“No,” said her husband.

She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.

“Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?” she asked.

“Uh, no,” he said.

She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.

“Now,” she said, “Have you ever seen 30,000 dollars all crumpled up?”

“No,” he said, now really intrigued.

“Well go look in the garage...”


13 posted on 06/21/2013 6:15:47 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

LOL! Forwarding this one....


14 posted on 06/21/2013 6:17:51 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

IN b4 most of you!


15 posted on 06/21/2013 6:25:46 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen
In before 20
16 posted on 06/21/2013 6:25:58 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: GSWarrior

Scotty looks into the toilet and says “Aye, that’s a captain’s log, all right!”


17 posted on 06/21/2013 6:27:02 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen

The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards President Obama and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”

Obama replied, “I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!”

So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage! AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!


18 posted on 06/21/2013 6:29:26 AM PDT by the_boy_who_got_lost
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To: Lucky9teen

19 posted on 06/21/2013 6:43:04 AM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)
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To: Lucky9teen

20 posted on 06/21/2013 6:43:56 AM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)
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To: Lucky9teen

21 posted on 06/21/2013 6:44:32 AM PDT by red-dawg
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To: Lucky9teen

22 posted on 06/21/2013 6:45:39 AM PDT by SERKIT ("Blazing Saddles" explains it all.......)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 30!!!


23 posted on 06/21/2013 6:53:11 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (The average American voter is an idiot. Which is how the Dems want it.)
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To: Lucky9teen

24 posted on 06/21/2013 6:53:41 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: GSWarrior

25 posted on 06/21/2013 6:54:18 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Lucky9teen; All

The Wisdom of W.C. Fields

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKGYLeq5gkE


26 posted on 06/21/2013 6:55:56 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: red-dawg
To all you paranoid people who check behind the shower curtain for murders:

If you find one, what's your plan?

27 posted on 06/21/2013 6:57:14 AM PDT by red-dawg
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To: wyokostur

28 posted on 06/21/2013 6:57:39 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: red-dawg

29 posted on 06/21/2013 6:58:41 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: red-dawg

murderers — dang it.


30 posted on 06/21/2013 6:58:55 AM PDT by red-dawg
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To: the_boy_who_got_lost

31 posted on 06/21/2013 7:00:30 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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To: Arrowhead1952

32 posted on 06/21/2013 7:04:06 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both)
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33 posted on 06/21/2013 7:05:58 AM PDT by Baynative (Lord, keep one hand on my shoulder and the other over my mouth.)
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To: Lucky9teen

34 posted on 06/21/2013 7:07:41 AM PDT by al_c (http://www.blowoutcongress.com)
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To: Lucky9teen

35 posted on 06/21/2013 7:13:15 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (Piffle....)
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To: BenLurkin

Blatant child abuse.


36 posted on 06/21/2013 7:15:10 AM PDT by upchuck (To the faceless, jack-booted government bureaucrat who just scanned this post: SCREW YOU!)
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To: Lucky9teen

1. You can’t wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can’t count your hair.

3. You can’t breathe through your noise, with your tongue out.

4. You just tried no. 3.

6. When you did no. 3 you realized it’s possible, only you look like a dog.

7. You are smiling right now, because you were fooled.

8. You just skipped no. 5.

9. You just checked to see if there is no. 5.

10. Share this with your friends to have fun too:)


37 posted on 06/21/2013 7:17:18 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: sunny48

11. You just realized you don’t have a noise.

(running away)


38 posted on 06/21/2013 7:25:55 AM PDT by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males----the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization).)
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To: CatherineofAragon

oops, nose:)


39 posted on 06/21/2013 7:28:32 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: sunny48

Sorry, couldn’t help myself, LOL....I did love it and will pass it on!


40 posted on 06/21/2013 7:34:38 AM PDT by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males----the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization).)
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To: Lucky9teen
Good morning!
I'm pretending the Spurs won last night and that i don't have a hangover!


41 posted on 06/21/2013 7:35:00 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: GSWarrior

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because Obama was on the other side.


42 posted on 06/21/2013 7:44:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen

43 posted on 06/21/2013 8:23:13 AM PDT by sunny48
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To: Lucky9teen

Jacob, age 81 and Rebecca, age 80, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

“Are you the owner?”

The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”

Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”

Pharmacist: “Of course, we do.”

Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”

Pharmacist: “All kinds.”

Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”

Pharmacist: “Definitely.”

Jacob: “How about suppositories?”

Pharmacist: “You bet!”

Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”

Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The Works.”

Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”

Pharmacist: “Absolutely.”

Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”

Pharmacist: “We sure do.”

Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”

Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”

Jacob: “Adult diapers?”

Pharmacist: “Sure.”

Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”


44 posted on 06/21/2013 8:39:48 AM PDT by llevrok (We are in a new Cold War. At home.)
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To: Lucky9teen; All
 photo lester3.jpg

45 posted on 06/21/2013 8:40:49 AM PDT by musicman (Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
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To: Lucky9teen

46 posted on 06/21/2013 8:44:28 AM PDT by llevrok (We are in a new Cold War. At home.)
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To: red-dawg

What did the mexican firefighter name his son??

Hose a


47 posted on 06/21/2013 8:52:18 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Lucky9teen

I originally scored 9 out of 10, so I had to find out my mistake. I chose 1786 instead of 1787 for the writing of the Constitution....

I’ll take that error.


48 posted on 06/21/2013 9:28:46 AM PDT by CSM (Keeper of the Dave Ramsey Ping list. FReepmail me if you want your beeber stuned.)
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To: llevrok

49 posted on 06/21/2013 9:48:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.~Thomas Jeffer)
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To: Lucky9teen
You Passed the US Citizenship Test
Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!
Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?
Blogthings: We'll Tell You The Truth... Someone Has To!

50 posted on 06/21/2013 9:48:27 AM PDT by Fast Moving Angel (A moral wrong is not a civil right: No religious sanction of an irreligious act.)
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