Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Joke "o" the Day
12 Dec 2013 | US Navy Vet

Posted on 12/12/2013 10:26:55 AM PST by US Navy Vet

A young cowboy from Montana goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Missoula that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says "and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal , like he usually does".

"Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a gun before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman .


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: humor; joke
...The joke was STOLEN... :-)!
1 posted on 12/12/2013 10:26:55 AM PST by US Navy Vet
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: US Navy Vet
LOL! ...great stuff.

2 posted on 12/12/2013 10:29:56 AM PST by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun..0'Caligula / 0'Reid / 0'Pelosi :-)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: US Navy Vet

Good one


3 posted on 12/12/2013 10:30:23 AM PST by svcw (Not 'hope and change' but 'dopes in chains')
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: US Navy Vet

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theater. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned. The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “All right buddy, what’s you’re name?” “Sam,” the cowboy moaned. “Where ya from, Sam?” With pain in his voice Sam replied.... “The balcony.”


4 posted on 12/12/2013 10:33:17 AM PST by Rio (Proud resident of the State of Jefferson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: US Navy Vet
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."

Guess where I am now...

5 posted on 12/12/2013 10:34:56 AM PST by Rio (Proud resident of the State of Jefferson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: US Navy Vet
Two old cowboys, Will and Bud, sit'n on a fence telling stories and talking
rodeo. Will turns to Bud and asks, "Do you think there's bull riding in
Heaven?"

Bud thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a
deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's bull riding
in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."

They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Will passes on. Soon
afterward, Bud sits in on the fence by himself and hears a voice whisper,
"Bud... Bud... ."

Bud responds, "Will! Is that you?"

"Yes it is, Bud," whispers Will's ghost.

Bud, still amazed, asks, "So, is there bull riding in Heaven?"

"Well," says Will, "I've got good news and bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Bud.

Will says, "Well, there is bull riding in Heaven."

Bud says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

Will sighs and whispers, I checked the draw and "You're up on Bodacious
Friday."

6 posted on 12/12/2013 10:35:53 AM PST by Rio (Proud resident of the State of Jefferson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: US Navy Vet

A cowboy goes into a bar. The bartender says, “You got any ID?”

The cowboy says, “’bout what?”


7 posted on 12/12/2013 10:56:52 AM PST by Chasaway (Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: US Navy Vet; All; rightwingintelligentsia
from the RUSH LIMBAUGH Show (today)

Speaking of the Pope, pardon me for posting this but it’s been circulating around the office today:

Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the pope at the Vatican.

After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers, “Your Eminence, we have an offer for you.

Nescafe is prepared to donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘give us this day our daily coffee.’”

The pope responds, “That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord. It must not be changed.”

“Well,” says the Nescafe man, “we anticipated your reluctance. For this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million.”

“My son, it is impossible. For the prayer is the word of the Lord, and it must not be changed.”

The Nescafe guy says, “Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer... We will donate $500 million - that’s half a billion dollars - to the great Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord’s Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread’ to ‘give us this day our daily coffee.’ Please consider it.”

And he leaves.

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.

“There is some good news,” he announces, “and some bad news. The good news is that the Church will come into $500 million.”

“And the bad news, your Holiness?” asks a Cardinal.

“We’re losing the Wonderbread account.”

...Thursday, December 12, 2013 12:54:35 PM by rightwingintelligentsia

8 posted on 12/12/2013 10:58:10 AM PST by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun..0'Caligula / 0'Reid / 0'Pelosi :-)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Rio

I *know* that’s fiction... There are no posh theatres in Amarillo.


9 posted on 12/12/2013 11:09:13 AM PST by SpinnerWebb (In 2012 you will awaken from your HOPEnosis and have no recollection of this... "Constitution")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: SpinnerWebb; Rio

Amarillo has a theater?


10 posted on 12/12/2013 11:49:57 AM PST by HiJinx (So, where did 2013 go?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Rio

I wasn’t expect that.
LOL


11 posted on 12/12/2013 12:12:49 PM PST by Zathras
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: US Navy Vet
...The joke was STOLEN... :-)!

Yeah, from my undergraduate days in 1954 at Syracuse . . . < smile >

12 posted on 12/12/2013 2:47:26 PM PST by imardmd1 (Fiat Lux)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Bookmarking


13 posted on 12/13/2013 2:06:43 AM PST by RandallFlagg (IRS = Internal Revenge Service)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson