I remember a series where the husband had no clue that the neighbor was involved with the wife. . . .
Posted on 06/27/2014 2:36:24 PM PDT by nickcarraway
ear Demetria:
I am the mother of two. I have an amazing husband and father to my children. The last child is not his, and he is unaware. His best friend and I had a one-night stand two years ago when my hubby was out of town. I can’t bring myself to come clean.
I just started going to therapy about this. The guilt is making me miserable. I feel honesty would break our whole family apart. I'm afraid to find out what my husband may do. —Anonymous
My grandmother had a saying about truth: “What’s done in the dark will always come to the light.” You’ve been carrying some huge secrets, and despite trying to ignore and avoid them, they’ve come to the forefront of your mind nearly three years later with a crippling vengeance that’s making you miserable.
I’m glad you’re in therapy. That’s a good starting point. If you have a good therapist, she or he will help you find the courage to “come clean,” as you put it, and tell your husband the truth about your affair and the child that resulted from it. It’s not the easy thing to do, but it is the right course of action here for everyone involved, including you.
Your husband deserves to know the truth, and sooner rather than later.
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I agree - the family would never be the same if SHE told so SHE felt less guilty.
Sadly, I've never married........But if I had, I would have never cheated on my wife......no matter what.
If I had found out she screwed my best friend, I would have simply packed my bags and moved out.........no argument, no yelling and screaming, no nothing.
There also would have been no reconcilliation, and no marital counseling...........
As for my ex-best friend, win or lose, at least I would have gotten in the first punch and left him something to remember for the rest of his life...........
Why isn’t she asking her if the best friend knows he has a child?
I agree - her confession would be a selfish act, to relieve HER guilt at the expense of her innocent husband.
My advice to the stupid self destructive drama queen is to keep her stupid mouth shut and have a dna test done first. Maybe she’s right, but she could also be wrong because she’s wracked with guilt, fear and paranoia.
She could easily destroy her child’s relationship with her father over a phantasm created by guilt.
And then, if the test shows she’s right, she should still keep her stupid mouth shut and be the best wife and mother she can be in repentance.
I totally agree as long as your wife has remained faithful...
I just don't think our family could ever recover from the hurt, anger and resentment that would ensue.
Some things are simply not worth it...
Coming clean would destroy a marriage, a father daughter relationship and an intact family...
Let her live with her guilt...
For most people who are unfaithful... everything is always about them. It makes sense. She wouldn’t be telling him to make things better for her family in anyway. She thinks it would just clear her conscience. And really, it won’t. She’ll always know what happened... and if it breaks up her family when she tells him and hurts her kids... then she’ll have to live with that too. And she can spend the next few years telling her sad tale of woe to people she meets on Match.com.
My view is that the husband has the right to know and decide if he wants to spend his life with this unfaithful woman, or not.
I guess the question is genetics...are there diseases that could erupt or things like diabetes that are considered inherited...so if she dies ....who would be able to explain it if the husband does not know. Doesn’t the child need to know eventually who their real father is?
I once dated a teacher who told me that two of her students who were “dating” found out they both had the same sperm donor father.
LOL, an old one but a cold one!
Because secrets aren't forever, sooner or later the truth will be discovered........and then what?
Will the discovery of your partner's infidelity be lessened simply because you found out 10, 15 years later? And if so, what assurance do you have that your partner wasn't also screwing around for the past 10 or 15 years with other people?
Marriage is based on total trust, and if that trust is broken just once, where is the guarantee that it won't or hasn't been broken again?
What really matters is who is being the father to the child, not who donated the sperm.
I remember a series where the husband had no clue that the neighbor was involved with the wife. . . .
You’re right about your family probably not surviving such a revelation, but you’re wrong to think it would survive with you not knowing. The truth is always best.
Sure...Tell him. Put all that guilt on his shoulders. Ghandi once said, when he was told people near him were betraying him, “I don’t want to know, then I must carry this on my mind and shoulders.”
I love this, when people want to tell you that they’ve been unfaithful....
Hey...grow up. You made the mistake you live with it, and keep inside. IF I were you husband, and you told me this, I would have a difficult time accepting it.
On the other hand... “for richer, for poorer, for better for worse...” Maybe you should read my book...
Telling the husband now is cruel. It has nothing to do with him. She and the ‘friend’ can carry that guilt. That is their penance.
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