Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 09/27/2013 5:34:54 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Let's start out with who made history...
He laid out some great arguments for what America should be
And what America is turning into because of bad legislation
To many, watching Ted Cruz speak, and say the things he said, we felt like
And when Reid & Co. finally showed up on the Senate floor the next morning...it wasn't pretty
And don't forget about the lecture from McCain, a Vietnam veteran and former prisoner of war...
And of course....the Democrats and their words, get ALL the attention
And the ONLY thing, that is getting emphasized after this epic speech is
Harry Reid says "Teds speech was a waste of time" and
"it's not a real filibuster, because there was no vote pending"
And as is typical of all the liberal talking heads and blogs
They attack Ted Cruz personally, and ignore his message.
Then they keep claiming the Republicans want to shut down government
But they don't understand what is coming their way
But we've had enough
MAN!!!! It’s good to be back. Been WAAAYY too long. :)
Missed the ping, but TOP 10!!!!
Top Ten? ;-P
Yay for Friday!
Heck yeah top 15!
Panks for the thing!
And for doing this every week!
WOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!
Top 20? Where the heck is everybody?
Who brought the coffee?
Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week
Vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news.
Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency Landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our Visa and Master Card bill yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she responds.
Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, “Esther,
did we pay our American Express card yet?”
“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.
“One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the installment
check for the IRS this quarter?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Abe,” begged Esther. “I didn’t send that
Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, “What was that for?”
Abe answers, “They’ll find us!”
I won’t be here for too long......one of my co-workers is retiring from the Navy after over 20 years service. We are having a luncheon for him. He’ll be back in the office as a contractor soon, so he really isn’t going away.
...In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don’t get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10) You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3) You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8) But return with Jack Daniels. (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1) You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0) You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5) You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10) It’s her pet Schnauzer. (-20)
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1) You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2) Named Tina (-10) Tina is a dancer. (-10) Tina has breast implants. (-40)
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it’s not a sports bar. (+3) Okay, it’s a sports bar. (-2) And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3) It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team. (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It’s called ‘Death Cop.’ (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15) You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10) You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30) You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.” (-80)
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, “Do I look fat?” (-5)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, “Where?” (-35)
You give any other response. (-20)
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2) You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50) You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500) She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)
That was amazing.
Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.
A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasec is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks “What are they doing in there”?
The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have ObamaCare”.
Cummins vs. Bicycles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdDxjge5hmY
In! Using my Nook for access...
A man goes into a doctor to check on some sores down there.
The doc starts his examination and then tells the man.
“I’m sorry but you’re going to have to stop masterbating”
The man says “why?”
The doc says “So I can finish my examination.”
So does that make you the Nookee? :-)
Is there a Lucky8Teen or a Lucky2Wenty?
Question: Where is one place that a brain eating amoeba would starve to death?
The adult is an Obama voter...
The fish is an ObamaFish taking a catch from a hard working citizen...
The kid looks like a future democrat to me...
Not One Enemy!
Ya’ gotta love this guy!
Meet Walter Barnes - All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?” 80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.
“Mr. Barnes, it’s obviously not a good morning for golf. It’s good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any,” he replied gruffly.
“Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety-eight,” he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
“Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, “I outlived all them @$$holes”
And he calmly returned to his seat.
Re the bimbo taking the baseball... where were the adults responsible for that little girl? If that happened to my daughter I would’ve beaten the snot out that witch.