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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

Posted on 08/01/2014 5:50:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen


Hamas Bumper Stickers

These are just @ThePeoplesCube Tweets, there are many great ones made by others too.

Other tweets from the feed: 

>> how's my driving? Call 1-800-bomb-you

>> what’s the martyr with you?

>> If you can read this you must be a Hellfire missile>> human Shields on Board

>> honk if Your Horn is not currently connected to a detonator

>> Gaza auto sales: we blow away the competition

>> My kid can blow up your kid

>> Read this to your favorite female loved one since she isn't allowed to read it to herself

>> honk If You're About to be Taken Out by an Israeli Air to Surface Missile

>> Shi’ite Happens

Another Twitter feed billing itself as @HamasGlobalPR did not appear to represent the actual governing authority but used an ironic voice to pose as the authority.

One tweet: “We condemn murder of A Jabari & the destruction of his new BMW M6. A merciful country would have shot last wk when he was driving a Fiat.”

Also, the tweeter observed: “To avoid further confusion, we are changing our name to "Palestinians Entitled To Reject Agreements" #PETRA, & yes, we are moving to #Jordan



Q. What am I if I give money to Hamas?

A. A supporter of terrorism

******************

Q. What am I if I give a gun to Hamas?

A. A partner in murder

******************

Q. What am I if I give Hamas a base to train terrorists and supply them with the ability to import weapons?

A. The Obama Administration




"TOP 10 FATAH HAMA UNITY JOKES"

10) Palestinians had to have a reconciliation. Their suicide bombers want to form a union.

9) Fatah and Hamas put their differences aside, rallying around their common denominators: Hatred of Israel, and bad Arab television shows.

8) The difference Palestinian unity and Palestinian civil war is the spelling.

7) iPal : The all new Palestinian Unity product from Fatah and Hamas. Note: This app is prone to killing itself and blaming the Jews for its own failure.

6) Unity: What to call factionalism when all else fails.

5) My Way or the Highway: How Reconciliation is pronounced in Palestinian Arabic.

4) Palestinians buried their hatchets in order to fight together against Israel. If only they stuck to hatchets in that fight.

3) Unity. It's the new Palestinian bomb. How long until they have a "work accident"?

2) Even in death, Osama bin-Laden managed to get mournful and rueful comments from Hamas and Fatah. Talk about unity amongst terrorists.

... and the #1 fatah hamas unity joke is:

1) Palestinian unity is an oxymoron.


“Is it just me, or does every overwhelming Hamas ‘victory’ against Israel look and sound more and more like Charlie Sheen’s version of ‘winning’?”

****************

Q: How does Hamas spell victory against Israel?
A: K-E-R-R-Y or O-B-A-M-A (either one will work)

****************

Israel ‘s deputy prime minister on Saturday said Israel should assassinate Hamas‘ leadership, ignore the moderate Palestinian president and walk away from international peace efforts.

Hamas leaders asked for a timeout until Israel and Palestine can get into some kind of counseling.

They also requested Israel try to use 'I' sentences instead of'you' sentences, such as "I don't feel respected by those actions." rather than "You are a bunch of suicide bombing @$$holes!"

 

Hamas has said that Israel has caused no harm at all to their military capabilities and they will continue to fire rockets at them.
Is it me or do they sound like The Black Knight from Monty Python and The Holy Grail?


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: hamas; israel; ofst; silliness
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1 posted on 08/01/2014 5:50:00 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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To: 2111USMC; 21stCenturion; 2ndDivisionVet; 3AngelaD; 4mycountry; 5Madman2; 66-442hot; 6amgelsmama; ...

INFIDEL




CLICK HERE TO BE INCLUDED OR TAKEN OFF THE LIST



2 posted on 08/01/2014 5:51:02 AM PDT by Lucky9teen (No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ~ Albert Einstein)
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To: Lucky9teen
Somewhere in the top 10!!!

Early one morning, an elderly retired Navy pilot yelled to his wife, "Honey! Come see what I created! It's an abstract panorama depicting the six years of the Obama presidency!"

She yelled back, "Flush the toilet and come eat your breakfast."



Isn't it great to live in a society where the penalty for lying to a congressman is up to 20 years in jail...

but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.



A baker stopped making donuts after he got tired of the hole thing....
I'm seeing bumper stickers that say, "RUN HILLARY RUN"

I've noticed that the Democrats put them on the rear bumper and Republicans put them on the front bumper.


Two Irishmen are sitting in a small town bar, where Mick bragged to Sean: "You know, I had me every woman in this town, except of course, me mother and me sister."

"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me, we got 'em all."


Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.
When you care enough to send the very best...
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
             ~ Rodney Dangerfield
A guy had a major argument with his wife. After storming away and cooling off, the guy reconsidered his position and realized he was clearly in the wrong. So to make it up to his wife he said he'd buy her a gift.

"Any thing at all, my love", the guy said overcome with remorse.

"Oh, I don't know," she replied, "you really don't have to do this, you know. But if you insist, just get me something really expensive that I don't need."

The following day he booked her for chemotherapy.

3 posted on 08/01/2014 5:51:54 AM PDT by upchuck (It's a shame nobama truly doesn't care about any of this. Our country, our future, he doesn't care.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Yea!!! It’s Friday!!


4 posted on 08/01/2014 5:53:31 AM PDT by ShadowAce (Linux -- The Ultimate Windows Service Pack)
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To: Lucky9teen

top ten?


5 posted on 08/01/2014 5:53:51 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: Lucky9teen

THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Rufus pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus’s $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4’s, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?
6. Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?
8. Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?
9. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa on one week’s income?
10. Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?


6 posted on 08/01/2014 5:53:59 AM PDT by eldoradude (How many republicrats/demoblicans does it take to change a light bulb?)
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To: Lucky9teen

7 posted on 08/01/2014 5:54:12 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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To: Lucky9teen

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF


8 posted on 08/01/2014 5:55:42 AM PDT by Currentriverrat (People are calling our President the Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers, that's not allowed is it?)
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To: upchuck

Woooooooooo whooooooooo
Friday...top ten


9 posted on 08/01/2014 5:56:16 AM PDT by Yorlik803 ( Church/Caboose in 2016)
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To: Lucky9teen

Those are excellent!


10 posted on 08/01/2014 5:56:19 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

TOP 20!!!!!


11 posted on 08/01/2014 5:57:06 AM PDT by TADSLOS (The Event Horizon has come and gone. Buckle up and hang on.)
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To: Lucky9teen

12 posted on 08/01/2014 5:58:55 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen



13 posted on 08/01/2014 6:04:44 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen
                               
14 posted on 08/01/2014 6:05:05 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: upchuck
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill".

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white". The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael, he's a doctor". A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead".

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching". Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note "Take all you want. God is watching the apples".

15 posted on 08/01/2014 6:05:51 AM PDT by eldoradude (How many republicrats/demoblicans does it take to change a light bulb?)
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16 posted on 08/01/2014 6:06:38 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Dead Corpse

17 posted on 08/01/2014 6:07:39 AM PDT by DeoVindiceSicSemperTyrannis
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To: upchuck
Don't touch the cat.
18 posted on 08/01/2014 6:07:41 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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19 posted on 08/01/2014 6:10:30 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

20 posted on 08/01/2014 6:10:50 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Elian Gonzalez sought asylum and was sent back to Cuba, send these kids back to THEIR parents.)
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To: a fool in paradise

21 posted on 08/01/2014 6:13:18 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Good Morning!


22 posted on 08/01/2014 6:13:57 AM PDT by left that other site (You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
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To: Izzy Dunne

I think you’ve got it! By George you’ve got it!

cheers
Jim


23 posted on 08/01/2014 6:14:58 AM PDT by gymbeau (Tagline optional, printed after your name on post (Mortem))
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To: Dead Corpse

24 posted on 08/01/2014 6:15:46 AM PDT by eldoradude (How many republicrats/demoblicans does it take to change a light bulb?)
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To: Lucky9teen


25 posted on 08/01/2014 6:16:15 AM PDT by BenLurkin (This is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion or satire; or both.)
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To: eldoradude

>>The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, “There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,” or “That’s Michael, he’s a doctor”. A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead”.

Ah, my dad (now passed on) used to tell me that joke. That along with how the children of a class posed for a picture and when they saw it one Italian-American boy seemed to be making an “o” with his mouth. Why? “They said, say cheese, and I said ‘provolone’”


26 posted on 08/01/2014 6:16:33 AM PDT by raccoonradio
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To: Lucky9teen

27 posted on 08/01/2014 6:18:29 AM PDT by ErnBatavia (It ain't a "hashtag"....it's a damn pound sign, number sign, or octothorpe. ###)
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To: Lucky9teen
From The People’s Cube:

The Ultimate Irony

28 posted on 08/01/2014 6:18:40 AM PDT by Heartlander (We are all Rodeo Clowns now!)
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To: Lucky9teen

CAIR will be whining about this thread.


29 posted on 08/01/2014 6:19:45 AM PDT by TomGuy
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To: BenLurkin
Go ahead little lowinfo voter....gummint cheese is the best!


30 posted on 08/01/2014 6:19:47 AM PDT by eldoradude (How many republicrats/demoblicans does it take to change a light bulb?)
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To: raccoonradio

31 posted on 08/01/2014 6:23:48 AM PDT by eldoradude (How many republicrats/demoblicans does it take to change a light bulb?)
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To: Lucky9teen

Top of the Morning!

Top Off!

Top Shelf!

Top of the World!

Parangaricutirimicuaro!!


32 posted on 08/01/2014 6:23:57 AM PDT by Ronaldus Magnus III (Do, or do not, there is no try.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Image and video hosting by TinyPic
33 posted on 08/01/2014 6:25:46 AM PDT by TurboZamboni (Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.-JFK)
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To: Lucky9teen

IN!


34 posted on 08/01/2014 6:31:42 AM PDT by Monkey Face (One day on Mercury lasts 1408 hours: The same length as one Monday on Earth.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Hillary”s accomplishments

This quote reflects the level of her accomplishments… NONE!!!!

Quote of the day, no, of the week, make that month. Yet it probably is quote of the year! No. DECADE. Wait a minute. It’s the greatest quote ever!

“My accomplishments as Secretary of State? Well, I’m glad you asked! My proudest accomplishment in which I take the most pride, mostly because of the opposition it faced early on, you know… the remnants of prior situations and mindsets that were too narrowly focused in a manner whereby they may have overlooked the bigger picture and we didn’t do that and I’m proud of that. Very proud. I would say that’s a major accomplishment.”

- Hillary Clinton 11 March 2014

Could someone please tell me what the hell she just said? And she is running for President?


35 posted on 08/01/2014 6:32:06 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: All

AN ILLEGAL POEM
By Illegal immigrants

I cross river,
Poor and broke,
Take bus,
See employment folk.

Nice man
Treat me good in there,
Say I need
Go see Welfare.

Welfare say,
‘You come no more,
We send cash
Right to your door.’

Welfare checks,
They make you wealthy,
Medicaid
It keep you healthy!

By and by,
Got plenty money,
Thanks to you,
TAXPAYER dummy.

Write to friends
In motherland,
Tell them
‘come, fast as you can’

They come in buses
And Chevy trucks,
buy big house
With welfare bucks.

They come here,
We live together,
More welfare checks,
It gets better!

Fourteen families,
They moving in,
But neighbor’s patience
Wearing thin.

Finally, white guy
Moves away,
buy his house,
And then I say,

‘Find more aliens
For house to rent.’
In my yard
I put a tent.

Send for family
They just trash,
But they, too,
Draw welfare cash!

Everything
Very good,
Soon we own
Whole neighborhood..

We have hobby
It called breeding,
Welfare pay
For baby feeding.

Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!

TAXPAYER crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
Running here.

We think America
Darn good place!
Too darn good
For white man race.

If they no like us,
They can go,
Got lots of room
In Mexico .

SEND THIS TO EVERY TAXPAYER YOU KNOW

You can laugh all you want if you think it’s funny, but the bottom line is that it will bankrupt America even worse than it already has. WE HAVE GOT TO HOLD OUR ELECTED “REPRESENTATIVES” ACCOUNTABLE INSTEAD OF WATCHING THEM FEATHER THEIR OWN NESTS AND CARRY ON AS IF IT’S NOT A PROBLEM!!


36 posted on 08/01/2014 6:34:38 AM PDT by Arrowhead1952 (The Second Amendment is NOT about the right to hunt. It IS a right to shoot tyrants.)
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To: eldoradude

HA!


37 posted on 08/01/2014 6:47:11 AM PDT by upchuck (It's a shame nobama truly doesn't care about any of this. Our country, our future, he doesn't care.)
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To: BenLurkin

Wow! That first pic fits so perfectly with my tag. Thanks!


38 posted on 08/01/2014 6:48:18 AM PDT by upchuck (It's a shame nobama truly doesn't care about any of this. Our country, our future, he doesn't care.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Top 150


39 posted on 08/01/2014 6:57:37 AM PDT by JRios1968 (I'm guttery and trashy, with a hint of lemon. - Laz)
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To: Lucky9teen

40 posted on 08/01/2014 7:23:07 AM PDT by MissTed ( Private Tagline - Do Not Read!)
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To: Lucky9teen
Top 100?


41 posted on 08/01/2014 7:25:35 AM PDT by Liberty Valance (Keep a simple manner for a happy life :o)
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To: eldoradude

LOL


42 posted on 08/01/2014 7:29:17 AM PDT by bmwcyle (People who do not study history are destine to believe really ignorant statements.)
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To: Lucky9teen
I like very little to do with Michelle Obama, but her last few quips regarding Hillary have been 'comedy gold'.

LOL

43 posted on 08/01/2014 7:31:27 AM PDT by Fear The People (When the government fears the people, you have LIBERTY.)
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To: Lucky9teen
Friday silliness?


44 posted on 08/01/2014 7:31:27 AM PDT by Fear The People (When the government fears the people, you have LIBERTY.)
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To: Lucky9teen
                               
45 posted on 08/01/2014 7:48:08 AM PDT by Izzy Dunne (Hello, I'm a TAGLINE virus. Please help me spread by copying me into YOUR tag line.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Shipwrecked....

On a chain of beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

- Two Italian men and one Italian woman

- Two French men and one French woman

- Two German men and one German woman

- Two Greek men and one Greek woman

- Two English men and one English woman

- Two Bulgarian men and one Bulgarian woman

- Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman

- Two Chinese men and one Chinese woman

- Two Irish men and one Irish woman

- Two American men and one American woman

One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred:

* One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

* The two French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois.

* The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman.

* The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.

* The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

* The two Bulgarian men took one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming to another island.

* The two Japanese have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

* The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor store/restaurant/laundry, and have gotten the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store.

* The two Irish men divided the island into North and South and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets somewhat foggy after a few liters of coconut whiskey. However, they’re satisfied because the English aren’t having any fun.

* The two American men are contemplating suicide, because the American woman will not shut up and complains relentlessly about her body, the true nature of feminism, what the sun is doing to her skin, how she can do anything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is the root cause of all her problems, and why didn’t they bring a goddamn cell phone so they could call 911 and get rescued off this god-forsaken deserted island in the middle of freaking nowhere so she can get her nails done and go shopping...


46 posted on 08/01/2014 7:56:21 AM PDT by relentlessly
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To: Fear The People

47 posted on 08/01/2014 8:02:43 AM PDT by Dead Corpse (Tri nornar eg bir. Binde til rota...)
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To: eldoradude
We're Apple, and You're Suckers.

Posted by a guy whose family has two iPhones, an iPad, iPad Mini, and iPod.

Resistance is Futile. ;-)

48 posted on 08/01/2014 8:02:55 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (Has anyone seen my tagline? It was here yesterday. I seem to have misplaced it.)
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To: Lucky9teen

Love Making Tops For Seniors .....

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember it .

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want ... the neighbours are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news ... even if it’s 8PM!

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.


49 posted on 08/01/2014 8:09:39 AM PDT by llevrok (Straight. Since 1950.)
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To: Lucky9teen
5) My Way or the Highway: How Reconciliation is pronounced in Palestinian Arabic.

5a) Reload: How Cease Fire is pronounced in Palestinian Arabic.

50 posted on 08/01/2014 8:14:47 AM PDT by Oatka (This is America. Assimilate or evaporate.)
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