Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 03/07/2014 4:43:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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Human Kindness should be contagious...IMO Not silly, but very heart warming...
You have to STAY AWARE at all times!
Anyone watch those fishing programs on TV? This is a hoot!
The most precious little conductor How precious!!
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town's grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"
The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."
Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.
"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.
So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"
Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."
Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
The batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
A will is a dead giveaway.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.
Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
And the cream of the wretched crop................
Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
"Bask, a no-Bush America!"
"Ouch, man! A bias breaks."
"Arab 'E' maniac KOs Bush."
"Baha bankers IOU scam."
"O' I mash bareback anus!"
"A Shabbi Sack O Manure."
"A such Arab? Ask, I'm ebon."
"Asks, "Can I be a, ah, um, bro?"
"Arab Osama Bin he suck."
"Babushkas On, America!"
"Bank Him....B.O. USA-Caesar."
"A man hacks our babies."
"Abuse a charisma knob."
"HRC's a nuke-Asia A-bomb!"
"I am a bourse cash bank."
"O, man, I scare Babushka!"
"O, Cuba ranks him as Abe?"
"Can B. O. bar Sheik Usama?"
"I am a hack, abuser, snob."
"I am a hacker's anus bob."
"Arabic-shaken, USA mob?"
"Heck, USA, I'm an Arab SOB!"
"OK, ambush as nice Arab."
"Bam! (As I KO an HRC abuse.)"
"He sucks an A-bomb aria."
"Ban Bush, soak America."
"Obama bin Shark-Sauce."
"O Arabic snake, ambush!!"
"Aka a bomb has sin cure."
"AKA American HUB Boss."
"I am a bush snake (cobra)"
"Broke Bush as a maniac."
"I, Arab sham, beckon USA."
"A bohemian 'Arab' sucks!"
"Caramba! Obedient Spark."
"Bad skeptic or mean Arab."
"Sneak barbaric, mad poet."
"O, embrace drab Pakistan!"
"An Arab backed imposter."
"Break combat and aspire."
"Arab base, pink Democrat!"
"Macabre Bonaparte, kids!"
Woohoo!! I’m in!!!
When he first takes office, he is green. Then he turns yellow. And then he's rotten.
You can unscrew a light-bulb.
Have you heard about a guy who used to have dyslexia? He now has dailysex instead!
Naw suh...... don heah nothin
Ghandi was into mysticism, was well known to be physically frail, and walked barefoot throughout his life, building up thick protective pads on his feet. What few people know is that his meager diet also gave him terrible breath...
Yes, he WAS a super callous fragile mystic with extra halitosis!
Earlier this week, our neighborhood gained a wifi network “FBI Surveillance van Number 2”
Answering he said, "I was walking across campus the other night and a beautiful blond rode up on this bike, stripped off all her clothes and said, 'Take whatever you like'. So, I took the bike."
"Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
email rec’d this a.m. Haven’t seen it before - sorry if it’s old.
DAVID LETTERMANS TOP 10 REASONS format TO VOTE DEMOCRAT
#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. Ive decided to marry my German Shepherd.
#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isnt.
#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
#6. I vote Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
#5. I vote Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.
#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.
#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit
#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voter
And the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it’s better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America. We don’t care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries.
one more email:
Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Remington 30.06 right in the doorway. I left 6 shells beside it, then left it alone and went about my business.
While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of our house.
After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right where I had left it. It hadn’t moved itself outside. It certainly hadn’t killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so.
In fact, it hadn’t even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people.
Either the media is wrong,
or I’m in possession of
the laziest gun in the world.
Well, I’m off to check on my spoons. I hear they’re making people fat.
And still overpriced.
That idiot’s idiot book can’t even be given away!
LOL. I got those Putin vs 0 bummer pictures in an email this morning.
“I can’t hear anything.”
How does one change the name of their WiFI ?
Top 50 woohoo...
Enjoy the weekend. And remember....
Guns don’t kill people. Husbands who come home early do.
So I was at the bank the other day. After she finished processing my deposit, the very attractive teller asked me, “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
Apparently, “take off your clothes” is not an appropriate answer to that question. Anybody know a good lawyer?
Please do me a favor and forward the FedEx e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. I know some people over there and they could use some silliness today.
"Stuff Being Thrown at My Head," a photo series by Latvian photographer Kaija Straumanis
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