Skip to comments.Can a Woman Ever Really Change a Man?
Posted on 07/05/2013 10:45:56 AM PDT by nickcarraway
It's that age-old dilemma: you've started dating a man, things are going pretty well - but you want to change some aspects of his style and personality. Is it ever possible or the right thing to do?
What are your relationship deal breakers? The news that your perfect man doesnt ever want to get married or have children? The fact that he has a monster coke habit and gets a bit mean and aggressive when hes drunk?
Or maybe you sweat the smaller stuff after all, a terrible haircut, a bad slip-on shoe or some errant nose hair are all indicative of poor personal grooming habits and bad taste, and you dont want to spend the rest of your life with someone who fundamentally has horrible taste, do you?
FYI, I fall into the latter category Ive been known to chuck men for wearing bad travellers beads, Speedo-style underpants rather than boxer shorts, and those bloody red trousers. Some things you just cant un-see.
But according to some of my friends, Im a fool, rejecting perfectly good men just because they think its acceptable to wear beads with a suit. After all, they argue, these are the sort of little things you can change over time. You can slowly introduce a skincare routine. After the 12-month mark you can start to develop an opinion on their hair cut, and after a few years you can take over buying their clothes completely.
(Excerpt) Read more at telegraph.co.uk ...
Sure, and it’s perfectly okay for a man to ask his girlfriend to drop twenty pounds and learn to use a lawnmower. s\
Travelling beads? Am I missing out on some new men’s fashion trend?
Why would she want to?
No, but she change into one.
Sure they can change a man. From a happy go lucky human to a depressed beat down shell of his former self. Happens all the time. Most women want to change a man after the courtship is over and marriage has taken place.
Women would do better by raising their sons as good honest men.
“You can slowly introduce a skincare routine. After the 12-month mark you can start to develop an opinion on their hair cut, and after a few years you can take over buying their clothes completely.”
And then at five years, she can have an affair because “you’re just not the man I fell in love with”.
Not that I’m bitter or anything.
Not for the better.
She can make the man more bitter and resentful, less expressive, more volatile.
"A man marries a woman, hoping she will never change. A woman marries a man knowing she can."
Sure. Depends if he's old enough.
Easy answer to the title. NO
He can lose interest because she thinks she is making a better man than the one she met.
a man can change on his own, but for a girl to change him is asking for trouble
he may change on his own FOR a girl, but she cannot force him to
In marriages where a woman is unsuccessful at converting a man into a woman, you’ll see divorce. It is no longer acceptable for a man to act as he was intended to act. In the workplace it is illegal and will get him fired!
An adult can’t “change” another adult.I think it was Jack Nicholson,in one of his films,who said to a woman that he loved...”you make me want to be a better man”...or something like that.A woman that I care for can cause me to develop the same attitude.But nothing more.
"She Couldn't Change Me" "Sometime I think what turned her on Was my old broke down boots She wanted her a real cowboy It was a phase she was goin' through But not one week after she moved in I caught her paintin' the bedroom blue She brought home a bottle of pink Chablis And poured out my best brew I was sittin' on the porch in my overalls While she packed her things to leave She changed her mind when she couldn't change me She changed direction headed out west Changed her tune to some hip-hop mess Her dark brown hair went blonde And her pretty blue eyes went green She changed everything when she couldn't change me She was sittin' beside the ocean Looking out at the waves Watching how they keep on rollin' But always seem the same She called and said she'd been thinkin' about All those quiet country nights And whatever she thought was so wrong with me Suddenly seemed all right I was sittin' on the porch in my overalls When her truck pulled into view She said I changed my mind when I couldn't change you She changed direction headed back home She changed her tune it's all Haggard and Jones She had her dark brown hair pulled back And blue eyes like you've never seen She changed her mind when she couldn't change me She said I guess when you love someone you just gotta let it be Yeah, she changed her mind when she couldn't change me."
Could she change my taste in music, clothes, food? No.
But I am more sensitive to the needs of others. She has added some grey to my back and white world.
you’ve met my ex wife?
I was married and tamed once, which ended coming up on two decades ago.
I’ve since gone feral, no chance in heck of ever being housebroken again.
This is exactly what happened to me this spring.
Wife lost 20 pounds.
I threw my back out and she has to mow the yard.
That was the case with my husband's brother. His EX-wife used to run him down in the presence of his own family. I will never treat my husband that way; he's my blessing. And I should say he treats me like a queen in return.
Maybe these people should try actually getting to know the other person, and WELL, before marrying.
Honestly, I took over buying my husband’s clothing and putting work outfits together for him as soon as we were married.
He’s color blind and it makes his life easier to just grab an outfit that someone who can see colors has paired up for him.
(I seem to remember reading somewhere that Ronald Reagan was colorblind and that Nancy had to select his clothes for him too)
I also try to get him to eat more vegetables so he’ll be healthy and we can be together longer.
Then hit the road and do both of you a favor. Because there are two possibilities:
1. Things like "horrible taste" are important barriers to a solid relationship with this guy, which means you were a fool to ever enter into a serious relationship with him in the first place;
2. You care enough about him that his lack of "taste" is surmountable. You might even be humble enough to admit that it might be YOUR taste that is in question.
But to stick around with the mission of "improving" a man will just make both of you miserable.
My husband won’t spend money on clothes and he needs to look professional for work, but those clothes must be washable. I shop the sales at the better consignment stores for both of us. That way, when he wears the wonderful, originally expensive sweater to play with the dog or clean the wood stove, I don’t mind because it cost $4 on sale.
He has gone from complaining about “big honking salads” (that limit his intake of the rest of dinner)to admitting that he missed them while camping. I simply make salad 15 minutes before dinner is ready. He then eats the good stuff, doesn’t sit there chomping down nuts and still enjoys the rest of the meal. We eat a lot of stir fry or pasta salad that allows me to incorporate veggies in a tasty way. His weight is normal and he looks amazing for his age.
He is a good man and into the male things that allow us to save on all sorts of maintenance, while having a sweet side. If he wants to spend a day shooting things up or his evenings playing rock & roll or watching a shoot-’em-up or even only get a haircut every two months because he likes his hair longish...so what? It is his life, after all. I wouldn’t dream of telling him (or anyone) what sort of undies to wear.
Also, I would never go on about any of his more negative traits on a public board. When I reach perfection, then maybe, but if I were perfect, then I definitely wouldn’t dish on him in front of others.
How perfect are all those picky women?
We’ve been together for 39 years, so far.
notice the theme of the article is not “can a man ever change a woman”; which I believe is a theme that most people cannot imagine being voiced much
my view is that difference stems from an intrinsic difference between men and women - (a)men (generally) do not try to change their girlfriend/wife: (b)a woman wants most of all “to be understood and thinks she is not understood - over analysis, over-extending need for discussion; (c)while a man wants most of all just to be accepted, as he is, period.
why would a woman be trying to change her man anyway?
maybe she neither understands him (he does not communicate in the way women do - action; his, yours, everyones is his way of communicating and understanding what others are communicating; not long analytical discussions - nor does she accept him just as he is
if she is not like that, she is not only loved by her boyfriend/husband she is totally appreciated and cherished by him
Single men look at women as a finished product.
Single women look at men as raw material.
Ask Lorena Bobbitt
“... I’ve since gone feral, no chance in heck of ever being housebroken again”.
LOL!!! So now that you are single... you pee all over your house?! (just teasing ‘ya)
Women have the ability to profoundly influence their husbands for their good or to their detriment. Men really need to be careful who they marry.
Yes. See: John and Lorena Bobbitt
I will say that my wife changed me! I now get guilt-free, frequent sex.
All a girl has to do to change a boy after they marry is to have that first child, then everything changes and if they truly care for one another they become women and men
‘’You can change any man with gentle nagging.’’— Marge Simpson.
I’ve seen a lot of women throw away some decent men and another lady pick him up and make a decent marriage with the guy. There are ways to treat people that make them want to do the right thing and act the right way. Some things a woman can’t change are the man’s work habits and fishing and hunting desires. These are just too sacred and should be left alone.
Before one decides that one’s significant other has horrible taste remember their taste includes liking you, so maybe their taste isn’t so bad after all and you should learn to like it.
I like that.
Hell no! Washing a few skid marks in the laundry is a small price to pay for a smart, compassionate man, good in bed and loves you!
Heck, I even mow the lawn and do the grilling!
Wait a minute...
That happened to me. I am newly separated. She morphed into that after we got married especially after kids. I hung in there for the children as long as I could. I said enough and I walked out.
No. But many die trying....err try until some one dies.....ummmm something like that.
You can't change his basic temperament, but every temperament has both strengths and flaws, and one can try to improve one's flaws.
“As a woman, Im outraged on Sophies behalf that her boyfriend felt the need to change her like that but if one of my female friends was trying to get her boyfriend to cut down on how much he drank, lose a bit of weight or sort out his finances, Id be much less concerned why is this?”
Because you’re double minded...