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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 05/02/2014 5:35:07 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Welcome to the Silliness Thread!

Just join right in, post your funny pictures, jokes, comments and random humor and it will make every ones day better.

THIS JUST IN...

A public school teacher was arrested today at Tampa International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a problem for us", the Attorney General said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns' but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'"

When asked to comment on the arrest, 0bama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.

A Lesson Learned

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.

She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, Democratic Party members, were standing there so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" I told her.

"What do you mean?" she replied.

So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Rebublican Party." Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.


So....now Apple supports Windows? Cool

Oil Check

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there's a very simple answer.

Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.

The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in:

Our dipsticks are all located in Washington.

Any Questions?

NO?

Didn't think so.



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; racism; silliness
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Silly Police Chase

1 posted on 05/02/2014 5:35:07 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

WHEN YOU WATCH THE LIBERAL SPIN ON TV?




CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST


2 posted on 05/02/2014 5:37:33 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

3 posted on 05/02/2014 5:38:02 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

4 posted on 05/02/2014 5:38:15 AM PDT by musicman (Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
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To: Lucky9teen

Top five, ain’t no jive!


5 posted on 05/02/2014 5:39:13 AM PDT by Ronaldus Magnus III (Do, or do not, there is no try.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10!

Yippee!!!!


6 posted on 05/02/2014 5:39:47 AM PDT by moviefan8
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To: musicman

inb410?


7 posted on 05/02/2014 5:40:17 AM PDT by AppyPappy
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To: Lucky9teen

I came up with orange hammer. Guess I am in that 2%.


8 posted on 05/02/2014 5:40:30 AM PDT by catfish1957 (Face it!!!! The government in DC is full of treasonous bastards)
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To: Lucky9teen

I said green screwdriver, so I’m abnormal. HA


9 posted on 05/02/2014 5:40:48 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!! It’s Friday!!!


10 posted on 05/02/2014 5:40:52 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: AppyPappy

11 posted on 05/02/2014 5:41:06 AM PDT by musicman (Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
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To: Lucky9teen

Woot! Top Ten (I hope)!


12 posted on 05/02/2014 5:41:18 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: Disambiguator

Oh, well.


13 posted on 05/02/2014 5:41:38 AM PDT by Disambiguator
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10! Happy Friday!

Thanks Lucky9teen for putting up ***TOFST***.


14 posted on 05/02/2014 5:42:39 AM PDT by kevinm13 (Tim Geithner is a tax cheat. Manmade "Global Warming" is a HOAX!)
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To: Lucky9teen

Good Morning! LOL!


15 posted on 05/02/2014 5:42:42 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: left that other site

Top 15? :-)


16 posted on 05/02/2014 5:43:16 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: Disambiguator

Top 15....ITS FRIDAY


17 posted on 05/02/2014 5:43:24 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Yorlik803

Missed it by this much


18 posted on 05/02/2014 5:44:36 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Lucky9teen

This is Canada’s Top Ten List of America’s Stupidity. Of course we look like idiots .... because we are.

Number 10) Only in America...could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 per plate campaign fund-raising event.

Number 9) Only in America ...could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General and roughly 20% of the federal workforce is black while only
14% of the population is black 40% of all federal entitlements goes to black Americans - 3X the rate that go to whites, 5X the rate that go to Hispanics!

Number 8) Only in America...could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner (the head of the Treasury Department) and Charles Rangel (who once ran the Ways and Means Committee), BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

Number 7) Only in America...can they have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

Number 6) Only in America...would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege, while they discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just ‘magically’ become American citizens (probably should be number one).

Number 5) Only in America....could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country’s Constitution be thought of as “extremists.”

Number 4) Only in America...could you need to present a driver’s license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.

Number 3) Only in America...could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. Oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).

Number 2) Only in America....could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year - for total spending of $7-Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn’t have nearly enough money.

And Number 1) Only in America...could the rich people - who pay 86% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their “fair share” by people who don’t pay any income taxes at all.


19 posted on 05/02/2014 5:45:06 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO top 100!
TGIF


20 posted on 05/02/2014 5:50:50 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: Arrowhead1952

In!


21 posted on 05/02/2014 5:51:21 AM PDT by DooDahhhh
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To: catfish1957

“I came up with orange hammer. Guess I am in that 2%.”

So did I.... That’s weird.


22 posted on 05/02/2014 5:54:18 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz ("Heck of a reset there, Hillary")
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To: Lucky9teen

Purple wrench.


23 posted on 05/02/2014 5:55:16 AM PDT by Tatze (I reject your reality and substitute my own!)
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To: Lucky9teen

I said green rake. I’ve been doing lots of yardwork lately.


24 posted on 05/02/2014 5:55:26 AM PDT by secret garden (Why procrastinate when you can perendinate?)
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To: Arrowhead1952

I am going with top 25. But who knows.

Happy Friday all.


25 posted on 05/02/2014 5:56:45 AM PDT by EQAndyBuzz ("Heck of a reset there, Hillary")
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To: Lucky9teen

26 posted on 05/02/2014 6:00:09 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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To: Lucky9teen
 photo McDonaldsmeat_zps07e67ee8.jpg

 photo Paperbeatsrock_zps8045c4a1.jpg

Rulers of the Internet photo therulersoftheinternet_zpsf34604c4.jpg

27 posted on 05/02/2014 6:04:48 AM PDT by mykroar (We fight, get beat, rise, and fight again. - Nathanael Greene)
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To: Lucky9teen
Blue pliers... I actually own a set...

"What comes around, goes around. So, be sure to duck..."

28 posted on 05/02/2014 6:05:45 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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To: Lucky9teen

Black piston ring compressor

Guess I’m a gearhead.


29 posted on 05/02/2014 6:07:34 AM PDT by fredhead (Join the Navy and see the world.....77% of which is covered in water.)
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To: Lucky9teen
LOSE MY MIND - Canby REcord Show, Viva Las Vegas & Beyond!
30 posted on 05/02/2014 6:07:41 AM PDT by Berlin_Freeper (Land of the Free and the home of the Brave!)
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To: mykroar

I go to McDonald’s and order the Surf & Turf. I get funny looks and have to explain that I want a Big Mac and a Filet-O-Fish.


31 posted on 05/02/2014 6:09:34 AM PDT by fredhead (Join the Navy and see the world.....77% of which is covered in water.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Guess I’m a 2%er. Blue Wrench for me...


32 posted on 05/02/2014 6:11:31 AM PDT by Mathews (Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV), Luke 22:36 (NIV))
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To: fredhead

I said Obama for my tool.


33 posted on 05/02/2014 6:12:12 AM PDT by exit82 ("The Taliban is on the inside of the building" E. Nordstrom 10-10-12)
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To: Lucky9teen

White hoe. (but I was just reading about Jane Fonda)


34 posted on 05/02/2014 6:17:25 AM PDT by CrazyIvan (Obama phones= Bread and circuits.)
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To: Lucky9teen
A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, and a Communist walk into a bar.

.

.

.

.

Bartender asks, "What'll it be, Mr. President?"

35 posted on 05/02/2014 6:24:10 AM PDT by TexasCajun
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To: TexasCajun

36 posted on 05/02/2014 6:27:26 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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To: Lucky9teen; All
thanks, for the ping.
i really must copy that (lawn parable :); it's easily understood
and really annoys the Marxists/Leftist 'Rats

37 posted on 05/02/2014 6:32:12 AM PDT by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun..0'Bathhouse/"Rustler" Reid? :-)
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To: Lucky9teen

Yay, I’m a blue crowbar 2%er! (the new abnormal?)


38 posted on 05/02/2014 6:40:00 AM PDT by glock rocks (If you like your health plan, you're a racist !)
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To: Lucky9teen
I said "red saw."

Guess I'm half normal.

As for the other half ...

39 posted on 05/02/2014 6:49:27 AM PDT by eCSMaster ("It is not the color of his skin, ... it is the blackness that fills his soul")
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To: Lucky9teen

40 posted on 05/02/2014 7:10:06 AM PDT by CtBigPat (Free Republic - The grown-ups table of the internet.)
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To: Lucky9teen

41 posted on 05/02/2014 7:11:12 AM PDT by relentlessly
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To: Lucky9teen

orange rake...hmmm...


42 posted on 05/02/2014 7:12:40 AM PDT by camle (keep an open mind and someone will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Lucky9teen

#LiberalRaceHorseNames

@TheMorningSpew: Keep Your Plan #LiberalRaceHorseNames

Eaturpeas

Nationalize Velvet

Lead From Behind


43 posted on 05/02/2014 7:16:57 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: wyokostur

Taxbiscuit?


44 posted on 05/02/2014 7:23:52 AM PDT by liege (America 180)
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To: Lucky9teen

I’m sooo TOP 50!


45 posted on 05/02/2014 7:26:30 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Harry Reid's next Senate floor rant...
46 posted on 05/02/2014 7:28:15 AM PDT by relentlessly
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To: Lucky9teen
Heavy traffic and Beatles fans: the Abby Road live cam! http://www.abbeyroad.com/crossing
47 posted on 05/02/2014 7:29:21 AM PDT by CtBigPat (Free Republic - The grown-ups table of the internet.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I came up with Obama.


48 posted on 05/02/2014 7:36:59 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: musicman

49 posted on 05/02/2014 7:38:00 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Dead Corpse

50 posted on 05/02/2014 7:39:38 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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