Skip to comments.Obama's Mad Lib Speech Engine
Posted on 07/01/2014 5:40:36 PM PDT by Citizen Zed
My fellow Americans, It is with gay pride that I stand before the teleprompter today, for only in America could the son of a woman from everywhere and a man from anywhere grow up to be speed reader.
If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, I am The Won you have been waiting for.
I am here this day to address the subject of nasal cleanliness. I am not the last president to address this issue, but I am determined to be the first.
Now let me be clear. There are those who say that we must choose between a private pick and a public blow. But I reject the false choice between skepticism and disbelief. Make no mistakeIn the middle of the worst crisis since that flood in that old book, we cannot afford to maintain the failed policies of the past 5 years. Make no mistake. The status quo is no longer an option. Today I say to you, I am ready to listen to your ideas to solve this crisis of congestion.
As Abraham Lincoln once said, our country is only as strong as it's hankies. Let me be clear; I do not blame my predecessor for phlegm, mucus or sneezing. I did, however, inherit the worst crisis since Barbara Streisand choked milk through her schnoz.
The unprecedented strain these events have placed on our sinus passages is clear all throughout this country and the world. So know this: I have a hankey. (applause)
Now, let me be clear. This will not be fixed this afternoon, or even tomorrow morning. (silence)
This is our chance to answer that solumn hashtag. (cheers). This is our moment. This is our time to put our people back to work and enact nasal cleanings for our kids; to restore clear airwaves and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American Dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth that while we breathe, we live, and where we are met with snot and flappers ... to those who tell us that we cant, that this sentence is just too long, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: It tastes like candy but it's snot!
God Bless America.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.