Skip to comments.The 2013 Darwin Awards Are Out!
Posted on 12/23/2013 3:56:39 PM PST by virgil283
" 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasnt discovered for 3 days........
(Excerpt) Read more at jdgroover.wordpress.com ...
Yes, its that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here Is The Glorious Winner:
1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
And Now, The Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chefs claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer $15.
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that hed just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes, officer, thats her. Thats the lady I stole the purse from.
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldnt open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they werent available for breakfast The frustrated gunman walked away.
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor homes sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh hed ever had and the perp had been punished enough!
They walk among us, they can reproduce.
Number 10 should be Number 2. No pun intended.
Bogus. To win a Darwin you have to die.
We seem to be building a better grade of morons these days ;’)
Number 1 plus number 2 equals number 3.
In #4 that was a quick thinking individual. Got himself out of a jam, and it took 3 days for them to figure it out...
Bogus. To win a Darwin you have to die.
Correctamundo! that’s why you have one winner and nine runner ups.
“Bogus. To win a Darwin you have to die.”
It’s worth it.
I’ve heard of most of these before. Are you sure they are 2013’s?
Or be effectively removed from the gene pool, so emasculation would count.
No comment on that, but you might find this link interesting.
Seems your list is a little old and not very accurate either.
Sometimes they post.....
Technically, you have to have taken yourself out of the gene pool (lose the ability to reproduce), which usually means death, but they have had a few where the actions resulted in the the loss of their, ummm, equipment.
That’s not how it works. This is just a list of morons.
agreed! BS List. You have to be REMOVED from the gene pool to make a Darwin Award.
Most of it is made up BS.
Valley Folklore Society Helps Shoot Down Another Urban Myth
September 18, 2005|Steve Harvey
Awidely circulated Internet list titled “2005 Darwin Awards” caught my eye with this item:
“When his .38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, Calif., would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time, it worked.”
The item also caught the eye of the San Fernando Valley Folklore Society, debunker of urban myths on its snopes.com website. The society said it was unable to verify the unknown author’s item, or several others on the list, through “the news sources we routinely search.”
(The society also pointed out that the folks at DarwinAwards.com, authors of several books about documented fatal goofs, said they are not responsible for the above list.)
I phoned Long Beach police, who also said they had no record of the looking-down-the-barrel mishap.
There. I trust I’ve saved Long Beach’s honor.
#11 - Honorable mention: the idiot who applied “Darwin Awards” to this list.
Thats not how it works. This is just a list of morons.
“In the spirit of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards commemorate individuals who protect our gene pool by making the ultimate sacrifice of their own lives. Darwin Award winners eliminate themselves in an extraordinarily idiotic manner, thereby improving our species’ chances of long-term survival.”
The stupidity displayed by the participants
in the following tales stops short of the ultimate
sacrifice, but we salute their spirit and innovation.”
So At-Risk Survivors, = AKA Runners Up
2013 Darwin Award
Lifetime Achievement Award or Honorable Mention should be “Obama Voters”
An actor who made movies with fast cars jumped into one of the most unsafe fast cars ever built as a passenger, they took off and he was killed a few minutes later.
Well, only according to the blogger at the source link, as of 8/2013. Don’t know where he got his info, as there are no links supporting his post...
If you go to the real site (linked elsewhere here), they haven’t posted any yearly award lists since 2011....
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor homes sewage tank by mistake.
RV Waste Tanks don’t work that way. You’ve got an outlet and a valve. You attach the waste hose to the dump site, pull the valve and gravity/hydrodynamics does the rest.
You have to die to be a real honoree of the DA.
Several of these are retreads from old non-Darwinian feats.
I have seen the video of the guy bouncing the brick off the window and knocking himself out... I saw that a few years back, actually... probably on Tosh.0.
I read the one about the guy trying to steal gas from a motor home’s sewage tank over 30 years ago.
Actually, for some reason they have hidden the last two years. But I squirreled around, and found the 2013 nominees.
So far, only two nominees, one confirmed as true:
My thinking exactly.
He had a chance to take the bus back, to pick up his pay, and high-tail it out of town! Pretty clever, actually, in a highly thoughtless way.... Funny story, but not really a Darwin award. (Funny, of course, but not to those receiving free bus rides....)
“They walk among us, they can reproduce. “
Worse; they vote.
#8 has been around for years.
That's actually justifiable homocide.
yeah, I found those also, after I posted... It seems odd that there are only two. Perhaps they are saving the good ones for the book, and don’t make others available on their website.... }:^(
Add Hugin to number 11. :-)
Really, it’s all about getting out of the genepool. These losers will probably have children.
Why does this remind me of a certain half-wit presidential candidate?
Who ever put this list together is totally unclear on the Darwin Award concept. To be considered, the candidate must have successfully removed himself from the gene pool. An honorable mention may have survived, but made a worthy attempt.
Most of these simply do not come anywhere close. They do, however, demonstrate that with a little practice and some more lack of thought, they MAY, someday make the cut.
These are old stories I’ve heard many times over the years.
You don’t gave to die if you remove yourself from the gene pool. And there have been exceptions for spectacularly stupid people who manage to survive.
Numbers 1 and 10 look suspiciously recycled.