Skip to comments.Three Brothers Bakery Charms With Anti-Valentine's Day Treats
Posted on 02/08/2014 10:46:05 AM PST by nickcarraway
Petite fours: An undeniably sweet way to say, "Screw You!"
Valentine's Day can really blow. The years I have been single and lonely on February 14t still outnumber the (recent) years when I have not been, so when people tell me they loathe the holiday because it only reinforces feelings of personal inadequacy brought on by their solo status, I can empathize.
One February was particularly harsh. I had been seeing this young lad horrendous douchebag musician for a few months and things, I thought, were progressing well. We had a lot of fun spending time together, feelings were growing deeper, and there was even some talk of future plans. Then, a week before Valentine's Day, he grew distant. After not hearing from him for more than 48 hours, he called on the evening of the holiday itself and (you know what's coming) dumped my sorry ass. Thanks, Dick.* Anyway, fortunately, a good friend soon after the call whisked me off to dinner to cheer me up. If, however, you find yourself in a similar situation on or around Valentine's Day, or if you simply want to take an antithetical approach to the holiday and use it as an opportunity to tell your nearest but not dearest to go f&ck him/herself, then you gotta go to Three Brothers Bakery.
Of course, they're offering a plethora of indulgent confections colored red, white, and pink with sweet messages for you to give to your significant other, best friend, co-worker, blah blah blah. But more interesting, and perhaps more useful, is their absolutely fabulous line of Anti-Valentine's Day desserts.
I'm partial to the vanilla cream petit fours inscribed with messages such as "I H8 U", "U Suck", "Go Away", and my absolute favorite, "meh". (Really, what other three-letter word in the English language so beautifully conveys such indifferent uninterest?)
Even more impressive in terms of design, and equally tasty, are the frosted sugar cookies. Their shape seems to represent not so much the symbolic organ of amorous love, but a desire to stab someone through the heart (perhaps thereby returning the favor?).
A cookie with Grumpy Cat telling you to lose weight? Deliciously mean. The pièce de résistance in this line is the cookie depicting Grumpy Cat, who admonishes the recipient: "You'd be PURR-fect...if you lost 15 pounds." What an extraordinary feat of culinary cruelty.
So, if you've got an ax to grind this Valentine's, head to Three Brothers Bakery. Pick up a few treats for your frenemies or pre-order a whole box for your favorite nemesis.
I had been seeing this young lad horrendous douchebag musician for a few months and
“I had been seeing this young lad horrendous douchebag musician for a few months and”
he got sober.
“See a need....Fill a need.”
I think I see the problem right off.
OK, St. Valentine’s Day or Kwanzaa...which is the phoniest holiday, and why?
The Grumpy Cat cake is darling.
Valentines are for people we love, not for Obama.
These awesome treats will make it tough for me to ignore Valentine’s Day this year...
Could give to crabby husband, but would only make him more crabby.
He explained he recently had gotten divorced.
Might make him smile.
There’s a great cake with grumpy cat on it LOL!!
Gee, I wonder why the musician dumped this foul-mouthed whiner....
Mean spirited enough to cause indigestion, I would surmise. I’m so tired of the mean spiritness of the world.
“Instead of love we have anti love. Cynical and snarky, I don’t like the concept at all.”
Me too. I m so tired of the mean spiritness of the “cynical and snarky.”
Haha, thanks for the lulz. :)
This is what I need!!!! I want the one that says “meh”
You’re welcome, FRiend.
Well, I have heard that dumping people just before Valentines or another big date or holiday is a favorite trick of commitmentphobes, but in most cases , I suspect they’ve been contemplating the breakup for awhile, and just don’t want to go through the motions of celebrating with someone they’ve lost interest in.
Too bad she’s become bitter, probably at a fairly young age. Most of my Valentines days have been spent alone, too, obviously, since Ive never married. Of course I wish it had not turned out this way. But I think that Valentines has become a bigger deal over the years, just as Halloween has. I don’t remember my parents observing Valentines, though they had before they were married, since that’s when they got engaged, exactly 70 years ago—Feb.1944. So it was seen as a holiday for kids and young lovers.
I do also see it as a Christian holiday—St. Valentine was a legendary figure who helped people. Most importantly, in the northern latitudes, it’s a spot of warmth and brightness in a bleak season, like Christmas only smaller. I see it as a holiday of hope, like Easter can be, even for pagans and other non-Christians. It can even be a holiday of hope and change. one Valentines, I made a resolution not be alone by Valentines next year and it motivated me to take out a personal ad. I love the colors. And it’s 10 days before my birthday.
One of the few romantic Valentines’ I had recently, I told my conservative boyfriend that a lot of liberals don’t like Valentines. (Capitalist plot by Hallmark and the floral industry, doncha know—you’d be surprised how many men buy into this) Well, that’s all it took. If he thinks liberals don’t like it, he’s determined to like it. We had gifts and a romantic dinner that I cooked, no griping.
I think you’re right about Valentine’s Day becoming a bigger deal than it used to be. V-Day gifts used to be flowers and chocolates; now it’s diamond jewelry.
I don’t care about flowers. My favorite Valentine’s gift ever was a Stephen King novel and a bag of miniature peppermint patties, lol.
Three Brothers Bakery is a Houston institution, founded after WWII by concentration camp survivors. Now run by the 5th generation.
Worth reading their history on 3BB site:
and check out the Pumpecapple Piecake:
I think you're right. I think an important clue was in "I had been seeing this young lad horrendous douchebag musician for a few months and things, I thought, were progressing well. We had a lot of fun spending time together, feelings were growing deeper, and there was even some talk of future plans."
I get the feeling that SHE was feeling he should commit, while HE was deciding that she just wasn't "Miss Right", and looking for the door.
I’m guessing that the sorry leftist writer (assumed from the profanity) is not overly lovable - likely shrill, overweight and poor personal hygiene.
St. Valentine’s Day. It came first, and it enjoys greater popularity.
Amazingly, it didn't get me banished to the garage. :)