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Things I Learned While Watching "Vikings"
Self | March 28, 2014 | PJ-Comix

Posted on 03/28/2014 7:16:33 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

1. Bjorn Lodbrok has a worse haircut than Kim Jong Un.

2. Beware the Duke of Earl...Haraldson.

3. In Viking vs Viking battles, those wearing plain brown hoodies are doomed to die.

4. Viking trophy wives are high maintenance.

5. Ragnar Lodbrok is a secret humanitarian.

6. Although the Vikings had extensive contacts with North German Saxons, they were unaware of the existence of England until they arrived there.

7. Eighth century Viking women had the sensibilities of 21st century feminists.

8. No-Fault Viking divorce is quick and easy. No lawyers!

9. The Church punished apostate monks by crucifying them and doing their best to make them appear like Jesus including a crown of thorns and a lance in the side.

10. If an English king invites you to go skinny dipping with him in his swimming pool, you better start worrying about his sexual orientation.

11. Kattegat got absorbed by the Jarl Borg because he was dissed.

12. Rollo has an arm covered with L.A. Ink tattoos.

13. Ragnar Lodbrok is really a good ol' boy country farmer.

14. Viking soothsayers give accurate predictions if you are willing to lick their disgusting hands.

15. Rollo can grab a red hot knife for a full 10 seconds without displaying the slightest bit of pain and his hand will show no ill effects.

16. There is no Viking word for “foreplay.”

17. If you listen carefully to Old Saxon, in less than a minute it will sound exactly like modern English.

18. Hidden church treasure can always be found beneath the altar floorboards.

19. Lutefisk is the Viking MRE of choice when going on raiding parties.

20. Surving a battle is a bummer if you want to enter Valhalla.

21. Viking Duck Dynasty hunted birds with bows and arrows.

22. One of Ragnar's sons grew up to become Kirk Douglas and the other became Tony Curtis with an exotic Bronx accent.


TOPICS: Music/Entertainment
KEYWORDS: historychannel; vikings
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To: Snickering Hound
Viking princess Alyssa Sutherland
41 posted on 03/28/2014 8:19:17 PM PDT by Reaganez
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To: PJ-Comix; pookie18

Sorry, I meant to ping you to post #40 but typed “Pookie18” by mistake.


42 posted on 03/28/2014 8:21:40 PM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: KC_Lion

OK, who filmed me before I got the game? ;)

PS, some awesome new mods lately...and ESO is out in a week or so ;) Think I’ll give it a go...


43 posted on 03/28/2014 8:21:52 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: shibumi

Whoa! Now that’s pretty cool!


44 posted on 03/28/2014 8:23:27 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization).)
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To: KC_Lion

LMAO.


45 posted on 03/28/2014 8:26:36 PM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: CatherineofAragon; Salamander; Norm Lenhart; PJ-Comix

Here’s an even more better Viking/Slavic number -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7fuuDc2hH0


46 posted on 03/28/2014 8:28:08 PM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: shibumi

ZOT Lightning music!


47 posted on 03/28/2014 8:30:13 PM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: shibumi
That's not a viking maiden...THIS is a viking maiden ;)  photo Lydias.jpg
48 posted on 03/28/2014 8:31:20 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: PJ-Comix
It's always dark and dreary November weather in Kattegat.
England too apparently.
But it makes sense. According to most movies, it's always winter in Russia.

49 posted on 03/28/2014 8:31:48 PM PDT by BitWielder1 (Corporate Profits are better than Government Waste)
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To: PJ-Comix
In the history of the Church, not one apostate or heretic was ever punished by crucifixion. And on top of that made to appear like Jesus on the cross complete with a crown of thorns and a lance into the side.

Well, OK... I'll give you that one. But for the most part the details of Viking life and combat are reasonably well presented.

50 posted on 03/28/2014 8:35:12 PM PDT by Ramius (Personally, I give us one chance in three. More tea anyone?)
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To: shibumi

Bookmarking for tomorrow morning, when I’m not falling asleep as I am now. Will review. ;)


51 posted on 03/28/2014 8:35:42 PM PDT by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization).)
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To: Reaganez

I learned I think Alyssa Sutherland is HOT and she is not a Viking. she is from Australia. She could be a Viking and I’d still think she is HOT.


52 posted on 03/28/2014 8:37:12 PM PDT by depenzz ("Winning and grinning")
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To: Forrestfire

“Vikings had power saws, as evidenced by the cuts on their firewood and the ends of the logs used on their buildings!!!”

Nice catch dude.


53 posted on 03/28/2014 8:39:09 PM PDT by slouper (LWRC SPR 223)
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To: Ramius
The Vikings are maligned.

It's not their fault that their travel agents lied to them about the availability of operational ATMs in Scotland and England and the availibility of decent weather and great beaches to be able enjoy their Spring Breaks with the local women.

54 posted on 03/28/2014 8:40:35 PM PDT by Paladin2
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To: Paladin2

Likely a cultural misunderstanding. Normally they rode into battle...we I mean new areas (yea! new areas!) with Coexist bumper stickers on their horses...


55 posted on 03/28/2014 8:43:40 PM PDT by Norm Lenhart (I)
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To: Norm Lenhart
"Likely a cultural misunderstanding"

Yeah, the local monasteries had to be used as ATM substitutes to be able to fund passage home.

56 posted on 03/28/2014 8:50:01 PM PDT by Paladin2
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To: slouper; Forrestfire
“Vikings had power saws, as evidenced by the cuts on their firewood and the ends of the logs used on their buildings!!!”

Nice catch dude.

Why do you think they didn't have saws? There's plenty of evidence that they did. Even by the 8th or 9th century the saw wasn't exactly new technology.

57 posted on 03/28/2014 8:54:32 PM PDT by Ramius (Personally, I give us one chance in three. More tea anyone?)
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To: PJ-Comix
GOLD

SILVER

BRONZE

58 posted on 03/28/2014 8:57:45 PM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: OL Hickory

He has the Hollywood biker vibe.


59 posted on 03/28/2014 9:05:22 PM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Reaganez

http://www.johnspeedie.com/healy/Ooo-eee.wav


60 posted on 03/28/2014 9:07:01 PM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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