Skip to comments.***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 08/01/2014 5:50:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Hamas Bumper Stickers
These are just @ThePeoplesCube Tweets, there are many great ones made by others too.
Other tweets from the feed:
>> how's my driving? Call 1-800-bomb-you
>> whats the martyr with you?
>> If you can read this you must be a Hellfire missile>> human Shields on Board
>> honk if Your Horn is not currently connected to a detonator
>> Gaza auto sales: we blow away the competition
>> My kid can blow up your kid
>> Read this to your favorite female loved one since she isn't allowed to read it to herself
>> honk If You're About to be Taken Out by an Israeli Air to Surface Missile
>> Shiite Happens
Another Twitter feed billing itself as @HamasGlobalPR did not appear to represent the actual governing authority but used an ironic voice to pose as the authority.
One tweet: We condemn murder of A Jabari & the destruction of his new BMW M6. A merciful country would have shot last wk when he was driving a Fiat.
Also, the tweeter observed: To avoid further confusion, we are changing our name to "Palestinians Entitled To Reject Agreements"
#PETRA, & yes, we are moving to #Jordan
Q. What am I if I give money to Hamas?
A. A supporter of terrorism
Q. What am I if I give a gun to Hamas?
A. A partner in murder
Q. What am I if I give Hamas a base to train terrorists and supply them with the ability to import weapons?
A. The Obama Administration
Is it just me, or does every overwhelming Hamas victory against Israel look and sound more and more like Charlie Sheens version of winning?
Q: How does Hamas spell victory against Israel?
A: K-E-R-R-Y or O-B-A-M-A (either one will work)
Israel s deputy prime minister on Saturday said Israel should assassinate Hamas leadership, ignore the moderate Palestinian president and walk away from international peace efforts.
Hamas leaders asked for a timeout until Israel and Palestine can get into some kind of counseling.
They also requested Israel try to use 'I' sentences instead of'you' sentences, such as "I don't feel respected by those actions." rather than "You are a bunch of suicide bombing @$$holes!"
CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST
Early one morning, an elderly retired Navy pilot yelled to his wife, "Honey! Come see what I created! It's an abstract panorama depicting the six years of the Obama presidency!"
She yelled back, "Flush the toilet and come eat your breakfast."
but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.
I've noticed that the Democrats put them on the rear bumper and Republicans put them on the front bumper.
"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me, we got 'em all."
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay
"Any thing at all, my love", the guy said overcome with remorse.
"Oh, I don't know," she replied, "you really don't have to do this, you know. But if you insist, just get me something really expensive that I don't need."
The following day he booked her for chemotherapy.
Yea!!! It’s Friday!!
THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Rufus pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus’s $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4’s, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?
6. Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?
8. Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?
9. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa on one week’s income?
10. Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF
Those are excellent!
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white". The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael, he's a doctor". A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead".
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching". Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".
I think you’ve got it! By George you’ve got it!
>>The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, “There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,” or “That’s Michael, he’s a doctor”. A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead”.
Ah, my dad (now passed on) used to tell me that joke. That along with how the children of a class posed for a picture and when they saw it one Italian-American boy seemed to be making an “o” with his mouth. Why? “They said, say cheese, and I said ‘provolone’”
CAIR will be whining about this thread.
Top of the Morning!
Top of the World!
This quote reflects the level of her accomplishments NONE!!!!
Quote of the day, no, of the week, make that month. Yet it probably is quote of the year! No. DECADE. Wait a minute. It’s the greatest quote ever!
My accomplishments as Secretary of State? Well, I’m glad you asked! My proudest accomplishment in which I take the most pride, mostly because of the opposition it faced early on, you know the remnants of prior situations and mindsets that were too narrowly focused in a manner whereby they may have overlooked the bigger picture and we didnt do that and Im proud of that. Very proud. I would say thats a major accomplishment.
- Hillary Clinton 11 March 2014
Could someone please tell me what the hell she just said? And she is running for President?
AN ILLEGAL POEM
By Illegal immigrants
I cross river,
Poor and broke,
See employment folk.
Treat me good in there,
Say I need
Go see Welfare.
‘You come no more,
We send cash
Right to your door.’
They make you wealthy,
It keep you healthy!
By and by,
Got plenty money,
Thanks to you,
Write to friends
‘come, fast as you can’
They come in buses
And Chevy trucks,
buy big house
With welfare bucks.
They come here,
We live together,
More welfare checks,
It gets better!
They moving in,
But neighbor’s patience
Finally, white guy
buy his house,
And then I say,
‘Find more aliens
For house to rent.’
In my yard
I put a tent.
Send for family
They just trash,
But they, too,
Draw welfare cash!
Soon we own
We have hobby
It called breeding,
For baby feeding.
Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
We think America
Darn good place!
Too darn good
For white man race.
If they no like us,
They can go,
Got lots of room
In Mexico .
SEND THIS TO EVERY TAXPAYER YOU KNOW
You can laugh all you want if you think it’s funny, but the bottom line is that it will bankrupt America even worse than it already has. WE HAVE GOT TO HOLD OUR ELECTED “REPRESENTATIVES” ACCOUNTABLE INSTEAD OF WATCHING THEM FEATHER THEIR OWN NESTS AND CARRY ON AS IF IT’S NOT A PROBLEM!!
Wow! That first pic fits so perfectly with my tag. Thanks!
On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
- Two Italian men and one Italian woman
- Two French men and one French woman
- Two German men and one German woman
- Two Greek men and one Greek woman
- Two English men and one English woman
- Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman
- Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
- Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman
- Two Irish men and one Irish woman
- Two American men and one American woman
One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:
* One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
* The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.
* The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.
* The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
* The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
* The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.
* The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.
* The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.
* The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they’re satisfied because the English aren’t having any fun.
* The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn’t they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get rescued off this god-forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping...
Posted by a guy whose family has two iPhones, an iPad, iPad Mini, and iPod.
Resistance is Futile. ;-)
Love Making Tops For Seniors .....
1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.
2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.
3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)
4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.
5. Write partners name on your hand in case you cant remember it .
6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.
7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.
8. Make all the noise you want ... the neighbours are deaf, too.
9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news ... even if it’s 8PM!
10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.
5a) Reload: How Cease Fire is pronounced in Palestinian Arabic.