Skip to comments.Jay Carney Resigns To Pursue Other Interests [satire]
Posted on 05/07/2014 1:39:32 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
White House spokesman Jay Carney submitted his resignation today. Jay stated that after years in the stressful position of White House spokesman he wanted to be able to spend more time with his family and pursue other more profitable interests in Chicago.
The White House Press Corps stated that they would miss having Jay to kick around. Many press corps members said they hadn't had so much fun since Baghdad Bob Gibbs was the White House paid liar. Many insinuated that Jay had become the best paid liar ever although his anger issues distracted from his overall effectiveness massaging and distorting the truth.
Jay will be joining Baghdad Bob Gibbs in Chicago performing public relations for the Sinaloa Multinational Cartel. Sinaloa is a diverse multinational firm specializing in distribution, security, lobbying, public services management, and other contractual type services for the public and private sectors. Positive image building for Sinaloa will be Jay's first assignment.
Jay brings with him the ability to lie with a straight face, the hope and change attitude, and the ever necessary "never let a crisis go to waste" mentality. Jay will be working hand-in-hand with old co-worker Rahm Emanuel and other Chicago public and private elite to remake the Chicago and Sinaloa partnership image.
You raise my hopes only to dash them down again.
I’m not sure he’s qualified, he’s proven time and again he doesn’t know sh!t from Sinalola
I guess he wants to go back to the communist stronghold of a major snooze magazine?
Biggest tease since I was 16!
Seriously you got me so excited I was gonna do my very first cartwheel
Enjoyable and well written, however, as truthful as all the rest of the lamestream media. Bummer!
Didn’t I read though that he was going to retire soon (or was I dreaming?)
No way; he’s a liar’s liar.
After his last weeks Ralph Kramden homina homina performance he must be cooked. Like the white hut’s books.
Probably was constantly sick from having to lie, lie, lie.
Oops, I missed the satire.
Why would anyone be excited over Jay Carney resigning?
Does anyone believe he’ll be replaced by someone that will tell the truth?
Carney cannot ‘resign’.
He might evolve to a higher species.
Or as Dolly Parton once said, he doesn't know whether to wind his butt, or scratch his watch.
Ha! I knew you were bullsh***ng when you said the media picked on him.
Yeah, asking questions about Zer0’s golf score and what the white house kitchen served for supper last night is really grilling him hard. They should just eliminate Zer0’s press secretary all together and just have the media come in for a daily bow and offering to a portrait of him then pass out a list of things to report about.
No one in this administration tells the truth..but Carney, if there is anyone that deserves a one way ticket to the pokey its him
Someone with his qualifications would have no trouble finding a top-flight job in either the food service or housekeeping industries.
Just as well it's satire. Any new replacement for him would have a honeymoon period, and there would be even fewer legitimate questions then there are now.
Carney’s soul is so tainted that satan will open up a hole and take him directly to hell when he is no longer needed to lie for Ohomo.