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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 08/02/2013 5:25:10 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

You know it's hot when....................



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: hot; melting; ofst; silliness
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1 posted on 08/02/2013 5:25:10 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP


2 posted on 08/02/2013 5:25:46 AM PDT by verga (A nation divided by Zero!)
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To: verga

Top 5!

Always wanted to do that! :-)


3 posted on 08/02/2013 5:27:08 AM PDT by generally (Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that.)
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To: generally

Dumb luck on my part


4 posted on 08/02/2013 5:27:41 AM PDT by verga (A nation divided by Zero!)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

TIME FOR

SOME HOT


CLICK ompose?to=Lucky9teen" target="g" title="OFST Thread">HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



5 posted on 08/02/2013 5:29:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (“The only thing worse than a knee-jerk liberal is a knee-pad conservative.” ~ Edward Abbey)
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To: verga

6 posted on 08/02/2013 5:30:49 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (“The only thing worse than a knee-jerk liberal is a knee-pad conservative.” ~ Edward Abbey)
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To: Lucky9teen

Topten wewt


7 posted on 08/02/2013 5:31:21 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top ten!


8 posted on 08/02/2013 5:33:42 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (IRS = Internal Revenge Service)
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To: Lucky9teen

the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.

the cows are giving evaporated milk.

the trees are whistling for the dogs.

you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.

you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”


9 posted on 08/02/2013 5:35:14 AM PDT by generally (Don't be stupid. We have politicians for that.)
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To: martin_fierro
Yes, I believe we are living in a parallel universe

Only the Holiest of Holy Artifacts Need Apply: Director of Smithsonian’s National Museum of African American History Wants Trayvon Martin's Hoodie
10 posted on 08/02/2013 5:36:13 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (“The only thing worse than a knee-jerk liberal is a knee-pad conservative.” ~ Edward Abbey)
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To: verga
You know it's hot when

you ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible

you've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man

the swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra tasty crispy"

the strawberries are ripe, and the cab drivers are even riper

your pool water starts to boil in the sun

the hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot

pigs complain about sweating like fat humans

a scalding hot shower still cools you down

people walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames

a $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants

the politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves

you need a spatula to remove your clothing

you wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather

you are sweating in both directions -- up and down!

you are sitting inside reading these jokes

your brother's braces make blisters on his lips

when the trees are whistling for the dogs.

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

11 posted on 08/02/2013 5:36:21 AM PDT by verga (A nation divided by Zero!)
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To: generally

12 posted on 08/02/2013 5:38:40 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (“The only thing worse than a knee-jerk liberal is a knee-pad conservative.” ~ Edward Abbey)
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To: verga

13 posted on 08/02/2013 5:39:38 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (“The only thing worse than a knee-jerk liberal is a knee-pad conservative.” ~ Edward Abbey)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TWENTY!!!

Have a nice cool weekend All!

14 posted on 08/02/2013 5:44:24 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: generally

the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.


Summer in Iraq, only the temp got down to about 85. Brrrr!


15 posted on 08/02/2013 5:46:19 AM PDT by Rides_A_Red_Horse (Why do you need a fire extinguisher when you can call the fire department?)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP TWENTY! Been a while.....


16 posted on 08/02/2013 5:56:18 AM PDT by dayglored (Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!)
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!


17 posted on 08/02/2013 5:59:15 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Lucky9teen
Good morning. Don't mind me as the annual FR Pro Football Yahoo Pick'em advert tags along for the ride. join here for this year's pro football Pick'em brought to you by Hollywood, makers of the new Shrill Hill Bi-op Flop
18 posted on 08/02/2013 6:00:03 AM PDT by InvisibleChurch (http://thegatwickview.tumblr.com/ http://thepurginglutheran.tumblr.com/)
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To: Lucky9teen

and by the way we are going through a cold spell here in Hoosierland


19 posted on 08/02/2013 6:00:58 AM PDT by InvisibleChurch (http://thegatwickview.tumblr.com/ http://thepurginglutheran.tumblr.com/)
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To: Lucky9teen

The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a saloon and sat down to drink a Beer.

After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said “Who owns the big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gun belt, and said, “I do....Why?”

The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, “I just thought you’d like to know that your horse is about dead !”

The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and sure enough silver was ready to die from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got the horse water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.

The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, “Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better.”

Tonto said, “Sure, Kemosabe” and took off running circles around Silver.

Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger turned to the saloon to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and asks, “Who owns that big white horse outside?”

The Lone Ranger stands again, and claims, “I do, what’s wrong with him this time?”

The cowboy looks him in the eye and says,

(...I JUST LOVE THIS PART....)

“Nothing, but you left your injun runnin”.


20 posted on 08/02/2013 6:01:02 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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In a recent survey commissioned by President Obama, his supporters have proven to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.

The survey was carried out for Democrats by a leading soap and toiletries firm.

The results revealed that 86% of Obama supporters said that they have had sex in the shower.

The remaining 14% said they haven’t been to prison yet.


21 posted on 08/02/2013 6:03:32 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Right Now Sunny 91°F
22 posted on 08/02/2013 6:03:59 AM PDT by Berlin_Freeper
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To: Lucky9teen

Checking in! Woohoo!! It’s been a long week.


23 posted on 08/02/2013 6:04:03 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Arrowhead1952

24 posted on 08/02/2013 6:07:31 AM PDT by Old Sarge (My "KMA List" is growing daily...)
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To: verga

I have no air conditioning. I go with my wife to the mega supermarket so I can stand in front of the open freezer units and tell my 4 year old daughter unbelievable tales of air conditioned homes in America.


25 posted on 08/02/2013 6:10:21 AM PDT by Berlin_Freeper
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To: Old Sarge

Texas police are sensitive and caring...

Despite what our redistributionist friends tell you, LEOs in Texas are caring and sensitive.

I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don’t care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category.

This story involves the police department in The town of Stonewall, TX, who reported finding a man’s body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man’s name would not be released until his family had been notified.

The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting “someone” in Horseshoe Bay .

He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 4 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 1/2 inch false eyelashes and an Obama T-shirt.

The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

See there, Texas police do care.


26 posted on 08/02/2013 6:36:04 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

27 posted on 08/02/2013 6:40:51 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: Arrowhead1952

BWAHAHAHAHA!


28 posted on 08/02/2013 6:44:52 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: Berlin_Freeper

...and not just one air conditioner. I lived in a two bedroom apartment and we had three!
hOW ABOUT THAT?


29 posted on 08/02/2013 6:45:22 AM PDT by Berlin_Freeper
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To: Lucky9teen

You know it’s hot out when...Bloomberg was seen drinking a Big Gulp


30 posted on 08/02/2013 6:48:52 AM PDT by the_boy_who_got_lost
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To: Lucky9teen

31 posted on 08/02/2013 6:50:56 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: the_boy_who_got_lost

32 posted on 08/02/2013 6:51:51 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: wyokostur

33 posted on 08/02/2013 6:54:58 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: Lucky9teen

34 posted on 08/02/2013 6:56:20 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Arrowhead1952

Reminds me of a survey about fifteen years ago. 1000 women were asked if they would have sex with then-President Clinton.

42% said “never again.”


35 posted on 08/02/2013 7:00:52 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (The average American voter is an idiot. Which is how the Dems want it.)
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To: InvisibleChurch

Yeah, we have already had our 3 weeks of summer here in Illinoisy. A/C has been off for over a week.


36 posted on 08/02/2013 7:02:02 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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To: the_boy_who_got_lost

37 posted on 08/02/2013 7:03:23 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1)
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To: Lucky9teen

38 posted on 08/02/2013 7:05:30 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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It was so hot, the corn popped right off the stalk
and the cows thought it was snow and froze to death.

39 posted on 08/02/2013 7:05:59 AM PDT by Baynative (Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.)
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To: Lucky9teen

...two seconds before the Snake Shot.


40 posted on 08/02/2013 7:08:00 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (Carlos Danger for mayor....NYC deserves him)
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To: wyokostur

Q: What did they do with the dead Aggie that was too big to fit in a coffin?

A: Gave him an enema and buried him in a shoe box!


41 posted on 08/02/2013 7:11:02 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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To: Lucky9teen

Did you know that if every single man, woman and child in China - all one billion of them - were to hold hands together around the equator more than half of them would drown?


42 posted on 08/02/2013 7:13:49 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

You know you’re a redneck if ...

... The primary color of your car is bondo.
... In your wedding picture you have a toothpick in your mouth.
... Your mama dont remove the marlboro from her lips before
telling the state trooper to kiss her ass!
... Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the
wheels off.
... You think potted meat on a saltine is a hors d’oeuvre.
... You consider a six pack of beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment.
... Less than half the cars you own run.
... Directions to you house include “turn off the paved road”.
... You honestly think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive
tounge gestures.
... Your family tree does not fork.
... Your wife’s hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
... You’ve ever hollered, “Rock the house, Bubba” during a piano recital.
... Your mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high-school
sports event.
... You’ve ever BBQ’d Spam on the grill.
... The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
... Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
... You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since Smokey & the
... Bandit was snubbed for best picture.
... The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front ones.
... You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
... You consider “Outdoor Life” deep reading.
... Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
... You’ve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
... Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an
opening on the lube rack.
... You think beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
... You think Campho-phenique is a miricle drug.
... You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
... You think Volvo is part of a woman’s anatomy.
... You think the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
... You’ve ever been too drunk to fish.
... You have a rag for a gas cap.
... Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.


43 posted on 08/02/2013 7:16:32 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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To: Lucky9teen
<serious> That cat isn't hot, it is exhibiting the Flehmen reaction. It's smelling its surroundings to try to
identify some aroma that piqued its curiosity, usually a willing kitty of the opposite sex.

Dogs, however, do pant like that when they're hot. </serious>

And back to <SILLINESS>
44 posted on 08/02/2013 7:17:41 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: TheOldLady

Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A german shepard.


45 posted on 08/02/2013 7:20:00 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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To: Arrowhead1952

I know a guy so dumb, he thinks ‘innuendo’ is an Italian suppository.


46 posted on 08/02/2013 7:23:06 AM PDT by nuke rocketeer (File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?)
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To: All
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
47 posted on 08/02/2013 7:26:11 AM PDT by Fawn (Pastor Bob Rocks!)
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To: Lucky9teen

48 posted on 08/02/2013 7:27:05 AM PDT by MissTed ( Private Tagline - Do Not Read!)
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To: Lucky9teen

49 posted on 08/02/2013 7:27:55 AM PDT by the_boy_who_got_lost
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To: TheOldLady

“Dogs, however, do pant like that when they’re hot. “

So do cats. I’ve seen it happen, but if they reach the point of panting they’re REALLY hot.


50 posted on 08/02/2013 7:35:10 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (The average American voter is an idiot. Which is how the Dems want it.)
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