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Things I Learned While Watching "Vikings"
Self | March 28, 2014 | PJ-Comix

Posted on 03/28/2014 7:16:33 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

1. Bjorn Lodbrok has a worse haircut than Kim Jong Un.

2. Beware the Duke of Earl...Haraldson.

3. In Viking vs Viking battles, those wearing plain brown hoodies are doomed to die.

4. Viking trophy wives are high maintenance.

5. Ragnar Lodbrok is a secret humanitarian.

6. Although the Vikings had extensive contacts with North German Saxons, they were unaware of the existence of England until they arrived there.

7. Eighth century Viking women had the sensibilities of 21st century feminists.

8. No-Fault Viking divorce is quick and easy. No lawyers!

9. The Church punished apostate monks by crucifying them and doing their best to make them appear like Jesus including a crown of thorns and a lance in the side.

10. If an English king invites you to go skinny dipping with him in his swimming pool, you better start worrying about his sexual orientation.

11. Kattegat got absorbed by the Jarl Borg because he was dissed.

12. Rollo has an arm covered with L.A. Ink tattoos.

13. Ragnar Lodbrok is really a good ol' boy country farmer.

14. Viking soothsayers give accurate predictions if you are willing to lick their disgusting hands.

15. Rollo can grab a red hot knife for a full 10 seconds without displaying the slightest bit of pain and his hand will show no ill effects.

16. There is no Viking word for “foreplay.”

17. If you listen carefully to Old Saxon, in less than a minute it will sound exactly like modern English.

18. Hidden church treasure can always be found beneath the altar floorboards.

19. Lutefisk is the Viking MRE of choice when going on raiding parties.

20. Surving a battle is a bummer if you want to enter Valhalla.

21. Viking Duck Dynasty hunted birds with bows and arrows.

22. One of Ragnar's sons grew up to become Kirk Douglas and the other became Tony Curtis with an exotic Bronx accent.


TOPICS: Music/Entertainment
KEYWORDS: historychannel; vikings
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These are some of the things I learned while watching "Vikings." What did YOU learn?
1 posted on 03/28/2014 7:16:33 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: RebelTex; cabojoe; Conspiracy Guy; Lady Jag; glock rocks; MeekOneGOP; sam_paine; ...

PING!


2 posted on 03/28/2014 7:19:06 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (ObamaCare unsubsidized PAID Enrollment Prediction: 66,666)
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To: PJ-Comix

That my Viking ancestors oppressed my Northumbrian ancestors. Can I get reparations?


3 posted on 03/28/2014 7:23:03 PM PDT by joelt
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To: PJ-Comix

I learned that not all bloody vikings sing the SPAM song!


4 posted on 03/28/2014 7:24:38 PM PDT by left that other site
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To: PJ-Comix

That their descendants would cower in fear and let their women be raped by Muslim immigrants...


5 posted on 03/28/2014 7:25:24 PM PDT by 2banana (My common ground with terrorists - they want to die for islam and we want to kill them)
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To: PJ-Comix

“Vikings” is on now, in the other room, as I type this. I have never watched any episode.
For some strange reason, I never liked the promos, or the guy who is apparently the lead character. I do not even watch the promos. What am I missing here?


6 posted on 03/28/2014 7:27:33 PM PDT by AlexW
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To: PJ-Comix

The Earl with the bad hair cut is Ragnar Lothbrok

http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0337675/

Viking Shield Maidens actually used swords.


7 posted on 03/28/2014 7:28:48 PM PDT by Reaganez
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To: PJ-Comix; KC_Lion; TADSLOS

Dunno but Here’s what I learned by playing Skyrim (close enough)

People love writhing in the filth of their own corruption.

Ragnar the Red won’t be harassing shieldmaidens in taverns anytime soon.

The Cloud District seems to resemble Folsom Street.

There was a rash of disability hiring involving Jarls, former adventurers and knees.

Cat men bleed a lot.

Lydia thinks my memory is bad and my burdens are many.

We need more Lydia in the real world.

Jarl Balgruf of Whiterun was a supreme RINO

Skyrim women are highly nationalistic.

Skooma: It explains Democrats.

It seems that no one in that freaking place can function without me.

Warriors from Hammerfell have curved swords...CURVED SWORDS!!!


8 posted on 03/28/2014 7:29:27 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: joelt

21. Athelstan needs to enter a Faith Conflict Resolution Program.


9 posted on 03/28/2014 7:29:31 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (ObamaCare unsubsidized PAID Enrollment Prediction: 66,666)
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To: PJ-Comix

Lodbrok means hairy-pants.


10 posted on 03/28/2014 7:30:30 PM PDT by Valpal1 (If the police can t solve a problem with violence, they ll find a way to fix it with brute force)
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To: PJ-Comix

Make that #23 about Athelstan.


11 posted on 03/28/2014 7:30:52 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (ObamaCare unsubsidized PAID Enrollment Prediction: 66,666)
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To: PJ-Comix
16. There is no Viking word for “foreplay.”
There is no foreplay in negotiating with a viking.
12 posted on 03/28/2014 7:31:08 PM PDT by justrepublican (Screaming like a "Vexatious requester" at a Wellstone memorial...........)
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To: PJ-Comix

I’d rather spend my time watching THE VIKINGS with Kirk Douglas and Tony Curtis.

Or even THE LONG SHIPS with Richard Widmark and Sidney Poitier.


13 posted on 03/28/2014 7:32:44 PM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar (Sometimes you need 7+ more ammo. LOTS MORE.)
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To: PJ-Comix

Vikings had power saws, as evidenced by the cuts on their firewood and the ends of the logs used on their buildings!!!


14 posted on 03/28/2014 7:35:27 PM PDT by Forrestfire ("If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking." Gen. George Patton)
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To: PJ-Comix

LOL!! Nicely done. Great thread to read. :-)


15 posted on 03/28/2014 7:37:11 PM PDT by SueRae (It isn't over. In God We Trust.)
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To: Forrestfire

Sounds like a candidate for exposure in ‘True the facts’ or whatever that thing the Dems had going for 2 days on the net was ;)


16 posted on 03/28/2014 7:38:35 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: PJ-Comix

I learn don’t mess with the Viking women LOL!

PJ you know what I may be part Viking through my mixture of Russia side
I cant’ get wait get the season when they invaded Russia aka RUS


17 posted on 03/28/2014 7:39:05 PM PDT by SevenofNine (We are Freepers, all your media bases belong to us ,resistance is futile)
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To: PJ-Comix
17. If you listen carefully to Old Saxon, in less than a minute it will sound exactly like modern English.

Very similar to how everyone in ancient Rome spoke with an English accent.

18 posted on 03/28/2014 7:39:17 PM PDT by Colonel_Flagg (Some people meet their heroes. I raised mine. Go Army.)
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To: Forrestfire

Furniture by ikea


19 posted on 03/28/2014 7:39:31 PM PDT by morphing libertarian
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To: PJ-Comix
I learned that I can't watch a battle scene with out THIS going through my head...
20 posted on 03/28/2014 7:42:16 PM PDT by Hatteras
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To: PJ-Comix

They don’t really wear horn helmets?


21 posted on 03/28/2014 7:44:58 PM PDT by right way right (America has embraced the suck of Freedumb.)
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To: morphing libertarian

“Furniture by ikea”
____________________________________________
I like my Ikea furniture and household accessories.
It was a breeze to ship from Slovakia, where I bought it, to the Philippines.


22 posted on 03/28/2014 7:45:26 PM PDT by AlexW
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To: right way right

Nope. It’s a myth.


23 posted on 03/28/2014 7:47:03 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: PJ-Comix

Good list. One of my favorite shows


24 posted on 03/28/2014 7:50:28 PM PDT by Sybeck1 (Vote McDaniel June 3rd Mississippi!)
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To: PJ-Comix

Kittehs are on vacation. You need me to zit somebody?

25 posted on 03/28/2014 7:51:57 PM PDT by Focault's Pendulum (I live in NJ....' Nuff said!)
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To: PJ-Comix

Katheryn Winnick (Lagertha) is hot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7DetRzhxPU


26 posted on 03/28/2014 7:56:36 PM PDT by chrisinoc
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To: AlexW

Indeed. We have a bit as did the vikings


27 posted on 03/28/2014 7:58:00 PM PDT by morphing libertarian
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To: PJ-Comix
I learned from "Black Sails" on Starz that unless you had a "redacted" tent, yer pirate crew wouldn't work as hard. (A captain named Flynt? A cook named John Silver? Quartermaster named Billy Bones? hmmmmm. Fun stuff!)
28 posted on 03/28/2014 8:01:07 PM PDT by dynachrome (Vertrou in God en die Mauser)
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To: PJ-Comix
Katheryn Winnick photo: Katheryn Winnick katheryn-winnick-89496.jpg

I learned Katheryn Winnick could get a restraining order filed against my stalking her faster than you can say "Ragnar Lodbrok"...

29 posted on 03/28/2014 8:01:19 PM PDT by Snickering Hound
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To: PJ-Comix

I don’t think your list is exactly fair. I’ve studied Viking weapons, fighting arts and culture for a little while now and so far have found the show to be refreshing in its attention to detail. Not perfect, and I’m sure with some license, but seriously... Altogether it’s a reasonably fair presentation of historical Viking life. The combat sequences have been -far- more accurate than movie swordplay usually is presented.


30 posted on 03/28/2014 8:02:48 PM PDT by Ramius (Personally, I give us one chance in three. More tea anyone?)
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To: SevenofNine
PJ you know what I may be part Viking through my mixture of Russia side

Rurik the Rude.

31 posted on 03/28/2014 8:03:02 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (ObamaCare unsubsidized PAID Enrollment Prediction: 66,666)
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To: Norm Lenhart; TADSLOS; GraceG


32 posted on 03/28/2014 8:03:46 PM PDT by KC_Lion (Build the America you want to live in at your address, and keep looking up.- Sarah Palin)
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To: KC_Lion

Language warning ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSDfxde8fSg


33 posted on 03/28/2014 8:08:02 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: PJ-Comix

Well, I was thinking of checking out this show, but I learned from the commercial that I wasn’t interested. It showed a Viking chick carrying a tray of food, but that wasn’t good enough for a Norse feminist. She contemptuously tossed the tray aside and pulled out a sword.
Why serve the men when you can be one of them?

Yeah, that’s historically accurate. /s Sadly, I passed on the show.


34 posted on 03/28/2014 8:08:03 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization).)
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To: Norm Lenhart; KC_Lion

It’s a jungle out there.


35 posted on 03/28/2014 8:10:39 PM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: PJ-Comix

BTW VIKINGS has been renewed by History Channel for a third season already.


36 posted on 03/28/2014 8:12:42 PM PDT by Reaganez
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To: Ramius
I don’t think your list is exactly fair.

In the history of the Church, not one apostate or heretic was ever punished by crucifixion. And on top of that made to appear like Jesus on the cross complete with a crown of thorns and a lance into the side.

37 posted on 03/28/2014 8:16:06 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (ObamaCare unsubsidized PAID Enrollment Prediction: 66,666)
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To: Norm Lenhart; TADSLOS
I prefer this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY
38 posted on 03/28/2014 8:16:25 PM PDT by KC_Lion (Build the America you want to live in at your address, and keep looking up.- Sarah Palin)
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To: PJ-Comix

Is it me...or is vikings just sons of anarchy with vikings...
Ragnor reminds me of Jax..


39 posted on 03/28/2014 8:17:49 PM PDT by OL Hickory (Jesus and the American soldier-1 died for your soul/1 died for your freedom)
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To: CatherineofAragon; Salamander; Norm Lenhart; pookie18
I learned that I don't ned to watch the show 'cause I can get my fill of Viking through watching their Slavic descendants sing Pagan Heavy Metal -

(The pic is hotlinked)

40 posted on 03/28/2014 8:19:14 PM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: Snickering Hound
Viking princess Alyssa Sutherland
41 posted on 03/28/2014 8:19:17 PM PDT by Reaganez
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To: PJ-Comix; pookie18

Sorry, I meant to ping you to post #40 but typed “Pookie18” by mistake.


42 posted on 03/28/2014 8:21:40 PM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: KC_Lion

OK, who filmed me before I got the game? ;)

PS, some awesome new mods lately...and ESO is out in a week or so ;) Think I’ll give it a go...


43 posted on 03/28/2014 8:21:52 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: shibumi

Whoa! Now that’s pretty cool!


44 posted on 03/28/2014 8:23:27 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization).)
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To: KC_Lion

LMAO.


45 posted on 03/28/2014 8:26:36 PM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: CatherineofAragon; Salamander; Norm Lenhart; PJ-Comix

Here’s an even more better Viking/Slavic number -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7fuuDc2hH0


46 posted on 03/28/2014 8:28:08 PM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: shibumi

ZOT Lightning music!


47 posted on 03/28/2014 8:30:13 PM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: shibumi
That's not a viking maiden...THIS is a viking maiden ;)  photo Lydias.jpg
48 posted on 03/28/2014 8:31:20 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: PJ-Comix
It's always dark and dreary November weather in Kattegat.
England too apparently.
But it makes sense. According to most movies, it's always winter in Russia.

49 posted on 03/28/2014 8:31:48 PM PDT by BitWielder1 (Corporate Profits are better than Government Waste)
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To: PJ-Comix
In the history of the Church, not one apostate or heretic was ever punished by crucifixion. And on top of that made to appear like Jesus on the cross complete with a crown of thorns and a lance into the side.

Well, OK... I'll give you that one. But for the most part the details of Viking life and combat are reasonably well presented.

50 posted on 03/28/2014 8:35:12 PM PDT by Ramius (Personally, I give us one chance in three. More tea anyone?)
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