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13 Tips for Landing a Wife (in the 19th Century)
Mental Floss ^ | May 13, 2014 | Therese Oneill

Posted on 05/13/2014 10:37:28 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows

The advice books written around the turn of the 20th century to teach women to make men happy are plentiful. Advice books in the same vein for men are rare.

But in 1883, a Methodist minister named George W. Hudson wrote one such "advice for men" book—The Marriage Guide for Young Men: A Manual of Courtship and Marriage. It was self-published, perhaps due to perceived lack of interest in marriage manuals for men. Or maybe because traditional publishers couldn’t handle all the hard-core truth the Reverend was going to throw down.

(Excerpt) Read more at mentalfloss.com ...


TOPICS: History; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: advice; courtship; marriage; napl; wife
Learn, guys.

[Please do NOT post the entire article - Many Getty images.]

1 posted on 05/13/2014 10:37:28 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows
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To: Slings and Arrows; MeekOneGOP; Conspiracy Guy; DocRock; King Prout; Darksheare; OSHA; ...


2 posted on 05/13/2014 10:39:25 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Keep her nose up.


3 posted on 05/13/2014 10:43:20 PM PDT by Berlin_Freeper
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To: Berlin_Freeper; Slings and Arrows
Keep her nose up.

And her flaps down. :)

4 posted on 05/13/2014 10:46:40 PM PDT by thecodont
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To: Slings and Arrows

I have this book! I went to an estate sale and the book was in a box under the front steps. The relatives gave me the box for free. I glanced at the book once and cataloged it. It was quaint...at least to a newly married man.


5 posted on 05/13/2014 10:53:31 PM PDT by crazyhorse691 (Obama is just the symptom of what is destroying the U.S.)
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To: thecodont; Berlin_Freeper

You don’t want her to roll, pitch, and yaw? ;^)


6 posted on 05/13/2014 10:55:28 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
[Please do NOT post the entire article - Many Getty images.]

Reportedly, the world's largest photo service just made its pictures free to use (by Russell Brandom on March 5, 2014 05:59 pm).

7 posted on 05/13/2014 10:55:38 PM PDT by cynwoody
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To: thecodont

They have a surgery for that, in case her flaps get too flappy.


8 posted on 05/13/2014 10:56:05 PM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (Resist We Much)
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To: crazyhorse691

Looks like you’ve got a piece of history there.


9 posted on 05/13/2014 10:56:11 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: cynwoody; Jim Robinson; John Robinson

That’s interesting, because we’ve had copyright issues with Getty. Thank you for the link.

[Jim, John - Please see the link at post #7.]


10 posted on 05/13/2014 10:58:18 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

I have about 150 books from that time period. I have sold a few off over the years that paid more than I paid for my entire collection.


11 posted on 05/13/2014 11:03:25 PM PDT by crazyhorse691 (Obama is just the symptom of what is destroying the U.S.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Okay, where exactly does the pilot sit when he’s landing his wife? And what’s he using for the controls?

Re #6, of course she has a mental picture that does justice to that sentence. It’s simply that what has been seen by the mind's eye can never, ever be unseen.

And my dad, may the Lord rest his soul, told me there are three kinds of women. Bad girls won’t let you do it. Good girls will let you do it. And nice girls will help you do it.

12 posted on 05/13/2014 11:10:37 PM PDT by RichInOC (No! BAD Rich! (What'd I say?))
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To: Slings and Arrows
Photograph #7 is not a picture of a husband and wife but of cadet Douglas McArthur and his mother taken at West Point.


13 posted on 05/13/2014 11:28:58 PM PDT by nathanbedford ("Attack, repeat, attack!" Bull Halsey)
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To: Slings and Arrows

In the 21st century, some guys post personal ads for women with bass boats - and ask them for pictures of the boats, not the women ...


14 posted on 05/13/2014 11:29:29 PM PDT by Lmo56 (If ya wanna run with the big dawgs - ya gotta learn to piss in the tall grass ...)
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To: RichInOC

I’m glad I stimulated your imagination.


15 posted on 05/13/2014 11:37:46 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows; Jim Robinson; John Robinson
Sorry. False alarm!

Upon actually reading the link, they impose rather unrealistic requirements upon would-be image embedders.

IOW, to comply, it's not just a simple matter of

<img src="http://d2v0gs5b86mjil.cloudfront.net/xc/476410957.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=77BFBA49EF8789215ABF3343C02EA5483B0E156167E65053DE1AE4C21B1C1BAF9377B3BB65F2F585&Expires=1400115600&Key-Pair-Id=APKAJZZHJ4LGWQENK3OQ&Signature=DsdxB8zW3SW5zIbZsypvss9bn3FWHgwQDi6nb-fSdJF2ro15Ph9XEkYfzl6WFbBYYkk9Zeeh9xDSEuvd1wBnWyTaQtkvfAXWD-gb6FAqYIlIR4CsuUL-r8imm3hWlvTDxgFpFj-3ARveB5oyiYszlqdTftJ2ejBKHTKhGw7l9ukhdrnzAG3UePuekc7XtUudFhZhiQoNvmhXslmLKHEdNwxnRG6d7DaI417S3xiRydJCsPIx1NKcJ2vh9K2oTq4CoTh8yE6wAd0kX9XmSlnyoJeGQcjDgOnPrXP48KoXs5fdHXdEWVu4ZcFkGOZgd1tXH7nBeVKuoEK7DoXGtJC7Nw__">,
which is already an order of magnitude or two past the usual case. Alas, it's more like:

<div style="background-color:#fff;display:inline-block;font-family:'Helvetica Neue',Arial,sans-serif;color:#a7a7a7;font-size:11px;">
<iframe src="//embed.gettyimages.com/embed/476410957?et=PM8T1KseQVdIMe0BAkIs_A&sig=dLEdd4keeJ87AIC5rBJAEvrPGGzCJxksrdiaLHuory4=" width="528" height="643" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" style="display:inline-block;"></iframe>
<p style="margin:0;"></p>
<div style="padding:0;margin:-6px 0 4px 10px;text-align:left;">
<a href="http://www.gettyimages.com/detail/476410957" target="_blank" style="color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;">#476410957</a> / <a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank" style="color:#a7a7a7;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal !important;border:none;">gettyimages.com</a>
      </div>
    </div>

which contains an embedded IFRAME, among other complexities.

But of course, Angelina is all over the web, anyway. Good luck with that, Getty!

16 posted on 05/13/2014 11:41:04 PM PDT by cynwoody
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To: cynwoody

Not so easy to stuff the genie back in the bottle, you betcha.


17 posted on 05/14/2014 12:40:09 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: crazyhorse691

Just in time then.


18 posted on 05/14/2014 12:56:24 AM PDT by Eagles6 (Valley Forge Redux. If not now, when? If not here, where?)
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To: nathanbedford

Dug-out Doug’s Mother was the original ‘helicopter’ Mom.


19 posted on 05/14/2014 2:19:45 AM PDT by tumblindice (America's founding fathers: all armed conservatives)
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To: Slings and Arrows

It’s not “landing a wife” it’s landing one that isn’t in the game to take your kids and your money when she feels it’s the right time.

So that eliminates American women. But there are plenty more around the world, coming from cultures that look at divorce as something to be ashamed of, as opposed to a BADGE OF HONOR. The problem is that if you marry someone whose friends and family yells DIVORCE HIM at the first hint of trouble (again, an American), the wife will be pressured to do so...and knowing that she gets the goodies helps push her that way in any case.


20 posted on 05/14/2014 2:55:37 AM PDT by BobL
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To: Slings and Arrows

“If You Want To Be Happy
JIMMY SOUL
If You Want To Be Happy (for The Rest Of Your Life) Lyrics
If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her, then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart,
But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You’ll be happy for the rest of your life,
An ugly woman cooks her meals on time,
She’ll always give you peace of mind.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

Don’t let your friends say
You have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway,
Though her face is ugly,
Her eyes don’t match,
Take it from me she’s a better catch.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

Say man.
Hey baby.
I saw your wife the other day.
Yeah?
Yeah, she’s ugly.
Man, she’s ugly but she sure can cook, baby.
Yeah? Alright...

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

If you wanna be happy
For the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife,
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.


21 posted on 05/14/2014 3:27:27 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)
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To: Vaquero

Bluegrass song:
Always marry an ugly girl
They’re the best kind,
They’ll never, ever leave you
and if they do, you won’t mind

Another:
Never marry an old man
here’s the reason why
His lips are all tobacco stained
and he never zips his fly


22 posted on 05/14/2014 4:01:12 AM PDT by ArtDodger
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To: ArtDodger

I remember an Abbott and Costello skit:

Costello: When I get married, I’m going to marry an ugly girl

Abbott: Why?

Costello: If I marry a pretty girl, she might leave me

Abbott: But an ugly girl might leave you too

Costello: Yeah, but who cares?


23 posted on 05/14/2014 4:34:49 AM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.)
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To: BobL

So you are saying pick one from some place so far away she has never heard of Oprah?


24 posted on 05/14/2014 4:52:14 AM PDT by TalonDJ
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To: BobL

and then

there are the married men with children

who have to go off with some adulteress who wants what the wife has

and leave grief and destruction behind them


25 posted on 05/14/2014 5:20:35 AM PDT by yldstrk ( My heroes have always been cowboys)
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To: Vaquero

Like Laurel and Hardy.. They were timeless!


26 posted on 05/14/2014 5:31:18 AM PDT by ArtDodger
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To: Slings and Arrows

Once I came across an outdoor social at a retirement home. There were, I estimate, 50 to 60 in attendance. I counted seven men.

This is why I found this from the book to be of note: “A man should never marry a woman who is his senior. You will have no inclination, I trust, to do anything of the kind.”

Following that advice, as men still do, is the reason that there were so many women at the retirement home outing. If you marry a woman the same age, or worse yet, considerably younger than you, you are almost guaranteeing that she will be a widow one day since men tend to die before women.

Yes, I married a woman several years older than myself. We, therefore likely will die around the same time. I consider that to be a good thing.


27 posted on 05/14/2014 5:38:08 AM PDT by OldPossum ("It's" is the contraction of "it" and "is"; think about ITS implications.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
Not bad advise for the most part.

The language on the other hand is very funny.

28 posted on 05/14/2014 6:16:00 AM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear (Proud Infidel, Gun Nut, Religious Fanatic and Freedom Fiend)
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To: RichInOC
Okay, where exactly does the pilot sit when he’s landing his wife?

The cockpit. DUH!

And what’s he using for the controls?

The joystick. Double DUH!

29 posted on 05/14/2014 6:18:32 AM PDT by null and void (When was the last time you heard anyone say: "It's a free country"?)
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To: Slings and Arrows

My new favorite word.. scrofulous.


30 posted on 05/14/2014 6:33:57 AM PDT by humblegunner
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To: BobL

Have you ever heard the term “you are so full of s@$t your eyes are brown” :-)


31 posted on 05/14/2014 7:12:54 AM PDT by Georgia Girl 2 (The only purpose o f a pistol is to fight your way back to the rifle you should never have dropped.)
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To: humblegunner; Slings and Arrows
I think he has a blog.

Moby Scrofulous (Assistant Junior Dean of Bloggers) Read more at fursuit@Wordpress.com.....)

32 posted on 05/14/2014 7:13:05 AM PDT by shibumi (Cover it with gas and set it on fire.)
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To: Slings and Arrows
11. DO: Make sure she can cook before you propose.

Mrs. Fierro would've been doomed.

She's good with the laundry, tho

33 posted on 05/14/2014 7:19:39 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: BobL

I don’t think it’s right to claim all American women are like this. Many, quite possibly most, but not all by any means.


34 posted on 05/14/2014 7:22:18 AM PDT by Sherman Logan
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Yep. ;^)


35 posted on 05/14/2014 9:06:50 AM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Slings and Arrows

Couldn’t be easier - simply be six feet tall, ruggedly handsome, dress to the nines in tailored clothing, drive a European sports car, and have a bank full of money.

Being an international secret agent with a Scottish accent doesn’t hurt, either.


36 posted on 05/14/2014 7:11:39 PM PDT by Jack Hammer
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To: BobL

“So that eliminates American women. “

So the women from Russia,England,France,Germany,Sweden,Italy and other European countries are okay?

That’s certainly nice to hear.


37 posted on 05/14/2014 7:20:17 PM PDT by Mears
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To: Jack Hammer

That’s all?


38 posted on 05/14/2014 7:40:33 PM PDT by Slings and Arrows (You can't have Ingsoc without an Emmanuel Goldstein.)
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To: Mears

Russia, generally yes - the other countries, you still have judges that practically dare women to divorce, so no.


39 posted on 05/14/2014 8:27:25 PM PDT by BobL
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To: Sherman Logan

“I don’t think it’s right to claim all American women are like this. Many, quite possibly most, but not all by any means.”

Concur...there are exceptions, just as there are immigrant women looking for Green Cards. It’s a probability game - 50% chance with an American, 90% chance with an import, assuming raised in a traditional way (i.e., to respect men).


40 posted on 05/14/2014 8:29:16 PM PDT by BobL
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To: TalonDJ

“So you are saying pick one from some place so far away she has never heard of Oprah?”

Can’t argue that rule of the thumb.


41 posted on 05/14/2014 8:30:12 PM PDT by BobL
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To: crazyhorse691

Wow! Proof this weird book really exists! I was thinking it did not.

So in the time of Jack the Ripper, just imagine, this was the vision of women in men’s minds.


42 posted on 05/14/2014 10:10:48 PM PDT by Beowulf9
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