Skip to comments.Prayers and support needed from my fellow freepers.
Posted on 02/04/2014 5:28:37 PM PST by GunHoardingCapitalist
I will give you the back story first.
Almost 6 years ago I was in a very dark time in my life, depression and alcohol abuse was ruining my life. I had planned to end it all, and God came to me and told me not to give up, and that he was sending me someone that will change my life forever. A few weeks passed and a sporting event that I have worked since 1998 came up. I was in a transitional stage of giving up the bottle, and then I met this annoying little 14 year old, couldn't stand her, she wanted to hang around me all the time, me being 30 I felt it was improper and tried avoiding her, after the first day we were friends, and she told me her life story, her father was never there for her and her mom was quite distant, this girl had no adult guidance and was on the fast track to getting pregnant and dropping out (she recently confessed to me that she had a miscarrage when she was 15). After that week I realized that this is the one he had sent for me, and we developed a father-daughter bond that only strengthened with each following year. She went on to graduate with full honors and a full scholarship but lost it when her mother became pregnant and had her become the full time babysitter. I managed to talk her back into college, and from becoming a stripper. I recently moved my whole life 200 miles for a better job and to also be closer to her. Since meeting her my life has gotten better every day, my depression is gone, I no longer crave alcohol (I still drink but not to excess), and I have completely opened my heart to God.
Last Saturday God came to me again and told me that I would be tested. I was introduced to her new boyfriend on our usual Sunday breakfast, and she told me her mom kicked her out over him, so she has been staying with him. She is now 19, he is 33, mind you, I am 35. He lives with 3 other room mates, has no transportation and works a dead end minimum wage job in the food court of the college she attends. As you can imagine I am not happy.
I was mad at her at first, but soon realized, she is young, he should know better, apparently he knows no guilt or shame and does not have a moral conscience. That is what terrifies me most, so I asked for guidance. I was told that I must sit on the sidelines and watch as she falls, this is a test of my faith and of my convictions. Because someone will need to be there to pick her back up, she cannot learn to be humble without first knowing humility, and though she has abandoned others, others have not abandoned her.
Any prayers you can give me to keep the path would be helpful. Thank you and God bless.
im in for a group hug
Prayers for your guidance and STRENGTH to persevere.
My Prayers go up for you, my FRiend.
May God Grant you Wisdom, perseverance, and protection, in Jesus Name.
Google ‘Stephen Ministry’ and find a prayer partner in a church near you — someone to be with you in a difficult time. May you feel the Lord’s power and strength.
Never care about someone’s situation more than they do. She is 19, you are 35. Let her live her young life and learn from her bad decisions.
We all had to do it.
My son was a great kid until he was 16 when he left home, dropped out of school, got his girlfriend pregnant, on drugs etc. When he left we wished him well and told him we loved him and that he was always welcome as long as he didn’t drink or smoke.
He was 10 when we quit drinking. At 19 he had his own GED, enlisted in the Marines and was soon the same kid we knew.
My grand daughter is 19 and lives with a guy 27 but he has good job.
If it was me, I would have a serious talk with her to tell her what you know of life, be sure she knows where she is going with hers and give her the benefit of your years, then let it go. When she turned 18 she is her own person and goes her own way, you have to let go.
Whoa....you are waaaay too emotionally involved with this woman...girl?Although your intentions may be very honorable.
A nineteen yr old young woman does not need a 35 yr old guy to “be there if she falls”, whatever that means.It is time that if this young girl has problems in relationships she needs a therapist, not a 35 yr old man who is not related to her. This girl is confused enough. Perhaps a Christian woman would be more appropriate.
i would steer her to a church group, female prefferable and connect her to a good Christian counselor or female mentor.
It is often very difficult to help somebody else. Just keep faith and do your best. Sometimes, as you’ve experienced, failures are later followed by successes. One step back and then later maybe two steps forward. You can do it.
I can see him the age difference and her new legal status as an adult make thus situation offputting or upsetting.
However, she’s 19 and now it’s time to learn about life.
If you could provide a better environment that would be nice or even ideal.
Gonna have to let her live with choices and consequences.
How did Solomon get wise?
I followed your life and did the opposite of everything you did.
Things turned out great.
I’ve been meaning to say this for years but....Thanks....
Hand me the bong.
Then that is what you must do.
Because someone will need to be there to pick her back up,
And you must be there for her at that point.
It'll be a rough ride for all involved, but the hard won lessons are valuable because of the journey to earn them.
I'll keep the both of you (and come to think of it, him too) in my thoughts and prayers.
My daughter got involved with drugs a few years ago and I could do nothing to stop her. I finally ended up watching her hit bottom and then picked up her pieces. She went to jail and rehab and came out clean.
Sadly she started using again so it was back to rehab. I did what I had to do and picked up the pieces each time. A father’s love knows no limits. Keep watching and trying to talk sense into her. Tell her all the possible consequences of each of her actions. Never give up!
Cheech and Chong style???
I think that your guidance to not interfere is meant regarding her relationship, since she most likely wouldn’t take advice at this point and I think you must not, under any circumstances compete or be seen as competing for her affection — I think that is what the guidance you received is referring to. I think both she and you need to learn from this.
However, I think it’s OK, in fact it’s highly desirable that you encourage her to continue her studies, you said she is still going to college, this is a very good sign.
If you have a friendly relationship with the Mother, you might encourage her to take her daughter back in, because by her actions she is actually getting the result she was objecting to, i.e. pushing the daughter into this undesirable person’s arms.
Also — don’t resent things, you acted nobly, continue to do so and God will send you someone who will be your “better half”.
God bless and guide you!
Right he isnt related to her he is only her friend that cares for her and wishes to extoll fatherly advice far far better for it to be a complete stranger at $250/hour.
All the fears, guidance, admonitions and words of wisdom going through your mind need to be written down so that when she turns to you after she falls you can show her your writings and ask her if she would have listened to those words prior to the fall, then ask if she’ll trust your judgment without question in future situations. Not as an ‘I told you so’ or anything like that, but simply as a way of showing her that you care and want what’s best for her and that you can see which paths might be taking her the wrong way so that she can avoid those paths with your sage guidance and advice.
Prayer sent. May God keep you strong and protect you both. :-)
“Never care about someones situation more than they do.”
really good advice
which I learned the hard way with a former friend
another wise advice I learned recently was that you can - yes its possible - error by loving someone TOO much, making them an idol you worship; its a false love, an obsession
Prayers that all goes well.
“Never care about someones situation more than they do”
Excellent advice. I walked away from a relationship because she had drug/alcohol problems and could not slow down. Her father died because of this. She was following him I suppose. I wasn’t about to stay and watch.
BTW, I am a friend of Bill W.