Skip to comments.My dad had a stroke (Update at 82)
Posted on 04/14/2016 12:45:33 AM PDT by Califreak
My dad had a stroke 22 years ago that eventually left him permanently disabled.
He had another one Sunday before last. He was in the hospital for three days then they shipped him off to rehab in a nursing home.
I was somewhat concerned because he was already completely disabled on his left side and the most recent incident weakened his right side as well.
While he was at the hospital, I fed him meals a few times. He could feed himself before this happened but he seemed to be having difficulty picking up his sandwich or using a fork or lifting a cup of water.
I think my mom was kind of in denial or shock. Dad wasn't feeding himself. At one point I wondered if something happened to his mind that it just didn't occur to him to pick up the fork or spoon. Hospital staff assured us he could feed himdelf but there was a CNA that came in and fed him. Mom claimed he was milking it. I wasn't too sure about that but didn't want to argue or cause alarm.
He was able to sit up and ride with my mom when he first went to hospital but on moving day he couldn't sit up safely so we had special transport move him. He knew who we were and he could talk and everything.
I didn't feel like he was ready to go yet but it was doctor's orders. My mom wanted to bring him home but with paralysis on one side and weakness on the other we didn't believe it would be possible.
I’m really sorry that happened, and I hope your father gets better quickly. Rehab is the best place for him. He needs therapy to regain as much function as he can. The best time to do that is as soon after the stroke as possible.
I am sorry about your father’s stroke.
I am relieved he can still speak and is cognizant, which are good signs.
I will pray that he regains strength in his right side.
Your father, I’m sure, is thankful to have two people who have helped him and cared for him these past 22 years.
I am sorry. Prayers for your father, your mother, you and your family.
I sent one for you as well.
I’m so sorry.
Prayers for your cherished Dad and your family.
Lord, hear our prayers.
Please don’t respond until I finish. I broke it up so I wouldn’t lose the whole thing in one go if I goof up.
Anyway, the place was clean and he seemed to be okay when we came to visit. It looked like they were keeping him clean and we thought everything would work out.
My son and I saw him on Friday night and they had a good talk about his job.
As I mentioned before, he seemed to be doing okay.
So my husband and I didn’t get down there until almost dinnertime the next day. We were shocked to see how far he had slipped in just 24 hours. He was sleeping a lot before but he was much less responsive and when he tried to talk we couldn’t understand a word he said for a bit. We fed him a little dinner and he wasn’t eating well and had trouble swallowing. At the hospital he ate almost everything and as I fed him, he was able to tell me what he wanted next.
We wondered if he’d had another stroke the night before after my son and I left. He was in a dirty diaper when we got there. After we got the CNAs to change him and we tried to feed him we got worried and called the advice nurse from the hospital that placed him in the rehab place. They told us to alert the staff at the nursing home. We told them our concerns and they said they would monitor him so we left.
We picked up some food he likes. Instant breakfast, pudding and the like. Our plan was to show up, start feeding him through the day and hopefully he would get stronger.
All he could manage was a third of the instant breakfast drink. My husband and I picked up my mother who had clout to make decisions and we were going to try and feed him again but he got even worse in just a few hours.
We called the advice nurse again because we had figured out that he couldn’t drink water on his own or use the call button
She told us to call 911 and get him to ER right away which is what we wanted to do the night before. Now he is in ICU with kidney and possible lung infection and completely unresponsive
(They sedated him so all his energy could go to healing from infection)
I just don’t understand why he got put into that place when I could plainly see he needed more.
I am going to be more careful now. He is getting phenomenal care in the ICU right now but whoever decided he was fit for the rehab place really dropped the ball in my opinion and I dropped the ball when I trusted them to make that decision.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading.
Seeking freeper advice, thoughts and wisdom. Prayer too if you have a minute.
Actually no, the rehab place wasn’t what we’d hoped. See post 7-I broke up the posts so I wouldn’t lose the narrative by hitting the wrong key or something.
We had to yank him out of there. They were trying to get us to leave him there until Monday but I don’t believe he would have survived that long.
We live in a time where healthcare is becoming third world. In third world countries, when someone goes to the hospital, families go with them to nurse them and advocate for them. Otherwise there is minimal to no care, at best. As we enter this phase, we continue to expect that the system will do its best for our loved ones, it is no longer true.
You must be a constant advocate, and frankly, having 24 hour private care and advocacy is important. I know that this sounds extreme, but there are outside forces like payment caps and keeping people in ER special areas that are not covered by Medicare so hospital wont be dinged for readmission that figure into healthcare these days.
I am so sorry.
We had to put him back in the hospital. We finally figured out he couldn’t even use the call button and he wasn’t getting enough attention.
Mom claimed he was milking it.
These words caught my attention... In the past two years, two people I know suffered strokes... One a family friend, I know by marriage... The second, a sibling. In both cases, people related in care giving, used this language regarding these stroke victims.
But at the same time, the words used to describe these two people, were they have lost the ability to filter their communication. The brain is very complex, and I do not think anyone can accurately know the full damage to the brain from a stroke.
I have great empathy for the stroke victim and the care givers, because of all the unknowns... Tell your mom, to have patience with your dad... He is not the same person he once was.
I really believe something must have happened in his head where it didn’t even occur to him to pick up the glass or spoon.
The reason she said that is sometimes he had to be nudged to do things he could do himself. But maybe she didn’t realize it just wasn’t clicking in his head.
Kind of like when we miss the obvious or we get too slow on the uptake to figure it out.
My father had a stroke, November before last. On election day, as it turned out. He and I went out to vote and then we had lunch together at a cafe on the way back. Not long after coming home he was back out the door for a doctor's appointment. And that's where he was when he had his stroke.
He fluctuated wildly for the next 16 days. Until one day he wasn't responding, he was in respiratory distress. My sister was still several hours away. So it fell to me. He had told us for years that if he was in a state where he could not take care of himself, could not do the things he enjoyed doing, if he was in that kind of place medically, to let him go. I told the physician around noon. Thirteen hours later at 1:20 in the morning he had passed.
So I know something of where you're coming from. You absolutely have prayers coming from this quarter, brother (sister?)
We trusted the doctors but it all felt wrong, so wrong in my gut.
When we left the rehab place on the first day I just lost it.
I was hoping things would be okay, but my gut kept telling me no.
I tried not to go at a set time so I could get a read on it.
I told mom don’t ever call first, just go so they don’t have a heads up that we’ll be there.
They were telling us to wait until Monday as the paramedics burst into the room.
Mom and I aren’t going for that again. We’ll figure something else out.
I agree. My sibling's meds caused swelling and extreme thirst... Nothing was allowed in the mouth for fear of choking, not even ice... She was caught using her toes trying to get ice. This was in ICU... She is lucky to be alive... Deemed competent to make her own decisions, but, could not comprehend that ultimately she would be placed in a nursing home... because she initially had no initiative to do physical therapy... and no insurance.
I am sure your mom is mentally and physically exhausted by the unknowns ahead and probably needs some care herself... It is easy for all of us to overlook the obvious...
He is on assisted breathing, tube feeding and the whole nine.
He told my mom DNR many times but she can’t bring herself to do it as long as there’s a glimmer of hope and she doesn’t want to hurt my brother. It came up at one point and she looked at me and I told her it was her decision and not my place to tell her one way or another.
He was heavily sedated so his body could fight the infection.
He can’t talk right now but he did finally open his eyes and could understand us and blink to answer questions.
Your family is in my prayers.
It’s not new that there are some places that are good and some that aren’t when it comes to medical rehab/recovery. Each of my mother’s parents had questionable care at two different places and years apart.
You just have to be unafraid to ask questions or to change to another facility.
Yes, she is. She’s had a hard run. Before this most recent stroke he had enough strength on one side to help her but now if he comes home we’ll have to have a hospital bed and a lift.
Between my brother and I, and maybe home health care nurses maybe we can manage. I sure don’t want to put him back in one of those places. He was only there for just a few days and went downhill quick.
I know this is going to be difficult to hear but physicians are now just arms of the government/healthcare/insurance powers.
They are employees and most employees serve the interests of their employers.
Well, I believe I’m over that now. I don’t ever want him to go there again but if he does we will be asking questions and doing things much differently.
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