Thank you for posting that, and for being alive. I thank your wonderful mother too.
In November 2009 I was asked if I wanted feeding and breathing assistance for my wife after she had a massive “bleeder” stroke. I was told she would be severely disabled (and she is). I was offered the option of the assistance or to disconnect everything and “let nature take its course”. I took the assistance for her, and she is alive.
She lives with paralysis and a lot of pain. Some days she is angry at me for not letting her go. Most days she’s glad.
I broke my back wne I was four (not paralyzed, thank G-d) and it’s been a hard road.
For me there have always been just three things that have set me on edge.
1) Pain. Chronic, horrible pain. If that’s under control, my life is livable.
2) Feeling like a burden. Like I’m not pulling my own weight. Like the people I love would be better off without me. (They’ve made it very clear that this is not the case.) So I give as much as I can and try very hard to (at least!) be a kind, supportive person.
3) Feeling like I’m useless. A person needs a purpose. So I’ve started writing. That’s something I can do. As long as I’m working toward something, I’ve got something to live for.
I have no idea what condition your wife is in, but it sounds like ‘she’ is very aware. We all need to have a purpose.
Please check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joni_Eareckson_Tada
Paralyzed from the neck down, she writes, paints, and has a ministry.
With today’s technology, people can paint with only their eyes. http://gizmodo.com/5403741/eyewriter-allows-man-to-paint-despite-paralysis
If she’s in too much pain, she needs a new doctor and stronger meds.
I’m still struggling, but I’m happy (for the most part). Even happier now that I have a real hobby. Hubby’s happy that I’m happy and productive.
(If you ever want to talk, I’m here)
She lives with paralysis and a lot of pain. Some days she is angry at me for not letting her go. Most days shes glad.
Your wife is blessed to have a husband who loves her so much.