Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Woman embalmed, bronzed in favorite pew
Lark News ^

Posted on 03/01/2014 9:38:25 AM PST by Gamecock

MOSCOW, Idaho — Longtime church-goer Gert Rizzoli was so devoted to her spot in the pew at Featherside Congregational church that when she passed away last month, her family received permission to bronze her body and set it in the pew. Now, to the consternation of some church members, her body is permanently located in the aisle seat she occupied every Sunday for forty years.

“She loved gazing at the pastor from that spot, being the first in her row to receive Communion, having quick access to the bathroom,” says daughter Sofia. “It gave her a sense of deep, spiritual comfort.”

But fellow church-goers also remember Gert’s stiff response to anyone who tried to take her place.

One man was shooed away by Gert on several occasions when he arrived early and inadvertently took her spot, he says. Now the bronze statue serves as an irritating reminder of the encounter.

“It’s like she’s still there defending her seat,” he says.

When church members enter the sanctuary now, they can’t help but catch the glare of light off of Gert’s bronzed pate. Visitors find it inconvenient to climb over her, and children have stubbed their toes on her hardened shins.

“She was a Christ-like lady, except when it came to giving up that spot,” says a family friend. “She had a real sense of her turf. To her, it was like the Israelites: Once you get land, you don’t give it up.”

Pastor Len Kerralt, who agreed to the odd memorial, looks upon Gert’s frozen smile each Sunday from the pulpit.

“It’s nice to know at least one person is enjoying the sermon,” he quips. But others still mumble about the nuisance.

“What if more people request the same thing?” one woman asks. “Pretty soon the church will be filled with bronze statues.” •


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: humor; satire
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-56 next last

1 posted on 03/01/2014 9:38:25 AM PST by Gamecock
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Alex Murphy; markomalley

Lark News Ping


2 posted on 03/01/2014 9:38:58 AM PST by Gamecock
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

My gosh, to think her future over the next 50 years before they burn her for the metal will be to have her butt screwed into a church pew. What a literal pain in the @ss!

Poor thing, no rest even in death.
Maybe she has no right to get buried till she comes up with the proper estate taxes.


3 posted on 03/01/2014 9:41:12 AM PST by A CA Guy ( God Bless America, God Bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

Uhm, too creepy for words.


4 posted on 03/01/2014 9:41:53 AM PST by Gen.Blather
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

I’m not the least bit squeamish but that’s creepy. I’d find another church.


5 posted on 03/01/2014 9:42:20 AM PST by Mich Patriot (PITCH BLACK is the new "transparent")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

That’s just weird enough that it could be true, I wonder how many people you’re going to catch with this fish story... :)


6 posted on 03/01/2014 9:44:06 AM PST by Legatus (Keep calm and carry on)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Gen.Blather; Mich Patriot

I agree. The idea that she would shoo people out of that spot and now her body is there forever is just wrong in so many ways.


7 posted on 03/01/2014 9:44:35 AM PST by Bryanw92 (Sic semper tyrannis)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Legatus

Three or four so far.


8 posted on 03/01/2014 9:46:28 AM PST by Gamecock
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

They bronzed her body or did a bronze of her body. Is her body in there?


9 posted on 03/01/2014 9:46:46 AM PST by Excellence (All your database are belong to us.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gen.Blather
Uhm, too creepy for words

You can say that again...

Ok, a plaque on the back of the seat would have been just as nice...

10 posted on 03/01/2014 9:47:00 AM PST by Popman ("Resistance to Tyrants is Obedience to God" - Thomas Jefferson)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

It looks like she was always expecting rain.

This “graven image” is not appropriate in a worship setting.


11 posted on 03/01/2014 9:47:46 AM PST by ConservativeMind ("Humane" = "Don't pen up pets or eat meat, but allow infanticide, abortion, and euthanasia.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

Did they let the pigeons in yet?


12 posted on 03/01/2014 9:48:01 AM PST by Focault's Pendulum (I live in NJ....' Nuff said!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

Pews are for the living, those people that still need/want to be at church.

And while people may have favorite spots in church, you can’t just demand someone give up their spot for you if they get there first. That’s not what going to church is all about. If that’s your number one issue you’re kind of missing the point about being there in the first place.


13 posted on 03/01/2014 9:48:32 AM PST by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; Not averse to Going Bronson.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

March Madness

Less than $5.1k to go!!
Git-R-Done!

14 posted on 03/01/2014 9:49:00 AM PST by RedMDer (May we always be happy and may our enemies always know it. - Sarah Palin, 10-18-2010)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

The church members should insist on a SlowPoke bill.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/3128191/posts


15 posted on 03/01/2014 9:49:06 AM PST by Balding_Eagle (Over production, one of the top 5 worries for the American Farmer every year.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

You’re gonna need a bigger net.


16 posted on 03/01/2014 9:50:16 AM PST by Legatus (Keep calm and carry on)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Excellence
They bronzed her body or did a bronze of her body. Is her body in there?

Can't be sure until the summer heat.

17 posted on 03/01/2014 9:50:46 AM PST by Balding_Eagle (Over production, one of the top 5 worries for the American Farmer every year.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Excellence

that’s what I’m asking! There’s a skeleton under that bronze????

That’s beyond horrible!


18 posted on 03/01/2014 9:51:03 AM PST by MNDude
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Legatus

And boat.


19 posted on 03/01/2014 9:51:18 AM PST by Gamecock
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

Guys, this was posted here on FreeRepublic back in 2007.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1781569/posts


20 posted on 03/01/2014 9:51:56 AM PST by Artcore
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Artcore

Sorry about that Gamecock, I just realized you were also the original poster. My bad!


21 posted on 03/01/2014 9:53:55 AM PST by Artcore
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Artcore

Sorry ‘bout that.

I did do a search!


22 posted on 03/01/2014 9:54:49 AM PST by Gamecock
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

“She was a Christ like lady”

Yah...right.

That is one jacked up church.


23 posted on 03/01/2014 9:56:42 AM PST by right way right (America has embraced the suck of Freedumb.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

This reminds of a recent senior who passed away, and was buried astride his Harley.

Just too creepy! :-D


24 posted on 03/01/2014 9:56:45 AM PST by Artcore
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

25 posted on 03/01/2014 9:57:45 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

I have decided to donate my body to a medical school. Far better to use this body to teach future doctors than to do something as silly as this.


26 posted on 03/01/2014 10:01:44 AM PST by The Great RJ
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

lol.


27 posted on 03/01/2014 10:03:46 AM PST by dadfly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Excellence

We’ll know next summer when people in the first few rows say “Pew!”


28 posted on 03/01/2014 10:03:50 AM PST by kinsman redeemer (The real enemy seeks to devour what is good.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Artcore

At least he was buried on his Harley and not permanently parked on it sitting at his favorite gas pump.


29 posted on 03/01/2014 10:07:48 AM PST by Bob
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 24 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

Her family doesn’t get it...It ain’t about her.


30 posted on 03/01/2014 10:08:11 AM PST by SisterK (behold a pale horse)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

She won’t have far to travel on The Last Day.


31 posted on 03/01/2014 10:12:18 AM PST by OpusatFR
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock
"Pastor Len Kerralt, who agreed to the odd memorial, looks upon Gert’s frozen smile each Sunday from the pulpit. "

How can he say that? The bronze head thing is looking away from the pulpit.

Does the head rotate?

32 posted on 03/01/2014 10:14:07 AM PST by 1_Rain_Drop
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

OK...that is just creepy. A good Christian would realize their heavenly worth is in the soul, not the body.


33 posted on 03/01/2014 10:17:00 AM PST by PubliusMM (RKBA; a matter of fact, not opinion. 01-20-2016; I pray we make it that long.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock
I think the bronze statue "story" is funnier than the number one pick for 2013. Christian couple maintains abstinence through first two years of marriage
34 posted on 03/01/2014 10:24:09 AM PST by Girlene (Hey, NSA!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

That looks like Hillary sitting with the squatter.


35 posted on 03/01/2014 10:29:17 AM PST by billhilly
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

No problem for a Lutheran church, except for funerals and Baptisms. Nobody wants that seat.


36 posted on 03/01/2014 10:31:10 AM PST by xone
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Bryanw92

“Mardon me, padam, but this pie is occupewed. May I sew you to a sheet, or would you rather take a chew in the back of the perch?”

- Rev. William Spooner, 1891


37 posted on 03/01/2014 10:32:04 AM PST by elcid1970 ("In the modern world, Muslims are living fossils.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

OMG! I find all of the life like bronze statues of people mostly children creepy but this has to be the worst!

I am changing churches!


38 posted on 03/01/2014 10:33:28 AM PST by Ditter
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Mich Patriot
Did the parishioners vote on this? Yuck!
39 posted on 03/01/2014 10:41:24 AM PST by miss marmelstein (Richard Lives Yet!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: Bob

At least he was buried on his Harley and not permanently parked on it sitting at his favorite gas pump.
_____________________________________________________

Very true!


40 posted on 03/01/2014 10:48:27 AM PST by Artcore
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

Someone slide her ass over to the wall.


41 posted on 03/01/2014 10:54:48 AM PST by Husker24
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

That ain’t nothin’, when my grandpa died, they bronzed him, his two horse wagon with the mules still hitched to it and him with his whiskey jug in his hand and Ol’ Henry, his coondog, by his knee , had him settin’ up in it with the jug almost to his lips but not quite. Grandma said it served him right, he never could wait to take another drink so now he can wait for eternity but he won’t never quite git another sip. It ain’t at no church though, it’s settin’ by the river at his favorite fishin’ hole. Sometimes people what ketches a lotta catfish might drop a couple in the wagon with him fur ol’ times sake. Them mules is lookin’ kinda give out now, it’s been a long time to stand in one place and not move. Some claims that when the moon is full they kin heer Ol’ Henry treein’ ‘coons, I think they’s all crazy, I know it’s jist the ghost o’ that 13 year old boy that was the bugler fur great grandpa’s outfit when he was a confederate soldier. That’s another story, ain’t got time fur it now.


42 posted on 03/01/2014 11:12:59 AM PST by RipSawyer
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock
Woman embalmed, bronzed in favorite pew

I think most of the parishioners in the Episcopal Church USA are not as lively as this lady, or as young.

43 posted on 03/01/2014 11:27:12 AM PST by The Sons of Liberty (Who but a TYRANT shoves down another man's throat what he has exempted himself from?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Artcore
this was posted here on FreeRepublic back in 2007.

Well then it's obviously Bush's fault!

44 posted on 03/01/2014 11:35:19 AM PST by nascarnation (I'm hiring Jack Palladino to investigate Baraq's golf scores.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

April 1st is NEXT month. This story is a month early.


45 posted on 03/01/2014 11:46:53 AM PST by johnthebaptistmoore (The world continues to be stuck in a "all leftist, all of the time" funk. BUNK THE FUNK!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Gen.Blather
Metal coating nothing new.


46 posted on 03/01/2014 11:52:28 AM PST by Ruy Dias de Bivar (Sometimes you need 7+ more ammo. LOTS MORE.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

I’m having the same thing done to my body after I’m gone. Only I’m going to have it perched on a barstool at my favorite pub.


47 posted on 03/01/2014 11:53:44 AM PST by SamAdams76
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Gamecock

I’ve seen a lot of people sitting in Congregational churches who look like that.


48 posted on 03/01/2014 12:12:34 PM PST by kaehurowing
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Ditter
These are creepier, imo.


49 posted on 03/01/2014 12:29:05 PM PST by bgill
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: bgill

Is the top one supposed to be Obama?


50 posted on 03/01/2014 12:30:34 PM PST by nascarnation (I'm hiring Jack Palladino to investigate Baraq's golf scores.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 49 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-56 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson