To: **Talisker**

Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?

A: Because you can't drink and derive...

Q: Why wont Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?

A: It�s too cubed.

Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?

A: A natural log cabin!

Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?

A: Prime Rib!

Q: What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?

A: Zero.

Q: Why?

A: Because all poles are in Eastern Europe!

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?

A: "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."

Q: What does the Ph.D. in math with a job say to the Ph.D. in math without a job?

A: "Paper or plastic?"

Q: What is polite and works for the phone company?

A: A deferential operator.

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?

A: An Algorithm

Q: Why was the parent function upset with its child?

A: It was stretched to its limit.

Q: What is purple and commutative?

A: An abelian grape

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?

A: Probably

Q: What wild animal is good at calculus?

A: The tangent lion.

A: A tangent.

Q: What is a proof?

A: One-half percent of alcohol.

Q: Why is a calculus book always unhappy?

A: Because it always has lots of problems.

Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?

A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.

Q: Why was the function so bent out of shape?

A: Its regression model was too tight a fit.

Q: What is the integral of log cabin d cabin?

A: Log Cabin + sea = houseboat.

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q: What did one calculus book say to the other?

A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice.

A: Zorn's Lemon.

Q: Why did the algebra students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom?

A: They were investigating projectile lotion.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra.

A: Elephant zebra sin theta.

Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?

A: That's the Law of Spline Demand.

Someone released a set of supplementary notes on a textbook about differential calculus. It was a derivative work.

A: Because you can't drink and derive...

Q: Why wont Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?

A: It�s too cubed.

Q: What's the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?

A: A natural log cabin!

Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?

A: Prime Rib!

Q: What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?

A: Zero.

Q: Why?

A: Because all poles are in Eastern Europe!

Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?

A: "I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times..."

Q: What does the Ph.D. in math with a job say to the Ph.D. in math without a job?

A: "Paper or plastic?"

Q: What is polite and works for the phone company?

A: A deferential operator.

Q: What did Al Gore play on his guitar?

A: An Algorithm

Q: Why was the parent function upset with its child?

A: It was stretched to its limit.

Q: What is purple and commutative?

A: An abelian grape

Q: Did you hear the one about the statistician?

A: Probably

Q: What wild animal is good at calculus?

A: The tangent lion.

A: A tangent.

Q: What is a proof?

A: One-half percent of alcohol.

Q: Why is a calculus book always unhappy?

A: Because it always has lots of problems.

Q: Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?

A: He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.

Q: Why was the function so bent out of shape?

A: Its regression model was too tight a fit.

Q: What is the integral of log cabin d cabin?

A: Log Cabin + sea = houseboat.

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q: What did one calculus book say to the other?

A: Don't bother me I've got my own problems!

Q: What's yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice.

A: Zorn's Lemon.

Q: Why did the algebra students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom?

A: They were investigating projectile lotion.

Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra.

A: Elephant zebra sin theta.

Q: Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?

A: That's the Law of Spline Demand.

Someone released a set of supplementary notes on a textbook about differential calculus. It was a derivative work.

12 posted on **05/07/2014 3:09:53 PM PDT** by B4Ranch
(Name your illness, do a Google & YouTube search with "hydrogen peroxide". Do it and be surprised.)

To: **B4Ranch**

LOL, they’re good!

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