Posted on 07/26/2013 3:46:12 PM PDT by Kaslin
It's definitely time, past time, to update this annual list of heat-beaters. Feel free to clip and save, mix and match, or add your own.
1. Delete all unwanted emails without opening them. Especially if they're from types who are always a bit hot under the collar anyway. If you must open any, under no circumstances reply. Soon you'll be on their heated level. Last year I heard from a Satanist -- no, actually he said he was a pagan -- and, you guessed it, he was hot as hell.
2. Forget talk radio and 24/7 television news. Switch to the classical musical station. Vivaldi is a comfort, Dvorak about as stirring as you need, Beethoven's symphonies a little too bombastic, and Mozart's perfect -- as always. Listening to the well-named Amadeus is like looking up at the clear night sky out in the country and hearing the music of the spheres. Or get out Miles Davis and John Coltrane's classic, "Kind of Blue." (I hereby nominate Miles Davis -- along with Gershwin, of course -- as the greatest American composer of the 20th Century.)
3. Recall the lightest, most elegant, interesting dessert you ever had. Mine is zabaglione over half a perfect peach. Italians know what they're doing in matters of summer style, and hot summers bring out their genius for creating just the right dish.
4. To borrow a line from the late great Robert Benchley, get out of those sweaty clothes and into a dry martini.
5. Think on the pure, crystalline beauty of the Pythagorean Theorem.
6. Don't try to figure out the infield fly rule one more time; just settle back and watch the game. Linger over the replays in slow motion. Move slowly yourself. No sense hurryin.'
7. Avoid watching sit-coms, playing rock 'n' roll, listening to TV shout shows, worrying about the future or regretting the past. "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you." --Satchel Paige. Epictetus the Stoic might have said something like that, but not half so well.
8. Decorate with cool, green, leafy things, but not kudzu. Turn your back on it for a minute and it'll cover your house.
9. Take siestas; arrange to live in the early morning and after twilight.
10. Don't hurry back, or anywhere. "Nothing can be more useful to a man than a determination not to be hurried." --Henry David Thoreau. He may have been a Massachusetts man, but he had to be a Southerner at heart.
11. Park in the shade.
12. Key lime pie.
13. Wear a hat. With a broad brim.
14. Give the kids a nap. Take one yourself. Or watch an old Mister Rogers show with a small child; it'll soothe both of you.
15. Sit on the front porch. In a swing. Under a fan. Especially if it's glassed-in, air-conditioned, in the shade, and surrounded by cool greenery inside and out. If you must go out in the noonday sun -- like mad dogs and Englishmen -- stick a handkerchief in the back of your collar. Wear sunglasses. Breathe deeply.
16. Read last January's weather reports, with special attention to blizzards and ice storms. Contemplate Iceland and wonder if Eyjafjallajokull will erupt again. But under no circumstances attempt to pronounce it. It takes too much effort.
17. Take a thimble-sized cup of hot soup before supper to whet the appetite.
18. Switch from big band to chamber music, red to white wine, gin to tonic, cornbread to beaten biscuits, humor to wit. Sit back, breathe deeply, and erase from your mind all thoughts of Rand Paul, Eliot Spitzer, Obamacare, Eric Holder and anything else Fast and Furious.
19. Go fishing. Early in the day. Without fancy lures, rod 'n' reel, and other impedimenta. Pack a picnic breakfast, choose an unfrequented spot off the beaten path, lie down, breathe deep, close your eyes and clear the mind. ("Many go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after." --Thoreau again.)
20. Have a tall cold one. With a hot dog. At a minor league ballpark. Luxuriate in the nostalgia. See, hear and feel what baseball used to be like. Don't get all involved in who's winning and who's losing. Just root for the team in the field. And never, never refer to it as the Defense. That's heavy, sweaty, bruising football talk.
21. Think tomatoes, the real kind. Like Bradley County pinks. Ripe, sliced thin, maybe on dark bread. With just a hint of a smidgen of a drop of olive oil.
22. Wear white linen and play Great Gatsby to beat the band. Hide your ties till winter.
23. If you get the urge to exercise, lie down at once. If you absolutely must, swim. In cool water. Never run, seldom walk, stroll if you must. Master the saunter. Remember Paige's Law No. 2: "Step lightly; do not jar the inner harmonies."
24. See the movie "Doctor Zhivago." Stay to see snowy scenes twice. This time of year, Siberia in January starts to look like paradise. Watch an old movie, preferably one set in a cold climate.
25. Sweet tea. If you must attend a political rally, make it one sponsored by the (Iced) Tea Party.
26. Contemplate the coming of the next ice age.
27. Read up on the culture of the Esquimaux, Inuit and Aleuts.
28. Plan an expedition to the South Pole. Read a biography of Shackleton and marvel.
29. Stock up on watercress and cucumbers.
30. Carry a bandanna. Maybe two. Mop your brow even when it doesn't need mopping.
31. Walk on the shady side of the street. (Visitors from Up No'th have to be reminded.) Whoever designed those treeless parking lots around shopping malls should have to park in one. Every day. In August. Let the punishment fit the crime.
32. Sigh now and then over the follies of men. Do not judge lest you get all worked up. (Isn't that in Scripture somewhere?)
33. Read "Gorky Park" or some other detective story set in a cold climate. Check out Howard Hawks' arctic and antic sci-fi classic "The Thing From Another World." The scary scenes are particularly funny.
34. Send the kids to visit the grandparents.
35. Grandparents: Send the kids back after 24 hours, then take a week off by yourselves. You deserve it. You've already raised your kids. Alaska would be nice this time of year. If you can't make it up there, Newfoundland is closer.
36. Think what Stockholm must be like. Also Spitsbergen.
37. Go for a walk at dawn, preferably without having to get up at an early hour.
38. Peaches. Especially those from around Clarksville, Ark., where they keep turning out new varieties. Oh, those Ruby Princes! Ambrosia!
39. "Simplify, simplify, simplify." --Henry David Thoreau once again.
40. Don't fret. Why worry about things till you have to? You may never have to.
41. Just one word: Seersucker.
42. Wonder about the Laplanders.
43. Go ahead, try the waterslide.
44. Think on not having to put up the Christmas decorations, cook the turkey or build a roaring fire.
45. Smile in the sure knowledge that the damper on your fireplace is closed.
46. Check out the contents of the fridge at home. At length.
47. Consult the atlas for the location of Novaya Zemlya and the Bering Strait. Read about penguin population patterns. Study up on the Aurora Borealis.
48. Re-read Jack London's "To Build a Fire."
49. Be nice. Act pretty.
50. Take the columnists in the newspaper with an extra grain of salt. Maybe a carload.
They are large too, about the size around of a tea cup. Their long legs make them good jumpers. The one in my closet jumped about seven feet from the floor of the closet to my hand. Yark! is right.
You are most welcome.
I was in upper Egypt during a windstorm and someone asked the Egyptian driver, “Does the wind always blow this way”? And the driver is dead serious when he says, “No, sometimes it blows the other way.”
We all laughed. It hurt his feelings, him not being familiar with American idioms. I still laugh.
I loved Egypt. We went there twice when we lived there (also to Kenya) and once again to Egypt when I came home. The Egyptians are nice...and they LIKED Americans. That was a breath of fresh air for us.
I liked it there. Spent a year total, in the early 80’s. But I came away with a VERY negative impression of islam. THAT HAS GROWN.
Tarantulas can jump like that and can bite, but they rarely get rowled up.
Except after nuclear experiments in the desert.
I learn something new every day. :o)
I was there five years and worked with 30 Saudis. My boss was a real peach and I grew fond of him. He reminded me of one of my uncles, very kind.
Islam and the middle east was so very foreign to me. I used to sign my letters "from the dark side of the moon." However, I grew up and saw people as people. Their religion isn't for me. I think it's stupid, but I'm not going to denigrade the people who follow it. Not a Christian thing to do.
I actually became a better Christian there. Religion was always kind of important to me. But it became the center of my life...OVER THERE. I have continued the devotion.
Imagine, becoming a better Christian is a Muslim country. And it wasn't just ANY Muslim country, it was the HOME of Islam, though we were in the north, right on the Persian Gulf. THEY called it the Arabian Gulf, of course.
I had a co-worker, an Indian, and a REAL pain in the wazoo. He was giving me static about taking off 15 minutes from work to go across the street to Mass. He was Catholic too.
He was so annoyed with me, even though I made up those 15 minutes during my lunch hour, that he went to my Muslim boss to complain. I will never forget that. I was there when he told my boss.
You know what my Saudi Arab Muslim boss said?
He said, "Harry, God is number one. There is always time for God. Mary (not my real name) can go to pray anytime she wants."
I don't know who was more flabbergasted more, Harry or me.
No kidding. I go walking right at 7 AM, just to beat the heat. I go to the fishing marina around 9 AM, since it is cool in the fishing well. I've been catching a bunch of crappie.
It's about the godless, perverted, anti-business, rabid liberals that live and run your modern day Sodom and Gomorrah.
I will give you credit, you folks sure know how to throw a party!
For the record......
In East Tennessee, the night of July 25 2013 the low was 57° f, a record low for the date.
50 ways to beat the Heat...
You gotta start with shutting down Lebron...
John 8:7. Check it out.
Like the old saying goes “the weather is here wish you were beautiful”. I have heard that from Californians many times.
Why don't you use that as your tag line so freepers will know up front how you feel and they won't insult you with their own opinions of their own states.
My, my, sweeping generalizations...Californians have a chip? All of us? Lol. Okay.
"The weather is here"?? I never heard that here either. Must be a saying from your neck of the woods.
Never did hear that saying of "the weather is here...."
My apologies for misquoting you. I shouldn't start writing on the web until I've had my FULL two cups of coffee. Just had my second...it's 6:55 A.M.
Also, I love Arizona and Texas too. The deserts of Arizona are absolutely magnificent. My mother was born and reared in Arizona and she taught us to love the desert.
I visited New York City a few years ago. I LOVED the Big Apple but didn't have the time to visit the rest of the state.
I did get to see Yellowstone--absolutely MAGNIFICENT. But, then, I did get to visit much of the world when husband and I lived in Saudi Arabia. We meant to do that, knowing that when we came home we would see our own country. Unfortunately he got lung cancer...what to do besides mourn?
Please stop sending Californians to Texas ;)
Can we still visit?? It's such a great state, I'd hate to not go. :o)
Actually I haven't been to west Texas...yet. There is still much more to see.
Agree. What heat? Here in Ohio for the past week it’s been lows in the 50’s and highs in the upper 70’s. In fact, it’s been a mild, rainy summer with only one 4 or 5 day period in the 90’s. For what it’s worth, this is generally the hottest time of the year in southern Ohio.
Global warming has cooled us down considerably.
I’m beginning to think global warming was a government diversion to distract us from the coming ice age that had been forecast for so long. :>)
Both of our states have a fabulous history I hope Californias future is as good as her history. So sorry about losing your husband, sounds like you had an exciting life together. My husband just turned 78, every day is a blessing. We have traveled, fished, hunted all over the US Canada and Mexico and have seen lots of the world beside. Haven't been to the middle east like you but that's OK with me, never wanted to go there.
Can't argue with that...it IS such a great state.
Sure, if you have any $$ left over after CA withholds taxes...you can come for a brief visit. Just don't relocate ;)
When I lived in Guantanamo Bay back in the 60s they would drive a DDT fog truck through the housing area every few days. It was so dense you couldn’t see a thing. We thought it was great fun to run behind the truck in the white fog.
Probably explains a LOT about me.
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