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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 04/04/2014 5:40:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Random silliness anyone?





TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness
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Meanwhile....at Wal-Mart


1 posted on 04/04/2014 5:40:39 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...




COMIN' AT YOU

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


2 posted on 04/04/2014 5:42:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10!


3 posted on 04/04/2014 5:42:58 AM PDT by Malone LaVeigh
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10!


4 posted on 04/04/2014 5:42:58 AM PDT by Malone LaVeigh
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To: Lucky9teen

ALIVE


5 posted on 04/04/2014 5:43:09 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

I’m in! Woohoo!!


6 posted on 04/04/2014 5:43:22 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top ten! First time for me!


7 posted on 04/04/2014 5:43:41 AM PDT by 22202NOVA (I was unaware.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP TEN!!


8 posted on 04/04/2014 5:44:28 AM PDT by RandallFlagg ("I said I never had much use for one. Never said I didn't know how to use it." --Quigley)
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To: Lucky9teen

Good Morning! And maybe even top ten!


9 posted on 04/04/2014 5:47:08 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: RandallFlagg

TOP 15.....Been burned before writing top ten and ended up being 11.


10 posted on 04/04/2014 5:47:58 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Lucky9teen; Lazamataz

11 posted on 04/04/2014 5:48:13 AM PDT by Scoutmaster (Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?)
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To: Yorlik803

Top 37.3! w00t!


12 posted on 04/04/2014 5:51:23 AM PDT by Travis T. OJustice (I miss you, dad.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Alice can appreciate an adobe abode.


13 posted on 04/04/2014 5:51:34 AM PDT by tnlibertarian (Beat Lamar! And, if that doesn't work, let's defeat him in the primary.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 30?


14 posted on 04/04/2014 5:53:49 AM PDT by Silentgypsy (Make sure she doesn’t get ahold of the gom jabbar)
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To: Lucky9teen

15 posted on 04/04/2014 5:53:55 AM PDT by Focault's Pendulum (I live in NJ....' Nuff said!)
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To: Lucky9teen

A$$anine


16 posted on 04/04/2014 5:54:54 AM PDT by k4gypsyrose
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To: Yorlik803

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, ‘Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?’

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

‘Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?’

The little boy nodded ‘yes’.

‘So,’ the coach continued, ‘I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?’

The little boy nodded ‘yes’ again.

He continued, ‘And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb ass’ is it?’

The little boy shook his head ‘NO’.

‘GOOD’, said the coach.

‘Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.’


17 posted on 04/04/2014 5:55:40 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

18 posted on 04/04/2014 5:55:42 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: 22202NOVA

19 posted on 04/04/2014 5:57:10 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I have always said we need stoplights with numbers counting down, especially the yellow.


20 posted on 04/04/2014 5:58:27 AM PDT by taterjay
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To: Lucky9teen

How do you know when an Irishman is truly drunk? When he prefers women over whiskey!


21 posted on 04/04/2014 5:58:50 AM PDT by Ronaldus Magnus III (Do, or do not, there is no try.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Anemone. Easy. However, I’m not brilliant. Something wrong with the concept. I’ve been lol’ing until that post. Now just stymied. Oh, well, going back to lol’ing! Thanks for this great thread that never disappoints! Also, glad you’re feeling better!


22 posted on 04/04/2014 5:58:58 AM PDT by Silentgypsy (Make sure she doesn’t get ahold of the gom jabbar)
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To: Lucky9teen

P.S. Technically, it should be “starts.” Nevermind, going back to bed.


23 posted on 04/04/2014 6:00:01 AM PDT by Silentgypsy (Make sure she doesn’t get ahold of the gom jabbar)
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To: Scoutmaster

24 posted on 04/04/2014 6:00:02 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Are there any?


25 posted on 04/04/2014 6:00:34 AM PDT by Mr. Lucky
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To: tnlibertarian

Wow—you’re good!


26 posted on 04/04/2014 6:01:29 AM PDT by Silentgypsy (Make sure she doesn’t get ahold of the gom jabbar)
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To: Lucky9teen

Age


27 posted on 04/04/2014 6:01:30 AM PDT by bray (The Republic of Texas 2022 order here: http://braylog.com/id47.html)
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To: Lucky9teen

Recap of Morels Benghazi testimony.......

http://youtu.be/e18eE33juE8


28 posted on 04/04/2014 6:02:06 AM PDT by MagnoliaB
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To: Disambiguator

29 posted on 04/04/2014 6:04:18 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: BenLurkin

I wonder how many Obama supporters know the name ‘Sysiphus.’


30 posted on 04/04/2014 6:05:03 AM PDT by Scoutmaster (Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?)
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To: Lucky9teen

ARE.


31 posted on 04/04/2014 6:06:21 AM PDT by MortMan (Is a delayed shower a "stay of exablution"?)
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To: Lucky9teen

Alive and alone.


32 posted on 04/04/2014 6:06:42 AM PDT by ruesrose (The Anchor Holds)
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To: Lucky9teen; SunkenCiv

33 posted on 04/04/2014 6:07:39 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Scoutmaster

About one out of 10,000 — maybe less.


34 posted on 04/04/2014 6:09:22 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP....50?

;o]


35 posted on 04/04/2014 6:09:35 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Introverts, UNITE! Separately. In your own homes.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Anyone

A**hole


36 posted on 04/04/2014 6:10:09 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I ‘ace’d that one.


37 posted on 04/04/2014 6:10:47 AM PDT by TomGuy
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To: BenLurkin

LOL


38 posted on 04/04/2014 6:11:06 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (Obama is now making Jimmy Carter look like Attila the Hun. /focus/news/3138768/posts)
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To: Lucky9teen

She has now had 4 Husbands…… This One is a Classic... just Love it.

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered. “Interesting,” the newsman thought... He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now - in her 80’s - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it) - - -She smiled and explained, “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.” (Oh, just hush-up and send this one on to somebody who needs a laugh.)


39 posted on 04/04/2014 6:11:56 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Scoutmaster

LOL!


40 posted on 04/04/2014 6:13:07 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Introverts, UNITE! Separately. In your own homes.)
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To: Focault's Pendulum

41 posted on 04/04/2014 6:13:41 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to ObamaGolf. My name is Trina. How can I help you?

(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Golfsmith stating that my Pro V1 order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your web site, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.

(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the web site. It should be fixed by the end of 2014. But I can help you.

(Customer) Thanks, I ordered some Pro V1 balls.

(Receptionist) Sir, Pro V1’s do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with a choice of Pinnacle, TopFlite, or Callaway Blue.

(Customer) But I have played Pro V1 for years.

(Receptionist) The government has determined that Pro V1s are no longer acceptable, so we have instructed Titleist to stop making them. TopFlites are better, sir, I am sure you will love them.

(Customer) But I like the Pro V1. Why are TopFlites better?

(Receptionist) That is all spelled out in the 2700 page “Affordable Golf Ball Act” passed by Congress.

(Customer) Well, how much are these TopFlites?

(Receptionist) It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package?

(Customer) What’s the difference?

(Receptionist) 12, 24, 36 or 48 balls.

(Customer) The Silver package may be okay; how much is it?

(Receptionist) It depends, sir; what is your monthly income?

(Customer) What does that have to do with anything?

(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government Golf Ball subsidy; then I can determine how much your out-of-pocket cost will be. But if your income is below the poverty level, you might qualify for a subsidy. In that case, I can refer you to our BallAid department.

(Customer) BallAid?

(Receptionist) Yes, golf balls are a right, everyone has a right to golf balls. So, if you can’t afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.

(Customer) Who said they were a right?

(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.

(Customer) Whoa.....I don’t remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding golf balls as a right.

(Receptionist) There’s no explicit mention of golf balls in the Constitution, but President Obama is a former constitutional scholar and he believes it would have been included if the Constitution had not been drafted by a bunch of slave-owning white men. The Democrats in the Congress and the Supreme Court agree with the President that golf balls are now a right guaranteed by the Constitution.

(Customer) I don’t believe this.

(Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is you monthly income sir?

(Customer) Forget it, I think I will forgo the balls this year.

(Receptionist) In that case, sir, I will still need your monthly income.

(Customer) Why?

(Receptionist) To determine what your ‘non-participation’ cost would be.

(Customer) WHAT? You can’t charge me for NOT buying golf balls.

(Receptionist) It’s the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It’s $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income.

(Customer - interrupting) This is ridiculous, I’ll pay the $49.50.

(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $49.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.

(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME? What a rip off!!

(Receptionist) Actually, sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

(Customer) Look, I’m going to call my Congressman to find out what’s going on here. This is ridiculous. I’m not going to pay it.

(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that, sir, that’s why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING?

(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates, sir.

(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door)

(Receptionist) That would be the IRS, sir. Thanks for calling ObamaGolf, have a nice day...and God Bless the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.


42 posted on 04/04/2014 6:16:08 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

ARE


43 posted on 04/04/2014 6:17:38 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (Obama is now making Jimmy Carter look like Attila the Hun. /focus/news/3138768/posts)
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To: ruesrose

44 posted on 04/04/2014 6:18:48 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"


"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, they have the worst customer service, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot."

"And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope sometimes likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me."

"Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."


"Oh, really!" said the haridresser. "What'd he say ?"




"Who ****ed up your hair?"
45 posted on 04/04/2014 6:19:12 AM PDT by SunkenCiv (Obama is now making Jimmy Carter look like Attila the Hun. /focus/news/3138768/posts)
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To: BenLurkin

They should have been worn out years ago.


46 posted on 04/04/2014 6:20:15 AM PDT by Monkey Face (Introverts, UNITE! Separately. In your own homes.)
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To: taterjay
I have always said we need stoplights with numbers counting down, especially the yellow.

Around here we have the Walk/Don't Walk signs with the countdown. It's useful to me as a driver, because I know if I have enough time to roll through the intersection or not.

47 posted on 04/04/2014 6:20:28 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: Scoutmaster

They might know Sisyphus instead. ;)


48 posted on 04/04/2014 6:20:44 AM PDT by secret garden (Why procrastinate when you can perendinate?)
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To: Monkey Face

49 posted on 04/04/2014 6:21:44 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Silentgypsy

Algore?


50 posted on 04/04/2014 6:25:57 AM PDT by Rugbyjump1
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