Skip to comments.Things I Learned While Watching "Vikings"
Posted on 03/28/2014 7:16:33 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
1. Bjorn Lodbrok has a worse haircut than Kim Jong Un.
2. Beware the Duke of Earl...Haraldson.
3. In Viking vs Viking battles, those wearing plain brown hoodies are doomed to die.
4. Viking trophy wives are high maintenance.
5. Ragnar Lodbrok is a secret humanitarian.
6. Although the Vikings had extensive contacts with North German Saxons, they were unaware of the existence of England until they arrived there.
7. Eighth century Viking women had the sensibilities of 21st century feminists.
8. No-Fault Viking divorce is quick and easy. No lawyers!
9. The Church punished apostate monks by crucifying them and doing their best to make them appear like Jesus including a crown of thorns and a lance in the side.
10. If an English king invites you to go skinny dipping with him in his swimming pool, you better start worrying about his sexual orientation.
11. Kattegat got absorbed by the Jarl Borg because he was dissed.
12. Rollo has an arm covered with L.A. Ink tattoos.
13. Ragnar Lodbrok is really a good ol' boy country farmer.
14. Viking soothsayers give accurate predictions if you are willing to lick their disgusting hands.
15. Rollo can grab a red hot knife for a full 10 seconds without displaying the slightest bit of pain and his hand will show no ill effects.
16. There is no Viking word for foreplay.
17. If you listen carefully to Old Saxon, in less than a minute it will sound exactly like modern English.
18. Hidden church treasure can always be found beneath the altar floorboards.
19. Lutefisk is the Viking MRE of choice when going on raiding parties.
20. Surving a battle is a bummer if you want to enter Valhalla.
21. Viking Duck Dynasty hunted birds with bows and arrows.
22. One of Ragnar's sons grew up to become Kirk Douglas and the other became Tony Curtis with an exotic Bronx accent.
That my Viking ancestors oppressed my Northumbrian ancestors. Can I get reparations?
I learned that not all bloody vikings sing the SPAM song!
That their descendants would cower in fear and let their women be raped by Muslim immigrants...
“Vikings” is on now, in the other room, as I type this. I have never watched any episode.
For some strange reason, I never liked the promos, or the guy who is apparently the lead character. I do not even watch the promos. What am I missing here?
The Earl with the bad hair cut is Ragnar Lothbrok
Viking Shield Maidens actually used swords.
Dunno but Here’s what I learned by playing Skyrim (close enough)
People love writhing in the filth of their own corruption.
Ragnar the Red won’t be harassing shieldmaidens in taverns anytime soon.
The Cloud District seems to resemble Folsom Street.
There was a rash of disability hiring involving Jarls, former adventurers and knees.
Cat men bleed a lot.
Lydia thinks my memory is bad and my burdens are many.
We need more Lydia in the real world.
Jarl Balgruf of Whiterun was a supreme RINO
Skyrim women are highly nationalistic.
Skooma: It explains Democrats.
It seems that no one in that freaking place can function without me.
Warriors from Hammerfell have curved swords...CURVED SWORDS!!!
21. Athelstan needs to enter a Faith Conflict Resolution Program.
Lodbrok means hairy-pants.
Make that #23 about Athelstan.
I’d rather spend my time watching THE VIKINGS with Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis.
Or even THE LONG SHIPS with Richard Widmark and Sidney Poitier.
Vikings had power saws, as evidenced by the cuts on their firewood and the ends of the logs used on their buildings!!!
LOL!! Nicely done. Great thread to read. :-)
Sounds like a candidate for exposure in ‘True the facts’ or whatever that thing the Dems had going for 2 days on the net was ;)
I learn don’t mess with the Viking women LOL!
PJ you know what I may be part Viking through my mixture of Russia side
I cant’ get wait get the season when they invaded Russia aka RUS
Very similar to how everyone in ancient Rome spoke with an English accent.
Furniture by ikea
They don’t really wear horn helmets?
“Furniture by ikea”
I like my Ikea furniture and household accessories.
It was a breeze to ship from Slovakia, where I bought it, to the Philippines.
Nope. It’s a myth.
Good list. One of my favorite shows
Kittehs are on vacation. You need me to zit somebody?
Katheryn Winnick (Lagertha) is hot.
Indeed. We have a bit as did the vikings
I learned Katheryn Winnick could get a restraining order filed against my stalking her faster than you can say "Ragnar Lodbrok"...
I don’t think your list is exactly fair. I’ve studied Viking weapons, fighting arts and culture for a little while now and so far have found the show to be refreshing in its attention to detail. Not perfect, and I’m sure with some license, but seriously... Altogether it’s a reasonably fair presentation of historical Viking life. The combat sequences have been -far- more accurate than movie swordplay usually is presented.
Rurik the Rude.
Language warning ;)
Well, I was thinking of checking out this show, but I learned from the commercial that I wasn’t interested. It showed a Viking chick carrying a tray of food, but that wasn’t good enough for a Norse feminist. She contemptuously tossed the tray aside and pulled out a sword.
Why serve the men when you can be one of them?
Yeah, that’s historically accurate. /s Sadly, I passed on the show.
It’s a jungle out there.
BTW VIKINGS has been renewed by History Channel for a third season already.
In the history of the Church, not one apostate or heretic was ever punished by crucifixion. And on top of that made to appear like Jesus on the cross complete with a crown of thorns and a lance into the side.
Is it me...or is vikings just sons of anarchy with vikings...
Ragnor reminds me of Jax..
(The pic is hotlinked)
Sorry, I meant to ping you to post #40 but typed “Pookie18” by mistake.
OK, who filmed me before I got the game? ;)
PS, some awesome new mods lately...and ESO is out in a week or so ;) Think I’ll give it a go...
Whoa! Now that’s pretty cool!
Here’s an even more better Viking/Slavic number -
ZOT Lightning music!
Well, OK... I'll give you that one. But for the most part the details of Viking life and combat are reasonably well presented.