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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 05/23/2014 5:38:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

It's Friday Silliness Time

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

A Little Biblical Humor

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?...
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once..
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan, The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan .....)
PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . .. . "He-brews"

Don't argue with idiots...they will pull you down to their level and beat you with experience!


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness
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Somebody told ME there is a CAT in this picture...do YOU see it?
1 posted on 05/23/2014 5:38:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

I see the cat. LOL


2 posted on 05/23/2014 5:43:51 AM PDT by defconw (Well now what?)
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To: Lucky9teen
TOP TEN!!!
3 posted on 05/23/2014 5:44:50 AM PDT by Rummyfan (Iraq: it's not about Iraq anymore, it's about the USA!)
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To: Lucky9teen

TGIF!

Thanks for the pings every week.

cheers,
Jim


4 posted on 05/23/2014 5:45:08 AM PDT by gymbeau (Tag line under review)
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To: Lucky9teen

That took me forever to find! Would not have seen it without the tip.


5 posted on 05/23/2014 5:47:04 AM PDT by FRForever (http://www.constitutionparty.com)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...





CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



6 posted on 05/23/2014 5:51:16 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 10!


7 posted on 05/23/2014 5:52:10 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Happy friday!


8 posted on 05/23/2014 5:52:26 AM PDT by Travis T. OJustice (I miss you, dad.)
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To: Travis T. OJustice

top 15....and thanks to all the vets out there for their service.


9 posted on 05/23/2014 5:53:34 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Travis T. OJustice

10 posted on 05/23/2014 5:53:58 AM PDT by Travis T. OJustice (I miss you, dad.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Serious Ninja Cat.....May even be a sniper....Either way, you’ll never see it coming....


11 posted on 05/23/2014 5:54:30 AM PDT by Bill Russell
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To: Lucky9teen
A little fun............

I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.

I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people.

I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

I changed my car horn to gun shot sounds.

People move out of the way much faster now.

You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands.

If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.

Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?

That's common sense leaving your body.

I don't like making plans for the day.

Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

I didn't make it to the gym today.

That makes five years in a row.

h/t Ralph



h/t C210N

h/t Bobalu


12 posted on 05/23/2014 5:55:09 AM PDT by upchuck (Support ABLE, the Anybody But Lindsey Effort. Yes, we are the ABLE!!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Is see it but you can't top the Redneck Tanktop.
13 posted on 05/23/2014 6:00:19 AM PDT by ImJustAnotherOkie (zerogottago)
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To: Lucky9teen
as far as the Redneck Tanktop goes, I can't help but wonder which guy in the crowd is Going Commando.
14 posted on 05/23/2014 6:02:19 AM PDT by ImJustAnotherOkie (zerogottago)
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To: Lucky9teen

Brilliant,
That picture is now going around the building. :D


15 posted on 05/23/2014 6:07:11 AM PDT by moose07 (the truth will out ,one day.)
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To: Lucky9teen

16 posted on 05/23/2014 6:07:35 AM PDT by Dallas59 ("Remember me as you pass by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, so you will be")
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To: Lucky9teen

Twenty (or better)!


17 posted on 05/23/2014 6:10:31 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
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To: Lucky9teen

18 posted on 05/23/2014 6:10:40 AM PDT by Dallas59 ("Remember me as you pass by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, so you will be")
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To: Lucky9teen

Top 20.


19 posted on 05/23/2014 6:12:54 AM PDT by ConservativeChris (I feel like Marvin Boggs!)
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To: Lucky9teen

20 posted on 05/23/2014 6:14:31 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (The new witchhunt: "Do you NOW, . . . or have you EVER , . . supported traditional marriage?")
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To: ImJustAnotherOkie


21 posted on 05/23/2014 6:15:05 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Oh the “loose wheel” picture.

I get those all day.
(I work at fixing things like that)

He’s looking a about $60grand repair bill.


22 posted on 05/23/2014 6:15:24 AM PDT by envisio (Its on like Donkey Kong!)
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To: Lucky9teen

I see the squirrel, but I don’t see the cat.


23 posted on 05/23/2014 6:16:18 AM PDT by Hoodat (Democrats - Opposing Equal Protection since 1828)
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To: Lucky9teen

24 posted on 05/23/2014 6:20:40 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Good Morning!


25 posted on 05/23/2014 6:22:40 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: Travis T. OJustice

Very cool!


26 posted on 05/23/2014 6:23:00 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: TADSLOS

27 posted on 05/23/2014 6:26:31 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: upchuck

The Happy City of Franklin, TN

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5J8iMxkP68


28 posted on 05/23/2014 6:27:33 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Dallas59

COOL, He’s at Fenway and has a Hartford Whalers shirt on.


29 posted on 05/23/2014 6:27:34 AM PDT by Travis T. OJustice (I miss you, dad.)
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To: Bill Russell

30 posted on 05/23/2014 6:28:43 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: BenLurkin

I like that show


31 posted on 05/23/2014 6:30:11 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: BenLurkin

White people really suck at dancing. LOL.


32 posted on 05/23/2014 6:31:25 AM PDT by Travis T. OJustice (I miss you, dad.)
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To: Dallas59

33 posted on 05/23/2014 6:33:27 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Who was the most constipated man in the Bible?

Solomon, he sat on the throne for 40 years!
34 posted on 05/23/2014 6:37:42 AM PDT by marine86297 (I'll never forgive Clinton for Somalia, my blood is on his hands)
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To: marine86297

35 posted on 05/23/2014 6:39:25 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

I spotted it first thing! LOL!


36 posted on 05/23/2014 6:45:10 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I never get my knickers in a knot because it solves nothing and makes me walk funny,)
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To: Lucky9teen

Without spoiling, yes. I see the cat.


37 posted on 05/23/2014 6:51:06 AM PDT by TheOldLady
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To: Lucky9teen; defconw; FRForever

OK, I finally see it now. It took me half the morning, but I got it. Now to catch up on the work I should have been doing instead of looking for that stupid cat.


38 posted on 05/23/2014 6:51:59 AM PDT by Hoodat (Democrats - Opposing Equal Protection since 1828)
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To: BenLurkin

LMAO


39 posted on 05/23/2014 7:01:36 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: BenLurkin
LOL! I love that show!
Allison, the neurotic, substance abusing, heavily armed suburban housewife is my favorite clone.
40 posted on 05/23/2014 7:03:18 AM PDT by Malone LaVeigh
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To: FRForever

What tip? It’s driving me crazy, where’s the darned cat?


41 posted on 05/23/2014 7:10:06 AM PDT by Nea Wood (When people get used to preferential treatment, equal treatment seems like discrimination.-Sowell)
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To: Lucky9teen

It took me longer than it should have to see the cat because I was hesitant to put all of my concentration into scouring the photo, fearing that all of a sudden some nasty monster face was going to pop up and startle the crap out of me. :)


42 posted on 05/23/2014 7:15:57 AM PDT by MarineBrat (Better dead than red!)
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To: Nea Wood

I’m not telling!!!!


43 posted on 05/23/2014 7:17:36 AM PDT by fredhead (Join the Navy and see the world.....77% of which is covered in water.)
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To: fredhead

Oh,now I see the little bugger. Once you find him, it’s so obvious!


44 posted on 05/23/2014 7:21:52 AM PDT by Nea Wood (When people get used to preferential treatment, equal treatment seems like discrimination.-Sowell)
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To: Lucky9teen
I should not have taught my dog to text...


45 posted on 05/23/2014 7:23:25 AM PDT by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
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To: Hoodat

:) I have an advantage, I have cats.


46 posted on 05/23/2014 7:24:02 AM PDT by defconw (Well now what?)
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To: Lucky9teen
I should not have taught my dog to text...


47 posted on 05/23/2014 7:24:35 AM PDT by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
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To: Lucky9teen

I now see it, but I do not understand it. Of course, one can’t understand cats.


48 posted on 05/23/2014 7:25:06 AM PDT by Hieronymus ( (It is terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged. --G.K. Chesterton))
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To: Lucky9teen
I should not have taught my dog to text...


49 posted on 05/23/2014 7:25:11 AM PDT by r-q-tek86 ("It doesn't matter how smart you are if you don't stop and think" - Dr. Sowell)
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To: r-q-tek86

50 posted on 05/23/2014 7:27:25 AM PDT by Dallas59 ("Remember me as you pass by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, so you will be")
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