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Failed Marriage to ĎDeal or No Dealí Model Broke Andrew Stern
New York Post ^ | June 25, 2014 | Danika Fears

Posted on 06/25/2014 2:48:31 PM PDT by nickcarraway

Andrew Stern, the husband of “Deal or No Deal” model Katie Cleary who shot himself in the head at a firing range, was “broken” over his failed marriage, a friend told the MailOnline.

“He made it clear that he would do anything to make her happy … He saw that he put all he could into his marriage and his wife, and when she wanted more, it devastated him,” another friend, Pace Lattin, told the website.

(Excerpt) Read more at pagesix.com ...


TOPICS: TV/Movies; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: katiecleary
‘Deal Or No Deal’ Hostess’ Husband Kills Self After Leo, Grenier Photos Surface
1 posted on 06/25/2014 2:48:31 PM PDT by nickcarraway
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To: nickcarraway

Really broken now....


2 posted on 06/25/2014 2:56:51 PM PDT by SECURE AMERICA (I am an American Not a Republican or a Democrat.)
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To: nickcarraway

I can identify with the “gave everything I could, but it wasn’t enough” situation. I lived it. I realized as it was happening that I could have tried to move heaven and earth and it still would not have been enough. In other words, it was not in my power to save the marriage because she had already thrown it away. Yes, it was a crushing blow, but I also realized she was not worth my life or putting my sons’ lives at risk for doing something stupid.

Now after 13 years, with no help from me, my sons have lost their respect for their mother. I am still single. She remarried a couple of years ago. And on occasions, I see little signs that she realizes she made some monstrous mistakes. But moral victories are worthless and the scars have caused problems for my sons. Very sad and unnecessary.


3 posted on 06/25/2014 3:12:04 PM PDT by RatRipper (The political left are utterly evil and corrupt)
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To: RatRipper

I would encourage you to involve you sons in a church that teaches about life long commitment to marriage. Show them the way it “should have been”. Teach them not to join in marriage lightly.

And maybe, just maybe, the scars will heal and they will make something better in their lives.


4 posted on 06/25/2014 3:18:23 PM PDT by taxcontrol
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To: SECURE AMERICA

I guess I don’t really understand why this is news to anyone other than family, friends, and maybe fans of the show.

She’s a very pretty lady, but the guy must have been “broken” before she arrived on the scene. My WAG is that he had no sense of self before meeting her, and when they got together, his self esteem was based on her coming home to him.

When he saw the photos, be bottomed out, and unfortunately, took his own life. But broadcast it to the world? I guess it’s just another example of “celebrity culture.”

Mark


5 posted on 06/25/2014 3:20:26 PM PDT by MarkL (Do I really look like a guy with a plan?)
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To: nickcarraway

As Dr. Laura says, men are such simple creatures… their wants and needs are very few. It’s so sad that so few women realize that so little is all it would take for her man to go through hell fire for her and all she has to to do is live up to the basic commitment that was made in their vows. No doubt it works both ways but there are some very basic reasons why women are the ones who initiate over 75% of the divorces in the country.


6 posted on 06/25/2014 3:21:13 PM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: nickcarraway
dumb azz woulda been out in ten or less...
7 posted on 06/25/2014 3:29:19 PM PDT by Chode (Stand UP and Be Counted, or line up and be numbered - *DTOM* -vvv- NO Pity for the LAZY - 86-44)
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To: MarkL

Maybe, but just as likely is the possibility that he loved her and wanted desperately to make her happy. She, on the other hand, might just be a shallow woman who realized she could trade up to a movie star and was willing to break her husband’s heart in the process. It’s not about low self-esteem on his part then. He just gave her everything and she tossed it away to be seen with a dopey movie star. The husband then felt worthless and killed himself. That’s at least as plausible as what you said.


8 posted on 06/25/2014 3:34:38 PM PDT by vladimir998
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To: vladimir998

According to one article, he was taking hormone medication and went off of it abruptly. That may have been a factor as well.


9 posted on 06/25/2014 3:37:46 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: hecticskeptic; All
‘As Dr. Laura says, men are such simple creatures… their wants and needs are very few. It’s so sad that so few women realize that so little is all it would take for her man to go through hell fire for her and all she has to to do is live up to the basic commitment that was made in their vows.’

True if one can find a man not an adolescent who is chronologically a man. Our rotten culture and the harpies from Hollywierd and TV land help encourage male infantilization. Our culture lords loudly proclaim the need to get rid of any sense of personal honor by males. The only things elevated are ‘tolerance and inclusivity , i.e. do your own thing’. Serial fornication, slacker attitudes towards responsibility and cowardice with an attitude are increasingly becoming what white males are all about. Increasingly even as secular a person as I feel the only salvation in our decadent and corrupt culture is from strongly evangelical Protestantism or , ironically, Tridentine Catholicism.

10 posted on 06/25/2014 3:39:17 PM PDT by robowombat
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To: hecticskeptic

Oh, its *women*.

Ok.

Meanwhile, if I am in a bad relationship, I simply remind myself that men are a dime a dozen and that I have a dollar.

Suicide is selfish. I have little to no empathy.

But that’s just me....


11 posted on 06/25/2014 4:00:28 PM PDT by Tx Angel
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To: Tx Angel
Not that I've ever considered either, but homicide seems a more logical approach than suicide.

I simply remind myself that men are a dime a dozen and that I have a dollar.

Cough, cough....you get what you pay for..../chuckle

12 posted on 06/25/2014 4:31:51 PM PDT by ChildOfThe60s ((If you can remember the 60s.....you weren't really there)
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To: ChildOfThe60s

Lol!
This is true


13 posted on 06/25/2014 4:41:31 PM PDT by Tx Angel
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To: taxcontrol

I am the son of a minister, long time member of the church, elder, etc. They were raised in the church, not as regular now, but believers. My oldest son spends quite a bit of time studying and searching scripture. I have prepared them the best I can. Their biggest problem is that they recognize the danger signs, and popular culture has made young ladies the polar opposite of what makes a good marriage, both churched and unchurched.

One has admitted to me that it is hard to trust, though he has made great efforts, after he saw me being an example of a faithful husband, committed father, and decent guy, then being dumped on for no reason. Then he looks around and sees the caustic, overly-selfish attitudes of girls his age . . . he is now 30. Trust me, we are well-grounded people. There are no simple answers in the current environment.


14 posted on 06/25/2014 7:06:44 PM PDT by RatRipper (The political left are utterly evil and corrupt)
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To: Tx Angel
Suicide is selfish.

People often say that ‘suicide is selfish’…but from what I’ve seen, it has virtually nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with people having lost their way with no hope and no faith in God and hence what they believe is no alternative. Sometimes that happens because of bad choices along the way but sometimes it happens because of circumstances beyond their control.

15 posted on 06/25/2014 8:37:04 PM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: RatRipper; Tx Angel

A few years ago, I ran into the writings of Michelle Langley. There is so much that I’d like to disagree with her on but unfortunately, there are just way too many examples around me (of marriages that follow the pattern she suggests as being typical) that I’m forced to agree with her perspective.

http://womensinfidelity.com/


16 posted on 06/25/2014 9:05:59 PM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: RatRipper

Sorry to read that Rat, your story mirrors mine, in reverse of course.

What I’ve learned along the way is that with the wrong person, you can’t do anything right. With the right person, you can’t do anything wrong. It’s exaggerated of course, but at it’s heart, I find it to be true. My ex remarried a woman who is about as evil as I’ve seen.


17 posted on 06/25/2014 10:21:42 PM PDT by AllAmericanGirl44
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To: hecticskeptic

Ok, went to that link and tortured myself reading it.

Silly, just replace ‘her’ with ‘him’ and the dialogue would hold more value. This is as nonsensical as stating all men cheat. It’s individuals and their own choices, NOT women or men as a whole. She is full of crap.


18 posted on 06/25/2014 10:28:10 PM PDT by AllAmericanGirl44
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To: AllAmericanGirl44
She is full of crap.

As I said, I have unfortunately seen way to many marriage breakdown examples around me that fall into pretty much the exact pattern that Langley outlines….and even if these ultimately did not result in adultery per se in all cases as she would seem to imply, they certainly involved infidelity (using the more comprehensive definition of the word). I will agree that Langley is way too sweeping in where she heads with the general premise because it makes it sound like it is inevitable that ALL women fall into this category of initiating an adulterous relationship outside their marriage and that clearly is not the case…..first off, she is only talking about marriage failure cases and secondly, there are obviously other failure mechanisms as well. How about a slight modification to Langley’s suggested seven steps?…..

1. The first step stated was “They push men for commitment”. I think that this step is basically true but it could go even further to state that “They use their sexuality quite effectively in being able to push their men for commitment”. Any disagreement with that as a general rule? If not, what would you suggest as more likely driving forces for either men or women to make the commitment to marriage? And which one of the two are typically pushing for the commitment and what is the mechanism….either overtly or underlying?

2. The second step was “They get what they want”. Any problem with that? I don’t… under the guise of a promise for the guy receiving unlimited sex for the rest of his life, a women can get anything, no? What most couples (young ones at least) don’t realize going into a marriage is that this physical reality has the potential to be highly abused. I think that Langley is on track with this concept even if she takes a wrong turn later.

3. The third step was “They lose interest in sex”. Whether they actually lose interest in sex or they just state that this is the case, it’s so typical that somewhere along the line, the statement and position of “sex is not a priority” starts to be made…..and it doesn’t seem to take very long into the marriage for that to happen. Why is that and who is making that statement? Well, we know the answer to the who part of that and it isn’t the man.

4. The fourth step was “They become attracted to someone else”. The way this is worded, it makes it sound like there is another specific person (and maybe that is the way it was intended)… but what if the someone else is just a mythical person or just a concept? How many women at this stage just simply start to lose their emotional commitment with the sense that “I made a mistake, this person is not my ‘soul mate’, I could have done so much better…… and they start to tear down the person they are married to as not meeting ALL their needs and expectations, even if the person was totally faithful to her sexually and other ways, was a good provider and really for all intents and purposes was a good husband to her? I would submit that this happens enormously more often with women as opposed to men and is a common denominator to virtually all marital breakdowns.

The fifth step was “They start cheating”. There is something that Langley is seriously missing at this point… some women might go into an adulterous relationship but more likely, they start to believe that in going from step 3 (‘losing interest in sex’) to step 4 (losing their emotional commitment), they are fully justified in a step 5 which is to engage in infidelity….. not adultery per se but infidelity. During steps 3 and 4, they still might retain their marital commitment and have sex with their husbands but at some point, they start to refuse and they withhold sex using whatever mechanism they want to convince themselves that what they are doing is fully justified i.e. “why should I participate in sex, he is not meeting MY needs” etc. At this point, it would seem that what the women has done is take the man’s vulnerability and use it as a total control tactic (see step 2 above).

The sixth step of “They begin telling their partners that they need time apart” is probably the case regardless of whether there is an adulterous relationship going on (IA – infidelity adultery) or if she is just committing IW (infidelity withholding) as manifested in step 5.

Similar to the sixth step, the seventh one of “They blame their partners for their behavior…and eventually, after an unusually long time of vacillating back and forth; they end their relationships or marriages.” is likely the case regardless of whether the woman has committed IA or IW.

If you don’t agree with Langley (or the above suggested revised steps), you might consider these questions:

- From a sexual perspective, who is the more vulnerable party in a marital relationship?

- Who in the marital relationship is more likely to use sex as a control tactic?

- Of all the cases of material breakdown that you are familiar with where IA was cited, how many of those were ones where IW occurred first? Based on what I’ve seen, it’s virtually 100%.

19 posted on 06/26/2014 6:02:19 AM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: AllAmericanGirl44

One more question was intended.... What other reason would you propose as to why it is predominantly women who initiate divorce?


20 posted on 06/26/2014 6:17:23 AM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: AllAmericanGirl44

You know, I am OK, and I will be OK. Am I as happy and satisfied as I want to be? No, but few are. I am a family man at heart, and that has yet to be replaced, if it ever will be.

I am not so much sad for me, but for this world in which we live and my sons. My ex is very much analagous to our culture: if just a little bit in commitment and integrity is given, all of us would be much more content and happy. The longer I live and the more I look around, the more I am convinced that I “am not of this world”.


21 posted on 06/26/2014 6:47:44 AM PDT by RatRipper (The political left are utterly evil and corrupt)
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To: hecticskeptic

The summary is a very close recap of what happened to end my marriage.


22 posted on 06/26/2014 7:00:24 AM PDT by RatRipper (The political left are utterly evil and corrupt)
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To: RatRipper

It of course is very difficult to generalize too much with these things because each person and their marriage is unique.... but with some variations, this is the scenario that seems to be so common it dwarfs all others.


23 posted on 06/26/2014 7:23:23 AM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: RatRipper

It sounds like you have prepared them the best that you can. I know that my son (15) is struggling with the slut culture in highschool. He has even asked me if girls in other countries are the same - I used to travel a lot.

You are 100% correct about the self-centered, “men are just there to support my desires” attitude that is so prevelent in today’s culture. I was lucky. I found a woman who put the family first and we have been married twenty years.

I am glad to hear that they are well grounded. They will need that as I fear things are only going to get worse. One other possibility for your son to consider, small rural towns and farms still have some ladies. After that, well I would have to say that marrying a forgiener is about the only way an American man is going to find a decent wife these days.


24 posted on 06/26/2014 8:07:33 AM PDT by taxcontrol
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To: nickcarraway




25 posted on 06/26/2014 8:13:36 AM PDT by TheThirdRuffian (RINOS like Romney, McCain, Christie are sure losers. No more!)
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To: RatRipper

I understand and honestly, if it sounded like I was feeling sorry for you, I apologize. That was not my intent.


26 posted on 06/26/2014 9:42:26 AM PDT by AllAmericanGirl44
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To: hecticskeptic

Maybe because their husbands suck?


27 posted on 06/26/2014 9:44:19 AM PDT by AllAmericanGirl44
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To: AllAmericanGirl44
Maybe because their husbands suck?

So are you suggesting that the woman is free from her commitments because she realized after marrying that she had not done the required 'thorough evaluation'? Or that she simply made a mistake?

28 posted on 06/26/2014 9:54:57 AM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: hecticskeptic

With all due respect, I am sorry I ever commented on this thread. I just don’t care to dissect who is responsible for the failings of marriages. My interest currently is on the IRS scandal, the flood of toddlers crawling in from Ecuador, the poor Marine left to languish in a Mexican jail, what programming they are doing to bergdahl, the sick crap Rove, McConnell, Barbour et al pulled in Mississippi.

So, again, I am sorry I ever commented on this topic, maybe when things calm down I will give it the attention it requires.


29 posted on 06/26/2014 10:21:34 AM PDT by AllAmericanGirl44
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To: AllAmericanGirl44
Marriage failings are certainly a different kind of problem than those you mentioned but of course on another level they directly tie into lots of other nationwide problems i.e. the failing school system, the health system, crime, drugs, teenage pregnancies, the homo agenda and on and on.

However, I'm with you on the need to focus on the items you listed....and of course add Benghazi, Ukraine.....

30 posted on 06/26/2014 11:08:34 AM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: AllAmericanGirl44

Oh no, you are fine.


31 posted on 06/26/2014 11:24:57 AM PDT by RatRipper (The political left are utterly evil and corrupt)
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To: hecticskeptic

I agree and am fully aware of the dire effects of all the moral failings we are witnessing. I don’t mean to be remiss about the issue, it’s simply that my brain can’t take in any more information with what is happening now.

Of course, Benghazi and Ukraine are paramount as well.
Sigh, I long for the days when the King of Chaos isn’t out stirring everything up!


32 posted on 06/26/2014 11:30:56 AM PDT by AllAmericanGirl44
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To: taxcontrol

Traditional marriage does not exist in this country and has not for some time.

Traditional marriage wasn’t the product of individuals having greater willpower or spiritual strength, it was the result of specific social norms that have been abandoned — most importantly, that married men were entitled to priority for employment, that women were disgraced for having sex before or outside of marriage and doubly so if it resulted in children without a shotgun marriage, that divorced men were looked down upon, and that divorced women and especially never-married mothers had minimal financial claims upon their ex-husband / boyfriend or the state.

Even when two extremely faithful Christians marry, the husband and wife have untrammeled freedom to abandon each other and have no particular support from society to stay together.


33 posted on 06/26/2014 11:41:12 AM PDT by only1percent
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To: taxcontrol
“my son (15) is struggling with the slut culture in highschool”

They all seem to think they are the Kardashians (or want to be one of them). It is sickening. And it is the ‘mother’ of this trash family who is pushing her kids to make money by being trashy.

34 posted on 06/26/2014 11:45:52 AM PDT by kcvl
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To: robowombat
I feel the only salvation in our decadent and corrupt culture is from strongly evangelical Protestantism or , ironically, Tridentine Catholicism.

Hmmm ...

Without being too specific as to the vehicle, it is certainly true that the only salvation in ANY culture is through Our Lord Jesus Christ. The two movements you identify are certainly dedicated to Him.

35 posted on 06/26/2014 11:51:24 AM PDT by NorthMountain
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To: AllAmericanGirl44
Sigh, I long for the days when the King of Chaos isn’t out stirring everything up!

Agreed but if anything, the chaos is getting cranked up, not letting up. This is why I occasionally take a break to other topics from time to time.... there are some things in life that should be a refuge from that chaos.

36 posted on 06/26/2014 1:08:20 PM PDT by hecticskeptic (In life it is important to know what you believe¬Ö.and more importantly, why you believe it.)
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To: hecticskeptic

Well that is certainly true, and taking a big time off from the chaos is necessary for some mental health.
I guess I just didn’t feel that trying to figure who is responsible for failed marriages, just seems a fools errand. I’m quite sure we both have evidence of both men and women acting poorly within a marriage. There is more than enough blame to go around.


37 posted on 06/26/2014 4:16:46 PM PDT by AllAmericanGirl44
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