Enjoy your new apartment complex. Wish I was kidding.
Posted on 07/12/2013 11:42:18 PM PDT by wac3rd
I want some advice as to any FReepers who have gone through a divorce. We have good jobs, good health (I'm a little overweight - 245 lbs and 6'4") and two young kids, 6 and 2.
There is just no feeling there anymore, we just resent each other and there is no love or passion. We sleep apart, don't do date night and our social lives, other than family and kid/school/sports activities are apart.
I tried to get her to church, she isn't super religious, but spiritual (good person).
I live in the suburbs on San Francisco and feel really lonely after coming home, working long hours, and feeling unwanted. I love the kids so much but my wife is constantly complaining about something I do wrong.
I am tired of working so hard to have no connection with my spouse. After 10 years, we rarely are intimate and she is happier at a cooking class or bike riding with the girls than going to a movie, dinner or working out with me.
I wonder if any FReepers have been through this, I pray a lot asking what I can do, but she is so negative and never smiles when I am home. It is really tough.
Any advice would be appreciated.
I would just say remember your kids above else. Tell your wife to remember them as well.
Your kids are depending on you to give them the family they deserve, it doesn’t have to be perfect, but they deserve an intact family.
I’m praying for you.
Sounds like a typical marriage.
Work though the burn.
Other than that , the only winners are the lawyers !!
Glad I’m a perpetual bachelor then.
You know, most of my married friends say the same thing. The women become mean, distant...read weird books, take yoga, eat crazy healthy stuff and are angry and resentful.
I wish we could be close again. I hate being alone when I’m married.
Hate to tell ya’.....but same here. It’s tough.....but I do it for the kids. They are they main reason.
Oh, and compliment her instead of feeling slighted.
Sure, you have needs but so does she.
Love her.
My only piece of advice I can give is that you cannot change her, just yourself.
Be nice and civil towards her, at all costs. However, put your energies into your hobbies and, as best you can, make your home a welcome place for yourself.
It happens.
We've been married now for 24 1/2 years.
Your mileage may vary, and every relationship is different, but family is important. Do what you can to keep it together.
If it just can't work, then so be it. But try.
Have you told her this?
Enjoy your new apartment complex. Wish I was kidding.
I will definitely pray for you, and I will have a prayer warrior friend of mine pray for your marriage as well.
I would recommend doing research on Marriage counseling, or talk to your Pastor to see if he could council you two. And once armed with the option of pursuing this, if I were you, I would tell her straight out your concerns, your wants, and your needs in a very serious conversation. Tell her that you want her to consider counseling with you, to let her know that you are really serious in making things better. Also tell her that you love her, unconditionally, and be very gentle with her.
Also remember that, outside of Jesus Christ, there is no salvation. You should be zealous on this. If she is spiritual but does not believe in her heart that Jesus is the Christ, then you must warn her. I am a hypocrite on this, as I myself find it difficult to broach the subject with loved ones, especially when they are prone to scoffing at Christianity. Nevertheless, it is important, and should be amongst your priorities.
God bless you, and whatever you decide to do, I’ll definitely pray that all goes well for you.
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Overs...
Why dont we stop fooling ourselves
the game is over, over over...
No good times, no bad times
there’s no times left just the new York times
sitting on my windowsill with the flowers.
We might as well be apart
it hardly matters we sleep separately
drop a smile passing in the hall
but there’s no laughs left cause we laughed them all
Yes we laughed them all in a very short time
passing in the doorway
blowing through my window
rattling the teacups
and I wonder....
How long can I delay
we’re just a habit, like saccharine
and i’m habitually feeling kinna blue
but each time
I try on
the thought of leaving you
I stop...
Stop and Think It Over.
That would be ok. I just need a place to hang my hat.
Try to see if you can rekindle something for the kids. Maybe if you point out how much worse your kids would be off after a divorce, she’d commit to working on your marriage.
I know young kids really put stress on a marriage.
The other thing you might consider is to move out the the Bay Area. I don’t think the culture there is very pro-family, and I wouldn’t be surprised to hear your wife’s girlfriends are a bunch of awful nags (probably not helping the situation).
This is so sad, I hope things get better!
I work a lot, which I am thankful for, but the urge for companionship and a “fun partner” to try things with, dance with, travel with, read with...is never there.
She would rather go to a meal swap deal with her girlfriends vs. hanging with me.
I just feel trapped, and depressed.
Above all my good fellow, speak lovingly to her but frankly, before you ask a stranger for advice.
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