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Potato-wielding man tried to rob store, dry-cleaners
WPRI ^ | April 22, 2014 | Dan McGowan

Posted on 04/22/2014 8:09:43 PM PDT by ConservativeStatement

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (WPRI) – Talk about a half-baked crime.

Providence police say a man carrying a potato disguised as a gun unsuccessfully attempted to rob a convenience store and a dry-cleaners in the city’s Charles neighborhood Monday afternoon.

The first report came around 2 p.m. when police reported to Branch Avenue convenience store where the store’s manager said he chased the suspect off with a baseball bat after he shouted “give me the money” to the cashier, according to a police report obtained by WPRI.com.

The suspect was described as a white or light-skinned Hispanic male and was about 5’7” tall. He was wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and blue jeans.

(Excerpt) Read more at wpri.com ...


TOPICS: Local News
KEYWORDS: napl; potato; robbery
The new Mr. Potato Head has "white lips."
1 posted on 04/22/2014 8:09:43 PM PDT by ConservativeStatement
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To: ConservativeStatement

Spud gun?


2 posted on 04/22/2014 8:12:06 PM PDT by Antihero101607
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To: ConservativeStatement
Ah ha! Kerry was handing this same weapon over to the Russians! Was it Kerry? Has he had a break down and takin' to tater holdups?

 photo taterhead_zpsb6827ecd.jpg

3 posted on 04/22/2014 8:16:25 PM PDT by Irenic (The pencil sharpener and Elmer's glue is put away-- we've lost the red wheelbarrow)
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To: ConservativeStatement

“I knew it was a spud Ore-Ida shot him daid.” cried the excited store clerk.


4 posted on 04/22/2014 8:17:16 PM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: all armed conservatives)
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To: ConservativeStatement
The new Mr. Potato Head has "white lips."

No doubt it was an assault potato. Time for potato registration, followed by confiscation.

5 posted on 04/22/2014 8:42:54 PM PDT by Mark17 (Chicago Blackhawks: Stanley Cup champions 2010, 2013. Vietnam Vet 70-71 Msgt US Air Force, retired)
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To: tumblindice

Uh. Groan. ;)


6 posted on 04/22/2014 8:43:48 PM PDT by Ray76 (Take over the GOP? You still beg! Forget them. Second Party Now.)
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To: ConservativeStatement

I hope they fry the guy.


7 posted on 04/22/2014 8:43:53 PM PDT by moovova
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To: Slings and Arrows

Ping.


8 posted on 04/22/2014 8:49:00 PM PDT by Army Air Corps (Four Fried Chickens and a Coke)
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To: ConservativeStatement

Checking the Irish neighborhood.


9 posted on 04/22/2014 8:58:12 PM PDT by o-n-money (ned)
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To: tumblindice
“I knew it was a spud Ore-Ida shot him daid.” cried the excited store clerk.

You should be banned for that one. :)

10 posted on 04/22/2014 9:04:12 PM PDT by Veggie Todd (The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. TJ)
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To: ConservativeStatement

Awe...that dude use to be a Spuddy of mine....


11 posted on 04/22/2014 9:07:02 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: ConservativeStatement

He got the idea from 3rd graders kicked out of school for making various types of ‘Vegetable Guns’.

“If it looks real enough to fool a teacher, I should have no problem with this non English speaking clerk”

“He knew he was in trouble when the Manager showed up with a Baseball Bat and told him it was a Shotgun”


12 posted on 04/22/2014 9:08:41 PM PDT by xrmusn ((6/98 --"I would agree with you BUT that would make both of us wrong".))
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To: ConservativeStatement

I always knew he wuz a playuh.

A tuber playuh ...


13 posted on 04/22/2014 9:09:06 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: ConservativeStatement; Slings and Arrows; Revolting cat!; GeronL

Potatoe ban legislation to be filed in 5... 4... 3 minutes...


14 posted on 04/22/2014 9:15:18 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
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To: Army Air Corps; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; martin_fierro; ..


15 posted on 04/22/2014 9:15:55 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Richard Warman censors free speech.)
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To: Vendome
"It's not a tuber!"


16 posted on 04/22/2014 9:18:12 PM PDT by a fool in paradise (The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
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To: ConservativeStatement

Wasn’t that a Monty Python skit?


17 posted on 04/22/2014 9:41:16 PM PDT by logic101.net (How many more children must die on the altar of gun control?)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Serious business, potato guns. Could put your eye out!


18 posted on 04/22/2014 10:02:53 PM PDT by Daffynition (I stand with the Bundy Family!)
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To: Slings and Arrows

So did he stick it down the front or the back of his pants?


19 posted on 04/22/2014 10:18:10 PM PDT by RichInOC (No! BAD Rich! (What'd I say?))
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To: a fool in paradise

Only outlaws will have potatoes!


20 posted on 04/22/2014 10:32:25 PM PDT by GeronL (Vote for Conservatives not for Republicans!)
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To: Daffynition

I’ve heard of potato guns, but never in the artillery sense of the word.


21 posted on 04/22/2014 10:50:56 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Richard Warman censors free speech.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

22 posted on 04/22/2014 11:02:08 PM PDT by Daffynition (I stand with the Bundy Family!)
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To: Daffynition

o/~ I only have eyes for you... o/~

23 posted on 04/22/2014 11:03:38 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (Richard Warman censors free speech.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Dig it!


24 posted on 04/22/2014 11:06:57 PM PDT by Daffynition (I stand with the Bundy Family!)
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To: ConservativeStatement

“Your money or your life — I yam not fooling!”


25 posted on 04/23/2014 2:21:58 AM PDT by twister881
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To: ConservativeStatement

Nary a one o’ them there assault potatos should be allowed acrost the Idaho border without its own serial number. That woulda stopped the criminal right in his tracks.


26 posted on 04/23/2014 2:43:03 AM PDT by Titan Magroyne (What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.)
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To: ConservativeStatement

Where did he get that half baked idea?

He’s making a hash of his life.

“Private Idaho” by the B-52s fits this story very well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vOPFGHV1sQ

Get out of that state you’re in!


27 posted on 04/23/2014 7:52:22 PM PDT by Redcitizen (When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.)
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To: Redcitizen

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQBKpV9emKc

“Mashed Potato Time” by Dee Dee Sharp.


28 posted on 04/23/2014 8:02:30 PM PDT by ConservativeStatement ("World Peace 1.20.09.")
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To: Slings and Arrows

Colonel (Graham Chapman): Right. Carry on Sergeant Major!

Sergeant (John Cleese, shouting throughout): Right sir! Good evening, class.

All (mumbling): Good evening.

Sargeant: Where’s all the others, then?

All: They’re not here.

Sgt.: I can see that. What’s the matter with them?

All: Dunno.

Chapman (member of class): Perhaps they’ve got ‘flu.

Sgt.: Huh! ‘Flu, eh? They should eat more fresh fruit. Ha. Right. Now, self-defence. Tonight I shall be carrying on from where we got to last week when I was showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone who attacks you with armed with a piece of fresh fruit.

(Grumbles from all)

Palin: Oh, you promised you wouldn’t do fruit this week.

Sgt.: What do you mean?

Jones: We’ve done fruit the last nine weeks.

Sgt.: What’s wrong with fruit? You think you know it all, eh?

Palin: Can’t we do something else for a change?

Idle (Welsh): Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick?

Sgt.: Pointed stick? Oh, oh, oh. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I’ll tell you something my lad. When you’re walking home tonight and some homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don’t come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit...

All: We done the passion fruit.

Sgt.: What?

Chapman: We done the passion fruit.

Palin: We done oranges, apples, grapefruit...

Jones: Whole and segments.

Palin: Pomegranates, greengages...

Chapman: Grapes, passion fruit...

Palin: Lemons...

Jones: Plums...

Chapman: Mangoes in syrup...

Sgt.: How about cherries?

All: We did them.

Sgt.: Red *and* black?

All: Yes!

Sgt.: All right then, bananas.

(All sigh.)

Sgt.: We haven’t done them, have we? Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. Now you, come at me with this banana. Catch! Now, it’s quite simple to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana; then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him ‘elpless.

Palin: Suppose he’s got a bunch?

Sgt.: Shut up.

Idle: Suppose he’s got a pointed stick?

Sgt.: Shut up. Right now you, Mr Apricot.

Chapman: ‘Arrison.

Sgt.: Sorry, Mr. ‘Arrison. Come at me with that banana. Hold it like that, that’s it. Now attack me with it. Come on! Come on! Come at me! Come at me then! (Shoots him.)

Chapman: Aaagh! (dies.)

Sgt.: Now, I eat the banana. (Does so.)

Palin: You shot him!

Jones: He’s dead!

Idle: He’s completely dead!

Sgt.: I have now eaten the banana. The deceased, Mr Apricot, is now ‘elpless.

Palin: You shot him. You shot him dead.

Sgt.: Well, he was attacking me with a banana.

Jones: But you told him to.

Sgt.: Look, I’m only doing me job. I have to show you how to defend yourselves against fresh fruit.

Idle: And pointed sticks.

Sgt.: Shut up.

Palin: Suppose I’m attacked by a man with a banana and I haven’t got a gun?

Sgt.: Run for it.

Jones: You could stand and scream for help.

Sgt.: Yeah, you try that with a pineapple down your windpipe.

Jones: A pineapple?

Sgt.: Where? Where?

Jones: No I just said: a pineapple.

Sgt.: Oh. Phew. I thought my number was on that one.

Jones: What, on the pineapple?

Sgt.: Where? Where?

Jones: No, I was just repeating it.

Sgt.: Oh. Oh. I see. Right. Phew. Right that’s bananas then. Now the raspberry. There we are. ‘Armless looking thing, isn’t it? Now you, Mr Tin Peach.

Jones: Thompson.

Sgt.: Thompson. Come at me with that raspberry. Come on. Be as vicious as you like with it.

Jones: No.

Sgt.: Why not?

Jones: You’ll shoot me.

Sgt.: I won’t.

Jones: You shot Mr. Harrison.

Sgt.: That was self-defence. Now come on. I promise I won’t shoot you.

Idle: You promised you’d tell us about pointed sticks.

Sgt.: Shut up. Come on, brandish that raspberry. Come at me with it. Give me Hell.

Jones: Throw the gun away.

Sgt.: I haven’t got a gun.

Jones: You have.

Sgt.: Haven’t.

Jones: You shot Mr ‘Arrison with it.

Sgt.: Oh, that gun.

Jones: Throw it away.

Sgt.: Oh all right. How to defend yourself against a raspberry — without a gun.

Jones: You were going to shoot me!

Sgt.: I wasn’t.

Jones: You were!

Sgt.: No, I wasn’t, I wasn’t. Come on then. Come at me. Come on you weed! You weed, do your worst! Come on, you puny little man. You weed...

(Sgt. pulls a lever in the wall—CRASH! a 16-ton weight falls on Jones)

Jones: Aaagh.

Sgt.: If anyone ever attacks you with a raspberry, just pull the lever and the 16-ton weight will fall on top of him.

Palin: Suppose there isn’t a 16-ton weight?

Sgt.: Well that’s planning, isn’t it? Forethought.

Palin: Well how many 16-ton weights are there?

Sgt.: Look, look, look, Mr Knowall. The 16-ton weight is just _one way_ of dealing with a raspberry killer. There are millions of others!

Idle: Like what?

Sgt.: Shootin’ him?

Palin: Well what if you haven’t got a gun or a 16-ton weight?

Sgt.: Look, look. All right, smarty-pants. You two, you two, come at me then with raspberries. Come on, both of you, whole basket each.

Palin: No guns.

Sgt.: No.

Palin: No 16-ton weights.

Sgt.: No.

Idle: No pointed sticks.

Sgt.: Shut up.

Palin: No rocks up in the ceiling.

Sgt.: No.

Palin: And you won’t kill us.

Sgt.: I won’t.

Palin: Promise.

Sgt.: I promise I won’t kill you. Now. Are you going to attack me?

Palin and Idle: Oh, all right.

Sgt.: Right, now don’t rush me this time. Stalk me. Do it properly. Stalk me. I’ll turn me back. Stalk up behind me, close behind me, then in with the redcurrants! Right? O.K. start moving. Now the first thing to do when you’re being stalked by an ugly mob with redcurrants is to — release the tiger!

(He does so. Growls. Screams.)

Sgt.: The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the fruit-laden foe but also the redcurrants. Tigers however do not relish the peach. The peach assailant should be attacked with a crocodile. Right, now, the rest of you, where are you? I know you’re hiding somewhere with your damsons and prunes. Well I’m ready for you. I’ve wired meself up to 200 tons of gelignite, and if any one of you so much as makes a move we’ll all go up together! Right, right. I warned you. That’s it...

(Explosion.)


29 posted on 04/23/2014 8:22:24 PM PDT by Clay Moore ("To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize." ~Voltaire)
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