Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 03/21/2014 5:57:41 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
As the search for the missing Malaysia Airlines flight drags into its 12th day without tangible progress, Internet sleuths are looking for answers. Any answers. From anyone.
The characteristically outspoken Courtney Love was the latest self-styled expert to weigh in with her theory last night on Twitter which is marvelously evidence-based (!), as far as such theories go. Love, one of the thousands of people scouring crowdsourced satellite site Tomnod for signs of the plane, thinks it crashed into the ocean a mile from the small Malaysian island of Pulau Perak.
Courtney Love Cobain✔
really? look closer? check it out @DR24 #MH370 and its like a mile away Pulau Perak, where they "last" tracked it
1:25 AM - 17 Mar 2014
But what of the Internets more imaginative conspiracy theorists you know, the ones who think the Defense Department orchestrates natural disasters and 9/11 was an inside job? They have a few ideas that make Love look like a veritable aviation expert. We trawled their message boards and YouTube channels so you dont have to.
1. The plane never crashed its just invisible! In a twist straight out of theStar Wars saga, some theorists are claiming that Flight 370 deployed electronic weaponry and cloaking devices that have simply hid it from radar detection. Todays electronic warfare (EW) capability includes weaponry that can hide planes, argues an article on the skepticism-inducing WorthyToShare.net, which sadly offers no solution to how said weaponry would get on a passenger plane.
2. Flight 370 shadowed another plane into Indian airspace. An Ohio IT worker/hobby aviationist named Keith Ledgerwood apparently started a Tumblr for the sole purpose of propagating this theory with pretty decent results. His lengthy post on how the missing plane could hide from radar by flying close to another jet has been reblogged nearly a thousand times. It sounds totally crazy, an aircraft accident investigator told Business Insider.
Crazy but possible! Airplanes can indeed fly in formation. The chances of coordinating and timing such a coordination are just very, very slim.
3. The plane has been at a U.S. Navy base the whole time. The U.S. maintains a logistics base called Diego Garcia in the Chagos Archipelago. Because the Chagos Archipelago is in the Indian Ocean, and because Diego Garcia does indeed have a runway, many a theorist has joyfully concluded that the U.S. military either (a) captured the plane, (b) shot it down as it swooped in for an attack, or (c) planned to divert it to the installation all along. No one ever explains why the U.S. would take such an extraordinary measure, though The Total Collapse a prepper Web site that predicts the apocalypse is convinced that the plane carried some highly suspicious cargo from Seychelles.
It doesnt exactly help that Diego Garcia is, per a book by American Universitys David Vine, one of the most strategically important and secretive U.S. military installations outside the United States. As maps of the search area make pretty clear, however, the island is far from either of the routes suggested by Flight 370s last satellite contact which would put it west of Perth, Australia, or above the southeast Asian mainland.
4. The plane was shot down by a hostile country that is not the U.S. This gem comes courtesy of radio host Rush Limbaugh, who posited that some hostile country flew up there and shot it down, and then discovered their mistake and nobody wants to admit what happened, immediately after acknowledging that he had no idea if this is possible or not. 5. Flight 370 was hijacked by extremists possibly jihadists who may re-outfit the plane for an attack. None other than media mogul Rupert Murdoch has advanced the hijacking theory, arguing on Twitter that the plane is hidden, like Bin Laden (!), in Northern Pakistan. Others have read nefarious future plans into the hijacking, fed by a weekend report in the Telegraph that al-Qaeda may have, at one time, been planning a 9/11-style attack with Malaysian extremists. Pakistan has said its radars never picked up a jet.
6. The flight was abducted by aliens. You really need to consider Santa Clause here bro, retorted a user on the conspiracy forum Above Top Secret one of many, many places where the alien/time-space continuum/wormhole theory has been proposed.
7. The Illuminati planned it and even warned the world in a Pitbull song! Pitbull seems like an unlikely herald of the coming New World Order, but some amazingly earnest YouTube commenters insist that his 2012 song Get It Started, featuring Shakira, alludes to the planes disappearance. The lyrics contain a passing reference to Malaysia: but for now its off to Malaysia/two passports, three cities, two countries, one day.
Per the YouTube masses, the two passports are the two stolen passports used by Iranian passengers apparently migrating to Europe, and the three cities are Kuala Lumpur, Beijing and wherever the plane is now. Alas, Pitbull and his Illuminati masters did not think to include that third location in the song.
WOW! Top 5!
Geez, Top 2 ?!?!?! That’s a record for me! I’m takin’ today off work and having a SILLY PARTY!!!
It’s so silly to try to be in the top 10
Top Ten, I’m pretty sure.
TOP 5.....woot woot
Top 50!!! I’m gonna go play the lottery.
The same week North Korean "accidentally" fired on a passenger plane's flight path.
I'm here for the silkiness! What, you say this is silliness, and silkiness is next door? Sorry.
How many unexpected jet airliners fly into Pakinstani airspace every day? Seriously, how did that conspiracy theory get legs?
Credit to Osage Orange for some3 silliness I promised I would steal yesterday>>
> Fred The Egg Man & His Smart Old Rooster Butch
> > Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young ‘pullets,’ and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
>> He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
>> >> This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
>> >> Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
>> >> Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.
>> >> Fred’s favourite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all!
>> >> When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.
>> >> To Fred’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.
>> >> He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
>> >> Fred was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Brisbane City Show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
>> >> The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Piece Prize,” but they also awarded him the “Pulletsurprise” as well.
>> >> Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.
>> >> Vote carefully in the next election, you cant always hear the bells.
The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time
2. Ignoranus : A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8 Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16 Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
I understand it can glide for an hour. I figure if it powered up for a half hour to get altitude, then glided for an hour, over and over, it landed in Kansas.
It was all a case of bad cellular.
So crazy it just may work!
A man comes home from work one day and finds his wife packing all her clothes into suitcases. “What are you doing?” he asks.”
“I’m leaving you and moving to Las Vegas,” she says.
“Why?” he asks.
His wife replies, “I found out that in Las Vegas I can make $400 for what I’ve been giving you for free.”
The man drags out a suitcase and begins packing his own clothes into it. “What are YOU doing?” his wife asks.
“I’m coming with you,” he replies. “I want to see you try living on $800 a year.”
Silly is here.
TGIF... of course at my job, Friday sucks just as bad as Monday.
But at least I get to chow down on my Minner Cheese Hotdogs. (Pimento cheese on a hotdog bun)
These are are delicacy that I invented about 20 years ago. The wonderful combination came to fruition under circumstances that involved:
a) Being shitfaced at 3am.
b) Being hungry enough to eat anything. (3am drunk hunger)
c) Being broke and not having anything else in the cupboard.
d) I was out of corn and Captain Crunch so I couldn’t make a frozen pizza.
The days of being shitfaced are behind me now (or at least spaced farther apart) but these little gems have stuck with me.
EPIC PROTEST PRANK