Skip to comments.Opera singer ‘can’t work’ over uncontrollable flatulence
Posted on 01/27/2014 7:36:56 PM PST by ConservativeStatement
An opera diva claims her career might be over because she cant belt out big notes without passing gas.
Singer Amy Herbst is suing an Army hospital over allegedly botching a procedure thats forced her off stage with chronic incontinence and flatulence.
The opera performer and her hubby, US Army Staff Sgt. James Herbst, are plaintiffs in the federal complaint against Fort Campbells Blachfiled Army Community Hospital in Kentucky.
(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
How bad is it? Are we talking ‘most people on the elevator will not notice’, ‘Oh the humanity!’ or, ‘the world now has one less atoll.’
And if your old enough to remember, like me, the flip side of that 45 was "Long Time Blues". A rather prophetic little disc that, no?
And his day job was comedy writer. I'm series.
She sounds perfectly prepared for a new career in national politics.
She especially has to avoid compositions in the Major Flat's ...
to The Royal Academy of Brussels
I have perused your late mathematical Prize Question, proposed in lieu of one in Natural Philosophy, for the ensuing year, viz. Une figure quelconque donnee, on demande dy inscrire le plus grand nombre de fois possible une autre figure plus-petite quelconque, qui est aussi donnee. I was glad to find by these following Words, lAcadeemie a jugee que cette deecouverte, en eetendant les bornes de nos connoissances, ne seroit pas sans UTILITE, that you esteem Utility an essential Point in your Enquiries, which has not always been the case with all Academies; and I conclude therefore that you have given this Question instead of a philosophical, or as the Learned express it, a physical one, because you could not at the time think of a physical one that promisd greater Utility.
Permit me then humbly to propose one of that sort for your consideration, and through you, if you approve it, for the serious Enquiry of learned Physicians, Chemists, &c. of this enlightened Age.
It is universally well known, That in digesting our common Food, there is created or produced in the Bowels of human Creatures, a great Quantity of Wind.
That the permitting this Air to escape and mix with the Atmosphere, is usually offensive to the Company, from the fetid Smell that accompanies it.
That all well-bred People therefore, to avoid giving such Offence, forcibly restrain the Efforts of Nature to discharge that Wind.
That so retaind contrary to Nature, it not only gives frequently great present Pain, but occasions future Diseases, such as habitual Cholics, Ruptures, Tympanies, &c. often destructive of the Constitution, & sometimes of Life itself.
Were it not for the odiously offensive Smell accompanying such Escapes, polite People would probably be under no more Restraint in discharging such Wind in Company, than they are in spitting, or in blowing their Noses.
My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug wholesome & not disagreable, to be mixd with our common Food, or Sauces, that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes.
That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations. That we already have some Knowledge of Means capable of Varying that Smell. He that dines on stale Flesh, especially with much Addition of Onions, shall be able to afford a Stink that no Company can tolerate; while he that has lived for some Time on Vegetables only, shall have that Breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate Noses; and if he can manage so as to avoid the Report, he may any where give Vent to his Griefs, unnoticed. But as there are many to whom an entire Vegetable Diet would be inconvenient, and as a little Quick-Lime thrown into a Jakes will correct the amazing Quantity of fetid Air arising from the vast Mass of putrid Matter containd in such Places, and render it rather pleasing to the Smell, who knows but that a little Powder of Lime (or some other thing equivalent) taken in our Food, or perhaps a Glass of Limewater drank at Dinner, may have the same Effect on the Air producd in and issuing from our Bowels? This is worth the Experiment. Certain it is also that we have the Power of changing by slight Means the Smell of another Discharge, that of our Water. A few Stems of Asparagus eaten, shall give our Urine a disagreable Odour; and a Pill of Turpentine no bigger than a Pea, shall bestow on it the pleasing Smell of Violets. And why should it be thought more impossible in Nature, to find Means of making a Perfume of our Wind than of our Water?
For the Encouragement of this Enquiry, (from the immortal Honour to be reasonably expected by the Inventor) let it be considered of how small Importance to Mankind, or to how small a Part of Mankind have been useful those Discoveries in Science that have heretofore made Philosophers famous. Are there twenty Men in Europe at this Day, the happier, or even the easier, for any Knowledge they have pickd out of Aristotle? What Comfort can the Vortices of Descartes give to a Man who has Whirlwinds in his Bowels! The Knowledge of Newtons mutual Attraction of the Particles of Matter, can it afford Ease to him who is rackd by their mutual Repulsion, and the cruel Distensions it occasions? The Pleasure arising to a few Philosophers, from seeing, a few Times in their Life, the Threads of Light untwisted, and separated by the Newtonian Prism into seven Colours, can it be compared with the Ease and Comfort every Man living might feel seven times a Day, by discharging freely the Wind from his Bowels? Especially if it be converted into a Perfume: For the Pleasures of one Sense being little inferior to those of another, instead of pleasing the Sight he might delight the Smell of those about him, & make Numbers happy, which to a benevolent Mind must afford infinite Satisfaction. The generous Soul, who now endeavours to find out whether the Friends he entertains like best Claret or Burgundy, Champagne or Madeira, would then enquire also whether they chose Musk or Lilly, Rose or Bergamot, and provide accordingly. And surely such a Liberty of Expressing ones Scent-iments, and pleasing one another, is of infinitely more Importance to human Happiness than that Liberty of the Press, or of abusing one another, which the English are so ready to fight & die for. In short, this Invention, if compleated, would be, as Bacon expresses it, bringing Philosophy home to Mens Business and Bosoms. And I cannot but conclude, that in Comparison therewith, for universal and continual UTILITY, the Science of the Philosophers above-mentioned, even with the Addition, Gentlemen, of your Figure quelconque and the Figures inscribd in it, are, all together, scarcely worth a
Why, she could be the biggest thing since Le Pétomane!
Then maybe she should eat beans the musical fruit and learn to modulate it.
“Put a cork in it!”
Must be something in the air.
They wouldn't even notice Carney had left...!
Gotta love the Nehru jacket!
I’m almost DEAD certain Anna Netrebko has never had this problem...
Mercy, what a maroon. Taking probiotics on an empty stomach for a week, while removing all breads and yeast related products from diet, and limiting to near zero ANY sugar intake will cure the problem. ... Sheesh!
Where does it say one is not allowed to fart while singing opera? What’s the big deal?
I certainly enjoyed that. Thanks for posting it.
Maybe they can work in a trombone part. Something in the Mingus genre...
A strategically placed pilot light might be of some use. Burn it off before it gets too far.
If she can fart on key, what’s the problem?
That’s benny HINN.
I had a few Nerhu collared shirts back then. That’s one of the few styles that has never come back into fashion.
Too many ignorant dumba__es on this FR page.
A botched episiotomy is nothing to laugh at.
In fact, it’s a terrible experience that *NONE* of you would wish for.
If you start wearing them maybe others will follow your lead!
Couldn’t the whole problem be resolved with a wind screen on her microphone. Oops! I meant a breaking wind screen.
I was thinking they might be wet farts which would pose a problem.
I was thinking they might be wet farts which would pose a problem.
Just as long as she can fart on key.
Are her farts sharp or flat? It could make a difference, depending on your proximity to the stage.
Some strange stuff on the album ... ‘The Prince’s Panties’ comes immediately to mind.
Lordy, lordy..hysterical..Where is that from?...
Opera, it ain’t over till the fat lady toots!
She’s retiring with a questionable disability claim. She has a career in law enforcement ahead of her.
OBVIOUSLY you are one of the few FReepers who hasn't had to follow his job to India.
They are SO sharp they can cut through London fog.
If nothing else, ELO could write a new verse for a modernized version of “Rockaria.”
Hollywood Knights, one of the funniest movies ever made.
If an opera singer farted, how could you even tell? /art critic
“The opera ain’t over until the fat lady.....”
Captain, we PINGed Benny Hill, not you Captain Obvious!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.