Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 06/21/2013 5:43:15 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Q: How does every immigration joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
A: E.T. eventually went home!
Q: Why doesnt Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: How do you describe a well-balanced Immigrant?
A: One with a chip on both shoulders.
Q: Why are most Italian men named Tony?
A: When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads.
Q: Where does Arizona want illegal immigrants to go after passing a landmark immigration bill?
A: Back to their homeland in Los Angeles!
Q: Why are the children the ones being hardest hit by immigration reform in the south?
A: Because parents now have to start raising their own children now!
Q: What do you call two illegal immigrants in front of a trash can?
A: Family portrait!
Q: What do you call two illegal immigrants and their pregnant girlfriends in front of a trash can?
A: Night Club!
Q: Why are officials in Arizona still waiting to implement their landmark immigration reform?
A: Because officials want to make sure their pools were clean and their lawns were mowed before signing!
During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Felipe Calderón, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin, and French President Nicolas Sarkozy are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.
Barack Obama says "This is a fine bottle of wine Nicolas"
Upon hearing this President Nicolas Sarkozy throws out a case of France's finest wine and says "In France fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"
Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vodka "In Russia premier vodka spirits flow like the Volga River"
President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Felipe Calderón, and throws him out the window.
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal immigrant in the bushes right by the border fence in Texas, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow.......Now use all them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
There was a lady who immigrated in Canada and married an Canadian gentleman. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but anyhow managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So, she brought her husband to the store... because he spoke English.
|You Passed the US Citizenship Test|
Woo Hoo Friday! Top Ten!
Love it!!!! TGIF
BAM! top 10 Happy Friday
TGIF I’M HEADING TO BERMUDA ON SUNDAY!!!! WOOT WOOT!
It was a #2.
Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up? asked the wife.
No, said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up? she asked.
Uh, no, he said.
She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
Now, she said, Have you ever seen 30,000 dollars all crumpled up?
No, he said, now really intrigued.
Well go look in the garage...
LOL! Forwarding this one....
IN b4 most of you!
Scotty looks into the toilet and says “Aye, that’s a captain’s log, all right!”
The Pope and Obama are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leans towards President Obama and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!”
Obama replied, “I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand....Show me!”
So the Pope backhanded him and knocked him off the stage! AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY and there was happiness throughout the land!
The Wisdom of W.C. Fields
If you find one, what's your plan?
murderers — dang it.
Blatant child abuse.
1. You cant wash your eyes with soap.
2. You cant count your hair.
3. You cant breathe through your noise, with your tongue out.
4. You just tried no. 3.
6. When you did no. 3 you realized its possible, only you look like a dog.
7. You are smiling right now, because you were fooled.
8. You just skipped no. 5.
9. You just checked to see if there is no. 5.
10. Share this with your friends to have fun too:)
11. You just realized you don’t have a noise.
Sorry, couldn’t help myself, LOL....I did love it and will pass it on!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because Obama was on the other side.
Jacob, age 81 and Rebecca, age 80, living in Miami, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
“Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”
Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course, we do.”
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds.”
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Jacob: “How about suppositories?”
Pharmacist: “You bet!”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer’s?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The Works.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
Pharmacist: “We sure do.”
Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob: “Adult diapers?”
Jacob: “We’d like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.”
What did the mexican firefighter name his son??
I originally scored 9 out of 10, so I had to find out my mistake. I chose 1786 instead of 1787 for the writing of the Constitution....
I’ll take that error.
|You Passed the US Citizenship Test|
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