Skip to comments.Pressure to have fantasy wedding threatening marriage, warns Rowan Williams
Posted on 01/13/2014 5:42:05 AM PST by C19fan
The growing pressure on couples to have a perfect wedding has become one of the biggest threats to marriage itself, the former Archbishop of Canterbury, Lord Williams, has warned. He told an audience which included a clutch of divorce lawyers that young people are now faced with an immense offensive by advertisers and others driven by profit to have a showy and expensive day - often to the detriment of their relationship itself. Getting married, he said, had become an experience to be marketed, rather than simply a public declaration of commitment. It has, he added, turned weddings into massively fantastical events, which leave the day-to-day reality of married life looking decidedly dull by comparison.
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I’d say a squishy, secular church that embraces any type of relationship and provides no firm standards or guidance is much more of a problem, you tree-hugging fool.
Actually, in this I think he is right. Kids will almost bankrupt their parents to have a day that “unforgettable” but actually the lead up is disastrous. It should be a day of joy with nice clothes and nice flowers and lots of friends celebrating and not an affair that takes years to pay off and will almost certainly cause problems for the couple that can be quite serious.
I agree - the stopped clock is finally right.
I don’t trust these expensive, over-the-top weddings with weird traditions (like smashing cake into the bride’s face!) I still remember Joan River’s daughter’s insane wedding. Her marriage lasted about as long as they could roll out the Viennese table.
The Wedding Industry is one of the biggest rackets going.
I also find big second weddings off putting.
And for that matter, big weddings for older folks (over 30) to be off putting, too.
My youngest daughter is getting married this July....she has a budget that I will pay for...believe me....it’s under 5K...not a penny more...
She had much bigger plans until she realized she would be on the hook for it.....her fiancee brought her down to earth....
My biggest beef is now my DVR loaded up with these stupid wedding shows...
I could save the average couple 1000’s if they only listened to my advice, and they would have a nearly identical event to what they had originally planned.
Biggest cost savings - do your own food - this would save most couples 3-5 thousand dollars alone. I have no idea why everyone feels they must have their event catered. Catered food isn't even that great.
Buy your flowers wholesale and make your own arrangements based on favorite pictures of flower arrangements you like. This would save around 1-2 thousand more.
Cut your guest list down to a more reasonable size. No you don't need invite your dads insurance agent! This will save on EVERYTHING from venue size needs to the number of people feed to the number of chairs, tables, and centerpieces needed. EVERYTHING about cost is tied to size.
I’ve often said that the length of the marriage in inversely proportional to the anount of money spent on it.
I agree with you that this fool is right here.
Amazes me how much time, effort, and money go into the “big day”. I have said for a long time that the bride often puts much more thought into that one party than she does into her marriage. So much shallowness out there.
I’ve heard couples (well, mostly the women) say they won’t get married until they can “afford it.” Meaning afford the overblown party. Most are already living together and many have children! The huge amount of money is better used as a house down payment. Or paying down student loans. Or saving for college for your kids. Have a nice wedding? Sure. Spend tens of thousands of dollars on it? Crazy. And if one little thing goes wrong, they’re devastated.
Excellent point. It is 90% the female who is into this. I doubt many guys give a hoot.
My daughter worked some years as a wedding videographer and has some astonishing stories about tantrums thrown by brides when the wedding did not EXACTLY match up with their fantasy. Also the brides' mothers.
A great deal of this was based on competition, wanting to one-up their "friends."
Meanwhile the grooms and fathers of the brides were just trying to stay out of the line of fire. LOL
I agree completely. Brides drive themselves to the point of distraction planning the "perfect" wedding. It's ridiculous.
Also, I don't have much patience with the "it's MY day!" stuff taken to an extreme, which is sometimes the case in this self-centered society. I hope those brides are able to switch gears really fast, because AFTER that day, it's not about them anymore.
“My daughter worked some years as a wedding videographer and has some astonishing stories about tantrums thrown by brides when the wedding did not EXACTLY match up with their fantasy. Also the brides’ mothers.”
Amen to that! I was Wedding Coordinator at a 5-star resort in Hawaii and I’m still shaking my head 20 years later. 95% of the weddings were for non-locals so most planning was done via phone and mail (email wasn’t big then). Sometimes I didn’t meet the players until a day or two before the wedding.
Speaking of fantasies: One bride demanded a nosegay to carry. Arranged it. After the wedding she was livid because she was “supposed to look like Audrey Hepburn”, and the nosegay was supposed to make that happen via magic. The chick was blond and fat. Sometimes the mothers would create absolute chaos, although many couples were running to Hawaii to avoid families’ interference.
Five-star resort. Hawaii. The money spent was decadent.
What are the chances that a bride who has unrealistic fantasies about the wedding that she insists come true will have similar fantasies about the marriage?
The most important thing about your wedding day is you are going to make vows (promises) to each other in front of God, your family, and your friends. The rest is window dressing that ought to complement your vows.
It should be noted similar extravagance is common in many societies around the world. But in most of those it’s a way for the families to strut their status, not just the bride.
Next time I get married for a Zylogarian, I am NOT using YOUR services!!!
Very true; it isn't likely to happen.
Or, it IS likely to happen.
Not enough coffee
Not for our species. we Zelorians have 4 separate sexes. In order for Zelorians to procreate, we needed need the Trok, which serves as a place to plant the Motroy. The Trok genetalia consists of something vaguely resembling a catchers mitt. The Ponufti must take his/her lopki, which looks like two spheres suspended on a y-fork stick, and twirl them around the the Yepmens morglot, which looks like a spiral pig tail. These actions cause the spontaneous emission of Frogni Vapors, in which is the building blocks of the Motroy. That is where this Forshund came in.
It is always the Trok and the Forshund that are involved in the wedding planning.
I think that is excellent, much-needed advice.
I hope it might also serve to remind brides that they shouldn’t be looking for “sexy” dresses. Keep the sexy dresses for clubbing; find something appropriate to take your vows in a house of God.
She's quite frugal with her own money.
Biggest cost savings, which my daughter discovered: tell the hall you are going to have a “party” rather than a “wedding reception”. Wedding halls will want you to use their own food. If it’s a party, you can bring in your own caterer.
A friend once told his prospective bride:
"I'll pay for it. I MIGHT even show up for it. Do not ask me to be involved in the planning of it".
Meanwhile the grooms and fathers of the brides were just trying to stay out of the line of fire.
Oh, I am sure....
Also, I don’t have much patience with the “it’s MY day!” stuff taken to an extreme, which is sometimes the case in this self-centered society. I hope those brides are able to switch gears really fast, because AFTER that day, it’s not about them anymore.
Yes, they do take it to an extreme. Based on all the whining I hear, I suspect they do not switch gears.
White weddings for second and third marriages! Think Liza Minnelli & Liz Taylor.
Older folks is over 30 ?
For purposes of a big white wedding, yes.
I’m over 30, never been married. Why should I be penalized and made to feel like my wedding is lesser to someone between 18-30 ?
Not penalized. I just find it off putting.
But why would you find it off-putting ? You’d have a point if this were someone (over 30, or even under, for that matter) who were marrying a second time or more, but for someone over 30 who is only getting married for the first time, it doesn’t make sense. Some people aren’t able to find someone before 30 and get to the altar.
Oh I understand that. I just find folks approaching middle age in an over the top wedding to be in poor taste.