Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Jay Carney Resigns To Pursue Other Interests [satire]
5-7-14 | Retired Texas Vet

Posted on 05/07/2014 1:39:32 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet

White House spokesman Jay Carney submitted his resignation today. Jay stated that after years in the stressful position of White House spokesman he wanted to be able to spend more time with his family and pursue other more profitable interests in Chicago.

The White House Press Corps stated that they would miss having Jay to kick around. Many press corps members said they hadn't had so much fun since Baghdad Bob Gibbs was the White House paid liar. Many insinuated that Jay had become the best paid liar ever although his anger issues distracted from his overall effectiveness massaging and distorting the truth.

Jay will be joining Baghdad Bob Gibbs in Chicago performing public relations for the Sinaloa Multinational Cartel. Sinaloa is a diverse multinational firm specializing in distribution, security, lobbying, public services management, and other contractual type services for the public and private sectors. Positive image building for Sinaloa will be Jay's first assignment.

Jay brings with him the ability to lie with a straight face, the hope and change attitude, and the ever necessary "never let a crisis go to waste" mentality. Jay will be working hand-in-hand with old co-worker Rahm Emanuel and other Chicago public and private elite to remake the Chicago and Sinaloa partnership image.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Pets/Animals; Society
KEYWORDS: desirable; satire

1 posted on 05/07/2014 1:39:32 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

You raise my hopes only to dash them down again.


2 posted on 05/07/2014 1:40:51 PM PDT by mojito (Zero, our Nero.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

I’m not sure he’s qualified, he’s proven time and again he doesn’t know sh!t from Sinalola


3 posted on 05/07/2014 1:41:33 PM PDT by bigbob (The best way to get a bad law repealed is to enforce it strictly. Abraham Lincoln)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

I guess he wants to go back to the communist stronghold of a major snooze magazine?


4 posted on 05/07/2014 1:42:09 PM PDT by MIchaelTArchangel (Have a wonderful day!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Biggest tease since I was 16!


5 posted on 05/07/2014 1:42:12 PM PDT by Fledermaus (Conseravtives are all that's left to defend the Constitution. Dems hate it, and Repubs don't care.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Comment #6 Removed by Moderator

To: F15Eagle

AArgh


7 posted on 05/07/2014 1:43:35 PM PDT by F15Eagle (1Jn4:15;5:4-5,11-13;Mt27:50-54;Mk15:33-34;Jn3:17-18,6:69,11:25,14:6,20:31;Ro10:8-11;1Tm2:5-6;Ti3:4-7)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Seriously you got me so excited I was gonna do my very first cartwheel


8 posted on 05/07/2014 1:44:44 PM PDT by Sarah Barracuda
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Enjoyable and well written, however, as truthful as all the rest of the lamestream media. Bummer!

Didn’t I read though that he was going to retire soon (or was I dreaming?)


9 posted on 05/07/2014 1:45:50 PM PDT by ozarkgirl
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

No way; he’s a liar’s liar.


10 posted on 05/07/2014 1:46:11 PM PDT by Paladin2
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

After his last weeks Ralph Kramden homina homina performance he must be cooked. Like the white hut’s books.


11 posted on 05/07/2014 1:47:29 PM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Probably was constantly sick from having to lie, lie, lie.


12 posted on 05/07/2014 1:48:25 PM PDT by 3catsanadog (I love my country; I don't like its government)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Oops, I missed the satire.


13 posted on 05/07/2014 1:49:02 PM PDT by 3catsanadog (I love my country; I don't like its government)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Sarah Barracuda

Why would anyone be excited over Jay Carney resigning?

Does anyone believe he’ll be replaced by someone that will tell the truth?


14 posted on 05/07/2014 1:49:24 PM PDT by MrB (The difference between a Humanist and a Satanist - the latter admits whom he's working for)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Carney cannot ‘resign’.

He might evolve to a higher species.

Like flatworm.


15 posted on 05/07/2014 1:52:12 PM PDT by LucianOfSamasota (Tanstaafl - its not just for breakfast anymore...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: bigbob
I’m not sure he’s qualified, he’s proven time and again he doesn’t know sh!t from Sinalola

Or as Dolly Parton once said, he doesn't know whether to wind his butt, or scratch his watch.

16 posted on 05/07/2014 1:52:38 PM PDT by Mark17 (Chicago Blackhawks: Stanley Cup champions 2010, 2013. Vietnam Vet 70-71 Msgt US Air Force, retired)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Ha! I knew you were bullsh***ng when you said the media picked on him.

Yeah, asking questions about Zer0’s golf score and what the white house kitchen served for supper last night is really grilling him hard. They should just eliminate Zer0’s press secretary all together and just have the media come in for a daily bow and offering to a portrait of him then pass out a list of things to report about.


17 posted on 05/07/2014 1:53:06 PM PDT by envisio (Its on like Donkey Kong!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: MrB

No one in this administration tells the truth..but Carney, if there is anyone that deserves a one way ticket to the pokey its him


18 posted on 05/07/2014 1:56:44 PM PDT by Sarah Barracuda
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Someone with his qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.


19 posted on 05/07/2014 1:57:05 PM PDT by rjsimmon (The Tree of Liberty Thirsts)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: MIchaelTArchangel
Probably a sidekick for Jon Stewart, or maybe Letterman's replacement, Colbert, is it?

Just as well it's satire. Any new replacement for him would have a honeymoon period, and there would be even fewer legitimate questions then there are now.

20 posted on 05/07/2014 1:58:05 PM PDT by Calvin Locke
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet
Carney is moving on to a vocation better suited to his talent and one in which his family has deep roots: Carney barker.

 photo JayCarneysfatherliescopy_zps42fd6f2f.jpg

21 posted on 05/07/2014 3:54:40 PM PDT by Dick Bachert (Ignorance is NOT BLISS. It is the ROAD TO SERFDOM! We're on a ROAD TRIP!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: RetiredTexasVet

Carney’s soul is so tainted that satan will open up a hole and take him directly to hell when he is no longer needed to lie for Ohomo.


22 posted on 05/07/2014 5:54:29 PM PDT by Some Fat Guy in L.A. (Still bitterly clinging to rational thought despite it's unfashionability)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson