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DOJ Requests 250 Million Dollars For New Computer System
Retired Texas Vet | 6-18-14 | Retired Texas Vet

Posted on 06/18/2014 7:12:49 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet

The DOJ today requested that Congress appropriate an additional 250 million dollars for a new computer system. DOJ stated the need for the new computer system was caused by an unplanned and unexpected need.

Eric (the Corrupt) Holder stated the new computer system was needed to initiate, document and process the tidal wave of pardons expected in the next two years. With the possible loss of the Senate in the fall and the possibility of impeachment of himself necessitated the speeding up of the pardon process.

The PIMPS (Pardon Important Management Progressives System) is expected to be able to handle the tens of thousands of pardons required for low to high level managers at all the departments and agencies. IRS, EPA, DOJ, BATF and State departments and agencies will be given priority processing. Because His Arrogance is kind of limp wristed, an automatic signer machine function is incorporated into the system.

Managers to receive the pardons must have their applications and donations (or taxes in John Roberts lingo) into DOJ before the fall elections. Required donations (or taxes) will range from 10% of a years salary for low level managers to 40% for high level managers which is considerable less than probable legal expenses (no professional discount for fellow Progressives) if the presidency is lost.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Conspiracy; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: corruption; satire

1 posted on 06/18/2014 7:12:49 PM PDT by RetiredTexasVet
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To: RetiredTexasVet
Does it have a tape backup that works?

/johnny

2 posted on 06/18/2014 7:14:50 PM PDT by JRandomFreeper (Gone Galt)
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To: JRandomFreeper
Does it have a tape backup that works?

Too expensive. Floppies will do.

3 posted on 06/18/2014 7:18:35 PM PDT by unixfox (Abolish Slavery, Repeal the 16th Amendment)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

CGI has one they’re not using.


4 posted on 06/18/2014 7:20:55 PM PDT by informavoracious (Open your eyes, people!)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Well come on, they need new computers, all that porno takes up a lot of hard drive space


5 posted on 06/18/2014 7:23:16 PM PDT by GrandJediMasterYoda (Hitlery: Incarnation of evil.)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

I’m told that the new computer system will be able to lose any email in half the time it took the old system.


6 posted on 06/18/2014 7:24:12 PM PDT by ClearCase_guy ("Harvey Dent, can we trust him?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HBsdV--kLoQ)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Are they gona use the Canadian company that designed the Obamacare web site?


7 posted on 06/18/2014 7:25:05 PM PDT by garjog (Obama: bringing joy to the hearts of Terrorists everywhere.)
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To: JRandomFreeper

It’ll work. They’ll use the same tape that Nixon used in Watergate.


8 posted on 06/18/2014 7:30:14 PM PDT by Redcitizen (Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things.)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

The model they’re looking at does not come with a warranty, but its hard drive will be protected by the Administration’s 5th Amendment guarantee.


9 posted on 06/18/2014 7:30:57 PM PDT by dagogo redux (A whiff of primitive spirits in the air, harbingers of an impending descent into the feral.)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Congress,Do not give this good for nothing anything. Wait until we get a new President and Administration that we can trust!


10 posted on 06/18/2014 7:32:06 PM PDT by El Zoro
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To: RetiredTexasVet

“DOJ Requests 250 Million Dollars For New Computer System.”

TRANSLATION = Eric Holder wants a villa in Zurich, a custom yacht, and matching Ferraris.


11 posted on 06/18/2014 7:32:11 PM PDT by LyinLibs (If victims of islam were more "islamophobic," maybe they'd still be alive.)
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To: GrandJediMasterYoda

Only the best 1080p porn for our “public servants”!


12 posted on 06/18/2014 7:32:35 PM PDT by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> ---)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

I’ll give you $7 for a chisel and a hammer.

Seems like you’d take better care of your work product and I’d want it in stone writing anyway...


13 posted on 06/18/2014 7:34:13 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: Vendome

14 posted on 06/18/2014 7:37:12 PM PDT by kevao (Biblical Jesus: Give your money to the poor. Socialist Jesus: Give your neighbor's money to the poor)
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To: RetiredTexasVet

In my basement I’ve found an unused IBM PC 286 and many unused floppy discs. I’d be more than willing to help out the DOJ in their automation efforts.


15 posted on 06/18/2014 7:37:54 PM PDT by House Atreides (ELL)
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To: kevao

Hey, I posted that last week....


16 posted on 06/18/2014 7:40:22 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: kevao
Here it is


17 posted on 06/18/2014 7:42:20 PM PDT by Vendome (Don't take life so seriously-you won't live through it anyway-Enjoy Yourself ala Louis Prima)
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To: Vendome

lol


18 posted on 06/18/2014 7:43:35 PM PDT by kevao (Biblical Jesus: Give your money to the poor. Socialist Jesus: Give your neighbor's money to the poor)
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To: garjog

Are they gona use the Canadian company that designed the Obamacare web site?”

You mean the same company that one of the departments in Texas paid $10M to to develop a new web system?


19 posted on 06/18/2014 7:55:32 PM PDT by Grams A (The Sun will rise in the East in the morning and God is still on his throne.)
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To: garjog

Of course. CGI is the most expert company in the world at siphoning off kickbacks to DemonCraps.


20 posted on 06/18/2014 7:59:38 PM PDT by libstripper
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To: RetiredTexasVet
They'll get a great deal on hard drives from CMI!
21 posted on 06/18/2014 8:07:57 PM PDT by Dr. Sivana ("If you’re litigating against nuns, you’ve probably done something wrong."-Ted Cruz)
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To: unixfox
Too expensive. Floppies will do.

They'll store them in some spare MRI's the VA isn't using.

22 posted on 06/18/2014 8:14:34 PM PDT by tacticalogic
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To: RetiredTexasVet

That’s a lot of extention cords running over to the NSA.


23 posted on 06/18/2014 8:26:11 PM PDT by bgill
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Enough for two ObamaCare web sites that won’t work.


24 posted on 06/18/2014 9:07:53 PM PDT by theBuckwheat
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Well since eric, my peeople, holder has plenty of time on his hands since he is not up holding the law he can spend that time doing some work and fill out the forms by hand. At least he would be doing SOMETHING to earn his tax payers paid salary.


25 posted on 06/19/2014 12:51:08 AM PDT by chiefqc
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To: RetiredTexasVet

Funny. But one bit of advice. Obama’s government never does anything in the ‘millions’. That’s chump change. To be of any believable significance, it should have been more like $100 Billion. Otherwise, funny.


26 posted on 06/19/2014 2:37:47 AM PDT by Gaffer
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To: RetiredTexasVet
They can't have it. Computers are racist.


27 posted on 06/19/2014 2:41:22 AM PDT by uglybiker (nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-BATMAN!)
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