Why Are Jesus Movies Always Lame?

Yahoo News via Daily Beast ^ | 03/03/2013 | By Matthew Paul Turner

[SeekAndFind]

I never want to see Jesus again.

Not in a movie, at least. Not after sitting through two hours and 18 minutes of Son of God, the latest tragedy about the life of Jesus and the acting career of Roma Downey, the onetime Touched By An Angel star who, in addition to playing Mary, produced the film with her husband, Mark Burnett.

Having watched some of History Channel’s The Bible, the 10-hour mini series from which most of Son of God was pieced together, I already knew Jesus Starring Roma Downey wasn’t going to be great. (Nothing starring Roma Downey has ever been great.) But still, I went to the theater praying for the best, hoping Jesus might not be terrible. But alas, God’s only son was terrible; the story, the dialogue, the acting, the non-miraculous special effects—all pretty terrible. Sometimes it was SyFy Channel-terrible. Son of God is so awful that it borders on godless—not sinful or heretical, just lacking true Spirit.

Which is why I’m officially done watching Jesus movies. Because I’m pretty sure I’ve seen every single Jesus movie made since 1960. No, I’m not a biblical film connoisseur by choice; I was just raised in a cave by Baptists who, upon purchasing a VCR in 1985, only watched movies that were produced by Disney, loosely based on Bible stories, or called Ben-Hur.

Consequently, I’ve watched a lot of Jesus movies in my day. And frankly, none of them are exactly great.

The first movie I can remember watching was The Greatest Story Ever Told, the 1965 biblical epic starring Charlton Heston as the shapeshifter, John the Baptist. At times, Heston appears more werewolf than human, which ended up being the best part of the film.

[cuban leaf]

I was done with “Jesus movies” a long time ago, and broke the rule only to watch The Passion, with which I was deeply disappointed (lots of comments about why on another thread).

One problem is that I don’t like the concept of adding any details that are not in the bible. By “any”, what I actually mean is, “ANY”. Be they events or words.

But movies that abide by my rule don’t have a lot to work with. I remember one movie where the crowd was yelling, but you could tell they were not saying any real words. It just sounded weird.

And ALL movies are someone’s interpretation of what happened. I’m fine with bible studies on specific issues and the bible itself, both heavily salted with prayer. I go to movies to watch bad guys get their butts kicked or nice couple’s fall in love. I go to the Bible for truth.

[Buckeye McFrog]

John the Baptist as a shapeshifter? No bias there, eh?

[Hostage]

If Turner had half a brain, he would read FR and know not to see the trash that passes for film production today.

Plenty of FR threads have pointed to the only Jesus movie worth watching.

http://gloria.tv/?media=512696

And there are three more parts that will need to be found on the same website.

[CodeToad]

I saw the Ten Commandments back in around 1972 as a kid. I didn’t think that was lame. A bit corny by today’s CGI standards but it worked for the time.

[Hostage]

I too was very disappointed in watching the Passion.

But there is one that will not disappoint:

http://gloria.tv/?media=512696

The above is Part I. I’ll find the other parts and post them.

[skeeter]

Its probably impossible to get Jesus right in such a one dimensional medium as a movie.

[bboop]

Call me cranky, but I’m saying - IF this Cranky Critic already knew it was going to be lame, why bother seeing it? And furthermore, why bother reviewing it in a negative way?

Can we not just celebrate that this movie was made at all and opened all over the US? That there was enough money available that it could be made? That someone had the vision and the fortitude to push through that vision to a finished product? That many people worked and got paid making it? Are these not amazing in their own right? But no, the Christians must tear it apart. “The doctrine is not perfect, it’s lame, it doesn’t xx, it includes xx.”

I look forward to the day when Christians can unify as a subset within a dark culture, represent Christ to our lost brethren, and simply celebrate amazing attempts to bring Light to this dark world.

[BeadCounter]

I enjoy some of the oldies, I believe they were reverent:

Movies like “The Greatest Story ever Told”, 1965. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059245/

[RIghtwardHo]

And therein lies the problem. You are correct. There just isn’t enough in the Bible with which to make a movie. I don’t have too much of a problem with “filling in the gaps” where you have some day to day types of conversations. If you don’t, all you have is a Short. I DON’T like movies that change the story. But I think the real problem is easily identified ... they just make crap “Bible movies” The last one I really enjoyed was really a mini-series ... Zeffirelli’s, Jesus of Nazareth. I LOVED that. Since then? Not a thing.

[BeadCounter]

Agreed and if we didn’t have movies like this or some other more respectful ones, we might be left with movies like “The last temptation”.

I believe there was a bit of a heyday of religious movies in Hollywood, Quo Vadis, Ben Hur, the Robe. Just watched Quo Vadis the other day and it was inspirational, I didn’t watch it to be entertained.

[DJ MacWoW]

A movie made by a New Ager that speaks to her deceased mother through John Edwards isn't a "Jesus" movie. How can it be when she and her 3rd husband don't know who He is?

If the messenger is corrupt the message will also be corrupt.

[cloudmountain]

I saw THE PASSION and wept. I haven't wept in decades.

Yesterday I saw the SON OF GOD. I wept again. Wept, as opposed to cry...far deeper and from my soul.

The "Jesus" films have gotten so good that I don't miss one. The past ones were forgettable...but then so were a LOT of films.

ONCE IN A WHILE Hollywood "gets it." It sure did this time.
I got the time wrong the other day and went in 15 minutes late so I am going to see it again today. It's not as if I don't know the story but it's SUCH a well-done story of Our Lord.

Jesus was portrayed by a Portuguese actor Diogo Morgado. Never heard of him and I hope I never see him again...he will always be "Jesus."

[cloudmountain]

Its probably impossible to get Jesus right in such a one dimensional medium as a movie.

That's the understatement of the day. NO ONE can "get Jesus right" because He is God. We will ALL "get Jesus right" when we see Him in heaven.

I AM assuming the best for all of us!

[shineon]

If I ever had the creativity to make a Jesus movie. I would try to make every scene a religious experience. There would be wonderful music and rhythm. Each scene would evoke the power in Gods word

[Lucky9teen]

I wonder if he'd changed his mind for this movie?

[PapaNew]

A National Review article talks about the “change the world” and (take their message) “right to the heart of power" lines and the "schmaltzy" feel. It says, "there is the challenge not just of presenting the narrative of his incarnation, ministry, and death but of pointing toward their significance. The film falls short of the latter, admittedly difficult, aim..."

http://www.nationalreview.com/article/372307/redeemed-end-katherine-connell

That's kind of how I feel about so many of these "Bible" movies, as I've mentioned to you. With the exception of the “Ten Commandments” and maybe “The Passion of the Christ”, they’re generally so easily forgotten. Why are the characters always so wooden and lines so stilted? Nobody acts and talks like that. What does it take to get a down-to-earth "Jaws"-type production that compels and entertains the average Joe with real live characters who he identifies with while holding him in awe of the events taking place? Dunno. Hopefully we'll find out.

God willing I'm going to write an end times book. Afterwards, I hope to use it as the basis for a screenplay of a movie. I picture a well-done, thriller with down-to-earth believable characters the audience connects with and cares about - maybe a fictional love story framed by the Biblical end times events with a compelling, redemptive message.

[stormhill]

Ditto on all counts. Any movie that deviated from scripture was to me heretical but it seems Hollywood could not help itself from embellishing and rewriting.

I also watched The Passion and was kind of amused by obscure sidelights like the Veronica scene which is not biblical and unless you're a fanatic like me, you wouldn't even know what it was about.

The worst Bible picture I've ever seen was an abomination on NBC about Noah. That garbage was so bad it was an obviously deliberate attempt to ridicule God.
In one early scene, Noah is bemoaning the work needed to work with the timbers he collected; he goes to sleep and the next morning The Lord has cut and planed them into perfect lumber. He even stacked and stamped it like the lumber companies do to transport them in trucks or for display at Home Depot!

I turned it off after about 10 minutes but a friend described the rest to me years later; I had a belly laugh and was glad I didn't waste any more time on it.

[Hostage]

‘Jesus of Nazareth’, the only quality film that comes close to revealing the true spirit of our Lord:

http://gloria.tv/?media=512696 Part I

http://gloria.tv/?media=512699 Part II

http://gloria.tv/?media=512632 Part III

http://gloria.tv/?media=512661 Part IV

[GraceG]

People deep down want more “Fire and Brimstone, turn the tables and whip the corruption out of the temple” and less “Hippie feel good smoke up their rears”.