Skip to comments.Archie Bunker Quotes
Posted on 06/26/2014 1:30:49 PM PDT by Veggie Todd
Funny quotes from All In The Family.
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Edith: [Archie's in the bathroom] Archie! When are ya comin' out?
Archie: Why, ya sellin' the house?
Edith: You've been in there for 20 minutes.
Archie: Who are you? The official time-keeper?
Edith: What are ya doin' in there?
Archie: I'm changing the tile. One more word out of ya and I ain't never comin' out!
“Would make you feel any better Little Girl if they was pushed out of windows!?”
Yeah, that's a good one.
Archie’s friend divorced his wife and told Archie the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Archie replied; Edith is green enough for me.
I always used to wish that someone would push meathead out of a window; preferably the top of the Empire State Building.
Here it is as part of the best gun control debate ever.
Archie: Go out and get me a beer.
Edith: Can or bottle?
Archie: We never buy bottles.
My favorite as well.
E: Eat it Archie, it’s good roughage.
A: I don’t need roughage Edith, I need smoothage.
Archie to George in front of Grandma Jefferson: “Now, don’t be talking like that to your little mammy there.”
If you will notice, they mention the Miller decision of the SCOTUS as proof that military rifles are covered but handguns are not, therefore handguns can be banned.
It is in the full show. That is the ONLY All in the family episode I ever watched as I could not stand the program.
Archie Bunker: Well, I got the secret weapon that can lay this little lady right away. Here we go. This country was ruined by Franklin Delano Roosevelt!
Cousin Maude: You’re fat.
Archie Bunker: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Franklin Delano Roosevelt...
Edith Bunker: Archie, you promised never to say that name again in front of Maude.
Archie Bunker: Franklin Delano Roosevelt!
Edith Bunker: [to Maude] He don’t mean nothing. His whole family was for Roosevelt.
Archie Bunker: That was for two terms. But that was it. We didn’t know the guy was going to hold on to the job like a pope!
Michael: That’s what’s wrong with this country, nobody asks questions anymore!
Archie: Can I ask *you* a question?
Archie: Why don’t you shut up?
To Gloria, who said she thought it was wonderful that a black family was moving into their neighborhood: “Wonderful, huh? Well let’s see how wonderful it is when the watermelon rinds start flying out the window.”
You only get the full force of these when you hear Carol O’Connor say them in character in your mind.
“For your information, England is a fag country.”
“Now Mr. Davis, do you take cream and sugar in your eye?”
Carrol O’Connor was a far-left liberal. It must have drove him insane that a lot of people actually agreed with the character he tried to present as a bigoted moron!
MEATHEAD Why don’t you run down to the post office and salute a flag?
ARCHIE I will if you go with me!
“People who live in communes are commune-ists.”
Mike: “You think anyone who wears glasses is a homosexual.”
Archie: “Not true! A man who wears glasses is a four-eyes. A man who is queer is a fag.”
Oh I forgot...he is..
Archie Bunker: The Reverend Fletcher...
Edith Bunker: Felcher.
Archie Bunker: WHATEVER.
Reverend Felcher: Archie, When the collection basket is passed, you use it to make change.
All in the Family's biggest triumph was how it made both left and right, black and white, laugh at, and with, each other. Humor defuses animosity, which is why the left screams bloody murder when someone tells an off-color or ethnic joke these days. The left doesn't want people laughing together at shared foibles, they want people at each other's throats.
The show's creator was a major lefty, too. Archie's views were supposed to be held up to ridicule by the viewer. But, much like Gordon Gekko's "Greed is good," what to the liberal mind was an abhorrence found resonance in "right" minds to the chagrin of the left. Michael Douglas deals to this day with thumbs-up from people who see greed as a driver of economics rather than the left's whipping boy.
Archie let us get in touch with our inner racist.
Yeah he tried to "soften" Archie in the last seasons, which is why the show became terrible.
. Especially when Meathead moved to California.
Archie and Edith met a couple that were swingers. They were given extravagant gifts of perfume and cigars by the couple, but were disgusted when they figured out what “swinging” was going to entail. They sent the couple away.
Archie told Edith she had to throw away the perfume.
Edith: Well, ok, but what about the cigars?
Archie: I’m gonna burn ‘em.
I remember watching this show, siding with Meathead and thinking that Archie was a terrible person in general and a racist, to boot.
Over the past few years, I’ve startled myself with how much I sound like Archie - and I’m black. The man spoke the truth.
Lear’s father called him “meathead”. Politically, Rob Reiner is a moonbat and his dad Carl prob is one too. I heard Carl interviewed on radio and he said he was proud he got his start through some kind of acting program sponsored by the government. Carl’s sitcom Head of the Family became the Dick Van Dyke show, and the main char was named after Carl’s son: Rob.
If Archie were around today you might hear:
“Hey I read here that there’s a fox loose on the grounds of the White House”
Archie: “I ain’t surprised. Been a family o’ coons livin’ there for quite some time now...”
On one of the early episodes, Mike’s friend Roger was visiting. He turned out to be straight, but he didn’t look it....he definitely had the appearance of being light in the loafers.
Mike said something about Roger having to leave, and Archie said, “Just open up a window and watch him fly out!”
When I watched that show in the 1970s, I always identified with Meathead. These days, I identify with Archie Bunker. In fact, I’m older than Archie Bunker was when he was in that TV series and that’s a little bit scary to me.
‘Sammy’s Visit’ is/was the single greatest 30 minute episode of any sit-com ever imo. Archie: “I said black meathead, Harvey Belefonte ain’t black.......he’s just a good lookin’ white guy dipped in carmel”!
"out of the trees and down to the river". LOL!
paraphrased from memory!
One of the accomplishments of All in the Family was to establish the stereotype and perpetuate the myth that conservatives are more racist than liberals.
You might not have realized this, but in truth Archie’s racism is the one trait which he shared with liberals as well as with anyone else.
As God is my witness, until now, I did not know that Mike Stivic was Meatheads name.
In the show "push back" the liberals are playing a game where you REALLY tell the truth.
Lionel and Mike are back to back and Lionel mentions how he likes Mike OK, but sometimes thinks Mike "uses" him as some kind of badge, proving he's not some bigot like Archie.
It ends up with Mike getting angry and throwing the game board on the floor.
Some of the very best episodes, like where Mike is jealous of his friend painting Gloria in the nude, shows Mike's human, if not "conservative" side.
Another one that I like is when Mike gets passed over for a promotion because of affirmative action.
As a kid I sided with Mike. As an adult I side with Archie.
Minus the bigotry, of course.
Mike seemed to "grow" quite a bit during the show's run.
If there was a re-boot, Mike would have become a (reluctant) right-winger.
Archie to Meathead: “We didn’t crawl out from under no rocks, we ain’t got no tails, and we didn’t come from monkeys neither you atheistic pinko Meathead”.
Edith to Archie: “I said Stifle and I meant Stifle. Stifle Stifle Stifle.” That episode was their best IMO.
I still use “clovage”. Gloria was wearing Hot Pants and Archie says to her “Hey, Little Girl you are showing too much clovage” After Mike moved to CA and Edith dies no reason to watch.
Archie Bunker was one of the most liberal shows around at the time and even as a younger teen, I couldn’t stand it. When they attacked guns, I was done, never watched it again.
Lear didn’t create it. He updated a British show.
Three’s Company was a sanitized remix of a Brit show called Man About the House. In the UK original, the guy living with the two girls was always trying to get into their britches. John Ritter’s character was a mewling faggot dumbed down to American squeamishness with sex.
Reverend Felcher (Fletcher, whatever): Archie, the only thing you use a collection basket for is to make change.
John Ritter’s character was a galloping heterosexual. He just agreed to not pursue his roommates.