Skip to comments.Chuck Norris Epic Christmas Split! Take that Van Damme!
Posted on 12/19/2013 6:48:42 PM PST by bigtoona
Chuck Norris kicks ass
Went to some STUPID animation some idiot made up, nothing about a split or Norris I saw anywhere.
Was your link messed up?
Correct link, sorry!
The new Rickroll? lol.
Chuck Norris `The Epic Christmas Split´ Between Two Moving Planes | Beats Jean-Claude Van Damme
Umm, that’s a Rudolph video on the link. You’ll never be in Santa’s gang.
Raging Rudolf pasted from one of my other posts, sorry about that. Both are good videos
It would only be cool if it was legit, but it’s CGI. Van Dammes was legit.
The Earth simply divides in his presence.
Facts About Chuck Norris
1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to “F***ing.”
12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
15. In the movie “Back to the Future” they used Chuck Norris’ Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson’s disease.
16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
17. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn’t was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.
18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.
20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Chuck Norris!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s s**t.
30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
32. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
33. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
34. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
35. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
36. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
37. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
38. The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’ fist.
39. What was going through the minds of Chuck Norris’ victims before they died? His shoe.
40. Chuck Norris affects the price of stock quotes and land values. Wherever he is, prices drop due to the danger of a sudden catastrophe. He bought his own home for 30 cents and one roundhouse kick.
41. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
42. The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .
43. If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
44. Chuck Norris once taught a class called “Ass Kicking 101”. There were no survivors.
45. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
46. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
47. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
48. The Big Bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face.
49. Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
50. Chuck Norris Isn’t funny, stop laughing.
51. Chuck Norris has an unbeatable poker face, concealed beneath an even more unbeatable poker beard.
52. While a normal poker face conceals the emotion of its wearer, Chuck Norriss poker face skips all that and just drives other players insane. As a result, the only way to survive a game of poker against Chuck Norris is to play online, and even then you still might go insane.
53. Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
54. In conversation, Chuck Norris often quotes himself, and then laughs about it.
55. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
56. February 29th only occurs once every four years because Chuck Norris wills it to be so.
57. Chuck Norris really likes the movie 101 Dalmatians. No one knows why.
58. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
59. Theres an old Chuck Norris saying: He who has the Chuck Norris makes the rules. Its one of those nonsensical old sayings, since it implies that someone can have Chuck Norris.
60. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
61. Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.
62. A man stopped Chuck Norris on the street and asked him to list 100 Chuck Norris facts. Unamused, Chuck Norris raised one eyebrow with such force that the man disintegrated.
63. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
64. Chuck Norris once picked a fight with a duck. The duck turned out to have several 10th degree blackbelts, and was the most formidable adversary Chuck Norris ever faced. Funny how random the universe can be.
65. Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell “What The Hell was That?”
66. There are no steroids in baseball, just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
67. If at first you don’t succeed, you’re not Chuck Norris.
Very very good. What an imagination to come up with that.
Not awesome, like the van Damme video, but very funny after seeing the other one first.
What the hell else have you been watching tonight?
Scratch that, I don’t want to know.
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