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I Do Not Want My Daughter to Be ‘Nice’
New York Times ^ | July 31, 2013 | Catherine Newman

Posted on 07/31/2013 1:05:05 PM PDT by nickcarraway

My 10-year-old daughter, Birdy, is not nice, not exactly. She is deeply kind, profoundly compassionate and, probably, the most ethical person I know — but she will not smile at you unless either she is genuinely glad to see you or you’re telling her a joke that has something scatological for a punch line.

This makes her different from me. Sure, I spent the first half of the ’90s wearing a thrifted suede jacket that I had accessorized with a neon-green sticker across the back, expressing a somewhat negative attitude regarding the patriarchy (let’s just say it’s unprintable here). But even then, I smiled at everyone. Because I wanted everyone to like me. Everyone!

I am a radical, card-carrying feminist, and still I put out smiles indiscriminately, hoping to please not only friends and family but also my son’s orthodontist, the barista who rolls his eyes while I fumble apologetically through my wallet, and the ex-boyfriend who cheated on me. If I had all that energy back — all the hours and neurochemicals and facial musculature I have expended in my wanton pursuit of likedness — I could propel myself to Mars and back. Or, at the very least, write the book “Mars and Back: Gendered Constraints and Wasted Smiling.”

But it is not one thing or another, of course. My mostly pleasant way might get me more freelance work. And friendliness tends to put people at ease — loved ones, neighbors, waitresses — which is a good thing. Plus, smiling probably makes me feel happier, according to all those studies about self-fulfilling emotional prophesies. I know that our sweet-hearted son, who is 13, has always had the experience of niceness being its own reward.

(Excerpt) Read more at parenting.blogs.nytimes.com ...


TOPICS: Education; Society
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To: paterfamilias
The daughter sounds like an angry vegan lesbian-in-training,

Maybe not. I have a good friend whose divorced parents are both "all '60s" -- selfish, self-absorbed, mom is a feminazi who dragged her daughters to all the ERA/womynz rights marches, totally illiterate about finances and hence has filed bankruptcy, etc. Whole nine yards. But my friend is nothing at all like that. Married 20 years, church-going, good mom. She wouldn't call herself a conservative, but she certainly leans that way. Sometimes kids can grow up to be normal even when they come from pinko backgrounds.

41 posted on 07/31/2013 2:38:41 PM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: nickcarraway

Who puts keyboards in the hands of these people?


42 posted on 07/31/2013 2:41:43 PM PDT by Ol' Sox (Research, Resolve, Remediate, Repeat)
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To: Jack of all Trades

I’ve noticed, in my decades in corporate life, that the people who are paid to be nice, i.e. “Public Relations” are not very nice people, at all. Sure, they look great when the camera is on, otherwise, they have the genuineness of a $3 bill. Thanks.


43 posted on 07/31/2013 2:46:58 PM PDT by jttpwalsh
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To: workerbee

How does her mother feel about that?


44 posted on 07/31/2013 2:49:36 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: darkangel82

“Perhaps she could benefit from some counseling to get over her obvious psychological issues.”

Probably not since she was raised by atheist parents.

“Catherine Newman ... Although when my atheist parents are visiting”


45 posted on 07/31/2013 2:59:47 PM PDT by kcvl
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To: nickcarraway

More self-absorption.


46 posted on 07/31/2013 3:01:25 PM PDT by sauropod (Fat Bottomed Girl: "What difference, at this point, does it make?")
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To: nickcarraway

***I am a radical, card-carrying feminist,***

I’ve never seen a happy feminist yet. They all act as if they had a dried up corncob stuck up their..., well, you get the idea.


47 posted on 07/31/2013 3:02:19 PM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar (Sometimes you need 7+ more ammo. LOTS MORE.)
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To: nickcarraway

Oh, there’s some friction, sure. But my friend just shrugs. She understands she grew up and her mother didn’t, but whaddya gonna do?


48 posted on 07/31/2013 3:06:01 PM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: nickcarraway

p.s. And it helps that they live on separate coasts! ;-)


49 posted on 07/31/2013 3:07:32 PM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: Tanniker Smith

In the Army I met a WAC officer named Lt. Col. Birdy Nuckols, who put the `butch’ in “butch dyke”. Not to be messed with & I learned that it’s not only the Marine Corps that has a lesbian mafia.


50 posted on 07/31/2013 3:11:03 PM PDT by elcid1970 ("The Second Amendment is more important than Islam.")
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To: nickcarraway
Nice

Origin: 1250–1300; Middle English: foolish, stupid < Old French: silly, simple < Latin nescius ignorant, incapable, equivalent to ne- negative prefix + sci- (stem of scÄ«re to know; see science) + -us adj. suffix

I am sure the mother is a very “Nice” woman.

51 posted on 07/31/2013 3:19:16 PM PDT by RedMonqey ("Gun-free zones" equal "Target-rich environment.")
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To: Sherman Logan

curious/interested-—what is that from?

kg/nancy


52 posted on 07/31/2013 4:20:29 PM PDT by krunkygirl (force multiplier in effect...)
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To: kcvl

so sad to involuntarily be this woman’s
child-—


53 posted on 07/31/2013 4:24:28 PM PDT by krunkygirl (force multiplier in effect...)
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To: krunkygirl

A 1950 movie called Harvey.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0042546/


54 posted on 07/31/2013 4:32:15 PM PDT by Sherman Logan
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To: nickcarraway

The psycho babel/narcissistic tone of this article makes me want to puke.


55 posted on 07/31/2013 4:40:05 PM PDT by dragonblustar
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To: dragonblustar

You have to wonder what it must have been like to have PRAVDA as the only source of news in the old Soviet Union.... imagine THAT drivel being the only kind of ‘society’ news.


56 posted on 07/31/2013 4:41:56 PM PDT by GeronL
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To: Sherman Logan

thank you!


57 posted on 07/31/2013 4:58:55 PM PDT by krunkygirl (force multiplier in effect...)
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To: paterfamilias
The daughter sounds like an angry vegan lesbian-in-training, son may also be gay.

the son...

The daughter...(The pics are from her own blog...


58 posted on 07/31/2013 5:11:01 PM PDT by raybbr (I weep over my sons' future in this Godforsaken country.)
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To: wbill

LOL


59 posted on 07/31/2013 5:18:06 PM PDT by windcliff
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To: raybbr

Well, I hope she continues the blog so we can see how the kids turn out...


60 posted on 08/01/2013 5:28:01 AM PDT by paterfamilias
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