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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 03/07/2014 4:43:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen



For those who believe anything...(I got this in an email):

Dear Customer!!!

We have been waiting for you to contact us for your Confirm able Package that is registered with us for shipping to your residential Location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact Details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to Your package.

We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft worth of $750,000.00 USD, FedEx does not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but can ship Bank Drafts. The package is registered with Us for mailing by your colleague from United Nations Organization, and Your colleague explained that he is from the U.S.A but he is currently In Africa for a three (3) months Surveying Project as he works with a Consultant firm in Nigeria, We are sending you this email because your Package is been registered on a Special Order. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid by your Colleague before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates, are to certify That the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF). This will help you Avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country.

However, you will have to pay a sum of $105.00 USD to the FedEx Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the parcel Been registered by your colleague, FedEx Company as stated in our privacy Terms & condition page.

Please note that packages are not shipped nor delivered on Saturday, Sunday and on holidays. If your order has been placed on any of these days, Then it may be shipped the following business day.

Kindly complete the below form and send it to the FEDEX DELIVERY POST With the below information's. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone numbers.

FULL NAMES:
TELEPHONE:
POSTAL ADDRESS:
SEX:
CITY:
STATE:
OCCUPATION:
COUNTRY:

FEDEX DELIVERY POST

Contact Person: Mr. Lambert O. James.
Email: lambertjames361@yahoo.com
Phone: +2348161185018

**ALL PACKAGES ARE SIGNATURE REQUIRED.

If you have any other questions or concerns, Please feel free to contact us between Monday & Friday: 9:00am ? 9:00pm EST
Saturdays: 10:00am ? 5:00pm EST
Sundays: 10:00am - 4:00pm EST
Have a great day!
Federal Express Co-operation.
FedEx Online Team Management.
All rights reserved. © 1995-2014.


Human Kindness should be contagious...IMO Not silly, but very heart warming...

 

You have to STAY AWARE at all times!

 

 

Anyone watch those fishing programs on TV? This is a hoot!

 

 

The most precious little conductor How precious!!

 


A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town's grouch So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothing', so what are you going to do?"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43."

Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells.

"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor.

So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"

Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43..."

Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office.


When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping Center you've seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care Center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop................

Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.



Anagrams for Barack Hussein Obama

"BHO: Unmask a race bias."

"Bask, a no-Bush America!"

"Ouch, man! A bias breaks."

"Arab 'E' maniac KOs Bush." 

"Baha bankers IOU scam."

"O' I mash bareback anus!"

"A Shabbi Sack O Manure."

"A such Arab? Ask, I'm ebon."

"Asks, "Can I be a, ah, um, bro?"

"Arab Osama Bin he suck."

"Babushkas On, America!"

"Bank Him....B.O. USA-Caesar."

"A man hacks our babies."

"Abuse a charisma knob."

"HRC's a nuke-Asia A-bomb!"

"I am a bourse cash bank."

"O, man, I scare Babushka!"

"O, Cuba ranks him as Abe?"

"Can B. O. bar Sheik Usama?"

"I am a hack, abuser, snob."

"I am a hacker's anus bob."

"Arabic-shaken, USA mob?"

"Heck, USA, I'm an Arab SOB!"

"OK, ambush as nice Arab."

"Bam! (As I KO an HRC abuse.)"

"He sucks an A-bomb aria."

"Ban Bush, soak America."

"Obama bin Shark-Sauce."

"O Arabic snake, ambush!!"

"Aka a bomb has sin cure."

"AKA American HUB Boss."

"I am a bush snake (cobra)"

"Broke Bush as a maniac." 

"I, Arab sham, beckon USA."

"A bohemian 'Arab' sucks!"

"Caramba! Obedient Spark."

"Bad skeptic or mean Arab."

"Sneak barbaric, mad poet."

"O, embrace drab Pakistan!"

"An Arab backed imposter."

"Break combat and aspire."

"Arab base, pink Democrat!"

"Macabre Bonaparte, kids!"



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; putin; silliness; ukraine
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Next week is National Science & Engineering Week


1 posted on 03/07/2014 4:43:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!! I’m in!!!


2 posted on 03/07/2014 4:44:07 AM PST by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: ShadowAce

Go it.


3 posted on 03/07/2014 4:45:51 AM PST by Mathews (Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV), Luke 22:36 (NIV))
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

Putin even makes his own balloon animals

Obama needs someone to do it for him

THAT'S WHAT I CALL


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


Caption This Photo

4 posted on 03/07/2014 4:47:05 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP! (?)


5 posted on 03/07/2014 4:47:07 AM PST by MortMan (Is a delayed shower a "stay of exablution"?)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP TEN!!


6 posted on 03/07/2014 4:49:12 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it." --Quigley)
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To: Lucky9teen
Just by chance, maybe, possibly in the top 10?


You know why a banana is like a politician?

When he first takes office, he is green. Then he turns yellow. And then he's rotten.


If a man states an opinion and there is no woman to hear it, is he still wrong?

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light-bulb?

You can unscrew a light-bulb.



There's lots of reasons politicians try so hard to get re-elected: Power, prestiege, money, etc. But the number one reason is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
What does DNA stand for? The National Dyslexics Association.

Have you heard about a guy who used to have dyslexia? He now has dailysex instead!



7 posted on 03/07/2014 4:49:31 AM PST by upchuck (South Carolina Representative Trey Gowdy for Speaker of the House!!!)
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To: MortMan
Its Friday.....too bad we got gypted out of a hr.
8 posted on 03/07/2014 4:49:46 AM PST by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Lucky9teen

Naw suh...... don heah nothin


9 posted on 03/07/2014 4:55:29 AM PST by bert ((K.E. N.P. N.C. +12 ..... History is a process, not an event)
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To: MortMan

Dangit! IRATP!

Ghandi was into mysticism, was well known to be physically frail, and walked barefoot throughout his life, building up thick protective pads on his feet. What few people know is that his meager diet also gave him terrible breath...

Yes, he WAS a super callous fragile mystic with extra halitosis!


10 posted on 03/07/2014 4:56:40 AM PST by MortMan (Is a delayed shower a "stay of exablution"?)
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To: upchuck

Earlier this week, our neighborhood gained a wifi network “FBI Surveillance van Number 2”


11 posted on 03/07/2014 4:58:17 AM PST by bert ((K.E. N.P. N.C. +12 ..... History is a process, not an event)
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To: Lucky9teen

12 posted on 03/07/2014 4:59:54 AM PST by dead (I've got my eye out for Mullah Omar.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 20!


13 posted on 03/07/2014 5:01:57 AM PST by eCSMaster ("It is not the color of his skin, ... it is the blackness that fills his soul")
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To: Lucky9teen
Star Wars Meth photo meth_zps7ce72249.jpg
14 posted on 03/07/2014 5:02:07 AM PST by Pan_Yan (Who told you that you were naked? Genesis 3:11)
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To: Lucky9teen
Two engineering grad students were riding their bicycles to class. One asked the other, "Hey. Where did you get the brand new bike? It looks really great."

Answering he said, "I was walking across campus the other night and a beautiful blond rode up on this bike, stripped off all her clothes and said, 'Take whatever you like'. So, I took the bike."

"Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

15 posted on 03/07/2014 5:08:31 AM PST by N. Theknow (Kennedys-Can't drive, can't ski, can't fly, can't skipper a boat-But they know what's best for you.)
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To: Lucky9teen

email rec’d this a.m. Haven’t seen it before - sorry if it’s old.

DAVID LETTERMAN’S TOP 10 REASONS format TO VOTE DEMOCRAT

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voter

…And the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it’s better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America. We don’t care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries.


16 posted on 03/07/2014 5:10:54 AM PST by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers.)
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To: sodpoodle

one more email:

My Gun

Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Remington 30.06 right in the doorway. I left 6 shells beside it, then left it alone and went about my business.

While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of our house.

After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right where I had left it. It hadn’t moved itself outside. It certainly hadn’t killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so.

In fact, it hadn’t even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people.

Either the media is wrong,
or I’m in possession of
the laziest gun in the world.

Well, I’m off to check on my spoons. I hear they’re making people fat.


17 posted on 03/07/2014 5:16:07 AM PST by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 20?


18 posted on 03/07/2014 5:27:23 AM PST by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: sodpoodle
Related:

Proof Guns Aren't Evil
IraqVeteran8888, Zeke and LeftHand.
19 posted on 03/07/2014 5:29:04 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it." --Quigley)
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To: Lucky9teen


20 posted on 03/07/2014 5:31:33 AM PST by onyx (Please Support Free Republic - Donate Monthly! If you want on Sarah Palin's Ping List, Let Me know!)
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To: onyx

And still overpriced.


21 posted on 03/07/2014 5:34:03 AM PST by verga
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To: verga

Absolutely!
That idiot’s idiot book can’t even be given away!


22 posted on 03/07/2014 5:39:25 AM PST by onyx (Please Support Free Republic - Donate Monthly! If you want on Sarah Palin's Ping List, Let Me know!)
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Comment #23 Removed by Moderator

To: everyone


24 posted on 03/07/2014 5:40:17 AM PST by onyx (Please Support Free Republic - Donate Monthly! If you want on Sarah Palin's Ping List, Let Me know!)
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To: upchuck

LOL. I got those Putin vs 0 bummer pictures in an email this morning.


25 posted on 03/07/2014 5:44:41 AM PST by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

26 posted on 03/07/2014 5:48:12 AM PST by onyx (Please Support Free Republic - Donate Monthly! If you want on Sarah Palin's Ping List, Let Me know!)
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To: everyone


27 posted on 03/07/2014 5:54:02 AM PST by onyx (Please Support Free Republic - Donate Monthly! If you want on Sarah Palin's Ping List, Let Me know!)
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28 posted on 03/07/2014 5:57:50 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it." --Quigley)
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To: Lucky9teen

“I can’t hear anything.”


29 posted on 03/07/2014 6:00:40 AM PST by Louis Foxwell (This is a wake up call. Join the Sultan Knish ping list.)
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To: bert

How does one change the name of their WiFI ?


30 posted on 03/07/2014 6:06:37 AM PST by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Pan_Yan

31 posted on 03/07/2014 6:10:39 AM PST by fredhead (Join the Navy and see the world.....77% of which is covered in water.)
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To: fredhead

Top 50 woohoo...

Enjoy the weekend. And remember....

Guns don’t kill people. Husbands who come home early do.


32 posted on 03/07/2014 6:27:06 AM PST by EQAndyBuzz (Insurgent Conservative)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 50!


33 posted on 03/07/2014 6:35:08 AM PST by The Chief
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To: fredhead

34 posted on 03/07/2014 6:37:21 AM PST by RandallFlagg ("I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it." --Quigley)
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To: Lucky9teen

35 posted on 03/07/2014 6:39:30 AM PST by Travis T. OJustice (I miss you, dad.)
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To: Arrowhead1952

So I was at the bank the other day. After she finished processing my deposit, the very attractive teller asked me, “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Apparently, “take off your clothes” is not an appropriate answer to that question. Anybody know a good lawyer?


36 posted on 03/07/2014 7:06:10 AM PST by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: Lucky9teen

37 posted on 03/07/2014 7:06:47 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: onyx

38 posted on 03/07/2014 7:12:38 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: dead

39 posted on 03/07/2014 7:15:38 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: dead

40 posted on 03/07/2014 7:19:45 AM PST by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

41 posted on 03/07/2014 7:22:38 AM PST by Dead Corpse (Tre Norner eg ber, binde til rota...)
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To: onyx

42 posted on 03/07/2014 7:24:49 AM PST by Dead Corpse (Tre Norner eg ber, binde til rota...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Please do me a favor and forward the FedEx e-mail to abuse@fedex.com. I know some people over there and they could use some silliness today.


43 posted on 03/07/2014 7:25:03 AM PST by Ingtar (The NSA - "We're the only part of government who actually listens to the people.")
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To: BenLurkin

44 posted on 03/07/2014 7:26:26 AM PST by Dead Corpse (Tre Norner eg ber, binde til rota...)
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To: BenLurkin

LOL.


45 posted on 03/07/2014 7:27:05 AM PST by onyx (Please Support Free Republic - Donate Monthly! If you want on Sarah Palin's Ping List, Let Me know!)
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To: Lucky9teen

"Stuff Being Thrown at My Head," a photo series by Latvian photographer Kaija Straumanis

46 posted on 03/07/2014 7:27:57 AM PST by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Arrowhead1952

I think I might try this...
47 posted on 03/07/2014 7:30:01 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: onyx

48 posted on 03/07/2014 7:30:38 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: The Chief
Bizarre Holes

These holes are not only amazing, but some are
really terrifying! The sheer scale of these holes
reminds you of just how tiny we are.

Kimberley Big Hole - South Africa



Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the
world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons
of diamonds before being closed.

Glory Hole - Monticello Dam, California



A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and
water needs to be drained from the reservoir. It is the
largest spillway of this type in the world and consumes
14,400 cubic feet of water every second.

Great Blue Hole, Belize



This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a blue
hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize. There
are numerous blue holes around the world, but none
as stunning as this one.

Sinkhole in Guatemala



This photo is of a sinkhole that occurred in Guatemala.
The hole swallowed 2 dozen homes and killed at least
3 people.

Bingham Open Pit Copper Mine - Utah



The mine has been in production since 1906, and has resulted in the creation of
a pit over 0.6 miles (0.97 km) deep, 2.5 miles (4 km) wide, and covering 1,900
acres (770 ha). It was designated a National Historic Landmark in 1966 under
the name Bingham Canyon Open Pit Copper Mine.

SHOITE HOLE, Washington D.C..



This hole swallows trillions and trillions of U.S. Dollars
annually! The money that falls into this hole is never heard
from again, nor do we see any good come from it.

It is reported to be filled with thousands of "e$$ holes."

TRULY AMAZING!
49 posted on 03/07/2014 7:32:11 AM PST by TheOldLady
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To: BenLurkin
I'll follow you any where...
50 posted on 03/07/2014 7:34:12 AM PST by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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