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[Satire / Spoof / Bogus article] On Deck: Elimination of Mother's Day and Father's Day
[Satire / Spoof / Bogus article] The People's Cube ^ | 5-8-14 | [Satire / Spoof / Bogus article] Commissar of Gender Equality

Posted on 05/08/2014 4:22:35 PM PDT by ReformationFan

Comrades,

It has come to my attention that some children in same-sex marriage/same-sex parenting households feel bad around the times of Mother's Day and Father's Day. For example, some children in gay households feel sad around Mother's Day since they have no mother to honor, and some children in lesbian households feel sad around Father's Day since they have no father to honor.

As you already know, there is too much capitalistic advertising surrounding these days, and often there are school projects for each of the days as well. These children feel left out since their mother or father has been deliberately excluded from their life they don't have a mother or a father, but many or most of their classmates do. Also, same-sex parents often feel guilty bad as well about these holidays since they have decided ahead of time that the child will not want to know his/her genetic/cultural heritage sexual orientation is more important that sex differences in policy it's not fair that the culture doesn't celebrate their choices but celebrates the choices of heterosexuals.

As this HuffPo article makes clear, the celebration of Mother's Day and Father's Day has shifted from being an activity for children to honor their mothers and fathers, to being an adult centered activity for adults to feel good about their lifestyle choices. And I think this is a healthy change. Holidays that honor mothers and fathers serve as reminders of Judeo/Christian ethics, and this competes with loyalty to our Party. Also, what the adults want is all that really matters to The Party. Adults are the ones who vote and who donate money to political campaigns; children do not. Therefore, what children want should only be taken into account if it serves The Party is not relevant to the definition of marriage or parenthood is to remove these gender specific holidays so their same-sex parents won't suffer. Children exist to validate their parents, after all.

In order to eliminate the adults' suffering, we have decided that Mother's Day and Father's Day will be replaced with a generic "Parent's Day." Recognizing sex differences between men and women is anachronistic and bourgeois, and it's obviously contributing to the maintenance of the natural family structure at the policy level hindering the selfish choices of some same sex couples contributing to the suffering of our most loyal adult constituents without taking anything away from any other adults.

We have not yet decided when this change will take place, but we wanted to alert you that it is coming. If anybody objects to this change, use the standard tactic of calling them a bigot, a hater, and a homophobe. Also, if this happens on social media, just put up the equals sign, like this:

=

You'll be amazed at how well it works to shut up the Neanderthals!

Warmly,

CGE

Online Thought Sheriff 5/8/2014, 3:46 pm User avatar Comrade, I am as close to denouncing you as polar bears are to extinction. PARENT'S day?!?!? How Bourgeois does that sound? Parent's are outdated! Children are property of the State! However, your idea has much potential, and merits your redemption. I would submit an alternative solution-one holiday for every gender of Facebooks gender options. That means one whole day free of work for all of the states except for the seven most reactionary. Can you imagine all the campaigning, work avoidance, tree hugging, and vodka consumption that fifty days could accomplish!

Offline Anyer Marx 5/8/2014, 3:47 pm User avatar Well, since The Children™ belong to The State™ eliminating the "mother's" and "Father's" days and replacing them with "Government's Day" would still allow Kommon Kore card crafts in skool (to give the kiddies a chance to show their creativity allegiance to The State™)

"You're like a Government to me"

No reason we could not still barbecue up some rats. Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Online Commissar of Gender Equality 5/8/2014, 4:46 pm User avatar Thought Sheriff Comrade, I am as close to denouncing you as polar bears are to extinction. PARENT'S day?!?!? How Bourgeois does that sound? Parent's are outdated! Children are property of the State! However, your idea has much potential, and merits your redemption. I would submit an alternative solution-one holiday for every gender of Facebooks gender options. That means one whole day free of work for all of the states except for the seven most reactionary. Can you imagine all the campaigning, work avoidance, tree hugging, and vodka consumption that fifty days could accomplish!

Comrade, Yes, "children belong to whole communities," as I explained in detail July of last year. Although I appreciate your enthusiasm, I believe you make a common mistake, one of leaping over the "stepping stones," so to speak. We must have "Parent's Day" as a transitionary phase. It's not the final stop, I fully realize. But it serves a useful purpose: to move people away from being reminded to honor their fathers and mothers, which points them back to those dreadful Ten Commandments.

We've already convinced them, by way of our glorious Sexual Revolution, that the commandment, "thou shall not commit adultery" is outdated and harmful. We have convinced them that as teenagers and young adults, they can have unlimited sex with no consequences via abortion and contraception. We've convinced them that divorce is OK because "the children will be fine as long as the adults are happy." We've convinced many of their women that they are the same as men, so they are entitled to put off childbearing in favor of their education and career, the same way men can. We are in the midst of an enormous victory in the gay marriage movement, convincing them that it should be nobody's business who somebody else loves.

But what they didn't realize, not yet at least, is that those outdated sexual mores were all linked up with "honor thy father and mother." There is a definite connection between them. But, thankfully, the masses thought they could have sexual fun and freedom while maintaining their posterity's ties to their posterity's genetic and cultural heritage. But, fortunately for us, it doesn't work that way.

Here's what I fear: the only thing I really fear is for them to turn away from the Sexual Revolution in a massive way. For example:

Divorce. In particular, if they seriously tried to reform divorce laws Out of wedlock childbearing. if they worked to remove all incentives for it Premarital sex, if they re-embraced the cultural taboo that it once had Contraception, if they called to mind their old way of thinking: that every child is a gift

If they did this, and I mean if masses of them did this sincerely, then we'd be in trouble. Fortunately, I don't see much indication of this on the horizon. The only exception is with abortion, and even there, their turn-around is still somewhat limited in scope. As far as I can see, them turning from all these things is our only Achilles's heal. But I try not to worry too much because it's not likely to happen. We've redefined "freedom" in their minds, and they seem to prefer the new definition to the old one.

Warmly,

CGE


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: satire
Satire today. Reality tomorrow?
1 posted on 05/08/2014 4:22:35 PM PDT by ReformationFan
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To: ReformationFan

Only a matter of “when”, not “if.”


2 posted on 05/08/2014 4:24:45 PM PDT by dfwgator
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To: ReformationFan
TO be replaced by a single holiday. "Dear Leader Day"


3 posted on 05/08/2014 4:25:02 PM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: ReformationFan

bkmk


4 posted on 05/08/2014 4:27:00 PM PDT by Sergio (An object at rest cannot be stopped! - The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight)
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To: BenLurkin
How about getting rid of all "days", "months", etc.

It's all a bunch of crap ginned up by Hallmark and retailers to enhance sales.

5 posted on 05/08/2014 4:29:31 PM PDT by Mogger (Independence, better fuel economy and performance with American made synthetic oil.)
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To: Mogger
Just wait until Hallmark starts selling these cards...

6 posted on 05/08/2014 4:30:43 PM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: BenLurkin

a heartwarming though if ever there was one.

Staging such an event will be dautning but oh se worthwhile

in front a sea of infants ...all waving their Obama Flags..

next several hundred rows the shorter preteen children..

Im tearing up here...


7 posted on 05/08/2014 4:32:12 PM PDT by MeshugeMikey ( "Never, never, never give up". Winston Churchill)
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To: MeshugeMikey

Yes. And music. Darling little ones singing his praises.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtGrp5MbzAI


8 posted on 05/08/2014 4:36:06 PM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: BenLurkin

Oh My Oh My a Bright New Day...in someones pickled mind.

that is child abuse


9 posted on 05/08/2014 4:38:14 PM PDT by MeshugeMikey ( "Never, never, never give up". Winston Churchill)
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To: ReformationFan

For the homosexual men, they could replace Mother’s Day with Butt Humping Freak day.


10 posted on 05/08/2014 4:41:09 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Obamacare: You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.)
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To: ReformationFan

It’s time for these people to have their own country & for normal, traditionalist folks to have theirs. I think it’s called “irreconcilable differences”.


11 posted on 05/08/2014 4:43:41 PM PDT by KGeorge (Till we're together again, Gypsy girl. May 28, 1998- June 3, 2013)
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To: ReformationFan

Maybe they should also move Labor Day from September back to May 1.


12 posted on 05/08/2014 4:51:22 PM PDT by teacherwoes (Alethephobia-fear of hearing the truth)
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To: ReformationFan

“Children exist to validate their parents, after all.”

LOL!

Great article. The satire bites hard, hurts and doesn’t let go. I like it.

If Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are combined into one Parent’s Day, imagine how that will hurt the retail industry. Buying one gift instead of two.


13 posted on 05/08/2014 5:09:39 PM PDT by upchuck (Support ABLE, the Anybody But Lindsey Effort. Yes, we are the ABLE!!)
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To: ReformationFan

Happy Whateverthehellyouare Day!


14 posted on 05/08/2014 5:43:10 PM PDT by tophat9000 (An Eye for an Eye, a Word for a Word...nothing more.)
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To: ReformationFan

OR.. Happy Pitcher Day and Happy Catchers Day


15 posted on 05/08/2014 5:45:08 PM PDT by tophat9000 (An Eye for an Eye, a Word for a Word...nothing more.)
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To: ReformationFan

Happy on Top or on Bottom Day?


16 posted on 05/08/2014 5:46:32 PM PDT by tophat9000 (An Eye for an Eye, a Word for a Word...nothing more.)
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To: ReformationFan

Happy Snap on or Snap off Day?


17 posted on 05/08/2014 5:47:59 PM PDT by tophat9000 (An Eye for an Eye, a Word for a Word...nothing more.)
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To: ReformationFan

I’m excited for our next national holiday, August 4th.
Baraq Hussein Obama birthday / End of Ramadan celebration


18 posted on 05/08/2014 5:49:08 PM PDT by nascarnation (Toxic Baraq Syndrome: hopefully infecting a Dem candidate near you)
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To: ReformationFan

Happy petri dish or turkey baster Day?


19 posted on 05/08/2014 5:49:09 PM PDT by tophat9000 (An Eye for an Eye, a Word for a Word...nothing more.)
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To: ReformationFan
Given that the proper culmination of enlightened social and political thought is that the State is everyone's parent, why not a Happy Commissar's Day? Hymns sung to Dear Leader. Public executions of reactionary intransigents. Prizes for the best denunciation. Chocolate rations increased from 35 grams to 25!

All praise Dear Leader!

20 posted on 05/08/2014 5:55:22 PM PDT by Billthedrill
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To: ReformationFan

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are heteronormative and should be eliminated.


21 posted on 05/08/2014 6:07:28 PM PDT by Mike Darancette (Do The Math)
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To: ReformationFan
All those days were created by Hallmark. There is nothing sacred about them.
22 posted on 05/08/2014 6:11:57 PM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum ("The more numerous the laws, the more corrupt the government." --Tacitus)
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To: Mike Darancette

I figure it won’t be long before natural procreation will be condemned and criminalized with IVF being the only legally allowed form of human reproduction in order to be more “inclusive” to homosexualist/gender-neutral thought.


23 posted on 05/08/2014 8:09:11 PM PDT by ReformationFan
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To: E. Pluribus Unum
There is nothing sacred about them.

Just like Matrimony.

24 posted on 05/08/2014 8:57:45 PM PDT by Mike Darancette (Do The Math)
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