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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Silliness from around the world | Friday, March 28, 2014 | uochuck sitting in for Lucky9teen

Posted on 03/28/2014 3:50:50 AM PDT by upchuck

Are you ready for some Friday Silliness?

lucky9teen sent me a FReepmail saying she is sick and asking me to post this thread. This is an awesome responsibility and I hope, with your help, that this thread will be a crazy, insane, off-the-wall and out-of-the-box experience.

Let's get started:

Some would say this is a perfect mix:


Lots of new stories lately about people who are "other than heterosexual." Let us always remember that a transvestite is just a guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.
Let me see if I have this correct...

Ukraine buys almost all its energy (natural gas)from Russia. Revenues from natural gas sales are a primary source of income for Russia.

Because of the recent disagreement between Ukraine and Russia, Russia is raising the price of natural gas it sells to Ukraine.

Ukraine is almost broke and can't afford the increase in the natural gas price because it would be forced into bankruptcy.

Obama(the USA) just announced the United States is giving Ukraine $1 billion to assist in paying for the higher priced natural gas it buys from Russia.

So, the United States is actually giving Russia $1 billion because the money is just passing through Ukraine.

The first question: Has Putin figured out a way to raise the price of his natural gas sales and make the U.S. pay for the increase?

Next question: Was he really in the KGB or was he a commodities trader?

If this analysis is accurate, Putin just got Obama(the USA) to pay him $1 billion by holding a press conference and trucking some troops across town from the Russian Navy base in Ukraine.

Who is the smartest guy in the room now?


And, speaking of being the smartest guy in the room:


Fun fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb, the anus forms before any other opening. Which means at one point you were nothing but an asshole.

Some people never develop beyond this stage.




H/T to smoothsailing



                A Tale of Two Cities

Chicago Houston

Population 2.7 million 2.15 million

Median HH Income $38,600 $37,000

% African-Americ 38.9% 24%

% Hispanic 29.9% 44%

% Asian 5.5% 6%

% Non-Hispanic White 28.7 26%

Pretty similar until you compare the following:

Chicago Houston

Concealed Carry gun law no yes

# of Gun Stores 0 184 Dedicated gun stores plus 1500 legal places to buy guns: Walmart, K-mart, sporting goods, etc.

Homicides in 2012 1,806 207

Homicides per 100K 38.4 9.6

Avg. Jan. high temp. (F) 31 63

Liberal conclusion: Cold weather causes murder.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst
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1 posted on 03/28/2014 3:50:51 AM PDT by upchuck
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

Seriously. No. Motivation. To. Work.
BUT I'M ALL FOR


CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST

GET WELL
SOON LUCKY!

2 posted on 03/28/2014 3:52:06 AM PDT by upchuck (South Carolina Representative Trey Gowdy for Speaker of the House!!!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Well, here it is. Hope this lives up to your standards and that I didn’t embarrass you very much. Get well.


3 posted on 03/28/2014 3:59:55 AM PDT by upchuck (South Carolina Representative Trey Gowdy for Speaker of the House!!!)
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To: upchuck

I’m here this week!!


4 posted on 03/28/2014 4:03:50 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: upchuck

#5!!!! It’s early this week. I’ll be in and out today.

Get well Lucky.


5 posted on 03/28/2014 4:09:33 AM PDT by fredhead (Join the Navy and see the world.....77% of which is covered in water.)
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To: upchuck

PSYCHOPATH TEST

Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result.
This is not a trick question.
It is as it reads.
No one I know has gotten it right, Few people do.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know.
She thought this guy was amazing.
She believed him to be her dream guy so much that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him.
A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?
Give this some thought before you answer, see answer below

Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath.
This was a test by a famous American Psychologist used to determine if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly.
If you didn’t answer the question correctly, good for you.
If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take your crazy ass off my e-mail list!


6 posted on 03/28/2014 4:11:29 AM PDT by mabarker1 (Please, Somebody Impeach the kenyan!!!!)
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To: upchuck

Top 10 at 7:20 EDT!


7 posted on 03/28/2014 4:20:48 AM PDT by eCSMaster ("It is not the color of his skin, ... it is the blackness that fills his soul")
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To: eCSMaster

top 10
spring has sprung.


8 posted on 03/28/2014 4:31:11 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: upchuck

Top 10 wahoooo


9 posted on 03/28/2014 4:31:14 AM PDT by verga (Poor spiritual health is often manifested with poor physical health.)
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To: upchuck

10 posted on 03/28/2014 4:37:37 AM PDT by Dallas59 (Obama: The first "White Black" President.)
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To: upchuck

11 posted on 03/28/2014 4:37:50 AM PDT by red-dawg (<<< click for info on my book.)
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To: upchuck; Reaganite Republican; Hillarys Gate Cult
Stolen from Reaganite Republican:

Back when Hillary Clinton was a US Senator, her driver was taking the dumpy lesbian communist back from a trip upstate when they turned the sharp corner of a country road and struck a cow, killing the animal and damaging the limo...

Her sense of priveledge and superiority had Hill thinking 'screw it, let's just take off' but a small gathering of townspeople appeared and -fearful one might have a camera or word would get back to the farmer- she thought better of it, telling the driver 'Look, we've got to find the owner of this cow and tell the guy what happened'.

Looking around, they found the nearest farmhouse- she sends the driver in to do the talking and explain what he'd done.

Hillary is waiting out in the car, 20, 30 minutes... and hour passes and still nothing.

She says to herself 'What's taking this damn idiot so long?' and storms up to the front door. As she approaches the driver comes staggering out, clothing disheveled, reaking of alcohol, lipstick on his collar, etc.

Hillary is livid, and lays into him good: 'What the hell were you doing in their for an hour?!?'

He says 'Look, the farmer made me sit down for a 20-year-old Scotch he uncorked, his wife handed me a Cuban cigar and hugged me so tight I thought I was going to die... then their 18-year-old daughter nearly ripped my clothes off as I attempted to make an escape!"

H: "What on Earth did you say to them?"

D: "All I said was 'Hello sir, I'm Hillary Clinton's limo driver, and I'm the one who just killed the old cow...' "

Stolen from Hillarys Gate Cult:

A girl goes into the doctor’s office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red “H” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies. “I guess it just leaves an impression.”

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue “Y” on her chest. “How did you get that mark on your chest?” asks the doctor.

“Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he’s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love,” she replies.

A couple of days later, Hillary comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor.

“No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?”

12 posted on 03/28/2014 4:39:55 AM PDT by verga (Poor spiritual health is often manifested with poor physical health.)
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To: Dallas59

I have one. It is fun every time.


13 posted on 03/28/2014 4:44:23 AM PDT by bmwcyle (People who do not study history are destine to believe really ignorant statements.)
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To: upchuck

Top Twenty.
(I just got home from work)


14 posted on 03/28/2014 4:56:42 AM PDT by RandallFlagg ("I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it." --Quigley)
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To: upchuck

TOP 20!!! Maybe.


15 posted on 03/28/2014 4:58:00 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I don't know when the UFO dumped off all these stupid people, but I guess they're not coming back.)
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To: upchuck
Take note: A Real-life Marge Simpson...


16 posted on 03/28/2014 4:59:57 AM PDT by Old Sarge (TINVOWOOT: There Is No Voting Our Way Out Of This)
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To: upchuck
When construction workers don't act like themselves
17 posted on 03/28/2014 5:01:03 AM PDT by Pan_Yan (Who told you that you were naked? Genesis 3:11)
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To: Pan_Yan
That even made The Doctor and Rose LOL:


18 posted on 03/28/2014 5:15:20 AM PDT by Old Sarge (TINVOWOOT: There Is No Voting Our Way Out Of This)
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To: upchuck

19 posted on 03/28/2014 5:25:56 AM PDT by Daffynition ("If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right." ~ Henry Ford)
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To: upchuck

Psychology Vs. Law

A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded university library. He asked a girl:”Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl replied in a loud voice: “I DON’T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!”

All the students in the library started staring at the guy. He was truly embarrassed and moved to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy’s table and said with a laugh: “I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”

The guy then responded in a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? . . . THAT’S TOO MUCH!”

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.

The guy whispered to her: “I study law, and I know how to screw people.”


20 posted on 03/28/2014 5:32:02 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Daffynition
Gun porn, and a delicious breakfast, what more could a guy want?

Ok, two more things, a beautiful woman and a beer...

5.56mm

21 posted on 03/28/2014 5:38:59 AM PDT by M Kehoe
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To: M Kehoe
Gun porn, and a delicious breakfast, what more could a guy want?

Reminds of an old song I was listening to yesterday. "...the only two things in life that make it worth living, guitars tuned good and firm feeling women...."

Not silly, I know.

22 posted on 03/28/2014 5:42:44 AM PDT by Envisioning (It's the Jihad, stupid......)
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To: Pan_Yan

A stinkin’ SNICKERS commercial?? ;-P


23 posted on 03/28/2014 5:48:25 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: TheOldLady

If your going to be funny and creative you might as well get paid for it.


24 posted on 03/28/2014 5:54:56 AM PDT by Pan_Yan (Who told you that you were naked? Genesis 3:11)
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To: upchuck

Winter cold causes murders — global warming to blame!


25 posted on 03/28/2014 6:00:19 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: mabarker1

26 posted on 03/28/2014 6:03:37 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: ShadowAce

27 posted on 03/28/2014 6:06:17 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: fredhead

28 posted on 03/28/2014 6:08:37 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: upchuck; Monkey Face

29 posted on 03/28/2014 6:12:05 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: upchuck

Thanks for fillin in...
TGIF!!!!!


30 posted on 03/28/2014 6:13:16 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Dallas59

31 posted on 03/28/2014 6:14:58 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: upchuck

32 posted on 03/28/2014 6:16:24 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Envisioning

Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey, and more money.


33 posted on 03/28/2014 6:20:06 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: M Kehoe

34 posted on 03/28/2014 6:20:30 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: TheOldLady
A crummy commercial??


35 posted on 03/28/2014 6:21:48 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: red-dawg

36 posted on 03/28/2014 6:24:24 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: upchuck

mlak mlak


37 posted on 03/28/2014 6:26:14 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Pan_Yan

Oh, sorry. My “Christmas Story” reference sailed right past you that time.

Snickers and Payday = my two favorite candy bars for many years.

My low-carb diet put an end to them for me, though. Sigh...


38 posted on 03/28/2014 6:27:11 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: verga

39 posted on 03/28/2014 6:27:25 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: upchuck

40 posted on 03/28/2014 6:27:31 AM PDT by Heartlander (We are all Rodeo Clowns now!)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

Indeed.

Be sure to drink your Ovaltine!


41 posted on 03/28/2014 6:31:01 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: TheOldLady
My “Christmas Story” reference sailed right past you that time.

I can be a little dense sometimes; like when I'm awake.

Drink more Ovaltine. Got it.

42 posted on 03/28/2014 6:33:03 AM PDT by Pan_Yan (Who told you that you were naked? Genesis 3:11)
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My kind of gal.....

A Texas Lady Tale.

Kind of a Texas thing….but maybe you “others” will find enjoyment as well.

One day, a very gentle Texas lady was driving across a bridge in Austin. As she neared the middle of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin (”fixin” in Texas means: has the means or abilities to take action) to jump...

She stopped her car, rolled down the window, and said, “Please don’t jump! Think of your dear mother and father.”

He replied, “My mom and dad are both dead; I’m going to jump.”

She said, “Well, think of your sweet wife and precious children.”

He replied, “I’m not married, and I don’t have any kids.”

She said, “Well, then you just remember the Alamo.”

He replied, ‘’What’s the Alamo?’’

She replied, ‘’Well bless your heart...just go ahead and jump, you little Yankee Democrat Bastard!’’


43 posted on 03/28/2014 6:34:58 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: BenLurkin

Oh, YES! And NOW!


44 posted on 03/28/2014 6:37:15 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I don't know when the UFO dumped off all these stupid people, but I guess they're not coming back.)
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To: Pan_Yan
I can be a little dense sometimes; like when I'm awake.

I still like you anyway. ;-)

I am a fellow dense (slow on the uptake) person as well.
45 posted on 03/28/2014 6:43:37 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: upchuck

46 posted on 03/28/2014 6:46:51 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tre Norner eg ber, binde til rota...)
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To: Envisioning

I live not far from Luckenbach.


47 posted on 03/28/2014 6:47:14 AM PDT by MisterArtery
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Top 50!


48 posted on 03/28/2014 6:50:05 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: upchuck

49 posted on 03/28/2014 7:03:25 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: JRios1968

Top 50

Woohoo!!!!


50 posted on 03/28/2014 7:16:13 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz ("Heck of a reset there, Hillary")
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