Posted on 07/19/2013 6:09:22 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Georgette Washington?
Patricia Henry?
Paulette Revere?
Baroness von Steuben?
Baroness von Steuben
Stern disciplinarian with an accent like Lily Schtupp.
I'm published!
A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.
Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
‘Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?’ she asked.
‘They’re mating,’ her father replied.
‘What do you call the spider on top?’ she asked.
‘That’s a Daddy Longlegs,’ her father answered.
‘So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?’ the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy at such a cute and innocent question he replied, ‘No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.’
‘The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment, then lifted
her foot and stomped them flat.
‘Well, we’re not having any of that gay shit in our garden’ she said.
The Department of Defense briefed the president this morning. They told President Obama that two Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.
Visibly shaken, he put his head in his hands and rocked from side to side for a moment.
Finally, he composed himself and asked, “Just how many is a brazillion?”
Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: “Nice pigs, sir.”
The President replies: “These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.”
The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: “Excellent trade, sir.”
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama bin Laden made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington.
“How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Bin Laden in the face.
Patrick Henry comes up from behind: “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Bin Laden on the nose.
James Madison comes up next, and says, “This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight on Bin Laden’s knee.
Bin Laden is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged.
As Bin Laden awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, “This is not what I was promised!”
An angel replies: “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”
I’m surprised that first picture was published in LIFE in 1937, with half the woman’s fanny hanging out!
Not sure if this qualifies as silliness, but hits the nail on the head.
Quote of the day by Dianne Feinstein
Dianne Feinstein: “All vets are mentally ill in some way and government should prevent them from owning firearms”
Yep, - she really said it on Thursday in a meeting in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee, and the quote below from the LA Times is priceless. Sometimes even the L.A. Times gets it right.
Kurt Nimmo: “Senator Feinstein insults all U.S. Veterans as she flays about in a vain attempt to save her anti-firearms bill.”
Quote of the Day from the Los Angeles Times:
“Frankly, I don’t know what it is about California, but we seem to have a strange urge to elect really obnoxious women to high office. I’m not bragging, you understand, but no other state, including Maine, even comes close. When it comes to sending left-wing dingbats to Washington, we’re Number One.
There’s no getting around the fact that the last time anyone saw the likes of Barbara Boxer, Dianne Feinstein, Maxine Waters, and Nancy Pelosi, they were stirring a cauldron when the curtain went up on ‘Macbeth’.
The four of them are like jackasses who happen to possess the gift of blab. You don’t know if you should condemn them for their stupidity or simply marvel at their ability to form words.”
— Columnist Burt Prelutsky,
But how tired does she get?
I have on my sparkly pants...
In before the fold.....maybe!
So close! haha
YAY! IT'S FRIDAAAAYYY!! I'm going to the beach!
Well, at least it wasn’t a Pre-jac....
I knew an Egyptian archaeologist who fell prey to a spell when opening up an ancient royal tomb.
He was cursed with chronic flatulence. At the most inopportune times, he’d rip one and embarrass himself and all around him. But oddly, “it” smelled like roses.
I guess you could say the Egyptian had a toot uncommon.
A friend of mine who I played high school football with, named John, with was a giant age 17. Huge! His whole life was football and that left him little time to date. He was focused on getting a college scholarship.,
Finally, he did get that scholarship to a Big 10 school and he started to meet girls, once there. One really caught his eye, a lovely sorority girl named Edith. They dated all though university. Crazy in love.
John had an “ok” career but was not drafted into the NFL upon graduation. Crestfallen, his dreams ended, he started to eat his sorrows away. And gained weight well above his playing weight.
Finally, Edith gave him an ultimatum : Lose weight or lose her!. John called me up, now more depressed than ever. “What do I do?? I love the girl!! I lost my chance at the pros, but I don’t want to lose her too”.
“Simple”, I replied. “You must stop eating so much and lose weight! You know you can’t have your cake and Edith too.”
Precious kitty — I hope it’s having fun!
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