Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

The 2013 Darwin Awards Are Out!
jdgroover ^

Posted on 12/23/2013 3:56:39 PM PST by virgil283

" 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days........

(Excerpt) Read more at jdgroover.wordpress.com ...


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: 2013review; darwinawards
"The Darwins Are Out!!!!

Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here Is The Glorious Winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And Now, The Honorable Mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15.

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

****Remember*****

They walk among us, they can reproduce.

1 posted on 12/23/2013 3:56:39 PM PST by virgil283
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: virgil283

Number 10 should be Number 2. No pun intended.


2 posted on 12/23/2013 4:03:13 PM PST by ImJustAnotherOkie (zerogottago)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

Bogus. To win a Darwin you have to die.


3 posted on 12/23/2013 4:05:23 PM PST by Hugin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283
#1, is a given, one shot taken/delivered.
hopefully, was he single w/no kids.

4 posted on 12/23/2013 4:06:31 PM PST by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun..0'Caligula / 0'Reid / 0'Pelosi :-)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ImJustAnotherOkie

We seem to be building a better grade of morons these days ;’)


5 posted on 12/23/2013 4:06:44 PM PST by rockrr (Everything is different now...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: ImJustAnotherOkie

Number 1 plus number 2 equals number 3.


6 posted on 12/23/2013 4:08:49 PM PST by reg45 (Barack 0bama: Implementing class warfare by having no class.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

In #4 that was a quick thinking individual. Got himself out of a jam, and it took 3 days for them to figure it out...


7 posted on 12/23/2013 4:09:58 PM PST by Ouderkirk (To the left, everything must evidence that this or that strand of leftist theory is true)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

Bogus. To win a Darwin you have to die.

Correctamundo! that’s why you have one winner and nine runner ups.


8 posted on 12/23/2013 4:13:24 PM PST by Mastador1 (I'll take a bad dog over a good politician any day!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

“Bogus. To win a Darwin you have to die.”

It’s worth it.


9 posted on 12/23/2013 4:14:29 PM PST by Darteaus94025 (Can't have a Liberal without a Lie)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

I’ve heard of most of these before. Are you sure they are 2013’s?


10 posted on 12/23/2013 4:16:02 PM PST by Shimmer1 (don 't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

Or be effectively removed from the gene pool, so emasculation would count.


11 posted on 12/23/2013 4:16:54 PM PST by Axenolith (Government blows, and that which governs least, blows least...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: virgil283
They walk among us, they can reproduce.

No comment on that, but you might find this link interesting.

2005 Darwin Awards

Seems your list is a little old and not very accurate either.

12 posted on 12/23/2013 4:19:50 PM PST by ~Pandora
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

Too much.


13 posted on 12/23/2013 4:21:00 PM PST by Inyo-Mono (NRA)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Shimmer1

Sometimes they post.....

lol


14 posted on 12/23/2013 4:21:06 PM PST by ~Pandora
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

Technically, you have to have taken yourself out of the gene pool (lose the ability to reproduce), which usually means death, but they have had a few where the actions resulted in the the loss of their, ummm, equipment.


15 posted on 12/23/2013 4:23:20 PM PST by kaehurowing
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: virgil283
The website of the actual Darwin Awards is here.
16 posted on 12/23/2013 4:23:42 PM PST by Scoutmaster (I'd rather be at Philmont)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mastador1

That’s not how it works. This is just a list of morons.


17 posted on 12/23/2013 4:25:21 PM PST by Kirkwood (Zombie Hunter)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

agreed! BS List. You have to be REMOVED from the gene pool to make a Darwin Award.


18 posted on 12/23/2013 4:25:38 PM PST by halfright (FAST & FURIOUS! DON'T ALLOW THEM TO DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

19 posted on 12/23/2013 4:27:47 PM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283
6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15.

**************************

LOL!

20 posted on 12/23/2013 4:27:52 PM PST by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Kirkwood

Most of it is made up BS.

http://articles.latimes.com/2005/sep/18/local/me-only18

Valley Folklore Society Helps Shoot Down Another Urban Myth

September 18, 2005|Steve Harvey

Awidely circulated Internet list titled “2005 Darwin Awards” caught my eye with this item:

“When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, Calif., would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time, it worked.”

The item also caught the eye of the San Fernando Valley Folklore Society, debunker of urban myths on its snopes.com website. The society said it was unable to verify the unknown author’s item, or several others on the list, through “the news sources we routinely search.”

(The society also pointed out that the folks at DarwinAwards.com, authors of several books about documented fatal goofs, said they are not responsible for the above list.)

I phoned Long Beach police, who also said they had no record of the looking-down-the-barrel mishap.

There. I trust I’ve saved Long Beach’s honor.

excerpt


21 posted on 12/23/2013 4:29:28 PM PST by ~Pandora
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

#11 - Honorable mention: the idiot who applied “Darwin Awards” to this list.


22 posted on 12/23/2013 4:31:07 PM PST by ctdonath2 (Making good people helpless doesn't make bad people harmless.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BenLurkin


23 posted on 12/23/2013 4:32:53 PM PST by dfwgator
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: Kirkwood

That’s not how it works. This is just a list of morons.

“In the spirit of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species’ chances of long-term survival.”
“At-Risk Survivors
The stupidity displayed by the participants
in the following tales stops short of the ultimate
sacrifice, but we salute their spirit and innovation.”

So At-Risk Survivors, = AKA Runners Up


24 posted on 12/23/2013 4:35:42 PM PST by Mastador1 (I'll take a bad dog over a good politician any day!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: Mastador1

2013 Darwin Award

Lifetime Achievement Award or Honorable Mention should be “Obama Voters”


25 posted on 12/23/2013 4:37:25 PM PST by GeronL (Extra Large Cheesy Over-Stuffed Hobbit)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

An actor who made movies with fast cars jumped into one of the most unsafe fast cars ever built as a passenger, they took off and he was killed a few minutes later.


26 posted on 12/23/2013 4:38:11 PM PST by Venturer (Half Staff the Flag of the US for Terrorists.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

Well, only according to the blogger at the source link, as of 8/2013. Don’t know where he got his info, as there are no links supporting his post...

If you go to the real site (linked elsewhere here), they haven’t posted any yearly award lists since 2011....


27 posted on 12/23/2013 4:41:45 PM PST by LaRueLaDue
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake.


RV Waste Tanks don’t work that way. You’ve got an outlet and a valve. You attach the waste hose to the dump site, pull the valve and gravity/hydrodynamics does the rest.


28 posted on 12/23/2013 4:44:53 PM PST by Rides_A_Red_Horse (Why do you need a fire extinguisher when you can call the fire department?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

You have to die to be a real honoree of the DA.


29 posted on 12/23/2013 4:49:45 PM PST by mad_as_he$$
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

Several of these are retreads from old non-Darwinian feats.


30 posted on 12/23/2013 5:05:43 PM PST by Hootowl
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283
only one died, not much of an improvement to the gene pool...
31 posted on 12/23/2013 5:10:36 PM PST by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -vvv- NO Pity for the LAZY - 86-44)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Shimmer1

I have seen the video of the guy bouncing the brick off the window and knocking himself out... I saw that a few years back, actually... probably on Tosh.0.


32 posted on 12/23/2013 5:23:34 PM PST by Rodamala
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 10 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

I read the one about the guy trying to steal gas from a motor home’s sewage tank over 30 years ago.


33 posted on 12/23/2013 5:35:56 PM PST by Oshkalaboomboom
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: LaRueLaDue

Actually, for some reason they have hidden the last two years. But I squirreled around, and found the 2013 nominees.

So far, only two nominees, one confirmed as true:

http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin2013.html


34 posted on 12/23/2013 5:44:49 PM PST by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 27 | View Replies]

To: Ouderkirk

My thinking exactly.

He had a chance to take the bus back, to pick up his pay, and high-tail it out of town! Pretty clever, actually, in a highly thoughtless way.... Funny story, but not really a Darwin award. (Funny, of course, but not to those receiving free bus rides....)


35 posted on 12/23/2013 5:46:04 PM PST by Pete from Shawnee Mission
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

“They walk among us, they can reproduce. “

Worse; they vote.


36 posted on 12/23/2013 5:56:19 PM PST by rey
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

#8 has been around for years.

.


37 posted on 12/23/2013 6:02:13 PM PST by Mears
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

That's actually justifiable homocide.

38 posted on 12/23/2013 6:06:17 PM PST by Excellence (All your database are belong to us.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Cicero

yeah, I found those also, after I posted... It seems odd that there are only two. Perhaps they are saving the good ones for the book, and don’t make others available on their website.... }:^(


39 posted on 12/23/2013 6:13:07 PM PST by LaRueLaDue
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: Mastador1

Add Hugin to number 11. :-)


40 posted on 12/23/2013 6:44:34 PM PST by SgtHooper (If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

Really, it’s all about getting out of the genepool. These losers will probably have children.


41 posted on 12/23/2013 6:51:28 PM PST by theneanderthal
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: virgil283
When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

Why does this remind me of a certain half-wit presidential candidate?

42 posted on 12/23/2013 6:54:23 PM PST by who knows what evil? (G-d saved more animals than people on the ark...www.siameserescue.org.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: virgil283

Who ever put this list together is totally unclear on the Darwin Award concept. To be considered, the candidate must have successfully removed himself from the gene pool. An honorable mention may have survived, but made a worthy attempt.

Most of these simply do not come anywhere close. They do, however, demonstrate that with a little practice and some more lack of thought, they MAY, someday make the cut.


43 posted on 12/23/2013 7:43:09 PM PST by Swordmaker (This tag line is a Microsoft insult free zone... but if the insults to Mac users continue...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

Still funny


44 posted on 12/23/2013 7:52:23 PM PST by Duckdog (If it wasn't for NASCAR my TV would have gone out the window years ago!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: ImJustAnotherOkie

These are old stories I’ve heard many times over the years.


45 posted on 12/23/2013 8:16:56 PM PST by Tanniker Smith (Rome didn't fall in a day, either.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

You don’t gave to die if you remove yourself from the gene pool. And there have been exceptions for spectacularly stupid people who manage to survive.


46 posted on 12/23/2013 8:18:13 PM PST by Tanniker Smith (Rome didn't fall in a day, either.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Hugin

Numbers 1 and 10 look suspiciously recycled.


47 posted on 12/24/2013 3:42:39 AM PST by Enterprise ("Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." Voltaire)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson