dumb azz woulda been out in ten or less...
Posted on 06/25/2014 2:48:31 PM PDT by nickcarraway
Andrew Stern, the husband of “Deal or No Deal” model Katie Cleary who shot himself in the head at a firing range, was “broken” over his failed marriage, a friend told the MailOnline.
“He made it clear that he would do anything to make her happy … He saw that he put all he could into his marriage and his wife, and when she wanted more, it devastated him,” another friend, Pace Lattin, told the website.
(Excerpt) Read more at pagesix.com ...
Really broken now....
I can identify with the “gave everything I could, but it wasn’t enough” situation. I lived it. I realized as it was happening that I could have tried to move heaven and earth and it still would not have been enough. In other words, it was not in my power to save the marriage because she had already thrown it away. Yes, it was a crushing blow, but I also realized she was not worth my life or putting my sons’ lives at risk for doing something stupid.
Now after 13 years, with no help from me, my sons have lost their respect for their mother. I am still single. She remarried a couple of years ago. And on occasions, I see little signs that she realizes she made some monstrous mistakes. But moral victories are worthless and the scars have caused problems for my sons. Very sad and unnecessary.
I would encourage you to involve you sons in a church that teaches about life long commitment to marriage. Show them the way it “should have been”. Teach them not to join in marriage lightly.
And maybe, just maybe, the scars will heal and they will make something better in their lives.
I guess I don’t really understand why this is news to anyone other than family, friends, and maybe fans of the show.
She’s a very pretty lady, but the guy must have been “broken” before she arrived on the scene. My WAG is that he had no sense of self before meeting her, and when they got together, his self esteem was based on her coming home to him.
When he saw the photos, be bottomed out, and unfortunately, took his own life. But broadcast it to the world? I guess it’s just another example of “celebrity culture.”
Mark
As Dr. Laura says, men are such simple creatures… their wants and needs are very few. It’s so sad that so few women realize that so little is all it would take for her man to go through hell fire for her and all she has to to do is live up to the basic commitment that was made in their vows. No doubt it works both ways but there are some very basic reasons why women are the ones who initiate over 75% of the divorces in the country.
dumb azz woulda been out in ten or less...
Maybe, but just as likely is the possibility that he loved her and wanted desperately to make her happy. She, on the other hand, might just be a shallow woman who realized she could trade up to a movie star and was willing to break her husband’s heart in the process. It’s not about low self-esteem on his part then. He just gave her everything and she tossed it away to be seen with a dopey movie star. The husband then felt worthless and killed himself. That’s at least as plausible as what you said.
According to one article, he was taking hormone medication and went off of it abruptly. That may have been a factor as well.
True if one can find a man not an adolescent who is chronologically a man. Our rotten culture and the harpies from Hollywierd and TV land help encourage male infantilization. Our culture lords loudly proclaim the need to get rid of any sense of personal honor by males. The only things elevated are ‘tolerance and inclusivity , i.e. do your own thing’. Serial fornication, slacker attitudes towards responsibility and cowardice with an attitude are increasingly becoming what white males are all about. Increasingly even as secular a person as I feel the only salvation in our decadent and corrupt culture is from strongly evangelical Protestantism or , ironically, Tridentine Catholicism.
Oh, its *women*.
Ok.
Meanwhile, if I am in a bad relationship, I simply remind myself that men are a dime a dozen and that I have a dollar.
Suicide is selfish. I have little to no empathy.
But that’s just me....
I simply remind myself that men are a dime a dozen and that I have a dollar.
Cough, cough....you get what you pay for..../chuckle
Lol!
This is true
I am the son of a minister, long time member of the church, elder, etc. They were raised in the church, not as regular now, but believers. My oldest son spends quite a bit of time studying and searching scripture. I have prepared them the best I can. Their biggest problem is that they recognize the danger signs, and popular culture has made young ladies the polar opposite of what makes a good marriage, both churched and unchurched.
One has admitted to me that it is hard to trust, though he has made great efforts, after he saw me being an example of a faithful husband, committed father, and decent guy, then being dumped on for no reason. Then he looks around and sees the caustic, overly-selfish attitudes of girls his age . . . he is now 30. Trust me, we are well-grounded people. There are no simple answers in the current environment.
People often say that ‘suicide is selfish’…but from what I’ve seen, it has virtually nothing to do with selfishness and everything to do with people having lost their way with no hope and no faith in God and hence what they believe is no alternative. Sometimes that happens because of bad choices along the way but sometimes it happens because of circumstances beyond their control.
A few years ago, I ran into the writings of Michelle Langley. There is so much that I’d like to disagree with her on but unfortunately, there are just way too many examples around me (of marriages that follow the pattern she suggests as being typical) that I’m forced to agree with her perspective.
Sorry to read that Rat, your story mirrors mine, in reverse of course.
What I’ve learned along the way is that with the wrong person, you can’t do anything right. With the right person, you can’t do anything wrong. It’s exaggerated of course, but at it’s heart, I find it to be true. My ex remarried a woman who is about as evil as I’ve seen.
Ok, went to that link and tortured myself reading it.
Silly, just replace ‘her’ with ‘him’ and the dialogue would hold more value. This is as nonsensical as stating all men cheat. It’s individuals and their own choices, NOT women or men as a whole. She is full of crap.
As I said, I have unfortunately seen way to many marriage breakdown examples around me that fall into pretty much the exact pattern that Langley outlines….and even if these ultimately did not result in adultery per se in all cases as she would seem to imply, they certainly involved infidelity (using the more comprehensive definition of the word). I will agree that Langley is way too sweeping in where she heads with the general premise because it makes it sound like it is inevitable that ALL women fall into this category of initiating an adulterous relationship outside their marriage and that clearly is not the case…..first off, she is only talking about marriage failure cases and secondly, there are obviously other failure mechanisms as well. How about a slight modification to Langley’s suggested seven steps?…..
1. The first step stated was “They push men for commitment”. I think that this step is basically true but it could go even further to state that “They use their sexuality quite effectively in being able to push their men for commitment”. Any disagreement with that as a general rule? If not, what would you suggest as more likely driving forces for either men or women to make the commitment to marriage? And which one of the two are typically pushing for the commitment and what is the mechanism….either overtly or underlying?
2. The second step was “They get what they want”. Any problem with that? I don’t… under the guise of a promise for the guy receiving unlimited sex for the rest of his life, a women can get anything, no? What most couples (young ones at least) don’t realize going into a marriage is that this physical reality has the potential to be highly abused. I think that Langley is on track with this concept even if she takes a wrong turn later.
3. The third step was “They lose interest in sex”. Whether they actually lose interest in sex or they just state that this is the case, it’s so typical that somewhere along the line, the statement and position of “sex is not a priority” starts to be made…..and it doesn’t seem to take very long into the marriage for that to happen. Why is that and who is making that statement? Well, we know the answer to the who part of that and it isn’t the man.
4. The fourth step was “They become attracted to someone else”. The way this is worded, it makes it sound like there is another specific person (and maybe that is the way it was intended)… but what if the someone else is just a mythical person or just a concept? How many women at this stage just simply start to lose their emotional commitment with the sense that “I made a mistake, this person is not my ‘soul mate’, I could have done so much better…… and they start to tear down the person they are married to as not meeting ALL their needs and expectations, even if the person was totally faithful to her sexually and other ways, was a good provider and really for all intents and purposes was a good husband to her? I would submit that this happens enormously more often with women as opposed to men and is a common denominator to virtually all marital breakdowns.
The fifth step was “They start cheating”. There is something that Langley is seriously missing at this point… some women might go into an adulterous relationship but more likely, they start to believe that in going from step 3 (‘losing interest in sex’) to step 4 (losing their emotional commitment), they are fully justified in a step 5 which is to engage in infidelity….. not adultery per se but infidelity. During steps 3 and 4, they still might retain their marital commitment and have sex with their husbands but at some point, they start to refuse and they withhold sex using whatever mechanism they want to convince themselves that what they are doing is fully justified i.e. “why should I participate in sex, he is not meeting MY needs” etc. At this point, it would seem that what the women has done is take the man’s vulnerability and use it as a total control tactic (see step 2 above).
The sixth step of “They begin telling their partners that they need time apart” is probably the case regardless of whether there is an adulterous relationship going on (IA – infidelity adultery) or if she is just committing IW (infidelity withholding) as manifested in step 5.
Similar to the sixth step, the seventh one of “They blame their partners for their behavior…and eventually, after an unusually long time of vacillating back and forth; they end their relationships or marriages.” is likely the case regardless of whether the woman has committed IA or IW.
If you don’t agree with Langley (or the above suggested revised steps), you might consider these questions:
- From a sexual perspective, who is the more vulnerable party in a marital relationship?
- Who in the marital relationship is more likely to use sex as a control tactic?
- Of all the cases of material breakdown that you are familiar with where IA was cited, how many of those were ones where IW occurred first? Based on what I’ve seen, it’s virtually 100%.
One more question was intended.... What other reason would you propose as to why it is predominantly women who initiate divorce?
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