Posted on 06/25/2018 3:44:53 PM PDT by sodpoodle
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania . This guy's response is hilarious, but read The State's letter before you get to the response letter.
State of Pennsylvania 's letter to Mr. DeVries:
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.
A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.. A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2018..
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action..
We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
David L.. Price District Representative and Water Management Division.
*******************************************************
Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:
Re: DEQ File No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County
Dear Mr..Price,
Your certified letter dated 11/17/17 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane , Trout Run, Pennsylvania .
A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood 'debris' dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials 'debris.'
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?
If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)
I have several dam concerns.. My first dam concern is, aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.
If you want the damed stream 'restored' to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2018? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the dam beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
AND
Think Like a Farm Boy
A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door...
“Is your Dad home?”
“No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.”
“Well, is your Mother here?”
“No sir, she went to town with Dad.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”
The rancher stood there for a few minutes,
shifting from one foot to the other,
and mumbling to himself.
“Is there anything I can do for you?
I know where all the tools are,
if you want to borrow one,
or I can give dad a message.”
“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably,
“I really wanted to talk to your Dad.
It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”’
The boy thought for a moment.
“You would have to talk to Dad about that.
I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog,
but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”
Old tale.
Humorous, but it didn’t happen in 2017.
It’s been around for quite a while.
Now that there’s funny!
Dam.
Those are also the King’s Beavers.
The knave who might touch them or their property is bound for trouble
Very good - please keep on keeping on - we need the humor!
DEA officer stopped by the farm the other day.
“i need to inspect your farm for growing illegal drugs.”
Farmer said “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there...”
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, “Mister, i have the authority of the Federal Government with me!”
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and shoved it in my face.
“See this badge!? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever i wish... On any land! No questions asked or answers given! Have i made myself clear?... do you understand?!”
Farmer nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, farmer heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by his big old mean bull... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
Farmer threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs... “Your badge, show him your badge!!”
Hope they took some dam pictures...
Jean Claude Van Daum is an idiot...
Our Marxist government bureaucrats have neither a sense of humor nor a sense of irony.
They will probably simply prosecute and/or fine the owner.
Lol. It was worth it. On its way to many locations.
#12/ My reaction: “Oh June, not the beaver!”
Does anyone really give a damn if some damn dam belonging to some native beaver breaks during a damned storm over which we have no damn control?
As Negan would say, “Well, damn it. You’ve got some balls on you”, Mr. Beaver.
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