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Opera singer ‘can’t work’ over uncontrollable flatulence
New York Post ^ | January 27, 2014 | David K. Li

Posted on 01/27/2014 7:36:56 PM PST by ConservativeStatement

An opera diva claims her career might be over — because she can’t belt out big notes without passing gas.

Singer Amy Herbst is suing an Army hospital over allegedly botching a procedure that’s forced her off stage with chronic incontinence and flatulence.

The opera performer and her hubby, US Army Staff Sgt. James Herbst, are plaintiffs in the federal complaint against Fort Campbell’s Blachfiled Army Community Hospital in Kentucky.

(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...


TOPICS: Music/Entertainment
KEYWORDS: army; flatulence; gas; lawsuit; opera
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Mason Williams had Classical Gas.
1 posted on 01/27/2014 7:36:56 PM PST by ConservativeStatement
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To: ConservativeStatement

2 posted on 01/27/2014 7:39:52 PM PST by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious! We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone!)
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To: ConservativeStatement

How bad is it? Are we talking ‘most people on the elevator will not notice’, ‘Oh the humanity!’ or, ‘the world now has one less atoll.’


3 posted on 01/27/2014 7:40:49 PM PST by posterchild
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To: ConservativeStatement; a fool in paradise; Slings and Arrows

4 posted on 01/27/2014 7:41:08 PM PST by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious! We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone!)
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To: ConservativeStatement
Mason Williams had Classical Gas.

And if your old enough to remember, like me, the flip side of that 45 was "Long Time Blues". A rather prophetic little disc that, no?

5 posted on 01/27/2014 7:42:42 PM PST by Mastador1 (I'll take a bad dog over a good politician any day!)
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To: ConservativeStatement
Mason Williams had Classical Gas.

And his day job was comedy writer. I'm series.

6 posted on 01/27/2014 7:45:55 PM PST by Moonman62 (The US has become a government with a country, rather than a country with a government.)
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To: ConservativeStatement

She sounds perfectly prepared for a new career in national politics.


7 posted on 01/27/2014 7:50:25 PM PST by faithhopecharity (C)
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To: ConservativeStatement

She especially has to avoid compositions in the Major Flat's ...

8 posted on 01/27/2014 7:52:23 PM PST by mikrofon (Sharp Smells)
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To: ConservativeStatement

Benjamin Franklin
to The Royal Academy of Brussels
1781

GENTLEMEN,

I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year, viz. “Une figure quelconque donnee, on demande d’y inscrire le plus grand nombre de fois possible une autre figure plus-petite quelconque, qui est aussi donnee”. I was glad to find by these following Words, “l’Acadeemie a jugee que cette deecouverte, en eetendant les bornes de nos connoissances, ne seroit pas sans UTILITE”, that you esteem Utility an essential Point in your Enquiries, which has not always been the case with all Academies; and I conclude therefore that you have given this Question instead of a philosophical, or as the Learned express it, a physical one, because you could not at the time think of a physical one that promis’d greater Utility.

Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age.

It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.

That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it.

That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.

That so retain’d contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.

Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses.

My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mix’d with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.

That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying that Smell. He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company can tolerate; while he that has lived for some Time on Vegetables only, shall have that Breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate Noses; and if he can manage so as to avoid the Report, he may any where give Vent to his Griefs, unnoticed. But as there are many to whom an entire Vegetable Diet would be inconvenient, and as a little Quick-Lime thrown into a Jakes will correct the amazing Quantity of fetid Air arising from the vast Mass of putrid Matter contain’d in such Places, and render it rather pleasing to the Smell, who knows but that a little Powder of Lime (or some other thing equivalent) taken in our Food, or perhaps a Glass of Limewater drank at Dinner, may have the same Effect on the Air produc’d in and issuing from our Bowels? This is worth the Experiment. Certain it is also that we have the Power of changing by slight Means the Smell of another Discharge, that of our Water. A few Stems of Asparagus eaten, shall give our Urine a disagreable Odour; and a Pill of Turpentine no bigger than a Pea, shall bestow on it the pleasing Smell of Violets. And why should it be thought more impossible in Nature, to find Means of making a Perfume of our Wind than of our Water?

For the Encouragement of this Enquiry, (from the immortal Honour to be reasonably expected by the Inventor) let it be considered of how small Importance to Mankind, or to how small a Part of Mankind have been useful those Discoveries in Science that have heretofore made Philosophers famous. Are there twenty Men in Europe at this Day, the happier, or even the easier, for any Knowledge they have pick’d out of Aristotle? What Comfort can the Vortices of Descartes give to a Man who has Whirlwinds in his Bowels! The Knowledge of Newton’s mutual Attraction of the Particles of Matter, can it afford Ease to him who is rack’d by their mutual Repulsion, and the cruel Distensions it occasions? The Pleasure arising to a few Philosophers, from seeing, a few Times in their Life, the Threads of Light untwisted, and separated by the Newtonian Prism into seven Colours, can it be compared with the Ease and Comfort every Man living might feel seven times a Day, by discharging freely the Wind from his Bowels? Especially if it be converted into a Perfume: For the Pleasures of one Sense being little inferior to those of another, instead of pleasing the Sight he might delight the Smell of those about him, & make Numbers happy, which to a benevolent Mind must afford infinite Satisfaction. The generous Soul, who now endeavours to find out whether the Friends he entertains like best Claret or Burgundy, Champagne or Madeira, would then enquire also whether they chose Musk or Lilly, Rose or Bergamot, and provide accordingly. And surely such a Liberty of Expressing one’s Scent-iments, and pleasing one another, is of infinitely more Importance to human Happiness than that Liberty of the Press, or of abusing one another, which the English are so ready to fight & die for. — In short, this Invention, if compleated, would be, as Bacon expresses it, bringing Philosophy home to Mens Business and Bosoms. And I cannot but conclude, that in Comparison therewith, for universal and continual UTILITY, the Science of the Philosophers above-mentioned, even with the Addition, Gentlemen, of your “Figure quelconque” and the Figures inscrib’d in it, are, all together, scarcely worth a

FART-HING.

http://teachingamericanhistory.org/library/document/to-the-royal-academy-of-farting/


9 posted on 01/27/2014 7:55:58 PM PST by wonkowasright (Wonko from outside the asylum)
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To: ConservativeStatement

Why, she could be the biggest thing since Le Pétomane!


10 posted on 01/27/2014 8:03:30 PM PST by Trod Upon (Every penny given to film and TV media companies goes right into enemy coffers. Starve them out!)
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To: Trod Upon
This, plus operatic singing could be the winning formula for next year's GRAMMYS!


11 posted on 01/27/2014 8:05:39 PM PST by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious! We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone!)
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To: ConservativeStatement

Then maybe she should eat beans the musical fruit and learn to modulate it.


12 posted on 01/27/2014 8:05:43 PM PST by The_Media_never_lie (The media must be defeated any way it can be done.)
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To: ConservativeStatement

“Put a cork in it!”


13 posted on 01/27/2014 8:06:52 PM PST by Alex Murphy ("the defacto Leader of the FR Calvinist Protestant Brigades")
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To: ConservativeStatement

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/3116394/posts


14 posted on 01/27/2014 8:08:22 PM PST by Drango (A liberal's compassion is limited only by the size of someone else's wallet.)
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To: Drango

Must be something in the air.


15 posted on 01/27/2014 8:09:20 PM PST by ConservativeStatement ("World Peace 1.20.09.")
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To: ConservativeStatement; a fool in paradise
PAGING Mr Benny Hill to Scatological Thread!


16 posted on 01/27/2014 8:10:51 PM PST by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious! We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone!)
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To: ConservativeStatement
She could be the next White House Press Secretary and just sing real high when any of the reporters asks her a question.

They wouldn't even notice Carney had left...!

17 posted on 01/27/2014 8:12:34 PM PST by Mad Dawgg (If you're going to deny my 1st Amendment rights then I must proceed to the 2nd one...)
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To: Revolting cat!

Gotta love the Nehru jacket!


18 posted on 01/27/2014 8:16:55 PM PST by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; me = independent conservative)
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To: ConservativeStatement

I’m almost DEAD certain Anna Netrebko has never had this problem...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz7Gbalk98

Sigh...


19 posted on 01/27/2014 8:20:07 PM PST by bolobaby
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To: ConservativeStatement

Mercy, what a maroon. Taking probiotics on an empty stomach for a week, while removing all breads and yeast related products from diet, and limiting to near zero ANY sugar intake will cure the problem. ... Sheesh!


20 posted on 01/27/2014 8:20:13 PM PST by MHGinTN (Being deceived can be cured.)
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To: ConservativeStatement

21 posted on 01/27/2014 8:27:34 PM PST by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: ConservativeStatement

Where does it say one is not allowed to fart while singing opera? What’s the big deal?


22 posted on 01/27/2014 8:30:36 PM PST by FlingWingFlyer (ObamaCare. The "global warming" of healthcare plans.)
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To: wonkowasright

I certainly enjoyed that. Thanks for posting it.


23 posted on 01/27/2014 8:35:23 PM PST by definitelynotaliberal (Go, Cruz! Go!)
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Maybe they can work in a trombone part. Something in the Mingus genre...


24 posted on 01/27/2014 8:38:11 PM PST by Gene Eric (Don't be a statist!)
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To: ConservativeStatement

A strategically placed pilot light might be of some use. Burn it off before it gets too far.


25 posted on 01/27/2014 8:40:36 PM PST by ChildOfThe60s ((If you can remember the 60s.....you weren't really there)
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To: ConservativeStatement
Gives new meaning to the old joke about opera, “It ain't over till the fat lady sings or ................".
26 posted on 01/27/2014 8:46:32 PM PST by The Cajun (Sarah Palin, Mark Levin, Ted Cruz, Mike Lee, Louie Gohmert......Nuff said.)
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To: ConservativeStatement

If she can fart on key, what’s the problem?


27 posted on 01/27/2014 8:52:40 PM PST by beethovenfan (If Islam is the solution, the "problem" must be freedom.)
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To: Revolting cat!

That’s benny HINN.


28 posted on 01/27/2014 8:54:45 PM PST by beethovenfan (If Islam is the solution, the "problem" must be freedom.)
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To: Jack Hydrazine

I had a few Nerhu collared shirts back then. That’s one of the few styles that has never come back into fashion.


29 posted on 01/27/2014 8:58:35 PM PST by lee martell
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To: ConservativeStatement

Too many ignorant dumba__es on this FR page.

A botched episiotomy is nothing to laugh at.

In fact, it’s a terrible experience that *NONE* of you would wish for.


30 posted on 01/27/2014 9:11:53 PM PST by First_Salute (May God save our democratic-republican government, from a government by judiciary.)
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To: lee martell

If you start wearing them maybe others will follow your lead!


31 posted on 01/27/2014 9:13:18 PM PST by Jack Hydrazine (Pubbies = national collectivists; Dems = international collectivists; me = independent conservative)
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To: ConservativeStatement

Couldn’t the whole problem be resolved with a wind screen on her microphone. Oops! I meant a breaking wind screen.


32 posted on 01/27/2014 10:01:28 PM PST by cquiggy
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To: FlingWingFlyer

I was thinking they might be wet farts which would pose a problem.


33 posted on 01/27/2014 10:08:44 PM PST by GreatRoad (O < 0)
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To: FlingWingFlyer

I was thinking they might be wet farts which would pose a problem.


34 posted on 01/27/2014 10:38:05 PM PST by GreatRoad (O < 0)
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To: GreatRoad; MinuteGal

Just as long as she can fart on key.


35 posted on 01/27/2014 10:41:25 PM PST by flaglady47 (Proud Conservative Republican)
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To: The_Media_never_lie; MinuteGal

Are her farts sharp or flat? It could make a difference, depending on your proximity to the stage.


36 posted on 01/27/2014 10:46:59 PM PST by flaglady47 (Proud Conservative Republican)
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To: ConservativeStatement

VOOOOOOOOOOOOO-LA-RE....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXRby61yER0


37 posted on 01/27/2014 10:55:25 PM PST by dfwgator
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To: Mastador1

Some strange stuff on the album ... ‘The Prince’s Panties’ comes immediately to mind.


38 posted on 01/27/2014 11:44:43 PM PST by Qiviut (It's hard to be a donk if you're sane & it's hard to be a pubbie if you have any integrity.)
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To: dfwgator

Lordy, lordy..hysterical..Where is that from?...


39 posted on 01/28/2014 5:27:17 AM PST by ken5050 (This space available cheap...)
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To: Revolting cat!

LOL!


40 posted on 01/28/2014 5:38:27 AM PST by sauropod (Fat Bottomed Girl: "What difference, at this point, does it make?")
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To: Revolting cat!; Slings and Arrows
Wasn't Uncontrollable Flatulence the biggest hit DEVO ever had?


41 posted on 01/28/2014 5:48:46 AM PST by a fool in paradise ("Health care is too important to be left to the government.")
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To: posterchild

Opera, it ain’t over till the fat lady toots!


42 posted on 01/28/2014 5:49:55 AM PST by a fool in paradise ("Health care is too important to be left to the government.")
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To: faithhopecharity

She’s retiring with a questionable disability claim. She has a career in law enforcement ahead of her.


43 posted on 01/28/2014 5:50:42 AM PST by a fool in paradise ("Health care is too important to be left to the government.")
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To: lee martell; Revolting cat!
I had a few Nerhu collared shirts back then. That’s one of the few styles that has never come back into fashion.

OBVIOUSLY you are one of the few FReepers who hasn't had to follow his job to India.

44 posted on 01/28/2014 5:52:36 AM PST by a fool in paradise ("Health care is too important to be left to the government.")
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To: flaglady47; Revolting cat!
Are her farts sharp or flat?

They are SO sharp they can cut through London fog.


45 posted on 01/28/2014 5:56:18 AM PST by a fool in paradise ("Health care is too important to be left to the government.")
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To: dfwgator

If nothing else, ELO could write a new verse for a modernized version of “Rockaria.”


46 posted on 01/28/2014 5:56:33 AM PST by ConservativeStatement ("World Peace 1.20.09.")
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To: ken5050

Hollywood Knights, one of the funniest movies ever made.


47 posted on 01/28/2014 7:12:24 AM PST by dfwgator
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To: FlingWingFlyer

If an opera singer farted, how could you even tell? /art critic


48 posted on 01/28/2014 9:26:27 AM PST by TexasRepublic (Socialism is the gospel of envy and the religion of thieves)
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To: ConservativeStatement

“The opera ain’t over until the fat lady.....”


49 posted on 01/28/2014 9:33:00 AM PST by GreenHornet
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To: beethovenfan

Captain, we PINGed Benny Hill, not you Captain Obvious!


50 posted on 01/28/2014 9:37:56 AM PST by Revolting cat! (Bad things are wrong! Ice cream is delicious! We reserve the right to serve refuse to anyone!)
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