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White House Names Jay Carney Replacement
Retired Texas Vet | 5-7-14 | Retired Texas Vet

Posted on 05/07/2014 7:33:58 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet

The White House has named a replacement for Jay Carney who resigned to pursue other interests.

Jay will be replaced by CNN which was awarded a sole source contract for two years. Under the contract, White House press conferences will be held on the 5th Friday of each month at 11:30 pm by Wolf Coyote Blitzer, Pansy Cooper, or Errant Burnett.

Initial consideration was given to NBC and CBS but their networks were disqualified because they had too many viewers. The desired viewership, few or none, was more closely matched by CNN which has only two regular viewers (not counting the six control room monitors). This was considered crucial to the White House policy of releasing important and relevant information inconveniently during odd hours or over long holiday weekends.

The 1.2 billion dollar price tag for the service will be paid for out of revenue from a $15,000 tax per organ used in transplants included in ObamaCare.


TOPICS: Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: cnn; jaycarney; satire

1 posted on 05/07/2014 7:33:58 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
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To: RetiredTexasVet

And here I thought Keith Olbermann and Dan Rather were in the running.


2 posted on 05/07/2014 7:35:39 PM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet (I will raise $2M for Cruz and/or Palin's next run, what will you do?)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Baghdad Bob ?


3 posted on 05/07/2014 7:36:01 PM PDT by Squantos ( Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet ...)
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To: RetiredTexasVet; 2ndDivisionVet; zot; Squantos

Tex Vet,

I’m surprised that MSNBC and Tingles Matthews didn’t get the contract.


4 posted on 05/07/2014 7:39:08 PM PDT by GreyFriar ( Spearhead - 3rd Armored Division 75-78 & 83-87)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

No matter who same old BS.


5 posted on 05/07/2014 7:43:47 PM PDT by Logical me
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To: GreyFriar

I’m sure the problem wasn’t excessive viewership.


6 posted on 05/07/2014 7:48:14 PM PDT by Gil4 (And the trees are all kept equal by hatchet, ax and saw)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

To find a proper replacement, they will have search among the lower primates..


7 posted on 05/07/2014 7:54:03 PM PDT by ArtDodger
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To: RetiredTexasVet
CNN which has only two regular viewers (not counting the six control room monitors).

Actually they are down to one viewer. My constipation problem has been cured, thus I no longer need to watch CNN. The other viewer is my brother who thinks it is still 1969. :)

8 posted on 05/07/2014 7:55:37 PM PDT by cpdiii (Deckhand, Roughneck, Mud Man, Geologist, Pilot, Pharmacist THE CONSTITUTION IS WORTH DYING FOR!)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Charlie McCarthy?


9 posted on 05/07/2014 7:58:52 PM PDT by dainbramaged (Don't tell me, I'll tell you.)
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To: GreyFriar

LMAO !!!...:o)


10 posted on 05/07/2014 8:19:58 PM PDT by Squantos ( Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet ...)
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To: GreyFriar

It is difficult to tell what is and isn’t satire these days.


11 posted on 05/07/2014 8:23:51 PM PDT by zot
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To: ArtDodger
CNN




12 posted on 05/07/2014 8:32:57 PM PDT by 867V309 (GOPe? NOPe!)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Sigh...More teasing.


13 posted on 05/07/2014 8:40:42 PM PDT by lee martell
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Looks like we're gonna need another Timmy...

14 posted on 05/07/2014 9:13:51 PM PDT by GraceG
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To: GraceG

gunpowder


15 posted on 05/07/2014 10:09:24 PM PDT by RitchieAprile
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Surprised Rachel Madcow isn’t on the list. He’d be a good bootlicker.


16 posted on 05/08/2014 2:10:24 AM PDT by SoFloFreeper
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