Why Did You Bring Him Home?
A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30 PM after enjoying a day of golf.
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
“My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I’m completely exhausted! I didn’t get enough sleep last night. Can’t you see I’m still in my pajamas? I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid jerk???”
“Because ... he’s thinking about getting married...”
I came back to band rehearsal after a smoke break to find the bass player and drummer arguing and fighting.
I stepped between and said “Whoa! What’s the problem here?”
The bass player said “He deliberately de-tuned one of my strings !”
“So? “ I said.
The bass player said “And he won’t tell me which one !”
At a convention of blondes, a speaker insisted that the “dumb blonde” myth is all wrong. To prove it he asked one cute young volunteer, “How much is 101 plus 20?”
The blonde answered, “120.”
“No,” he said, “thats not right.”
The audience called out, “Give her another chance!”
So the speaker asked the blonde, “How much is 10 plus 13?”
Slowly the blonde replied, “16.”
“Sorry”, he said, shaking his head.
Once again the crowd roared, “Give her another chance.”
“This is your last try,” warned the speaker. “How much is 2 plus 2?”
Carefully she ventured, “Four?”
And the crowd yelled, “Give her another chance!”
I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
I wanted to be alone with my thoughts, but they stood me up.