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This Pizza Place Rightfully Charges $1,000 For A Side of Ranch
Austinist ^ | Mar 21, 2014 | Aleksander Chan

Posted on 03/21/2014 3:44:15 PM PDT by nickcarraway

Let's just get this out of the way: Putting ranch dressing on your pizza is disgusting and foul and you should feel ashamed of yourself if you desecrate the sanctity of the holy union of bread, tomato sauce, and cheese. For shame!

Anyway, Cane Rosso's in Dallas is doing it right and "charging" customers a sweet grand for the privilege to eat their pizza WRONG. Owner Jay Jerrier explained to Eater the type of people he usually encounters ordering this pghlemy subtance. It's weird, it always seems to be young, college-age girls that ask for it.

Of course, when they caught wind of his joke giant bottle of ranch, the Annals of Reddit reacted as they often do. Everybody [on Reddit] seems to assume we're the worst people in the world, like how dare they tell me how to eat my pizza! Dude, it's a joke. Relax.

But really, it's just a damn Yankee thing.

It was pretty funny how people did take it really seriously and were super offended. I guess it's the Midwest. They love them some ranch.

Also, it's his restaurant. He can do what he wants.

Well you know, at Cane Rosso we really try — and you gotta take this with a grain of salt — we try to stay authentically Neapolitan, but we're also the same guys who are putting brisket on pizza, and bacon marmalade. But we really try to stay far away from the kind of Midwest-American tradition. No chicken, no ham, no pineapple. I think for the most part, again, take it with a grain of salt, Cane Rosso is more about restraint and balance where we're not taking it to extremes. Ban ranch dressing on pizza.


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Food; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: bossy; gauche; pizza; ranchdressing
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1 posted on 03/21/2014 3:44:15 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: Slings and Arrows; carlo3b

2 posted on 03/21/2014 3:44:56 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

If its good its good, some peoples way of eating is just a habit.


3 posted on 03/21/2014 3:48:11 PM PDT by easternsky
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To: nickcarraway

Pineapple doesn’t belong on pizza either. Flog the infidels....


4 posted on 03/21/2014 3:48:39 PM PDT by caver (Obama: Home of the Whopper)
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To: nickcarraway

Well...he’s right, besides everyone knows Ranch Dressing is not healthy.


5 posted on 03/21/2014 3:49:11 PM PDT by PoloSec ( Believe the Gospel: how that Christ died for our sins, was buried and rose again)
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To: nickcarraway

Ask for Ketchup instead.


6 posted on 03/21/2014 3:52:01 PM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: PoloSec

Ranch dressing on steamed broccoli is great stuff, though.


7 posted on 03/21/2014 3:52:38 PM PDT by nesnah (Liberals - the petulant children of politics)
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To: nickcarraway

Good on them. Remind me of a hot dog stand in river grove Illinois. They have no ketchup on a hot dog policy. Ketchup is for kids and New York ers


8 posted on 03/21/2014 3:53:29 PM PDT by Brasky (You miss every shot you never take.)
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To: nickcarraway

To this day, my husband claims he invented the idea of ranch & pizza.


9 posted on 03/21/2014 3:54:31 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: nickcarraway

“It’s weird, it always seems to be young, college-age girls that ask for it.”

Sheer misogyny. And ageism.

Bet he doesn’t have a problem with middle-aged male construction workers putting tabasco or hot pepper flakes on their pizza. Oh, because they’re not idiots, they’re gastronomy experts. Unlike those silly college girls.


10 posted on 03/21/2014 3:54:39 PM PDT by Blue Ink
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To: nickcarraway

“I guess it’s the Midwest. They love them some ranch.”

And ‘salads’ composed of lime jello with shredded vegetables suspended in it topped with miniature marshmallows.

I used to feel sorry for my cousins, but they could have left.


11 posted on 03/21/2014 3:55:32 PM PDT by Psalm 144 (My citizenship is not here.)
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To: nickcarraway

Somehow, I’ve never thought HVR dressing would have become so popular if it had been branded “Hidden Valley Ranch - a Clorox product”.


12 posted on 03/21/2014 3:56:03 PM PDT by bigbob (The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly. Abraham Lincoln)
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To: Brasky

Dirty Harry agrees

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5JIpT4GkyM


13 posted on 03/21/2014 3:56:20 PM PDT by dfwgator
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To: nickcarraway

That’s funny. I like it.


14 posted on 03/21/2014 3:57:20 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: nickcarraway

LOL

Yeah it seems pretty common for people in these parts to order ranch. Its OK but its not for me.


15 posted on 03/21/2014 4:01:09 PM PDT by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: Psalm 144
You mean like these? :-P


16 posted on 03/21/2014 4:01:20 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: nickcarraway
Dude, it's a joke. Relax.

Except that it isn't.

I am really getting tired of people bossing other people around and then when someone stands up to them pretending like it was suppose to be a joke.

I don't like ranch on pizza.

But I would bring in the biggest bottle I could find and plop it on the table in front of me just because the guy is being a jerk about it.

And I would loan it to anyone who asked.

Get over yourselves and stop trying to control people.

Thank you.

17 posted on 03/21/2014 4:03:19 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: caver

I agree, no pineapple! For me it’s ruined even if I remove the pineapple.


18 posted on 03/21/2014 4:03:42 PM PDT by Rusty0604
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

They’re missing the cottage cheese.


19 posted on 03/21/2014 4:03:47 PM PDT by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: nickcarraway

Californians love their ranch too.


20 posted on 03/21/2014 4:04:42 PM PDT by Rusty0604
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To: cripplecreek
Ok here ya go:


21 posted on 03/21/2014 4:05:00 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: nickcarraway

22 posted on 03/21/2014 4:05:02 PM PDT by Fido969 (What's sad is most)
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

I thought I was setting down at my Aunts table. lol


23 posted on 03/21/2014 4:05:27 PM PDT by easternsky
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

GAAAAAAHHHH! YES!


24 posted on 03/21/2014 4:05:45 PM PDT by Psalm 144 (My citizenship is not here.)
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To: cripplecreek
Here's another......looks nasty to me...


25 posted on 03/21/2014 4:05:57 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

The Canadians taught me to eat french fries with vinegar.


26 posted on 03/21/2014 4:06:13 PM PDT by cripplecreek (REMEMBER THE RIVER RAISIN!)
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To: Psalm 144
I can't believe people actually eat those things....


27 posted on 03/21/2014 4:07:16 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: cripplecreek

Taste sorta similar to salt and vinegar ships? Because I like those....Might have to try vinegar fries


28 posted on 03/21/2014 4:07:58 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: dfwgator

I always quote that one to someone who’s about to do it.


29 posted on 03/21/2014 4:08:06 PM PDT by F15Eagle (1Jn4:15;5:4-5,11-13;Mt27:50-54;Mk15:33-34;Jn3:17-18,6:69,11:25,14:6,20:31;Ro10:8-11;1Tm2:5-6;Ti3:4-7)
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To: Blue Ink

“Bet he doesn’t have a problem with middle-aged male construction workers putting tabasco or hot pepper flakes on their pizza. Oh, because they’re not idiots, they’re gastronomy experts.”

Telling construction workers how to eat their pizza is normally not a good idea.


30 posted on 03/21/2014 4:08:39 PM PDT by DugwayDuke
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To: nickcarraway

Another place to avoid like the plague


31 posted on 03/21/2014 4:08:42 PM PDT by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans!)
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To: Psalm 144
Speaking of Jello and Pizza,....


32 posted on 03/21/2014 4:09:20 PM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: Blue Ink
You're right. All of us middle aged construction worker types that put red pepper flakes on pizza are gastronomy experts and totally different from the culinary primates referred to as college-age girls.
33 posted on 03/21/2014 4:09:32 PM PDT by WorkingClassFilth
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To: easternsky

Food snobs of all stripes are irritating and tedious.

If you like it, it’s good.


34 posted on 03/21/2014 4:10:32 PM PDT by Owl558 (Those who remember George Santayana are doomed to repeat him)
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

Is that food or barf?


35 posted on 03/21/2014 4:11:04 PM PDT by dalereed
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

36 posted on 03/21/2014 4:11:19 PM PDT by dfwgator
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

I know how that pumpkin feels!

My best friend has a wonderful, awesome, gun slinging wife. She is very much a Midwestern matron, and DAMN... Can she cook!

The pumpkin reminded me of her cooking, because she had a recipe for a light, complex beef stew that was cooked inside of a pumpkin, and you would scrape the cooked pumpkin off into the stew. That was about 20 years ago and I still remember it.

There is some GREAT cuisine in the Midwest.

But those... _things_ made with jello...

*shudder*


37 posted on 03/21/2014 4:11:26 PM PDT by Psalm 144 (My citizenship is not here.)
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To: Rusty0604

If I were the store owner there would be only one “demand” of my customers pizza eating habits... NO FISH!!! Can’t even bake it in the oven without getting the stink on the other pizzas. Wouldn’t even offer anchovies. YUK!!!


38 posted on 03/21/2014 4:12:00 PM PDT by Hatteras
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

For your fries, take 1/2 cup ketchup and 1/2 cup mayo and mix together. For more spice, go 3/4 cup ketchup and 1/4 cup mayo.

For a burger, flip it (pun intended). 3/4 cup mayo and 1/4 cup ketchup.

For me, it’s mustard of one form or another on a burger 99% of the time. But sometimes I add that to my mustard (burp).


39 posted on 03/21/2014 4:12:51 PM PDT by F15Eagle (1Jn4:15;5:4-5,11-13;Mt27:50-54;Mk15:33-34;Jn3:17-18,6:69,11:25,14:6,20:31;Ro10:8-11;1Tm2:5-6;Ti3:4-7)
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

Looks like a vomit do-nut.


40 posted on 03/21/2014 4:14:05 PM PDT by editor-surveyor (Freepers: Not as smart as I'd hoped they'd be)
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To: caver

I agree completely. Give me the traditional toppings but no anchovies.


41 posted on 03/21/2014 4:17:11 PM PDT by wally_bert (There are no winners in a game of losers. I'm Tommy Joyce, welcome to the Oriental Lounge.)
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To: Rusty0604; caver

“I agree, no pineapple! For me it’s ruined even if I remove the pineapple.”

This isn’t good news for that pineapple and ranch pizza restaraunt I just opened.


42 posted on 03/21/2014 4:17:18 PM PDT by Owl558 (Those who remember George Santayana are doomed to repeat him)
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To: Brasky
Good on them. Remind me of a hot dog stand in river grove Illinois. They have no ketchup on a hot dog policy. Ketchup is for kids and New York ers

Good for them! A hot dog should only have yellow mustard and pickle relish on it.

43 posted on 03/21/2014 4:18:56 PM PDT by Inyo-Mono (NRA)
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To: Owl558

I generally agree with you but one friend of mine put ketchup on biscuits and gravy. I had to make some snide comments about that.


44 posted on 03/21/2014 4:19:33 PM PDT by Lurkina.n.Learnin (This is not just stupid, we're talking Democrat stupid here.)
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To: nickcarraway
You can find a "purist" for just about anything under the sun. They all share one thing in common. They are all a$$holes.
45 posted on 03/21/2014 4:22:30 PM PDT by southern rock
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To: Lurkina.n.Learnin

“....one friend of mine put ketchup on biscuits and gravy.”

Ewwww... Well, I suppose there are some things that shouldn’t be eaten in public.


46 posted on 03/21/2014 4:25:46 PM PDT by Owl558 (Those who remember George Santayana are doomed to repeat him)
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To: nickcarraway

No one dictates what or how I eat my pizza or anything else. Aside from table manners, I will eat and combine ingredients however I wish. This is America, right... oh, no, it isn’t the free America I once knew but the nazi run country where everything I do is spied upon and I get told what I can and can not do or say. Just wait until Moo shuts his place down for serving high fat and high calorie foods.


47 posted on 03/21/2014 4:26:19 PM PDT by bgill
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To: easternsky

Me too!! I wouldn’t eat it though.


48 posted on 03/21/2014 4:27:02 PM PDT by windcliff
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To: southern rock
You can find a "purist" for just about anything under the sun. They all share one thing in common. They are all a$$holes.

Well I was GONNA say that as a purist, if I opened a pizza joint, the only thing I would serve would be cheese pizza, and pepperoni pizza. And the only option would be to get it half-and-half. And of course, these would be the best damn cheese and pepperoni pizzas in the world.

But now? Never mind.

49 posted on 03/21/2014 4:28:14 PM PDT by Talisker (One who commands, must obey.)
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To: DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis

Absolutely gross.


50 posted on 03/21/2014 4:28:38 PM PDT by windcliff
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