Posted on 03/07/2014 4:43:41 AM PST by Lucky9teen
Damn....that’d go over great at one of Palm Springs’ weekly “pride” parades.
Q: Why did Obama change his name from Barry to Barack?
A: He thought Barry sounded too American.
TGIF
Q: How can you tell if Obozo is lying?
A: There are words on his teleprompter.
I swear by my pretty floral bonnet this world is unjust!
My days of not taking production execs seriously is certainly coming to a middle...
AHHHH! I've been waiting to let that one rip for 2 days!
(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to ObamaGolf. My name is Trina. How can I help you?
(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order has been cancelled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.
(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of 2014. But I can help you.
(Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls.
(Receptionist) Sir, Pro V1’s do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with a choice of Pinnacle, TopFlite, or Callaway Blue.
(Customer) But I have played Pro V1 for years.
(Receptionist) The government has determined that Pro V1s are no longer acceptable, so we have instructed Titleist to stop making them. TopFlites are better, sir, I am sure you will love them.
(Customer) But I like the Pro V1. Why are TopFlites better?
(Receptionist) That is all spelled out in the 2700 page “Affordable Golf Ball Act” passed by Congress.
(Customer) Well, how much are these TopFlites?
(Receptionist) It depends sir; do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package?
(Customer) What’s the difference?
(Receptionist) 12, 24, 36 or 48 balls.
(Customer) The Silver package may be okay; how much is it?
(Receptionist) It depends, sir; what is your monthly income?
(Customer) What does that have to do with anything?
(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government Golf Ball subsidy; then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy. In that case, I can refer you to our BallAid department.
(Customer) BallAid?
(Receptionist) Yes, golf balls are a right. Everyone has a right to golf balls. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.
(Customer) Who said they were a right?
(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.
(Customer) Whoa.....I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding golf balls as a right.
(Receptionist) There’s no explicit mention of golf balls in the Constitution, but President Obama is a former constitutional scholar and he believes it would have been included if the Constitution had not been drafted by a bunch of slave-owning white men. The Democrats in the Congress and the Supreme Court agree with the President that golf balls are now a right guaranteed by the Constitution.
(Customer) I don’t believe this...
(Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income, sir?
(Customer) Forget it, I think I will forgo buying balls this year.
(Receptionist) In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.
(Customer) Why?
(Receptionist) To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.
(Customer) WHAT? You can’t charge me for NOT buying golf balls.
(Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income.....
(Customer - interrupting) This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $49.50.
(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.
(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip-off!!
(Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.
(Customer) Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.
(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir, that’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.
(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of cell phone I am using?
(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates, sir
(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)
(Receptionist) That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf, have a nice day...and God Bless the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.
> A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman.
>
> He grew up big, 6’ 2”, strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang.
He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
>
> When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only
dreamed of working: a West Texas Sheriff’s Department.
>
> After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his
> office for the young man’s last interview.
>
> The Chief Deputy said, “You’re a big strong kid and you can
really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have,
what you might call, an “Attitude Suitability Test”,
> that you must take before you can be accepted.
>
> We just don’t let anyone carry our badge, son.”
>
> Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo
across the desk, the Chief said, “Take this pistol and go out and shoot:
>
> six illegal aliens,
> six lawyers,
> six meth dealers,
> six Muslim extremists,
> six Democrats,
> and a rabbit.”
>
> “Why the rabbit?” queried the applicant.
>
> “You pass,” said the Chief Deputy. “When can you start?”
Boy, true dat.
YEAH!!!! Pizza's gonna be here in 30 minutes!!
Yer pretty spry for a dead guy.
Oh man, that last one was bad.
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