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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 05/09/2014 6:04:35 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000.00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay home all the time, so I never use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Melvin," she wrote to her third son, "You were the only son to have the good sense to know what your mother likes. That chicken was delicious."

19 Gifts NOT To Buy For Mother's Day

1. Cleaning supplies

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
You’re a mom, not a cleaning lady.

2. A How-To book on parenting


Oh, hell no.

3. Sex

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
Is this a gift for you? Or your partner?

4. Lingerie.


Basically sex, but you’re expected to dress up for it, too. Swell.

5. Cellulite cream.


1. Joke gifts are not cool on Mother’s Day, 2. This had better be a joke gift if your significant other wants to live.

6. A bouquet of flowers picked from a neighbor’s yard.


Explaining to your neighbor why half of their flower bed has been torn up isn’t exactly how you want to spend Mother’s Day.

7. Tickets to a monster truck rally.

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
If you asked for these specifically this is an awesome gift. If not, WTF?

8. Nothing.

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
Really? Not even a card? You can really feel the love.

9. A homemade gift made by your kid without supervision.

A homemade gift made by your kid without supervision.
Homemade gifts are the best, that is, unless your kid took scissors to the living room drapes to acquire “materials.”

10. A coupon book.


Your family appreciates you so much that they got you 10% of your next visit to Chili’s.

11. Breakfast in bed made entirely by your kids.


This is adorable until you realize you’ll be dining on fuzzy, severely burned toast and scrambled eggs mixed with M&Ms.

12. A “Steak of the Month” club.


AKA how your significant other gets you to cook them a steak every month.

13. A frame… without a family photo in it.


The stock image photo of a family that comes with the frame may be cute, but you’d much prefer one of your own family.

14. Something from the bargain bin.


They say it’s the thought that counts, which is true, except for when the thought was to spend $3.99 or less.

15. A gift certificate to Weight Watchers.


What every mom wants to hear, “You’re a great mom! And fat!”

16. Exercise equipment or a gym membership.

Exercise equipment or a gym membership.
This one will go over about as well as the Weight Watchers gift certificate.

17. Something that’s more for the kids than you.


“Hey, Mom, mind if I play with your gift a little while?”

18. Slippers, muumuus, or anything else an octogenarian would love.

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
These are even worse when your significant other gives the same thing to their mother.

19. Anything bought the day of

19 Gifts No Mom Wants On Mother's Day
“The kids and I have to, uh, just run out for a sec, hon!” FAIL.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; mom; mothersday; ofst; silliness
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1 posted on 05/09/2014 6:04:35 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 5 bump


2 posted on 05/09/2014 6:05:37 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

When Mother's Day comes for THIS mom

First Step: Sadness:

Second Step; Frustrated:

Third Step: Anger:

Fourth Stage: Acceptance…or somewhat

Fifth Stage: Appreciating that I am a mom of some really great kids:





CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



3 posted on 05/09/2014 6:06:05 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 5


4 posted on 05/09/2014 6:06:36 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 10!


5 posted on 05/09/2014 6:06:37 AM PDT by ConservativeChris (I feel like Marvin Boggs!)
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To: Lucky9teen

inb410


6 posted on 05/09/2014 6:06:53 AM PDT by AppyPappy
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To: Lucky9teen; MeshugeMikey

7 posted on 05/09/2014 6:06:57 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (The 0baMao Experiment: Abject Failure)
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To: Lucky9teen
FRIDAY!


8 posted on 05/09/2014 6:06:59 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
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To: Lucky9teen

Top TEN!!


9 posted on 05/09/2014 6:07:23 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Uninstall Fascist Firefox. Get Pale Moon.)
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To: a fool in paradise

10 posted on 05/09/2014 6:07:33 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

11 posted on 05/09/2014 6:07:34 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: JRios1968

12 posted on 05/09/2014 6:07:58 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Rummyfan

13 posted on 05/09/2014 6:08:32 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 20!


14 posted on 05/09/2014 6:08:44 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: Rummyfan
TOP TEN!!!


15 posted on 05/09/2014 6:10:08 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
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To: RandallFlagg

16 posted on 05/09/2014 6:10:09 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

Good Morning!


17 posted on 05/09/2014 6:10:20 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: left that other site

TOP TWENTY!


18 posted on 05/09/2014 6:11:22 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: Rummyfan

Damn! Missed by one....


19 posted on 05/09/2014 6:12:32 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Rummyfan

top 15 maybe


20 posted on 05/09/2014 6:12:33 AM PDT by DooDahhhh
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To: Lucky9teen

Preparations A thru G were unsuccessful...so I will call this.....Preparation H!
21 posted on 05/09/2014 6:14:25 AM PDT by fredhead (Join the Navy and see the world.....77% of which is covered in water.)
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To: DooDahhhh
Slow and steady wins the race.


22 posted on 05/09/2014 6:15:08 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
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To: DooDahhhh

Not even close....the thread’s on fire this morning.


23 posted on 05/09/2014 6:15:13 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (The 0baMao Experiment: Abject Failure)
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To: Lucky9teen

My first Mother’s Day my husband gave me a frying pan.
We’re divorced.


24 posted on 05/09/2014 6:16:30 AM PDT by Excellence (Marine mom since April 11, 2014)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 30
gotta work this weekend....sighs


25 posted on 05/09/2014 6:21:02 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: ErnBatavia
amen and ALL HAIL the Great Emperor!!


26 posted on 05/09/2014 6:32:51 AM PDT by MeshugeMikey ( "Never, never, never give up". Winston Churchill)
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To: Excellence

When my ex and I separated, we argued over who had to take the iron and ironing board.


27 posted on 05/09/2014 6:34:02 AM PDT by razorback-bert (Due to the high price of ammo, no warning shot will be fired.)
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To: Lucky9teen


A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day's work to relax. He noticed a man next to him ordered a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.

This continued several times before the man's curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot and beer?"

The man replied, "I have a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts looking good, I head home!



pic courtesy onyx
An old man was sipping on a glass on whiskey, while sitting on the patio with his wife, and he says: “I love you so much, I don’t know how I could ever live without you” ... His wife asks: “Is that you, or the whisky talking?”..... He replies: “It’s me .... talking to the whiskey.”

Translation: "According to a serious survey 99.9% of males looking at this picture won’t notice the mouse on the donut!"
h/t to Leo.
28 posted on 05/09/2014 6:34:12 AM PDT by upchuck (Support ABLE, the Anybody But Lindsey Effort. Yes, we are the ABLE!!)
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To: upchuck
Translation: "According to a serious survey 99.9% of males looking at this picture won’t notice the mouse on the donut!"

LOL. I got that in an email this week.

29 posted on 05/09/2014 6:42:33 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: upchuck

What donuts?


30 posted on 05/09/2014 6:43:32 AM PDT by Johnny_cash (10 out of 10 idiots voted for 0Bama!)
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To: upchuck

Doughnuts???


31 posted on 05/09/2014 6:45:59 AM PDT by RetSignman
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To: Arrowhead1952
LOL. I got that in an email this week.

Ha ha. Me too. Cute mouse :)

32 posted on 05/09/2014 6:58:32 AM PDT by upchuck (Support ABLE, the Anybody But Lindsey Effort. Yes, we are the ABLE!!)
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To: upchuck

Huh? There are donuts in that picture?


33 posted on 05/09/2014 7:02:31 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: upchuck

Yeah, but it took me a while to find the mouse. That email came from my cousin who has big boobs. She likes to show them off too, with low cut blouses and shirts.


34 posted on 05/09/2014 7:03:28 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top...something!


35 posted on 05/09/2014 7:04:00 AM PDT by Monkey Face (You may find yourself in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of nowhere you may find yourself.)
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To: Lucky9teen

36 posted on 05/09/2014 7:07:42 AM PDT by workerbee (The President of the United States is DOMESTIC ENEMY #1!)
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To: Lucky9teen

After you get married the husband expects the wife (me) to buy his mother a Mother’s Day gift. What up wit dat?


37 posted on 05/09/2014 7:08:27 AM PDT by wyokostur
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To: Arrowhead1952

“Yeah, but it took me a while to find the mouse. That email came from my cousin who has big boobs. She likes to show them off too, with low cut blouses and shirts.”

This post is worthless without pictures. :)


38 posted on 05/09/2014 7:09:11 AM PDT by ZirconEncrustedTweezers (I'm not anti-government, government's anti-me.)
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To: AppyPappy

Yay! Top 1,525!!


39 posted on 05/09/2014 7:09:27 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: Excellence
My first Mother’s Day my husband gave me a frying pan. We’re divorced.

Hubby and I have very little we disagree about. One thing is Mother's Day. He thinks because I'm not HIS mother, he shouldn't have to do anything for me. I think Mother's Day is about acknowledging all the mothers in your life whether they're your mom or not. I celebrate my daughter as a mom on Mother's Day. Mind you, I'm not asking for gifts, just an acknowledgement, maybe a card.

40 posted on 05/09/2014 7:16:15 AM PDT by Hoffer Rand (Bear His image. Bring His message. Be the Church.)
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To: workerbee

41 posted on 05/09/2014 7:23:07 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: a fool in paradise

42 posted on 05/09/2014 7:26:25 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: fredhead

43 posted on 05/09/2014 7:30:13 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: ErnBatavia

44 posted on 05/09/2014 7:31:19 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: a fool in paradise

45 posted on 05/09/2014 7:34:32 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

That is adorable!


46 posted on 05/09/2014 7:35:40 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Rummyfan

47 posted on 05/09/2014 7:36:15 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Arrowhead1952
She likes to show them off too, with low cut blouses and shirts.

Most of the men my age have the same problem only we call them "moobs"

48 posted on 05/09/2014 7:39:59 AM PDT by llevrok (Time for a change)
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To: ZirconEncrustedTweezers

Wish I could find an online picture of her. She turns 66 today. Hers are all natural too. I finally got the guts to ask her about a year ago.


49 posted on 05/09/2014 7:41:57 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

An, Mother’s Day! That’s the day you borrow a buck from mom to buy her a box of your favorite candy. Then you give it to her and say, “How did I ever pick such a wonderful mother?” And pop says, “Whatcha talking about? I picked her out, you just came along with the deal.”


50 posted on 05/09/2014 7:42:44 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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