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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 06/27/2014 5:21:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen

Random Silliness anyone?

 

Fed Up With "Frozen," 2 Dads Perform Parody Song 

 

A good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?"

"Yep".

"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"

"Yep".

When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?"

"Yep".

Then the good Samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?"

"Yep".

"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"

"Yep".

So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs. Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man. He's been doing nothing all night long but taking me upstairs and throwing me down the elevator shaft!"


 

 

Danny's doorbell was ringing and when he answered it, he found his pretty neighbour Sally, pacing restlessly at his door. Sally, who had recently got a divorce, said to him, "Dan, I am feeling so lonely, I can't take it anymore.
I want to let my hair down, get drunk & want to have a good time. What are you doing tonight?"

Danny replied quickly, "I am free!"

"Wonderful." Sally said. "Can you take care of my kids?"

 

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.

''I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.

''I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal'

 



TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: friday; ofst; silliness

WHO WANTS A RIDE?


1 posted on 06/27/2014 5:21:12 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP! TOP TEN!!


2 posted on 06/27/2014 5:22:33 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Uninstall Fascist Firefox. Get Pale Moon.)
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To: Lucky9teen

IBTP and maybe even FIRST!?!


3 posted on 06/27/2014 5:23:05 AM PDT by MortMan (Fossil feces is not merely prehistoric toilet humor.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Woohoo!! Friday!! How are you this week, Lucky?


4 posted on 06/27/2014 5:23:13 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

Sometimes



sneaks up on you!

CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



5 posted on 06/27/2014 5:23:29 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top Ten! Good Morning!


6 posted on 06/27/2014 5:25:10 AM PDT by Disambiguator (#cornedbeef)
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To: Lucky9teen

I hope things are going better for you, Ma’am.


7 posted on 06/27/2014 5:27:19 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Uninstall Fascist Firefox. Get Pale Moon.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Food for thought

I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she’s probably angry.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.

I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.

So I decided to stop calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. That way I can say I went to the jim this morning.

Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers: If you find one, what’s your plan?


8 posted on 06/27/2014 5:28:50 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: Lucky9teen

bump


9 posted on 06/27/2014 5:29:06 AM PDT by real saxophonist (Shiny!)
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To: Disambiguator
In. d:-)

10 posted on 06/27/2014 5:30:37 AM PDT by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a weapon...0'Jihadist/"Rustler" Reid? d8-)
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To: ShadowAce
I'm much better. Things weren't as dire as I thought. In any case, we've busted through a wall and are working our way through it. We've learned in marriage, that you can't stop communicating, being honest, being direct and being completely open with each other. We've agreed to never keep secrets and to remember why we fell in love and fight to keep that every day. It's going to take work (as marriage does), but as long as we both are making equal effort, it should work. Trust has to be rebuilt and who knows, maybe we'll be better than we were before.


Now back to silliness...

11 posted on 06/27/2014 5:30:57 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Arrowhead1952; All
Whack 'em w/a bar of soap..hit ' em w/a rat tail.
show 'em a nekkid picture of Helen Thomas.

12 posted on 06/27/2014 5:37:00 AM PDT by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a weapon...0'Jihadist/"Rustler" Reid? d8-)
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To: Lucky9teen

Stay strong.


13 posted on 06/27/2014 5:38:34 AM PDT by RandallFlagg (Uninstall Fascist Firefox. Get Pale Moon.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!


14 posted on 06/27/2014 5:39:03 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."- Aunty Acid)
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To: Lucky9teen
A little Chicago humor!!

I was driving through northern Illinois last night listening to a call-in program on WGN in Chicago. People were calling in all upset about the goat's head sent to Cubs owner Tom Ricketts at Wrigley Field.

Some guy called in from Indiana and said, "Why are you all so upset cause someone sent a goat's head to Wrigley Field? Aren't you the guys that sent a horse's ass to the White House".

I almost ran off the road!


Please recycle:

I have the distinguished honor of being on the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton.

We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces.

We then decided to erect a statue of Hillary in the Washington, D.C. Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside her husband William J. Clinton, who never told the truth, since Hillary could never tell the difference.

We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Democrat of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on someone else's money.

Thank you,

Hillary R. Clinton Monument Committee

P.S. The Committee has raised $2.16 so far.



This one's been around but it's still funny:

Today I had to go to the mall. As I approached the entrance, I noticed a driver looking for a parking space. I flagged the driver and pointed out a handicap parking space that was open and available. The driver looked puzzled, rolled down her window and said, "I'm not handicapped!"

Well, as you can imagine, my face was red! "Oh, I'm sorry," I said. "I saw your Obama bumper sticker, and I just assumed that you suffered from some sort of mental disorder."

She gave me the finger and screamed some nasty names at me.

Boy! Some people don't appreciate it when you're just trying to help them out!



UNDERSTANDING OBAMACARE FOR DUMMIES (Presented as a public service)

Chapter 1

In order to insure the uninsured, we first have to un-insure the insured. Next, we require the newly un-insured to be re-insured. To re-insure the newly un-insured, they are required to pay extra charges to be re-insured. The extra charges are required so that the original insured, who became un-insured and then re-insured, can pay enough extra capital so that the original un-insured can be insured for free.

The End


Disabled cat. Uh huh...
DADDY IS A GAY DANCER

The fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so forth..

However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet. When the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money..."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little Tommy aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped to get Obama elected, but that's too embarrassing to say in front of the other kids."


Excuse me for linking to a outside source: 25 puns so terrible they should be made illegal. Worth the click.
Julius Malema has gone to court to have the word "blacklisted" banned.

Required to state his case, Julius said: "This racist word is demoralizing for the Blacks of this country! How can you put people on a list just because they're black, why not put whites on a list also?".

The judge, looking pained and after thinking for a minute said: "Whites are on a separate list, they are called "Tax payers."

Case dismissed!



Here are six Conundrums of socialism in the United States of America:
  1. America is capitalist and greedy - yet half of the population is subsidized.

  2. Half of the population is subsidized - yet they think they are victims.

  3. They think they are victims - yet their representatives run the government.

  4. Their representatives run the government - - yet the poor keep getting poorer.

  5. The poor keep getting poorer - yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.

  6. They have things that people in other countries only dream about - yet they want America to be more like those other countries.

Here's three, short sentences tell you a lot about the direction of our current government and cultural environment:
  1. We are advised to NOT judge ALL Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics, but we are encouraged to judge ALL gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics. Funny how that works.

  2. Seems we constantly hear about how Social Security is going to run out of money. How come we never hear about welfare or food stamps running out of money? What's interesting is the first group "worked for" their money, but the second didn't. Think about it..

  3. Why are we cutting benefits for our veterans, no pay raises for our military and cutting our army to a level lower than before WWII, but we are not stopping the payments or benefits to illegal aliens. Am I missing something?


Amen Sister!!

15 posted on 06/27/2014 5:41:15 AM PDT by upchuck (Everyday, Joe Wilson becomes more correct!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Maybe this one will sneak through:


Compare the tilt of the two chins.

16 posted on 06/27/2014 5:42:06 AM PDT by upchuck (Everyday, Joe Wilson becomes more correct!)
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To: upchuck

top 25...woot


17 posted on 06/27/2014 5:47:58 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Lucky9teen

18 posted on 06/27/2014 6:11:46 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (It ain't a "hashtag"....it's a damn pound sign. ###)
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To: Lucky9teen

The thing with the trees is disturbing.


19 posted on 06/27/2014 6:28:34 AM PDT by zeugma (It is time for us to start playing cowboys and muslims for real now.)
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To: Monkey Face

20 posted on 06/27/2014 6:53:16 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: RandallFlagg

21 posted on 06/27/2014 6:54:29 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: MortMan

22 posted on 06/27/2014 6:55:44 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Disambiguator

23 posted on 06/27/2014 6:56:40 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

24 posted on 06/27/2014 6:57:51 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: upchuck


25 posted on 06/27/2014 6:59:54 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Yorlik803
Next season...on "The View"...

26 posted on 06/27/2014 7:01:20 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: BenLurkin

lol


27 posted on 06/27/2014 7:03:06 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: BenLurkin

Is that John Belushi in that costume?


28 posted on 06/27/2014 7:18:27 AM PDT by Disambiguator (#cornedbeef)
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To: BenLurkin
No! No! No! No! No! No!

You've mixed Star Wars with Star Trek. We're all doomed!!!!!!!

29 posted on 06/27/2014 7:19:04 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Has anyone seen my tagline? It was here yesterday. I seem to have misplaced it.)
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To: BenLurkin

Yes. Yes, it is.


30 posted on 06/27/2014 7:24:06 AM PDT by Monkey Face (The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't need to write that down. I'll remember it."- Aunty Acid)
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To: Lucky9teen; All

31 posted on 06/27/2014 7:25:03 AM PDT by musicman (Until I see the REAL Long Form Vault BC, he's just "PRES__ENT" Obama = Without "ID")
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To: BenLurkin

32 posted on 06/27/2014 7:39:11 AM PDT by Disambiguator (#cornedbeef)
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To: Lucky9teen

33 posted on 06/27/2014 7:39:18 AM PDT by martin_fierro (< |:)~)
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To: Lucky9teen

34 posted on 06/27/2014 8:02:44 AM PDT by relentlessly
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To: relentlessly

Senior trying to set a password

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: boiledcabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiledcabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessNow!
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use


35 posted on 06/27/2014 8:43:02 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

School drops Cougars as team name because it might offend women

http://blog.syracuse.com/sports/2012/01/utah_high_school_cougars_offensive_team_name.html


36 posted on 06/27/2014 9:21:57 AM PDT by dragonblustar ( Psalm 103, Psalm 37:7, Ephesians 6:12)
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To: BenLurkin
 photo 839fecf237bc9f054c34140cd8a6833e_zps56fa2251.jpg

 photo 10475592_805658839444640_830031835209721228_n_zpsa9627566.jpg

.

37 posted on 06/27/2014 9:25:51 AM PDT by dragonblustar ( Psalm 103, Psalm 37:7, Ephesians 6:12)
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To: martin_fierro

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.”

The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”

“Yes, Father, it is.”

“And who was the girl you were with?”

“I can’t tell you, Father. I don’t want to ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Joey, I’m sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Nina Capelli?”

“I’m sorry, but I cannot name her.”

“Was it Cathy Piriano?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?”

“Please, Father! I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.”

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Four months vacation and five good leads...”


38 posted on 06/27/2014 9:26:08 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen
 photo tumblr_ltdg9stmEN1r3blmpo1_500_zps80350e60.gif

.

 photo obamadamaov4-1-1-3.jpg

39 posted on 06/27/2014 9:26:54 AM PDT by dragonblustar ( Psalm 103, Psalm 37:7, Ephesians 6:12)
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To: dragonblustar
An oldie but a goodie
40 posted on 06/27/2014 9:27:04 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: BenLurkin

That was pretty imaginative. A sho-trooper!


41 posted on 06/27/2014 10:26:01 AM PDT by zeugma (It is time for us to start playing cowboys and muslims for real now.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Some words of wisdom from a great American philosopher:

Marry a woman who can cook. The sex will wear off but you’ll always be hungry.

Exercise? If you see me running that means the laxative is working.

- Rodney Dangerfield


42 posted on 06/27/2014 12:19:59 PM PDT by fredhead (Join the Navy and see the world.....77% of which is covered in water.)
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To: fredhead
CAPTION THIS

43 posted on 06/27/2014 3:07:23 PM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen

Marines coming to remove after senate impeachment vote.


44 posted on 06/27/2014 3:55:09 PM PDT by morphing libertarian ( On to impeachment and removal (IRS, Taliban, Fast and furious, VA, Benghazi)!!!)
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To: Lucky9teen

"Yes, those are definitely the droids they are looking for"

45 posted on 06/27/2014 4:40:48 PM PDT by AppyPappy
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To: Lucky9teen

They’re coming to take me away ha ha
To the happy home
With trees and flowers and chirping birds
And basket weavers who sit and smile
And twiddle their thumbs and toes
And they’re coming to take me away ha ha


46 posted on 06/27/2014 6:21:41 PM PDT by fredhead (Join the Navy and see the world.....77% of which is covered in water.)
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To: Lucky9teen

47 posted on 06/27/2014 8:32:10 PM PDT by clearcarbon
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To: BenLurkin

48 posted on 06/28/2014 7:55:55 PM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: Liberty Valance

I love somersault Sylvester!


49 posted on 06/29/2014 6:11:56 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: IYAS9YAS; BenLurkin

Yeah, everyone knows Gandalf said those words to Harry Potter when they arrived to Alderaan in the Enterprise...


50 posted on 06/29/2014 11:03:58 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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