Skip to comments.Subtle advice for your daughter's prom date
Posted on 04/26/2014 6:58:04 PM PDT by Rebelbase
Erm. The girl’s dress has a bottom and a top, which is a good start.
“You make her cry,I’ll make you cry.”
“I ain’t got no problem goin back to prison, son.”
I like that.
"I'll make you wish that you had died as a child...."
Ah memories. My prom date’s dad was a police officer who did the “subtle” talk too: “Son, bring her home before midnight in the same condition she goes out that door. Past midnight I tend to talk to my friends Smith & Wesson”
My Dad met my sister’s date on the front porch sitting in a lawn chair sharpening a double bladed axe with a file. Didn’t even look up at the guy. Just kept on sharpening.
My sister was delivered home safely about 11PM.
In the last 20 years I have come to the place where I think I would have my daughter come straight home after prom.
I was traveling cross country and stopped in Mississippi. It just happened to be in a nice motel on prom night.
I suspect some Roman bacchanalia were tame by comparison. I am sure many parents would have been very upset if they knew how their kids were behaving.
I had no interest in the prom. On the day ahead, when many seniors were taking the day of, my English class had a guest speaker about Shakespeare, so I had to go to school. After that, I went to the gun range with my dad, and then my parents took me to Frankie’s oyster restaurant, under the bride/tunnel on-ramp in Norfolk. It was nice.
To this day, I’ll pick time with my parents over any alternatives ...
I once dated someone who’s father owned a business such that he had a photocopier at home (very rare back in the 1980’s). He wasn’t home to greet me for the first date so he had the mother photocopy my driver’s license.
I’m now the father of two wonderful girls. I tell them they cannot talk to boys until they are 30.
Those bride/tunnels can be dangerous.
I noticed that a little too late.
The girl is safe as nothing say, “I’m a queer” like pink on a guy.
I was wondering if that pink was some sort of new way of dressing but I guess it means the same thing it always did.
Made a mistake as an A/2c to date a general’s daughter. (How the hell did I know he was in the reserves)
Ended up with an assignment in Alaska before it even acquired statehood.
Best thing ever happened to me.
Quite the opposite. That sort of faux-subtle intimidation made me want to keep the lady out well past the appointed return time. Not doing anything scandalous, just sitting and letting the clock tick down and imagining dear old dad having an aneurism.
In retrospect I was kind of a jerk.
My prom date’s dad just gave me a baleful stare, that shook me to my core! She wanted to go to a motel,,,, I wanted to live! Short romance!
Rules of dating a Drill Instructors daughter...
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine
Rule 11: If these rules are too confusing/confining, become a Trappist Monk in the Sinai.
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