Skip to comments.SATIRE After Senseless Murder Of Goliath, Philistines Call For Ban On Fully Automatic, High-Capacity Slings
Posted on 01/22/2020 7:48:32 PM PST by Impala64ssa
VALLEY OF ELAHAfter local homegrown terrorist David slew Goliath with a fully automatic, high-capacity sling, Philistine activists began calling for common-sense bans on the dangerous weapons of mass destruction.
"Nobody needs a sling that holds five rocks just to go hunting or protect their sheep," said one Philistine woman with pink hair and several face piercings. "This tragedy could have been avoided if only David were forced to use one of the old bolt-action model slings."
Investigators believe the shepherd boy, radicalized by religious texts, built up an arsenal of approximately five hollow-point, armor-piercing rocks, "a deadly stockpile."
"Can you imagine if he had opened fire in a crowded market or around the village well?"
Many Philistines offered "thoughts and prayers" to Dagon, but activists continue to insist "your thoughts and prayers are not enough."
Way to highlight the absurdity of the current state of our country.
Omarites offer condolences to Goliath’s family. Accuses Trump of disproportionate response. DemonicRATS say there was no evidence Philistines were planning imminent attack.
Schumerites suggest King Saul’s reckless provocation could increase tensions in the region leading to future discord.
All good and well. As for me, satire concerning the Bible is inappropriate. God will not be mocked, however you see it.....
But think of the children!!!
Why, David wasn’t even a military soldier, yet they let him use a fully automatic assault sling?
Satire that makes fun of the bible or at its expense is one thing.
This is not making fun of the bible or at its expense. It is illustrating the absurdity of people today and extrapolating their libtard values onto an experience in the past, thereby exposing the ridiculous of their unworkable moronic values.
Right on the mark!
There must be at least one Catholic on the staff of the Babylon Bee. This is one of the Scripture readings that were read at Daily Mass today.
I prefer the double barrel slingshots myself....
As usual, The Babylon Bee since liberal ‘thinking’...
We need sensible sling laws- ban these weapons of war-
God gave you a sense of humor.
I think God HAS a sense of humor.
After all, He created ostriches,
Even crazy men?
IIRC, wrist braced slingshots are illegal in NYS.
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